Female, 20. GSW left thorax. Likely collapsed hemothorax. Revived from V-tach on site.

Eunbi-yah..!

We’re taking over… Hook another bag of saline.

Miss, you have to step aside please.

Someone prep the OR! She’s losing blood! Call the blood bank ASAP!

She’s type AB!! Her blood is AB! Eunbi-yah! Wake up!

Miss! Please step out. Someone usher her please!

Doc! We don’t have a pulse!

Start compressions! Continue bagging!

Connect the pads.

Stop compressions!

Reading… We’re getting a V-fib…!

V-fib! Charge at 150!

Clear!

Oxygen clear.

All clear…!

.

.

.

Still not getting a pulse.

Prep one Epi! Continue compressions!

.

.

.

Check rhythm…

Asystole! We’re losing her!

One Epi! Resume compressions!

***

Yerin-eonnie… where are you? Why did you run away… ?

Yennie-yah… come back…

“YERIN-EONNIE!!!”

I felt a hard knock on my head. It was filled with annoyance.

“IDIOT!”

“Aw…” I wanted to reach for the part of my head that Eunseo hit, but my arms were too weak to even move sideways. I could barely speak. My body couldn’t even react without feeling the gnawing pain over my chest. Even breathing was burdensome. Every inch of me was sore and exhausted.

“Everyone has been sleepless waiting for you to wake up! And now that you did, the only person who’s not here is the one you’re looking for!?”

That’s when I realized that all of them have gathered around my bed. Even Uncle JD was there, but the only soul I wanted to see wasn’t. I may have forgotten the small fact that she was the one who made me helpless in that hospital bed.

“Give her a break, Eunseo-yah. Yuju, call the nurse.” Sowon held my arm. “SinB-yah, how are you feeling?”

“In pain... in love and heartbroken?” I was able to slowly mutter before receiving another hit in the head. “AW!”

“How can you still say that?? YERIN SHOT YOU AND LEFT YOU FOR DEAD! If I wasn’t there, you would be in hell right now having dinner with Lucifer!” But then, Eunseo started crying. “You’re stupid, Eunbi-yah! How could you let that happen! You’re a fool! You almost left us! I won’t know what to do if you died! I can’t forgive you!”

I couldn’t understand what she said after that because she kept choking on her words while crying. And my weakness forbade me from consoling her.

Everyone held me somehow when I woke up, except my best friend. She was furious. She was the most worried and she couldn’t express her frustration without getting angry at me. I would be the same if I was in her position.

I almost died three times and I technically died once. That was what the doctor said. All of them lasted almost a minute but I was fortunate to have been resuscitated on all those times. I had to spend nearly four days in the ICU and I only got transferred to a regular room two days ago. All in all, I was unconscious and battling for my life for a good week.

“Where’s Yerin-eonnie?” My voice was hoarse and there was pricking pain when I spoke. They said it would last a few days because there had to be a tube passed down my throat when I stopped breathing at the ER.

“YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING ABOUT HER?? I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T STOP, I'LL HUNT HER DOWN AND SHOOT HER MYSELF!” Eunseo was still hysterical and Uncle JD had to take her out of the room. My poor best friend was always the composed type, but she had to endure the panic when she saw me gasping on the floor. It was difficult enough that she had to call for an ambulance; but she had to do CPR at the shooting range just seconds before the paramedics arrived. She said, she couldn’t feel my heart beating.

“Don’t be upset at Eunseo; she didn’t mean what she said. She just went through a lot, SinB-yah.” That was the first time in a long time that Umji spoke without any hint of viciousness.

“I know… I was still conscious when she ran inside and saw me on the floor.” I still remember how it felt when she forcefully grabbed me from the floor before she called 119. She tried to be calm but I don’t think anyone could, given that kind of circumstance.

“She held you when you were literally bleeding to death. You almost died in her arms.”

“I probably did. I just remember, the walls seemed collapsing at me before everything went black.”

“Sowon out too when she saw Eunseo’s bloody clothes.” Eunha automatically clung onto Sowon who looked the most exhausted, like she was just barely holding on to the last thread of her strength.

On all those days and nights that I was unconscious, Yuju and our leader searched for Yerin. Both of them combed through every area she could possibly go to, but Sowon particularly was sleepless. She didn’t want to stop in spite Eunha’s opposition of her almost suicidal determination to find Yerin. She only gave in to her pleading coincidentally on the same day I woke up, but she never stopped the surveillance while in the hospital.

My Yerin completely disappeared.

“Umji-yah, did Yerin-eonnie ever go home after the… shooting?” I waited for Eunseo to exit the room again before raising the topic about her.

