“YERIN-EONNIE!!!” I twisted the knob once more but it didn’t move. “!” I quickly backed a few feet and charged toward the door, but not even a millimeter did it budge for it was made of thick wood with metal edges. I just made a fool of myself when I rammed all my body weight onto it and all it gave me was a sore shoulder.

“EONNIE!!” I started banging the door. I didn’t care if security would carry me out for causing a ruckus that made several wheelchairs and heads irritatingly peek from doors and corners. I was panicking with thoughts full of grave suppositions while Umji just stood on one side in obvious shock.

“Hey, why are you-”

I could not mistake that voice. I turned to it as soon as I caught it and saw Yerin, confounded and almost sprinting to our direction; beside her was Yuju whose expression I did not catch. Literally in a heartbeat, I was running toward her.

“WHERE THE DID YOU GO!!” It didn’t come out as a question but more of a scolding. I felt her strength as she effortlessly regained her balance and supported both our weights when I latched onto her unannounced. I hugged Yerin tightly, the kind of hug where one feels every inch of the other’s body; the kind that was eager, frantic and mad. I couldn’t care less that Yuju was standing a few inches away, expressing, on my behalf, an apology to the floor occupants I agitated.

“Hey… Watch your language…” She said softly while hesitantly my back. “What’s going on?”

For several seconds, I couldn’t answer. I started crying like a kid who got lost in a huge department store. It didn’t help that I was wearing Umji’s backpack, it just perfected the whole plot. “Don’t ever leave my side.”

“Blame Umji for that. But what happened?” She whispered in my ear, now decisively rubbing my back to calm me down. “You’re trembling. Hey, breathe slowly…”

“I just thought something bad happened to you. Eonnie, don’t leave my side.” I heard Umji call Yuju and made some excuse so she could ignore my behavior before she started asking about the door and the blood. A few seconds into a confusing conversation, Yuju caused the door to click open.

“Hey… Calm down.” She patted my back. “I’m alright. We just had to go to the nurses’ station for the key.”

But I couldn’t calm down and all I could do was hug her tighter and sob. I felt her arms wrap around my torso, probably giving up the attempt to pacify my hysteria, she finally hugged me back.

“Eonnie, don’t go anywhere without me.”

“Yeah, I got that already. I won’t. SinB-yah, stop crying.”

“Eonnie, SinB-yah…” Umji peered from the door after getting in. “You can continue that hug inside. Sowon-eonnie is arriving any second now.”

It took effort to calm down before I released Yerin and held her hand going in. But instead of going to the couch or exploring what seemed like a hospital executive suite, I dragged her into the washroom and locked the door behind us.

I heard Umji yell from the other side. “Thank God you decided to change now. You’re starting to scare even the nurses with your off-season costumes.” I knew Umji was just trying to ease the possible curiosity Yuju might have been nurturing from witnessing my bizarre behavior. But honestly, I wasn’t thinking about what she might think or feel. At that time, I was being selfish and I didn’t want to hurt Yerin more by trying to avoid hurting someone else.

“Are you going to tell me what exactly happened? And why you were trying to dislocate your shoulder by throwing yourself at the door?” She asked again as she held up my head by my chin. And that’s when I saw that blood was dripping from her wound again.

“Your wound… eonnie.”

“Hmm… I’m guessing the blood outside scared you?”

It wasn’t entirely the blood that worried me but it aggravated the anxiety that started from Eunseo’s call.

I wanted to hug her again if not for the smug look on her face when she threw that question. She knew instantly what caused my panic and it was embarrassing that it’s not challenging for her to read me while it was laborious for me to understand her sometimes. So, I glared at her instead and frowned.

“When we were getting off of the lift, I got hit by a low metal pole attached to some patient’s wheelchair. It was kind of a heavy scratch that the stitches opened. But it started bleeding hard when we were by the door. Don’t frown now, I’m sorry.”

I think that was the first time she ever apologized and it automatically erased the pretentious irritation on my face. God, I’m really that easy.

“You’re just worried, I know. A little too much though.”

I just nodded even though I was certain that the amount of worry I had was nowhere close to being too much. I still didn’t know that time if I should tell her about Eunseo’s call. I knew at some point we would have to talk about what happened as a group so we could devise a plan to keep everyone safe. But I wanted Umji’s opinion first. Yerin can be very impulsive especially when she believes she’s compromising other people; and I am certain she would feel that way considering Eunha’s condition. She will blame herself and we will need a strategy to ease in the truth behind the attack at the parking lot.

“Don’t leave my side again.”

“That’s the fourth time you said that.”

“I’ll say it again. Don’t leave my side, eonnie. You can’t be anywhere without me.” I looked her straight in the eye and in that brief silence I knew that she felt the sincerity of my words.

“I won’t.”

If there was someone listening to our conversation, they might have interpreted it as me proposing and her saying yes. I wish it was as easy as that to ask her to be mine. But things have become more out of control and we would soon be confronting our biggest adversary, she just didn't not know it yet.

Feeling the tension building up with our stares, she looked away and asked, “Why did you bring me inside the washroom? It’s not exactly a good way to prevent Yuju from thinking something about us.”

