Yerin drove us home, and boy, did she look so hot maneuvering my car’s steering wheel. The way she caressed the leather felt like she has long been riding the car that it was so used to her touch. I think it’s both our lucky day today, me and my car- I call him Beagle.

Unlike me, Yerin wasn’t distracted and so, we got home faster than if I drove. And because of that, I didn’t have much time to gather courage to ask her how my head ended up on her lap and if I drooled on her or did something regrettable.

And also, I didn’t have much time to contemplate on why Sowon texted. She never texted, she always called if she needed something. I thought either it wasn’t urgent or that she knew about me being with Yerin at the library.

When we entered the house, what welcomed us wasn’t anything close to what I expected. It wasn’t even close to how our apartment kitchen used to look like. I held out my arm against Yerin to bar her from hastily stepping in. There was broken glass everywhere, utensils and fruits on the floor, knocked down bottles, and the place reeked of alcohol and lemons.

The TV and laptop were visible from my line of sight, and so, I knew it wasn’t a case of burglary. But neither was it the kind of situation Sowon would just text about.

“Eonnie!” I called out since no one was in the first floor. I knew Yuju had an early gig and Umji had afternoon classes.

“Up here!” Sowon yelled and it sounded coming from the washroom.

“Are you okay? What happened??” I yelled back.

“Yeah! Careful with the floor, don’t remove your shoes!”

I haven’t taken off my combat shoes but Yerin already removed her white sneakers, and I sensed that she was deciding whether to wear them again or just cautiously traipse her way up.

“Eonnie, let me just carry you to the stairs.” It was an impulsive thing I said and there was absolutely nothing behind it but my mere concern for her safety.

Before she could even understand what I said, I bent slightly down in front of her, wrapped my arms tightly around her hips and lifted her up. I did not calculate the situation properly, now she was holding onto my shoulders for balance, I was sort of hugging her and her chest repeatedly touched my cheek with every step I took. Can we just pretend that there’s also broken glass on the stairs?? Can we, just this once?

I slowly lowered her onto the first step of the stairs and as I did, her entire torso brushed against my face. Whoever created this mess in the house is my hero. I will totally support your future episodes, even help you.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you.”

I just smiled and prevented my lips from letting out words in the fear of saying something inappropriate, because I know my brain won’t miss this opportunity to cause some more humiliation.

When we reached the washroom, we saw that Sowon was putting some ointment on the left corner of her lips. Yerin immediately checked if it was more than a simple cut.

“Did someone punch you?”

“No, I got hit by one of the bottles.”

“Eonnie, what happened downstairs? Where are the others?”

“Yuju, work. Umji, school. Eunha… I don’t know.”

“Is Eunha-eonnie alright?”

“She’s ok-” Sowon shut the medicine cabinet and stepped out of the washroom. “- I honestly don’t know.”

“You said you wanted to talk to me. Did the two of you fight?” I asked the questions while Yerin preoccupied herself with checking our leader’s face. I almost forgot I had a throbbing headache after that few seconds of unintentional hugging, now the pain was creeping back in.

“No, not really. But I think I said something that really pissed her off. And then of course Umji had to pour gas to the fire right before she left for school.”

“But why did you want to talk to me?”

“I was going to ask if she told you anything when you were with her at the club last night.”

“Eunha went to work last night?” Yerin asked seemingly focused on something else but the ex-lovers’ violent argument.

“Yeah, the club manager called her before midnight and she took SinB with her. They just came back this morning.” Sowon replied to her but Yerin appeared more confused than a few seconds ago. “Anyway, did she tell you anything, SinB-yah?”

“Honestly eonnie, she did not talk much and the club’s music was blasting the entire night because of the party. We didn’t even have a minute to have a normal conversation.” Which was the truth, I recall every word we said was answered by a Huh?! Or a What?? Sign language actually worked better.

“She’s a bartender too?” Yerin asked Sowon even if I was just inches away from her and she could have just asked me. She seemed a little fixated with everything else except the actual topic of discussion.