“No, she didn’t come home.”

“Sowon-eonnie recognized instantly that something odd happened because the signals of your tracers separated. She went after her as soon as we saw how fast her signal was moving.” Yuju joined the conversation.

“Then I called Eunseo and went straight to the hospital. By the way… Sowon-eonnie knows about your identity. Apparently, she knew since we started working for your uncle. Explains why she protected you that much and never questioned who you were when you joined the team. Of course, after what happened, we had to tell Yuju and Eunha-eonnie.”

“That scammer...” I glanced at Sowon who fell asleep on Eunha’s lap. Eunha told me that she has never seen Sowon so worried in her life until the incident between Yerin and me. But they never saw her crying (just fainting) and held the team together when everything seemed hopeless. “Did eonnie see her?”

“No, she didn’t. But she recovered the car you used that day. And inside was her phone case with the tracer. Seems like she knew all along that we have been following her.”

“Did you try calling her?” I knew better than to ask but my worry was escalating by the second. “Of course, you did.”

“Yeah, but she kept her phone off. Her signal has not appeared on our radar.”

“She really ran away…” I wanted to cry. I wanted to run out and find her myself. If not for all the machines connected to me and the pain that was becoming more agonizing because I refused the Morphine they have been giving me when I was out. I started to feel the excruciating pain concentrating over my left chest; it was throbbing and it was making it more and more difficult to breathe.

The doctor explained that the bullet pierced through my left lung and some artery. The bleeding inside my chest made my lung collapse almost as instantly as the bullet entered. They cut through the side of my upper torso to take the bullet out and repair the damage. Aside from the nagging discomfort, I woke up with a tube draining the wound of blood and air.

“Eonnie actually found the car where we hid her mother. Both of them weren’t there anymore when she reached the place.” Yuju injected. “And I’ve been to the surrounding provinces too. I’m sorry, SinB-yah.”

“Eonnie, Umji-yah… I want to find her. I need to get out of here.” Forcing the words out of my chest, I grimaced to the pain that made Yuju almost jump to my side.

“SinB-yah, we’re not stopping the search. So, please just rest. The quicker you get better, the sooner you would be able to help. Let’s talk about it later.”

“But Yerin-eonnie does not have money! She doesn’t have anywhere to go!” Possibly because of reflex, I unconsciously attempted to sit. “AHHHHHHHH!!! !” I almost got the tube pulled out.

One of the monitors’ alarm went off and a nurse was inside to check on me in a matter of seconds. After a minute, the doctor was also rushing in.

Losing Yerin was more painful than any cut… than any fatal bullet.

I was worried about her that I didn’t want to take anything that would knock me out. I endured the pain just so I could stay awake in case Yerin decided to come back and listen to what I had to say. But there were nights that the aching was unbearable and I was becoming sicker. Eunseo was growing more enraged because I continued refusing the medications.

I had to give in a few times because the pain and lack of sleep was causing intractable vomiting and it was reopening the surgical site even after they have pulled out the chest tube.

She was wearing the red sweater I gave her and she seemed like a deserted rose in a solitary dance with the wind. Her clothes fluttered to every direction and her hair nimbly glided with the gust.

I walked barefoot to where she was. Wet sand got caught between my toes. It was painful but I kept on walking toward her. I tried running but something heavy was pulling me back. The quicker the step I made, the slower I moved.

It was infuriating me. I couldn’t move faster to prevent the growing distance between us. Then, there was suddenly water. It was coming from everywhere. The deserted rose was slowly drowning.

I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t run to her.

All I could do was watch her fade away.

The physical pain was gone, but I woke up every day to a horrible nightmare, drenched in sweat, often crying and sometimes screaming. It was that one dream that kept replaying in my sleep. Yerin was drowning and I could only watch her helplessly disappear into the water.

The nurses said that the opioid medication may have been causing my delirium. Even Eunseo stopped complaining about me not taking them for it was almost always her who saw the struggle I had to go through when I woke up.

As days passed, the pain gradually subsided and all that was left was the despair and emptiness. There was a growing hostility inside me that wanted everything to just be over. At some point during my struggle to forget the dreams, I wanted to just perish and be gone with her. Now I know that love can make someone irrational. Yerin would have described this as my dopamine rising, and that it was causing me to think unreasonably.

But then I thought of all the people who stayed unwearyingly beside me. How selfish could I become to repay them with greater pain, when all they did was to tirelessly protect and help me. So, I had to go on. Everyone had to go on.

