As expected, the trial mission on Eunha’s birthday went smoothly. It was only my moves toward being close to Yerin that remained bumpy and outright disconcerting.

It was a 4-star hotel’s restaurant that we had to do a surveillance of. Yuju and Umji who concealed the recording device pretended to be on a blind date which I personally thought looked like a real awkward one. Yerin and I were both spotters who followed the meeting participants, sadly from two separate building locations. Sowon and Eunha stayed in the car to supervise everyone’s movement and the data acquisition. We got the information we needed after barely thirty minutes into the meeting and so, we packed up, headed home and reported to Uncle JD.

“It wasn’t so bad. But I’m expecting the next one to be harder.” Sowon declared after sending the audio file.

“Should we prepare for the party now?”

“That reminds me, Yuju-yah, you’re off later, right?”

“Of course, for your birthday, I’m off. But I need to go to some job application in the morning so, I can’t be too drunk.”

“But there’s never ‘just drunk’ with eonnie’s parties.” Umji commented.

“That’s true though.” Yuju turned to me. “Because she makes everyone drink until we’re crawling or begging for our lives!” She said it with so much delight that it confused me whether it was truly a bad thing.

“Yuju-yah, don’t scare her too much. Who knows what an extra dose of liquor can help SinB do?” Eunha winked at me and all I did was snarl to her insinuation.

Sowon obviously stirred clear of the conversation in the fear of being hit by another boomerang if she started to tease. Yerin, in spite a forthcoming school deadline, skipped her usual trip to 24/7 Library and went straight to the veranda, which I felt inappropriately ecstatic about.

“Don’t forget to set up the singing machine Yuju-yah.”

“I’ll be on it now.” She darted to their room as soon as she was told.

“And can the three of you grab two bottles of tequila, a bottle of rum, orange juice and lemons?”

“Three of us?” I asked Eunha who seemed to have been hallucinating a third person as she pointed at me and Umji.

“Yeah, you, Umji and Yerin-eonnie.” Before I could suggest Yuju to just join us, “Yerin-eonnie!!! Can you help the two babies buy a few more drinks? … Please?”

Yerin didn’t respond but everyone heard her footsteps as she came in from her windy fortress.

“I guess that’s a yes. Here’s the money, and don’t drink them before getting back here.” Eunha reminded like she knew I needed a drink to get through the journey.

The heavens somehow knew countless ways to keep the three of us together. But don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not complaining. It was just that the more I got to know Yerin, the greater the distraction I got. And I knew I should be fixating on more important tasks, not on my hidden lovesick agenda.

I grabbed my keys and I got in the car without waiting for her to reach the ground floor. Umji was quick to follow and entered the backseat, which left our older companion no choice but to occupy the front seat unless she didn’t care making me their chauffeur.

Yerin arrived at the parking lot nearly a minute after. With my car’s light charcoal tint, she didn’t have to open the backseat door to know that Umji was inside. As soon as she got close enough, she shifted her direction and walked around. She sat beside me and secured herself. She cared that I might look like a driver after all. I almost smiled to my assumption.

No one spoke a word as I drove. But the convenience stores nearby strangely ran out of liquor on a Tuesday afternoon and so I had to drive farther away from the apartment until we reached a decent-sized grocery store. During the five stops, only Yerin got out to check; but I decided to convince them that we should all just go inside the grocery, in case she was just having a hard time searching.

But Umji said the unforgivable. “I’d rather wait here. I’m configuring my phone.” Despite giving her a subtle look of desperation, there was no sign that she was going to change her mind.

Of course, I could not back out from my own suggestion and so, I just had to proceed with grilling myself with the same fire I created. I just followed Yerin in and everywhere she went to avoid the need to call her if I lost her while piercing through the aisles. I didn’t need another voicemail to humiliate myself; so I just carried a basket, kept a safe distance and trailed behind.

She didn’t speak and I just did the same. It took a little effort though, to control the impulse to talk. But after reading upside down in front of her yesterday, I’ve decided that I had enough mortification for the week.

We grabbed the last bottle on the list, paid and headed to the parking lot. Yes! I survived not tripping on anything or saying something ridiculous.