“The manager allowed her to kind of help out at the bar, by Eunha’s request.” Sowon absentmindedly answered before returning to me. “I thought she might have told you something.”

“But eonnie, even before we left the apartment, she looked, hmmm… not okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was her birthday but she seemed sad. I just thought maybe…”

“… because it was supposed to be our anniversary too.”

“Yeah, that could be one.”

“One? Why, there’s something else?”

I glanced at Yerin to see if she might be thinking the same so she could support me or give me some affirmation. But when I looked at her, she was already staring at me like she wanted to keep me in her pocket. She worriedly studied my head as if I required careful stitching even if I didn’t need one. Boy, it felt so warm inside having her full attention, more so being looked at the way she did. It took an additional ounce of bravery to look away; but I decided that I must before I pounce on her gorgeous lips and forget about Sowon, her problem and the mayhem downstairs altogether.

“Uuhhh…” I felt an impending stutter. “I t-think you might have a-abused your privileges last night, eonnie.”

“Abused what?? And why are you stuttering?”

“Uhm... I don’t know if Yerin-eonnie saw it too,” This time, I did not glance at her. “… but last night, you kind of acted like Eunha-eonnie was still your girlfriend. You were touching her, kissing her and more.”

“Really?? But I was drunk.”

“Exactly.” was all Yerin said but I saw how Sowon’s expression turned from defensive to defeated.

“But what exactly happened here? It seemed like a really bad argument you had there.”

* * *

An hour ago, after Yuju left for work, Sowon approached Eunha, who was busy mixing drinks, for a small talk.

“You’re updating your cocktail list again?”

“Yeah, since I’m bored and we don’t have schedule until tomorrow.”

“You seem to prioritize your job more lately.”

“I’m just trying to help the group, Sowon-ah.”

“With all the money you pour in, you’re doing enough. You didn’t have to leave your own birthday party.”

“It’s also work ethics. It’s not every day that my boss will beg for me to work.”

“But it’s also not your birthday every day, Eunha-yah.”

“Like you said, it was my birthday, so, I can do whatever I want.”

“I’m just saying, it’s not all about money.”

“And who the hell told you it was only about the money??”

Even Umji who was sitting across the conversing ex-couple was dumbfounded by Eunha’s sudden retaliation. The short girl never spoke as discourteous as she just did in spite of the nature of her jobs; but that day, her usual affectionate demeanor was notably nonexistent. The maknae restrained herself from intervening and prematurely stood up and prepared to leave for school.

“You just told us earlier that they paid you double and something extra.”

“And who told you that was the only reason??”

“Then tell me what other reasons you have!”

“Why the heck do you even care?? It was my birthday, I have every right to spend it however the hell I want!”

“I’m just thinking about you. But fine. You did what you wanted anyway.”

Eunha refrained from responding to curb the heated disagreement and went back to her liquor experimentation; while the taller girl stayed by the counter and fidgeted with the plastic container of unsliced lemons. A few seconds before Umji stepped out, a song played through the laptop that laid innocently on the nearby table.

“And that’s when she started crying and throwing the shot glasses and bottles everywhere. She swept off the counter of everything that was on it.”

“And she threw a bottle at you??”

“No, but when I tried to stop her, that’s when the bottle hit me.”

“Then what happened?”

“After she made a mess, she ran out the door. Of course, she didn't tell me where she was headed.”

“I might know where she is.” When I drove her to work, she pointed to a park she frequented when she wanted to ‘get some air.’ I wanted to look at Yerin again to see if maybe she also knew or had something better to say, but I was afraid I couldn’t resist tasting her lips and just recklessly go for it. God, I seriously need some hormone modulation here.

“I think Umji playing that song pushed her to the edge. I need to have a word with Umji when she returns from school.”

“Leave the kid alone. This isn’t about her songs. It’s about you unknowingly hurting Eunha.” That was the first time I heard Yerin speak with so much firmness that it sounded coming from someone older than Sowon.