***

Hardly two weeks after the removal of the tube from my chest, I had to do therapy so I could regain my strength. During that time, Uncle JD has already decided to take me home, together with the rest of the team. But I insisted on coming back to the apartment. Of course, Eunseo strongly opposed my stubborn assertion but the others supported my decision.

“Yerin does not know our house. If she returns to the apartment and sees we’ve abandoned it, we might not ever find her again.”

“You think about her all the time. SHE SHOT YOU, EUNBI-YAH. She’s not coming back!”

“She was just angry and she didn’t know everything. If I explained to her, I know she would regret what she did. Or maybe when she calmed down, she’d realize that it wasn’t my fault.”

“It’s been three weeks! Don’t tell me, she hasn’t calmed the fck down yet?! If she wanted to come back, she would have already. BUT SHE DIDN’T. SO, STOP CARING! For all we know, she might return only to finish what she started!”

“She was just confused and overwhelmed. I would be, if I was in her pla-”

“OH, PLEASE! STOP DEFENDING HER LIKE YOU OWE HER YOUR LIFE!”

“No. I owe you my life. I know that, Eunseo-yah.”

“THAT’S NOT MY POINT!”

“Please understand me. I cannot just forget Yerin. You know how much I love her. Even if she shoots me again, I’d feel the same. You can’t stop me from wanting to find her.”

“You’re just putting yourself in so much danger. I did not protect you for the past thirteen years just for you to waste your life on someone who doesn’t know your worth! Everyone is risking their lives for you, and here you are chasing your own death! And there’s still the Academy!”

“I know. But I cannot let her be alone out there… especially now. The Academy is also after her.”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE BEING LIKE THIS. YOU’RE BEING SELFISH.”

“You would do the same if it happened to you.”

“NO. I WON’T. BUT FINE. Have it your way. But don’t expect me to stay by your side.”

“Eunseo-yah… Please.”

Being apart from the people that mean the world to me had me waking up every day feeling a stranger to myself. I was gradually doubting if I made the right decisions. Eunseo never showed up to visit me after that argument. She didn’t answer any of my calls and Uncle JD avoided being at the middle of our rift. He didn’t agree to any of my resolutions but he respected and supported them.

***

It’s been more than a month since the shooting.

It’s been more than a month since I last saw Yerin. Even I was losing hope. After the physical therapy, countless follow-up checkups and pulmonary function tests, I was well enough to join them in searching for her. But we always returned home frustrated.

Umji and Yuju concentrated on pursuing the infiltration of the Academy. Uncle JD’s alliance has grown over time and he was receiving more funding and information that he was able to employ an additional team of professional hackers that will be under Umji’s command. Soon enough, they were able to get into the companies that sought the syndicate’s services and started to closely monitor their activities. A week after, they were able to gain access to the Academy’s bank accounts, one after another, through the help of Uncle JD's affiliates who had connections with banks.

The final mission’s progress was intentionally slow to evade suspicion. Everything was going in our favor but there was so much more to be done before we could instigate the coordinated digital attack. But there was no turning back. Especially after learning about the tragedy that Yerin’s family suffered, I was more determined to take down my father and his syndicate.

It’s been more than a month. We’ve missed Yerin’s birthday and Umji refused to celebrate. On the day of their birthday, she locked herself in the room and worked nonstop that even I couldn’t talk to her. She was growing equally frustrated and Yerin’s disappearance was not helping her. At the apartment when we found ourselves sitting in one area, we always spent it in silence like there was an understanding that we shouldn’t be talking about the tragedies that befell us. It went on like that for countless days.

I started losing track of time and I just kept on praying that some miracle would happen. I called Yerin’s number every day, as much as I called Eunseo’s. All I got was an answering service that said they were out of reach. That was exactly what they were- out of reach.

Every day, I left Yerin a message, but none got read nor delivered. Despite the possibility that she may never even see them, I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop praying that she comes to her senses and return. I didn’t stop forgiving her for what happened that rainy day. I didn’t stop caring about her.

I didn’t stop loving and wanting her.

SB: Yennie-eonnie… I forgive you. Let’s talk. I’ll be waiting for you. I love you

SB: Yah… Yennie-yaaaaang. Knock knock...! I love you

SB: Eonnie, you know what time it is? It’s time for you to let me love you again.

SB: I miss you. Do you know how much? I can’t even tell you. There’s no word to describe it. I love you ㅠㅠ

SB: It’s your birthday today but I’m the one making a wish. Lately, I’ve been making a wish every day. I’ve been nagging the stars and the gods. I’m wishing that one morning I’d just wake up and see you beside me.

SB: Yerin-ah, I really miss you. I want to hold your you’re not here. Come back soon please.