What she said inevitably tugged a smile from my lips. Hearing her say ‘us’ felt like she recognized an unspoken understanding that we were together in some kind of a secret affair. Although we may not be on the same paragraph, I knew we were undeniably on the same page. This is what Umji might call tangents meeting, sparks flying or some other witty metaphor.

“I wanted to have some time alone with you…”

“… In the washroom?”

“I’m weird like that.”

“Are you sure it’s not Yuju you like?”

“Tsk. No...! By the way…” I wiped the trace of tears on my face before I swung the bag off my back and took out the 'abomination' as Umji described them. “I bought these for us when you weren’t talking to me.”

“When exactly was I not talking to you?”

“Practically every day for a few months now.”

“I talk to you once in a while.”

“Believe me, eonnie, that while is more seldom than a heat wave hitting North Pole. What more the once? Anyway, I got them the day after we went to the club.”

“On your birthday.”

“Yeah, that day. I hope you don’t mind that we have the same sweater. I mean, it was my intention but you know, hmm… some people don’t really appreciate that.”

“I suppose this is mine?” She asked after lifting the yellow sweater up for a brief inspection.

“Yup.”

“…. My name’s first letter. I’m guessing yours has the same…”

“Letter? Yeah…” . “Sorry. I’ll understand if you won’t like it. It’s redundant, I just realized now.” I was about to grab it from her but she responded so abruptly.

“I like it. But…”

Oh God there goes the but of embarrassment.

“… I’d like it better if we switched. I’ll wear your color.” Yerin uttered handing me her sweater and taking the red one from my hand. There was a mixture of bliss and guilt that battled inside me. It was the sweetest gesture she deliberately ever showed and I won’t dare protest even if it was pink she happen to like. It’s just fortunate that it wasn’t pink but I’d gladly wear any color she wants no matter how much I hate it.

It was pure joy what happened, but at the same time, I was reminded of Umji’s warning. That print on my sweatshirt is not my name’s first letter and she will be wearing it. She’ll be wearing a terrible lie.

“I… ahhhh…”

“But if you like red that much-”

“No, eonnie! Wear mine.” I unconsciously pushed the sweater against her chest. “It’s just… Sweet… That we’ll do that. It makes me feel like we’re a couple.” I turned red; I know I blushed so hard and dug my grave deep with what I said.

“Well then I’ll start changing. But I need to shower, I cannot just change to this.”

“Oh of course. Uhhh… Okay, I- I’ll go now.” But just when I was turning the knob,

“Where exactly are you going?”

“Out? So you can change. Ahhh… S-Shower. Change. U-Undress. I-I mean in whatever order you’ll do it.”

“There’s just a single logical way to do what I want to do. But I thought I’m not supposed to be anywhere without you?”

That shut me up and probably shut my entire conscious being. I felt my heart quiver to a deadly speed. I felt blood flooding my face like a dam broke open. I felt throbbing in my chest. YES, you, JUST IN MY CHEST. DON’T ASSUME. There was so much sensation that overcame me, I could not open my mouth for a reply.

“You can leave or you can turn around now.” She suggested. But I was in shock that I didn’t move. Admittedly, it was also possibly an unconscious lack of willingness to do so. I could see in her face that she was amused by how stunned I was with her declaration. But then, she moved closer, held me by my shoulders and slowly turned me around to face the door.

“If you turn around, I’ll kick you out.” She warned before I started to hear the sound of clothes carefully being taken off. I couldn’t help but imagine what was happening behind me especially that it’s vivid in my memory how she once did that in front of me; I knew exactly what to expect and that got my hormones into an intractable rage in a matter of seconds. I cannot express how frustrating it was to feel so much and not be able to act upon it. But I love Yerin, I will wait for the right time, the time when I’m most certain that I can be deserving of her and her holy @#$%@$^* perfect mortal body.

How can I be this erted while at the middle of a crisis? Only Yerin can do that to me, turning me into some hormonal highschooler I never thought I was. I swear, her existence should be illegal in any part of the world, except my world.

“What if I turn around and kiss you?” I don’t know how that came out so sudden but while we’re on teasing terms, I guess me getting shot is out of the picture.

“I’ll kick you out, then shoot you.”

Or not.

“Eonnie…” I walked slowly backwards and sat on the tiled floor with my back against the tub.

“Hmm?”

"I’m sitting by the tub, I’m not gonna look, I swear." Then I heard her fixing the curtains probably trying to ensure I wouldn’t get wet from the splash and spatter.

“Okay.”

“Eonnie…”

“Hmm?”

“You know I like you, right?” I’m starting to believe that I really am a broken record.

“Yeah, but you still can’t turn around.”

“I can! But I won’t... I just wanted to tell you that again.” I could hear her turning the shower on. But it didn’t escape my ears that she also tried to run the water rather low to keep the noise to a minimum. She wanted us to continue talking.

“Eonnie, I like you so much.” I felt my heart wanting to explode, I just had to say it again. I just had to let it out. It was too much to keep inside to the point that it was suffocating me.