As soon as we've settled back in the car, I hastily put on my seatbelt and started the engine. And then I saw the Bluetooth symbol blink from the dashboard screen:

Connected to Bumblebee

OH MY F... UMJI. Immediately, my heart was on a highspeed race. I looked at the rearview mirror with my eyes begging her to spare me, but she just had a straight face as she motioned that I start reversing. I gritted my teeth and felt my forehead form beads of cold sweat as I anticipated another episode of shameful death by her music.

And then played a very familiar song in acoustic. I could feel my heartbeats reach panic speed as I distractedly drove on the highway. I’M KILLING YOU LATER, UMJI-YAH!!!

I could see that even Yerin started fiddling with the plastic bag on her lap as she looked away to stare consciously at the buildings we passed by. I squirmed in my seat with unease and my breaths became heavier by the second.

I could feel a much quieter silence between us despite the sound of the unraveling love song. I inevitably glanced at her and with how the song suited the situation, it made me want to park on a side street and kiss her shrink and hide.

The awkwardness was already excruciating and I had to stop it before my heart breaks out of my chest. But it took two verses and two choruses before I had the courage to move, which I later on realized was the biggest mistake of my life. Because when I reached for the button at the middle of the dashboard, Yerin was already on it and our fingers brushed as we pushed it together. Like one was a scorching metal, we retracted our hands as soon as they touched.

FM1

The audio source changed and another song immediately played.

I see you through the smoky air

WHAT DAFFF. Are you kidding me???????

I saw how Umji almost died controlling her laughter from the backseat while Yerin partially covered her reddening face. I wanted to cry my whole being out and just evaporate but all I could do was pull my hoodie further onto my face.

I endured the song through the entire journey home including the DJs discussion of the producers, versions, Madonna's career and the movie it was a sound track of. Fortunately, I managed to drive us all home safely, and as soon as we got in, I ran to my bed and screamed into my pillows.

“What’s wrong with her?” I heard Yuju ask.

“Probably diarrhea.”

* * *

Two hours well into drinking, a bucket and a half of chicken wings, reckless singing, countless shot glass rotations and after causing a disgrace to the creator of the Happy Birthday song, I went to the second floor to wash up and change my clothes.

After a few minutes, I heard Yerin excuse herself.

“I need to go… to the wash… room.”

But instead of going to the washroom by the kitchen, I saw Yerin leisurely climb up, holding tightly onto the rails. I wanted to help her but I was afraid the two of us might just stumble down from drunkenness. So, instead, I just kept an eye on her until she safely reached the upper floor’s hallway. But then, she saw me standing by the bathroom door and walked toward me.

I was about to open my mouth to ask if she was alright, but before I could, she pushed me against the wall. Did she just push me? Or I’m too drunk that I’m hallucinating? But it was real. Her eyes fluttered and her eyebrows slightly furrowed like she was confused who I was, and when as if she finally recognized me, she looked straight into me, her eyes filled with sadness. From her breathing, I could only sense an unspoken grief.

There was so much desolation that I almost thought she was in tears. But then she stepped closer and slowly pressed her body against mine, moved her hand around my waist and comfortably rested her head on my shoulder that her nose was touching the skin under my ear.

The way she laid her head on me seemed to have come from a nonexistent familiarity; she was too relaxed like she has always been doing that with me for the longest time. And all I could do was hope that I wasn’t just dreaming. I didn’t care that time didn’t freeze, all I wanted was for that moment to be real.

But being the human who has been deprived of any affection of this kind, I felt all my cells heat up that some parts began to crazily pulsate. I know I just peed, but I felt the urge to return to the washroom. It’s just that I couldn’t because she continued to slump her body onto me; and as her weight became heavier, she started quietly snoring. On the other hand, I gathered all the strength that alcohol failed to drain from me and held her up in a hug. With her warm breath on my neck and her fairly ample chest heaving on mine, it took all my 20 years of self-control to not kiss her.

Yes. I was hugging her and I wanted to kiss her. I have finally accepted how deep my attraction was to Yerin. It must have been the alcohol that pushed me to my limits.