SB: hold you but* autocorrect is annoying >:(

SB: Who would have thought that you were my Yennie? Did you know that I’ve always I liked you? I guess I was born to love you. Please come back.

SB: I’m not giving up. Yerin-ah, I promise, I’ll you.

SB: FIND you!* WTF autocorrect! I’m beginning to think even my phone is erted.

SB: It’s really hurting me so much already, eonnie. Sometimes I feel I couldn’t take it anymore. But I’m not giving up. I love you. I won’t stop.

SB: Please reply! Just read my messages please!

SB: You’re unfair! Why are you like this!

SB: Don’t leave me like this

SB: Did you really leave me? I hate you! I hate you!

SB: I’m sorry for my text yesterday. I don’t hate you at all. I love you

SB: Please just let me know that you’re alive. It’s killing me. I love you. I love you still

SB: I’m trying to be strong, eonnie. But please, stop this. I need you

But every day was also a battle against hopelessness. I was determined to locate her but I was also afraid of finding her dead somewhere. Umji has kept tabs on hospitals to monitor admissions and ER visits for both Yerin and her mother. But nothing was coming up the radar and so, she suggested that we include morgues and funerals to widen our search. But I couldn’t make myself agree to it. I couldn’t make myself accept the possibility of her disappearing and not ever coming back.

I was grieving to a nonexistent death and was becoming ill again. I wasn’t sleeping and I barely ate.

“Umji-yah.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t answer that way…” I suddenly remembered how Yerin used to respond to me when I call her name, even though the humming was different. Hers sounded sweet unlike any other. It was warm. It was full of her unpredictability but it was comforting. It was only Yerin’s.

“Okay. Call my name again.”

“Umji-yah.” I can’t believe I actually heeded to her manipulation.

“Yeah? The heck you need? I’m busy, you have three seconds to talk. One, two, three. Time’s up. Leave me alone.”

I didn't even argue. I slumped on the chair and just suppressed the impending sob. After a few minutes, I heard her close the laptop.

“Do you want to talk?”

“No.” I actually wanted to but I didn’t have the energy to even think about why I called her in the first place. I was all of a sudden just wanting to be in one corner, lost in thoughts of Yerin.

“Do you want me to keep you company while driving around looking for her?”

She knew how to get me up on my feet. Umji and I have not had time to talk alone since I’ve gotten out of the hospital. She was always carrying her laptop and worked incessantly. Now that she was handling more people, the mission was eating up all her time.

“Do you have time?”

“I can spare a few hours.”

“I’ll get the keys.”

In two minutes, we were already backing out the driveway.

“Do you want to talk now?” Umji asked again.

“Not really.”

“We both know that you want to talk.”

“We both already know what I want to say.”

“You have a point. But you still have to let it out.” Umji was unnaturally persistent.

“I thought, you weren’t the begging type?”

“Who told you that I was begging?”

“You just asked me three times now to talk.”

“Fair enough. If you insist on not being the loquacious you. Let me air out the depressive soliloquy for you then.”

I almost forgot that she had her way into making us understand ourselves without her having to actually say anything. She the audio and connected her phone. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to music. It’s been a while since any of us listened to any song.

Waiting for your call, I'm sick

Call, I'm angry

Call, I'm desperate for your voice

Listening to the song we used to sing in the car

Do you remember, Butterfly, Early Summer

It's playing on repeat

Just like when we would meet, like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you,

And I am torn to do what I have to,

To make you mine

Stay with me tonight⁺

Dust and dirt swirled around the car when I suddenly swerved to the side of the road and rammed on the brakes. I had to stop because I could barely see the highway unravel when tears started blocking my view. All my memories of Yerin flashed before me and I felt every emotion I had been holding in. I was desperate to see her. I was desperate to feel her.There was so much love that I was saving for her; it was both killing me and keeping me alive. 

Umji was right, I had to let it out. I have been keeping the frustration to myself and it was piling and eating me inside out. I was crying so hard that it took a quarter of an hour before I was able to compose myself and speak again. 

“Can you still drive?”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure, but that time, I was alright to die of an accident anyway.

“There’s a park a couple of blocks away.”

“Okay. But I don’t want to go to the park.”

“Who said it was you who wanted to go there? I want to go there.”

“Can’t you see how sad I am and you’re still ruthless?”

“I listened to you whine for 15 minutes straight. Did you hear me grumble? No. Now, to the park.”

“Should I thank you for that?”

“By taking me to the park, yes.”