She turned off the shower completely. “I like you too.” She turned it on again but only to shut it off quickly. “So much, SinB-yah.” And then she finally ran the shower and went under it.

I don’t just like you, Yerin-ah. I love you. But I’m scared that you’ll hate me for lying to you about who I am. Now things are becoming complicated and dangerous. And it has become that at the time that we’ve gotten this close. I hope I can fix it before I couldn’t control myself from taking a step further. As much as I want to take it slow, there’s too much that has already gotten high up in the pile of things I wanted to tell you… and do with you.

Aside from that, time- it’s the only thing I’m uncertain if I’d have the luxury of. Considering that historically, fate has been very creative and vicious with designing my life, it will likely not spare my almost-relationship with Yerin. This is what keeps me from slowing down.

“Eonnie…” My body couldn’t seem to shut up. I heard her turn the shower a notch lower to hear me. Even that benign gesture made my heart swell. It’s really happening, she wants it too.

“Hmm?” The way she hummed her reply remained unchanged from the first time I called her.

“When did you realize that you liked me?”

“You’re really asking me that right now?” She replied.

“While you’re in the shower enduring a cut on your arm? Yeah.”

“You might have been hiding under the sheets when it rained with self-control.”

“That’s the only probable explanation.” I smirked. “So, when was it?”

“That day when you got out to the veranda.”

“But there was just one instance that I went there and saw you.” I recalled while digging the furrows of my brain for another possible time. But I couldn’t remember any other day aside from that one when Sowon introduced me to each member.

“Yeah that instance.”

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK!?”

“Swear one more time and you’re walking out that door.”

“I’m sorry… Are you serious? But you gave me the impression that you wanted to burn me down to ashes that day!”

“You can like someone and burn them down to ashes.”

“Well that’s just scary…” I said being a little taken aback.

I waited for her to ask me when I started liking her, but as expected, she didn’t and just continued cleaning herself off of the blood that was probably all over.

“Eonnie…”

“Hmm?” It was still the same tone and it’s causing me an unnecessary blush.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when I started liking you?” I tried to sound a little disappointed for the missing reciprocity.

“That day at the shooting range when I drilled a huge hole through your target sheet.”

“WHAT THE-” I literally bit my tongue to prevent the curse from coming out. “How can you know everything?” She was spot on, that was the same day she drilled a hole in my heart too and that’s when I started longing for her to fill it.

“I’m not Umji.”

“No, yeah. But you seem to know everything.”

“You’re just… Obvious.” I knew she was smiling when she said that and I wanted to rip those curtains down and just go in to smother her… With hugs of course.

“If that’s true…” I knew that’s true. “… Why didn’t you do anything?”

“Self-control.”

“Boy, you must be sunbathing when it rained self-control...” I remarked that made her briefly chuckle.

“Yeah, that’s the only probable explanation.”

“But seriously eonnie, why didn’t you do anything?” I asked again, not ready to let go of the discussion.

“You can try answering the same question.” I could hear from behind me that she’s almost done and I’m left with a decision if I should shower too in her presence.

“I couldn’t. You frightened the hell out of me.” I blurted.

“If so, what are you doing here?”

“Let’s just say the hell was already all frightened out of me and so, there’s nothing more to frighten inside of me.”

“I don’t know if I should laugh or throw you out.”

I knew I made her smile, and when I was thinking of a funnier comeback, my thoughts were interrupted by a careful knock.

“ARE YOU BOTH OKAY THERE?” Yuju yelled from the other side.

“WE’RE OKAY. EONNIE IS JUST TAKING A SHOWER.”

“WITH YOU??”

“Uhhhh… YEAH! I MEAN NO! SHE’S IN THE TUB, I’M NOT.”

“YOU’RE SHOWERING OUTSIDE THE TUB??”

I heard Yerin control a snigger under the shower. It was both hilarious and confusing whenever I converse with Yuju.

“NO! I’M NOT SHOWERING, BUT SHE IS.” I don’t know how else to explain the situation and I know the interrogation would not end soon.

“THEN WHY DON’T YOU JUST SHOWER WITH HER?? YOU NEED ONE, YOU’RE BLOODY TOO, YOU KNOW.” Yuju unexpectedly suggested. I was anticipating her to say something within the lines of why did you stay inside or why didn’t you just step out?... not be with another girl.

“Yerin-eonnie…” I whispered. “Should I just say okay, good idea?”

“Can you hand me my gun? I dropped it in the sink.”

“NO! I DON’T WANT TO. BUT I WILL SHOWER AFTER HER. I’M JUST HELPING EONNIE WITH HER BANDAGE NOT GETTING WET!” I guess the possibility of getting shot had me thinking of a better alibi. Although it was a bad alibi since her bandage was already soaked when she got in, with blood.

“BUT YOU CAN HELP HER WITH THE BANDAGE AND STILL BE ABLE TO SHOWER!”

The conversation was hopeless. it. “OKAY! YEAH, I GUESS I’LL JUST DO THAT. THANKS FOR THE IDEA!” I almost turned to Yerin when I whispered “Just for her to let it go. We’re not gonna need the gun.”