After almost a minute silently in that position, I carried her in my arms to her bed. I took her house slippers off and watched her slowly snuggle her pillow. I fixed her blanket and sat beside her on the bed; and there I spent the longest time staring at her face without the fear of getting caught.

“I don’t remember the last time I saw her sleeping so peacefully like that.” Umji said as she carefully entered the room.

“I was just…”

“I saw…” She smiled genuinely. “You can stay here until you become sober. The others are almost dead of liquor anyway.”

“Umji-yah…” I called before she could completely turn around.

“Hmm?”

“How can someone be so beautiful…”

“Most people confess when the other person is awake.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“I’m not in a sound mind to question your thoughts right now.”

“I like her so much.” I don’t know how it came out of me but it just did.

“And I suppose you wouldn’t tell her that either.”

“I don’t think I should. Don’t tell her anything.”

“It’s not a confession I should make.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll leave now, so, you can go on with your solitary viewing of the sleeping beauty.”

“I’ll be down soon.”

Quietly, before she shut the door, “Yah…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t steal a kiss, prince charming.”

“I won’t.” I smiled and she left.

After ten minutes into memorizing Yerin’s face, Eunha called me down.

* * *

Several minutes before SinB’s unspoken confession.

“Guyzzzz, wanna say something. It might be weird. But what the heck, I’m always weird anyway.” The drunk Yuju started.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re pooping gold bars?!” Sowon was out-and-out wasted that she was starting to hug Eunha who fell quiet beside her.

“I wish! But no, this is something serious.” Yuju passed the shot glass to the tipsy Umji.

“Oh wow. Just when I thought life was just a joke. Right, Umji-yah??”

“Sowon-nie… even with alcohol, I won’t succumb to your fallacious suppositions.” Umji quipped before handing the glass to Eunha who seemed to be the least intoxicated of all.

“Before we lose track of the conversation, what is this serious weird thing you wanted to say?”

“Been almost two months since SinBaby came…” Yuju almost whispered while checking if the topic of discussion was still out of earshot. “… and I think I’ve grown to like her.”

“Like, like her, like her?” Eunha almost spilled the tequila she was pouring for Yerin.

“Yeah, like, like her, like her.”

“What? Wait, wait, wait, all I can understand is like like like and I’m confused.” Sowon finally released her unconscious embrace of the birthday girl.

“I mean…” Yuju glanced up the stairs again. “… I like her… to be my girlfriend.”

“WHAT??”

“And if I’d have the courage, I might tell her later. And who knows something might happen.” She giggled to the picture on her mind.

“What?? I mean what are you going to say?” Eunha was suddenly apprehensive as she passed the shot glass to the blank Yerin who is probably the most drunk from historically not being able to tolerate alcohol well.

“… Not going to ask her to be my gfriend. I’ll just tell her we should date… get to know each other.”

“Like it makes a difference…”

“Eonnie, dating and being a couple are different. Right Umji-yah?” She asked hoping to be seconded.

“I’m not well-versed in topics like this.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, that’s my plan. I’ll tell her. Or maybe we can skip dating and go down to business!”

Yerin drank the tequila and stood up. “I need to go… to the wash… room.”

* * *

Yerin was awoken by some noise that was coming from the other room. She squinted to check the clock by her dresser and it was 2:55 AM. She thought it’s been four hours since she climbed up to use the washroom which she does not at all remember doing.

As she forced to open her eyes more, the sound that roused her became unbearably distinct. She clenched her jaw and shut her eyes again, but only now, much tighter. She wanted to just be dreaming. She wanted to just be hearing things that are unreal.

But what pierced her ears through the sheets and hands that covered them was clear and discernibly a sound she would not mistake for something else. It was the sound of lust... of screams of worldly desires that escaped from a trembling body. It was the sound of satisfied carnal hunger released as reverberating moans and whimpers.

The tears that Yerin held back finally found their way to her pillow. It was not the sound that pained her but the very familiar person from whom they were coming from.

It was undeniably Yuju.

_­⁺“Passenger Seat” by Stephen Speaks

⁺⁺“Crazy for You" by Madonna