The park was just two minutes away. I didn’t want to be in any place where Yerin wasn’t possibly there, but the park’s serenity enticed me out of the car. Umji sat on the bench overlooking infinite rows of grass and flowers. It was windy that day and I suddenly recalled how I repeated dreamt of Yerin at the middle of a gusty solitude before she faded away.

“Who would have known that I was friends with Yerin-eonnie when we were kids... Do you remember that day when she cried and you told me that there has been a rumor about her family owning a firing range? Had I known it was true…”

“Life has its funny ways of unfolding before us.”

“I don’t know if I should keep hoping, Umji-yah.”

“That’s the very core of hoping. You actually never know, yet you keep believing in it.” Umji playfully dangled and swung her feet while musing on the flowers that kept stooping to the wind’s erratic movement.

“Umji-yah... do you think Yerin-eonnie is still...”

“Alive...?” She paused and took a tentative breath. “If she lives in your heart and mind, no matter what, she’ll remain alive in you.” She was suddenly dreamy and soft.

“I guess, she’ll never die then….” I wasn’t certain if that admission was a relief or a burden. “… You know, I’ve never felt even a drop of anger even when she wanted me dead.”

“You want to know something, SinB-yah?”

“Sure.”

“I think she had all the intention of killing you when she pointed that gun at you…”

“Uhmmm… I don’t know exactly how that would help me...”

“… But she changed her mind the very last second.” There was inexplicable firmness in Umji’s tone when she uttered those words.

“You think so?” I didn’t understand yet but what she said revived my withering hope.

“Because eonnie never missed a shot in her life. If she really aimed at your heart, she wouldn’t have missed it. She never misses even when she’s drunk.”

“But why did she disappear?”

“You have to understand that she spent almost two decades of her life enduring what happened to her family.”

“Are you saying that in time, she will return?”

“Like you, SinB-yah, I'm hoping.”

There was willful silence between us again. I let her words sink in and become permanent in my memory. My brain worked under the assumption that things will inevitably become tough for Yerin and me; I just never thought it would reach a point like this. But I know that I could never wean my heart off of Yerin. She is my life support; it was my love for her that made my heart want to keep beating.

“You know, Umji-yah, I kept on texting her.” I took my phone just to realize there was still no notification waiting for me. “I hope that one day she’ll reply. Look, I’ve probably sent her a thousand messages.”

“You want to hold her ? Seriously? At times like this, all you can think of is her ?”

“What the heck…! Out of all the messages, how did you see that?!”

“It’s not like I searched for it. It stopped there after you scrolled up.”

“Whatever.” I snatched the phone back before she discovers the other autocorrected ersions. “It was autocorrect, not me.”

“Autoincorrect.”

“UMJI-YAH.” I felt my heart beat louder. I took another look at my phone before anxiety took over me.

“What now?”

“UMJI-YAH.” I handed her my phone. “The messages…”

“They got delivered. God. Wait.” She took the laptop that laid beside her. But before she could wake it up, her phone started ringing.

“SinB-yah! Yerin-eonnie is calling my phone.”

“Answer it!!”

But as soon as Umji put the call on speaker, we felt the panic of the voice on the other line.

“Hello? Ye-”

“HELLO! UMJI? IS THIS UMJI?? HELLO!!”

“Hello? Yes, this is her! Hello?? Yerin-eomeoni??” Umji looked at me and at that moment I felt I was going to black out again. Yerin’s death flashed for an instant through my mind. I fought it but I started shaking, anticipating her mother’s next words.

“UMJI-YAH! THEY TOOK HER! THEY TOOK MY DAUGHTER!!!”

“Eomeoni! WHERE IS YERIN-EONNIE??”

“THEY TOOK HER! A CAR! THEY PULLED HER INTO THE CAR! UMJI-YAH!”

“WHO TOOK HER?? WHERE ARE YOU??”

“MY POOR YERIN! HELP MY DAUGHTER! I'M BEGGING YOU! PLEASE SAVE HER!!”

----

⁺ “Your Call” by Secondhand Serenade

A/N:

*V-tach (Ventricular tachycardia) and V-fib (Ventricular fibrillation) are cardiac dysrhythmias that usually precede an Asystole (a.k.a Flatline). Both heart rhythms are ineffective at pumping blood to the body, hence a person may not have a pulse. Moreover, these are the rhythms that would require defibrillation (electrical or chemical/medications) if the patient is rendered pulseless.

** Epi (epinephrine) is among the medications given when a person goes to an Asystole while the staff performs CPR (in the chapter was mentioned as “compressions” and “bagging”).

You know by now what my profession is. ;) If you have questions, ask away. 

Thank you for your patience. And thank you for all the comments and upvotes!!! Please anticipate the other half of this chapter. ;p