“YOU’RE WELCOME SWEET CHEEKS! BUT YOU TWO HURRY UP, SOWON-EONNIE WANTS TO USE THE WASHROOM TOO.”

“OKAY! WE’LL DO IT QUICKIE!” OH . DID I JUST SAY WHAT I HEARD I SAID?! “QUICKLY! I MEAN QUICKLY!!” Cold sweats started forming on my forehead.

I guess Sowon was also by the door because I heard her diabolic laughter when my tongue slipped and skipped that very important letter.

“God, I’m sorry…”

“Can you hand me a towel? I don’t want your sweet cheeks to be waiting too long.” Yerin said with hint of irritation and it inappropriately made me smile.

The bathroom was like a hotel’s, there were cabinets with towels and a good selection of toiletries. I handed the towel to her, careful not to turn around.

“And look through Umji’s bag, you’ll find vacuumed Ziplock bags with names.”

“Oh wow. I don’t remember giving Umji my clothes. No wonder I couldn’t find these.” I dug into the bag, which I learned later on was called E-bag by Umji, and saw six plastic bags carefully packed and contained a few basic articles of clothing for each member. Our maknae apparently always had this prepared for circumstances similar to what we have at the moment. It even has an emergency kit at the bottom.

“No one actually remembers.”

“That’s convenient. Here’s your-” And then I saw the contents of her plastic bag while handing it to her. “That’s what she packed for you??” A chortle escaped with my question.

“There’s nothing wrong with pink.”

“No, I mean she packed you thongs, eonnie.”

“Probably she wants you to have a hard time.”

“I’m not gonna be the one wearing it, why would-”

“Turn around again and hold this.” She cut my rant and lightly threw the wet strip of fabric at me. Knowing that she used it to wipe herself dry made me want to hug it and intoxicate myself with whatever scent Yerin left on it. But that would be borderline creepy, so, I held the urge in.

I could hear her take the items out of the Ziplock and leisurely wore them piece by piece. That’s when I realized what she said earlier. Dammit, she was right. There was an immediate summersault inside my lower abdomen. Now that I know she’s wearing thongs, I would be ruminating about it. And boy, that would be more than hard to endure. I’m definitely going to have a hard time.

“I’m coming out. But you can’t turn just yet.” She announced before going through the bag to grab the first aid kit. I found it funny she wanted to use that while we were in a place that probably had thousands of rolls of bandage.

Then, from my side, I saw that she carefully took the red sweater to don. I wasn’t the one who wore it but I felt warm about it. I still could not believe it was finally happening that Yerin is showing me the same kind of affection I had for her. It may not be of a similar degree but knowing it was mutual in other levels just kept my mind spinning with happiness.

“You’re up. Should I leave?” Yerin hesitantly asked. That was my cue that I could turn around. And there she was cutely drowning in my big red sweater that covered most of the length her shorts. The shorts that accommodated her pelvis that was barely wrapped by her thongs. DAMN. It was impossible to un-know that.

Her hair lightly dripped with water as she untangled it with her fingers. She was so lovely even after hosing herself down so unceremoniously and not having anything to put on her face. She didn’t need it; she’d probably be the most gorgeous even if she stayed in a jungle not bathing for days hunting boars and komodo dragons.

“You’re not going anywhere without me.” I declared while returning her towel to her. I wasn’t exactly sure about her staying while I cleaned myself, but I had to stand by what I wanted her to do. “You can sit where I sat.”

I got in the tub and slowly drew the curtains while watching her leisurely fiddle with her hair. I undressed quickly and struggled to carefully place my soiled clothing on the sink to prevent them from dropping. But of course, it’s unlikely that my body parts would cooperate especially that I was in the presence of Yerin, and so, the clothes did drop. Every single one of them plunged to the tiled ground beside my silent companion.

That caused instant fireworks inside my chest, but the kind that makes you repulse yourself and regret ever being born. I almost jumped out of the tub to retrieve them but I was and so all I could do was endure the humiliation of having my undergarments in display for Yerin to see.

“I… ahhh...” I couldn’t find words to say. There really isn’t anything redeeming to say when your underwear flashes itself to your ultimate crush.

“It’s fine. I’ll just fold them.”

. Now she’s even gonna touch them.

“No! I mean, you don’t have to.” The unpleasant fireworks travelled to the pit of my stomach.

“Ah, you want your underwear to just lay on the floor? Alri-”

“NO, NO! Please fold them, thank you.” I couldn’t bear to talk about it anymore so I quickly the shower’s lever at full throttle and the hottest of the hottest water of Korea poured down on me. “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

While guarding my stupid self against the scalding water, I felt some lightning force that caused the curtains to slide to one side and then I heard the shrieking of the metal latch that halted the flow of lava-water onto my skin.

“Are you okay??” The question was abrupt and worried but it was the kind that did not wait for an answer. Before I could open my eyes, I felt a cold towel enrapture me, followed by the comfort Yerin’s strong arms.

“YAH!!!” There was impatient knocking form the outside. “WHAT’S HAPPENING THERE!?” Sowon yelled while still on her knocking spree.

“WE’RE OKAY. IT WAS JUST THE HOT WATER.” Yerin answered.