“What do you want me to do then??”

“If you don’t want the two of you to get back together, try not hurting her at least.” I felt frustration in Yerin’s voice and it made me scared to add something more to their exchange.

“It’s not like I intentionally hurt her!”

“Are you saying you just unintentionally touched her? Kissed her? Made her feel like nothing changed at all? On her birthday?” I’ve known Yerin to be stern and straightforward, but I’ve never thought she was capable of being this sensitive about another person’s emotions. “If your answer is yes, maybe you deserve another bottle thrown to your face, eonnie.”

Whoa… She was calm and there was no trace of anger in her voice, but she was dead serious. And before Sowon could respond, I felt Yerin’s hand tugging mine as she decidedly led me to climb down the stairs.

At that moment, I could not make myself choose which sensation I should focus on. If it was the hacking pain that was forming at the back of my head, the hunger from my unfinished brunch or her soft hand that firmly held onto three of my fingers.

I think she too did not think her actions through for when we reached the bottom of the stairs, she started restlessly tapping the rails with her finger after realizing that the glass-kissed floor has not cleaned up itself. But I felt a little audacious that before she could figure out a safe way through the labyrinth, I went a step below her, held her back by the waist and swung her up, lifting her by the back of her knees. This time it wasn’t out of impulse, I carried her purposely like a newly-wed to the door.

It was probably reflex that made her wrap her arms around my neck, but throughout the few seconds of being carried to the door, she gazed everywhere else except my face. I wanted to smile but I held it in, afraid that it would make the atmosphere tenser than it already was.

After I lowered her, she immediately scoured for her shoes. Then, she walked toward the end of the kitchen before I heard the icemaker sing its creaky ice dropping song. My heart fluttered because I knew exactly what she was doing.

“I think I should still drive so you can hold this up your head.” Yerin handed me the ice bag I’m very much acquainted to and I promptly held it against the small bump over the crown of my head. “Do you mind?” Again, her eyes were fixed on the pocket where I slid the key she handed me earlier.

“Rummage inside my pants, I don’t care.”

FCK!

Those words intended only as thoughts came out of my mouth and it sounded really bad. I felt so ashamed that I slowly moved the ice bag to my face to help suppress the heat and blushing.

I heard her smother a laugh while carefully taking out my car key. “No need to rummage though.” Was all she uttered and then she lightly my back. Oh God, she intentionally touched me. It was as if she was telling me that what I said was alright with her. “To the park, right?”

“Urhhm. Y-Yeah to the park.” Thinking about how she my back did not help with the effort to calm down.

I took the passenger side and prepared myself to be mesmerized by her again. I wondered what song Umji would play if she was with us. That thought made me suspiciously check the back seat to help dismiss the possibility of a musical surprise. Whew, she’s in school.

The park was farther than the library and so, I decided that there was enough time to ask her about what happened earlier. I suddenly felt my heart race just thinking about initiating a conversation; but I thought it was probably the best time to talk than be more awkward about it as days pass by.

So, I took a deep breath and spoke. “Eonnie…”

“Hmm?” She glanced at me and I couldn’t help but notice how red her lips were. I wonder when I’ll see them smile at me... if they ever will. I wish I knew how those lips feel like. Would they be rough and hungry? Or kind and gentle? God, she’s so beautiful.

“Uhmm, eonnie… At the library… how… did I… end up on your lips?” ! “I mean your legs!” GOD!!! PLEASE JUST TAKE ME!!!

She looked at me and smiled. “You meant my lap?”

⁺"What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts

A/N: I feel really sad about SouMu's decision to not make Yerin attend KCON NY. The company knows they don't have much leverage with the US audience and LOTJ will give them more opportunities to market the group in Asian countries. I love all the members and I will go to see them, but Yerin is my bias and her absence is frustrating. Forgive me if I'll slow down writing. Let me drown in disappointment until the concert is over.