“GOD, YOU TWO JUST HURRY UP AND STOP PLAYING!”

“15 MINUTES!” The two of us were suddenly in the tub together but I could only wish that we were just playing. “Hey, are you okay? Can I check if you burned yourself?” She calmly asked. I just nodded even if I didn’t want to be checked. I don’t know why I nodded; it’s just my body going autopilot when she’s around.

Without removing the towel around me, she carefully moved my partially wet hair to have a view of my scalp, and then my neck and shoulders. “It’s just red. Does it hurt?”

I shook my head even if I felt pinching on my skin like I scratched it against a cemented wall. But I guess the redness gave away what I really felt.

“You have to run cold water first so the stinging stops. Then slowly adjust it.” I just nodded to her instructions. “I’ll turn around now and I’ll take the towel out with me.” Then she got off the tub and pulled the curtains swiftly.

When will I have a normal non-mortifying encounter with her?

Yerin just waited; she did not ask a single question nor say a word but she was moving around tidying up the small room. After she got into the tub to save me from the fires of shower hell, I thought it was pointless to ask her to turn around. I just minded my business and I showered with painstaking speed. And in fifteen minutes, we were out being welcomed by Sowon’s smirk while she stood outside the door holding onto the mobile metal pole that held up a bag of fluid.

“About time.” She flashed a fake smile and whispered, “Cute sweats you have there.”

And then we were inevitably separated by Yuju who has been too eager to continue where we left off with our ER conversation. But the three of us sat on the same long uncomfortable sofa that propped against the wall facing the two hospital beds. Soon, Sowon rejoined us.

“Why do you need an IV again?” Yerin started.

“It’s not clear but I heard the doc saying they need to give me something for tachynarnia.”

“I didn’t know you went to a different magical world.” Umji who was busy with her computer interrupted from the other side. “You meant tachycardia.”

“Yeah, whatever, tachy-something. What is that by the way, Yerin-ah?”

“Your heart beating abnormally faster. It’s likely because of the stress. Any news on Eunha?”

“The surgeon just called before you two came out.” Umji answered glancing at the phone on the table between the two hospital beds. “She said Eunha-eonnie was just transferred to the post-anesthesia care unit. She’s stable so far.”

“Guys, aren’t you hungry?” Yuju asked, totally off topic. “Should we go out and get something?” She sat between Yerin and I and leaned on my shoulder the whole time.

“NO! I mean, no, let’s just have something delivered.” It seemed from Sowon’s expression that Umji and her have already had a conversation regarding the earlier events. She was suddenly guarded and too agreeable with my proposal.

“That’s a better idea. I don’t want anyone out, at least of the hospital premises, until Umji finds out what exactly happened today.” She looked at me and that confirmed my speculation. “Umji-ah can you just order food?”

“Umji-yah, just call the café.” Aside from food, I wanted Umji to get something more. I took out my phone and texted her.

SB: Have Eunseo get clothes too. We might be staying a few days here, right?

UJ: Okay. Should I ask her to pack more thongs for Yerin-eonnie or just the regular ones?

SB: WTH!!! You did that on purpose?!

UJ: Consider that as my late birthday present for you. So, just regular undies?

SB: Hmmm… half, half. Hehe

UJ: . BTW, security is already here. You can stop being hysterical.

SB: As if you didn’t panic yourself.

UJ: But I wasn’t the one slamming her body to the door.

SB: Tsss…

“Meantime, I need to walk around to destress. Yuju-ah, mind if you accompany me out? I just want to stroll the floor.”

“Sure, let’s walk, eonnie. I’ll push that pole for you.” Yuju was unexpectedly enthusiastic to leave my side but it didn’t really bother me the least. It was a good thing; I could have time to freely talk to Yerin again. “Umji-ya, can you include pizza? For dinner? Please?” Yuju added before she opened the door for Sowon.

“O-of course. A-anything…” Umji replied, but the door shut before she finished. “… for you.”

I was sure that Yerin knew about Umji’s infatuation with Yuju, they’re roommates and if Yerin opened up to her about me, Umji would have done the same about Yuju.

“You have to tell her, Umji-yah.”

“Wow. An advice coming from someone who took a thousand years to confess.”

“Well, at least I already confessed!” I looked at Yerin ready to throw her a wink, but she was unbothered reading a textbook on her phone. And suddenly, I thought to myself, if I wanted someone like Yerin, I had to content myself with being second to her passion for learning.

SB: Umji-yah, also ask Eunseo to bring eonnie’s books. You know the ones she has to study, right?

UJ: You’re being awfully sweet.

SB: I like her so much.

UJ: Stop it. It’s grossing me out.

SB: Fine. ‘Anything for you’ ㅋㅋㅋ

“Besides…” Umji’s voice came out defeated. “I think it’s just nothing. The things we feel are nothing but chemical reactions. Some neurotransmitters and hormones messing with our brains. It could just disappear.”

“What do you mean?”

“Love.” My heart jumped to Yerin’s voice. For a moment, I thought she was calling me and that love was her pet name for me. But my hopes crumbled when she continued. “She’s talking about love as just a bunch of chemical reactions… a physiologic trick to our minds, some anatomic switch to prevent human extinction by procreation.”

“Exactly.” My fellow maknae agreed but it still sounded only half-convinced.

“O… kay?” I wasn’t entirely sure if it was okay because that would mean that what Yerin and I felt for each other would also just be a product of chemical reactions… and probably nothing more like how Umji sees it.

“Do you have your earphones with you? If you do, come here.” Yerin asked before she moved closer to me. When Umji approached, she sat on the other side keeping my future wife between us. Yeah, future wife, don’t protest.

“Here.” Umji handed the familiar pair of white earbuds. The same earpieces she gave me when we went to the library where I slept on Yerin’s lap for five holy unconscious hours. One of the best memories I have… and also the second most embarrassing to date. (The most embarrasing happened just earlier.)

She gave Umji and I a piece. “Connect my phone.” And we started listening.

Umji just listened quietly while I, drowning deeper and deeper into the song, rested my head on Yerin’s shoulder. My heart went turbulent when she too leaned in and her head rested on mine.

“You can be disillusioned by the science that explains how humans develop and nurture that specific emotion.”

“Love.” I interrupted Yerin and smiled, half just meaning the emotion and half calling her that.

“Yeah, love. It’s actually a mixture of bodily responses to the stress of attraction. It causes a surge in some hormones including adrenaline, that’s why you feel the rush, nervousness, uncontrollable blushing and your heart beats with rabid speed. Then there’s serotonin depletion, causing some degree of fear and an unusual maddening preoccupation with that certain person that they stay in your head all day, all night.”

“Maddening… Yeahhh... It makes sense to me now.” I blurted making Umji shake her head.

“Then there’s also dopamine that makes people irrational and inexplicably euphoric… Literally.”

“Isn’t that also high in psychotic outbursts??” Umji asked.

“It is. It is also high up when one is in love; it makes simple things cause unnecessary pleasure. It makes you insanely happy and also foolish that you’d catch a bullet for the person you love without having to think twice... as if it was the most normal thing to do…” Yerin glanced at me and it made me blush recalling that scene at the paintball arena. It wasn’t a real bullet I took for her, but still!

So that heroism was just dopamine at work? And I blushed… just from the adrenaline. I didn’t really know if her discussion was making me happy; I was enlightened, but it made me rethink everything I felt for Yerin for the past months. Everything was just chemical reactions here and there. I couldn’t blame Umji for thinking the same.

“So, I’m right.” Umji said while returning the earpieces in the black pouch where she always kept them.

“I never said you weren’t. Love is driven by a predictable set of brain activity, of hormonal imbalances causing you to feel so much… of overwhelming flood of emotions. There’s no mystery there, Umji-yah.”

“I’m becoming really sad listening to you, eonnie.” I finally uttered.

“But the more important question is…” Yerin then placed her hand on my thigh like she was trying to reassure me. “Why do you feel all that for a certain person and not for another? No chemical reaction can explain that.”

“I hate you, eonnie.” Umji stood and stomped back to her laptop on the other side of the room.

“I like you.” I whispered to her. “I’ll never know why…”

* * *

Nearly an hour after, Eunha was transferred to the room but she was still unconscious and hooked to several cords and tubes. I don’t remember exactly which lines connected to which equipment. She had a cannula delivering oxygen, a bag collecting blood from the wound and there were monitors that checked her heart and many other things. If not for Yerin’s explanation, Sowon might have broken down trying to figure out what was happening to Eunha that time.

Nurses and doctors came in and out checking on her and the machines around her, while we just paced the room the entire time, consoling Sowon who never left the side of the unconscious ex-lover.

Eunseo dropped by bringing food and the things I requested from her, but we didn’t talk. We decided it was best to wait for Eunha’s condition to improve before focusing our attention to other things. As long as we could keep all the members safe, there was no urgent need to act. Our safety was everything that mattered at that moment.

There was mostly silence in the room and only the faint beeping from monitors distracted us.  Only standing up when she had to go to the washroom, Sowon glued herself on the chair beside the other girl’s hospital bed. She just stayed there and no one dared to convince her to do otherwise. 

Yuju soon plopped onto the other the bed and occupied herself with music. While Umji and I silently watched the CCTV footages over and over, and exchanged messages with Eunseo and Uncle JD. Yerin, laid on the long sofa and like always, just made love with her book.

Hours passed and everyone started getting weary waiting for Eunha to wake up. But there was no indication that it was going to happen soon.

Umji fell asleep hugging her laptop while Yuju fell into slumber still with her earphones blasting. I, on the other hand, was just sitting beside Sowon trying to distract her with any topic I could think of.

“Yerin-ah…” Sowon almost whispered. “Can you carry Umji so she could sleep on the bed?”

“Yeah, of course.” Yerin stood instantly like she received an order from a commander. But I felt a hint of elation in her response as she knew exactly that Umji could only dream of sleeping beside Yuju. And I could imagine her face when she wakes up to the sight of her crush snoozing beside her.

It didn’t take even a minute for Yerin to fix the two comfortably on the bed. I didn’t even get to help her. And probably because of exhaustion, not one of them woke up to all the movement. They slept, with Umji facing Yuju but the latter facing the other side. Even in sleep, their positions embodied their status. I didn’t know if I should laugh or be sad about it.

“Sowon-eonnie, you better sleep soon too. It’s not going to help if you stayed up.” Yerin said while dimming the lights of the room.

“I’ll stay here Yerin-ah. I can sleep here and I’ll be fine. I don’t want to be anywhere else when she wakes up.”

“I understand.” Yerin did not insist and returned to the sofa, laid on her back and held the phone up her face to resume reading.

Sowon soon nudged me. “And where are you going to sleep?”

I totally forgot I also had to sleep. “Hmmm... I'll sit there and lean against the wall.” I pointed to the chair where Umji was earlier.

“Why don’t you just join her there?” Even in the darkness of the room I could see Sowon pointing at Yerin with her pouting lips.

“She might not be cool with it, eonnie.”

“Just go there and leave me alone with Eunha, will you?”

“Okay. But if I get shot, I’ll haunt you forever.”

“Take this...” She handed me a blanket. “And just go. You know she won’t shoot you.”

I walked anxiously to the sofa where Yerin was. I was suddenly nervous around her again. Probably because she returned to being quiet and the affection was not showing when Yuju was in the room.

When I got to the sofa, she didn’t move and I didn’t speak. it. I carefully stepped over Yerin and situated myself on the side of the sofa closer to the wall and spread the thin blanket over us in haste.

“Can I join you?” My words came a little too late.

“You already did.” She turned the phone off and fixed the blanket.

“I think that’s a yes.” Then I started shifting my head finding the right position to not wake up to a stiff neck.

“I’ll get a pillow.”

She came back with a spare pillow from Eunha’s bed. I lifted my head and let it sink into the pillow but when she laid beside me again, it was still uncomfortable. I figured it wasn’t because of the lack of pillow earlier but because the sofa was narrow and we barely fit. If I moved rashly, Yerin would definitely roll off of it.

But I stayed still not wanting her to be bothered by my petty discomfort. Because it was the happiest thing to be lying so close to her; I could not complain. I could wake up to a stiff neck, sore back and painful everything, and still be thankful.

“You’re still not comfortable.” But I guess she still read my mind.

“I’m okay.” She might leave the sofa to me and sleep somewhere else, of course, I had to lie.

“You’re always a lousy liar.”

But I didn’t get to react to what she said because she lifted my head and then she carefully slid her right arm under my neck. She moved closer that my head laid on her shoulder. And it didn’t end there, she pulled my leg up and propped it above her thighs. . I DON’T KNOW HOW SWIFTLY SHE DID IT. I was suddenly hugging her, and half of my body laid on hers. Again, I’m not complaining even if I felt nearing a heart attack.

I froze. I couldn’t say a word and she didn’t either (by choice, unlike me). She just laid on her back and quietly waited to fall asleep. While I was on the other end of that continuum- my heart racing, my mind spiraling into a chaotic abyss, my internal organs skipping rope, my hands sweating, and I was swarmed with forbidden thoughts that made it impossible to even be totally quiet.

“Eonnie, c- can I say something?” I said finally after terribly failing to calm the down for almost thirty minutes already.

“As if you’re able to control your body from doing so.”

“You have a point. So, you.. I… Uhhhmmm… Eonnie…”

“Hmm?” There was really something in her unchanging tone that made me just say what I wanted to say.

“I’m having a hard time controlling my mind from thinking… hmmm… I have... you know, very intimate thoughts right now.”

“I know.”

AGAIN? “How did you know??”

“I can hear your heartbeats. You’ve been breathing at an average of 33 per minute. You’ve been swallowing thickly for the past 15 minutes or so. I don’t have to check your other body parts; I know they’ll just tell me the same story.”

THIS WOMAN IS SOMETHING ELSE. “I… Hmmm… I’ve never really had someone I felt this way with. I’m sorry…”

“I can sit down and still fall asleep. You can lay your head on my lap instead.”

“That might make things worse.” I knew it would, especially that I was aware of only a thin piece of pink fabric that existed under her shorts. How can I fall asleep to that??

“Then just endure it… Or think of really unpleasant things.”

“That’s hard to do because I’m with you.”

“Stop the smooth talk and sleep.” She sounded sleepy at this point. And I was still wide awake.

“It’s not like that, eonnie. I’m not smooth talking.” I explained while situating my head more comfortably on her shoulder.

“Okay. Just sleep then.”

...

“Eonnie…” I called again after several minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Have you felt this way toward someone before?”

“What exactly is this way?”

“Hmm… You know... like what I feel now. I mean, the intimate urge or something.”

“You’re really honest with what you’re feeling.” She teased.

“Just more honest now since I know I won’t get shot even if I voiced out my thoughts.”

“Don’t be too confident.” She jokingly warned. “No… I haven’t felt that way with anyone.”

“Hmmm… Even with me?”

“Goodnight, SinB-yah…”

“Eonnie…” I pouted and lightly shook her.

She did not respond anymore, instead, she turned to me and pulled me closer. With her chin comfortably resting on the top of my head, I was forced to rest on her chest. I can never say that I didn’t like what happened, because I did, rather excessively that after I gained complete understanding of what transpired, I actually hugged her and listened to her heartbeats while smiling like a madman.

But after a minute of listening and feeling the softness of her body, I felt a bit disappointed. Definitely not about our position, but about how relatively normal her heart was beating, while I’ve been struggling to control mine from coming out of my throat. I kept on thinking that she did not feel any sort of excitement or even a reaction to my nearness. For ’s sake, I was hugging her, I was breathing her and her chest was practically suffocating the life out of me. And again, I’m totally not complaining, just a little frustrated by her lack of response. Where did her adrenaline go? Or that dopamine??

That frustration had to be expressed. “Eonnie…”

“Hmmmm?” But this time her humming was different. It was faint and breathy, like something between a moan and a whimper. And despite the frustration I felt, the sound caused me to inappropriately feel a tingle at the center of my chest. The kind of tingling that travelled to many other body parts- parts that should not tingle at least while trying to fall asleep.

She was very sleepy; I knew it was the only reason why her response came out raspy and moan-like. But still, it was sensual to my ears.

“Eonnie, I think you weren’t just sunbathing when it rained self-control…”

“Hmm.” I assumed she meant why. It was just funny and sweet that she kept responding in spite of her fleeting consciousness.

“I think you invented it.”

From the top of my head, I could feel that my hypothesis made her smile. In fact, she lightly tapped the part of my back where her injured arm rested, like it was her way of saying I should just sleep and stop my nonsensical reflection.

But just when I thought I’d fall asleep with that frustration, I felt her hand my back upward until it reached the back of my neck, and then the side of my jaw. My head has already started spinning that moment, and then she pulled her body away before she slowly moved her head down. Suddenly, her sleepy eyes were looking intently at mine. I started to breathe even deeper, fireworks in my chest set off, but this time, it was the nervous and beautiful kind.

“No…” She lazily spoke. “I was just sunbathing…” She muttered before she closed her eyes and erased all the gap between us. Then it happened. I felt her moist, tender lips slowly caressing mine. Her lower lip was just gently gliding repeatedly on mine like she was teasing me. But she wasn’t. She held my head firmly between my nape and jaw and she pulled me closer that I felt the softness of her lips more. For several seconds, I forgot to breathe; more so I forgot how kissing was done. I was just tense and nervous, I could feel it, even my lips were trembling, but they didn’t move.

Her moist pair did not stop from my regrettably unresponsive ones. But after a few more seconds, she moved her thumb to my chin and gently pushed it down. God, it was so embarrassing that she had to teach me how to do the very thing I’ve always wanted to happen. But she did it so lovingly that the embarrassment disappeared in an instant.

That's when I was finally able to separate my lips and accept hers. I also finally resumed breathing, but it was heavy and rapid it bordered on panting more than breathing.  Her arm that cradled my neck held me tighter in a firm embrace that I was now pulled even closer to her body. And just when I regained my bearing, her gentle, pecks on my lips turned to bold and hungry kisses. I was dazed by the sudden change of intensity that I started gasping.

There was so much happening inside my body with just feeling her kiss. I reached for the hem of her red sweatshirt and held on it tightly hoping it could help calm my nerves, but it didn’t, nothing could. I just responded to her helplessly; I was drowning in warmth; I was becoming dizzy, I thought I would faint.

The kiss was heavenly. Her soft lips simply sliding on mine but effortlessly out all the energy I had left. It was instantly addicting. It was everything I hoped for in a kiss, in my first kiss.

The sensation she gave me was incredibly good. I didn’t have anything to compare her kiss with but I know not all kisses were like hers, much less first kisses. For if they were, there would be countless emergency calls just for being madly in love… heart attacks everywhere especially in unlikely places.

We started moving to a pace, fervently connecting our lips in mutual craving, with desperate whimpers escaping in between. But despite her unexpected eagerness that caught me in a breathless whirlwind, she kissed me with such tenderness and care. For the next few minutes, only our lips did the almost-silent talking. She was all mine and I was hers undeniably. It was intoxicating that even after the kiss ended, the gasping, the overwhelming sensation, and the madness lingered.

I could have ditched sleeping and kissed her the whole night (and probably end up in a hospital bed myself), but she returned to her previous position and my back. All I could do was hug her tightly again while catching my breath. But when I reclaimed my spot on her chest, I could not help but smile.

Her heart was racing and her breathing was as erratic as mine.

She felt the same way for me.

She was just truly sunbathing…

⁺"Science and Faith" by The Script

A/N: On my birthday, this is my gift to you, you. And there's a lot more SinRin in store to overwhelm your senses (this is where I put on an evil smile). Thank you always for reading. And I'm sorry for SinB's constant cursing in the story, it's just the character. It will be long before another update, we already know why; but I will try my best to write especially that it's been 22 chapters already and I want the fic to only have 28 like SML. Again, my endless thanks for your support. Let's spread Gfriend love (SINRIN love most especially.)