Jongin fell against the balance bar...again.

“Damn it!” he swore.

He had been messing up his routine all night and it was really getting under his skin. The dance wasn’t easy by far, but Jongin wasn’t an amatuar dancer so he should have been able to complete the routine with ease.

So why was he failing so miserably? He just didn’t get it.

Jongin started from the beginning once again, ignoring his screaming muscles telling him that he had been practicing for hours and needed a break.

But Jongin refused to take a break. Not until he got the routine down.  

The dancer spun around and around, eyes watching the mirror like a hawk. His posture was perfect, like usual, his rhythm spot on.

He moved on to the final dip. His leg gracefully rose toward the ceiling, toes pointed up like the experienced ballerina he was. He let his back fall back slowly, keeping his balance with ease, and then he used a hand to reach out to the heavens.

He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He did it.

When he opened his eyes the dancer’s heart stopped. Staring down at him were eyes so familiar. So similar to his own.

“Kai.”   

His twin smiled and yanked Jongin up. The younger of the two was still in shock as Kai grabbed his hand and spun him around.

Jongin stopped abruptly, causing a frown to appear on Kai’s face.

“Aw, Come on, Nini. You can do better than that. Where’s my beautiful swan?”

Jongin’s eyes filled with tears at the nickname, “I miss you.”

Kai smiled, “I know.”

Jongin tried his best to return the smile as he took his brother’s extended hand. He knew his mind was playing tricks on him. Kai was dead. There was no use in denying that fact, but right now Jongin would forget. He would forget that his brother was no longer able to breath, no longer able to laugh, no longer able to exist on this earth with Jongin.

He would forget all the pain that came along with that fact and live in his moment. This moment where Kai wasn’t dead and where he could just dance with his brother like they use to when they were younger.

Jongin felt like he was dancing on clouds. He hadn’t been this happy in weeks. All he’d been able to feel was pain and sorrow. He tried his best to fake a smile. He even succeeded in fooling everyone into thinking that he was fine. But he buried himself into dancing, and worked his body to the point that when he got home he would pass out from exhaustion.

But he had to. Because if he didn’t, his mind would wander to things Jongin would rather not think about.

“You’re sad.” Kai stated.

Jongin shook his head, “No, no, I’m happy. I get to see you. I’m so happy.”

Kai frowned, “But your heart’s crying.”

The younger was going to deny the statement again, but Kai’s hand came up to wipe something wet off of his cheek.

“Your eyes are crying too.”

Jongin bit his lip, hoping to stop the tears he hadn’t realized had escaped, “I’m sorry, Kai. I shouldn’t be like this.”

“You know you don’t have to pretend for me.”

“I know,” Jongin smiled sadly, “I really miss you, Kai. I’ve been so confused lately.”

“About what?”

Jongin looked away. This was wrong. Real or not, he couldn’t possibly tell Kai about his feelings fo-.

“Is it because of Sehun?”

Mirror eyes met each other.

“I’m sorry.” Jongin mumbled.

Kai smiled, “Don’t be.”

“But you two were lovers. You loved him. He loved you.” As the words left Jongin’s mouth, the dancer couldn't help but feel guilty. He shouldn’t be like this.

“And now he loves you.”

“I-.” Jongin stepped back.

“But you hurt him.”

“It’s complicated.”

“You abandoned him when he needed you the most.”

The dancer shook his head, his feet still carrying him away further away from his vision of his brother.

“He’s better off without me.”

“He cried out for you and you ignored him.” Kai’s voice grew darker.

“He’s safer w-.”

“You killed what little happiness he had left in this world because you were too scared to face your own feelings and now he’s dead inside.” the deceased barked.

Jongin’s back was now up against a mirror covered wall. He had nowhere else to go. He couldn’t run away from his thoughts this time.

“No, he’ll be okay. He doesn’t need me like he needed you,” he cried.

“You’re right, Jongin.”

The dancer turned his head toward the new image in the mirror behind him.

His heart broke at the sight of Sehun staring back at him with so much pain in his eyes. He looked almost as broken as Jongin felt.

“You’re right. I don’t need you like I needed Kai,” the mirage spoke, “I need you so much more.”

On his knees, Jongin placed a hand on the mirror, hating that he didn’t feel Sehun’s warmth underneath his fingertips.

“Sehun, please forgive me. I can’t love you like you love me.”

Sehun frowned and looked away and Jongin’s heart quickened in panic. He rose to his feet.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Hunnie,”Jongin wanted so badly to hold his friend’s hand, “I care about you so much. More than you know.”

Sehun still didn’t look at the dancer.

Jongin grabbed the material at his chest, hoping that it would stop the breathtaking pain he was feeling right now.

“It’s because I care about you so much, that I can’t be at your side anymore. This ungodly pedestal you hold me up on is not right. You can’t care about me more than you do your own life, I won’t allow it.”

Jongin continued to speak even though he knew he was basically talking to himself.

“You were shot because of me. I know that now and I’m so so sorry, Sehun,” Jongin sobbed, “I never want you to get hurt because of me ever again.”

The dancer placed a hand on the mirror where Sehun’s face would have been if he was really standing in front of him.

“So, please, Sehun, please take care of yourself and live happily.”

The dancer fell to his knees before the reflection of the man who held more space in his heart than he should have.

“Please...I’m begging you, Sehun….”

The mirror image shattered under Jongin’s hand, forcing the dancer back into reality.

~.~.~.~

Chanyeol locked his phone and shoved it into his back pocket. He had been waiting on a reply from Jongin, but more than likely the other was either at the studio still, or already asleep at home.

Every day he hoped things would return to how they use to be before Jongin’s birthday.

Every day he was let down by the harsh fact that Jongin had changed since that day. No matter what Chanyeol tried, Jongin’s smile didn’t reach his eyes anymore.

The detective wanted to believe his boyfriend was simply still in shock from him being shot and hospitalized. Anyone would be emotionally scarred if the person they loved was shot right before their eyes.

But Chanyeol wasn’t blind.

He saw the distant look in Jongin’s eyes whenever they were in the same room. Jongin was never with Chanyeol anymore. Physically, he was standing right next to him, but internally….Jongin was nowhere to be found.

Chanyeol wasn’t deaf either.

At night, as Jongin laid wrapped in Chanyeol’s arms, a name feel from his lips. A name that was not Chanyeol’s.

That name was the reason Jongin woke up with red puffy eyes, while Chanyeol pretended he was still sleeping. It was that name that made Jongin lock himself in the bathroom for hours, curled into himself, as Chanyeol smiled and acted like he hadn’t been waiting on the other side of the door listening to Jongin’s quiet sobs.

It was because of that name that there was a stranger living in Chanyeol’s house, wearing the mask of his dearly beloved.

As painful as it was, Chanyeol knew the real reason behind Jongin’s drastic change.

And that reason had embedded itself into Chanyeol daily life, like a disease that he couldn’t find the cure for. It was killing his relationship and, lord help him, it was killing his precious Nini.

Chanyeol pressed down on the elevator button, and ran his hand through his hair as he waited for the next one. The doors had almost closed completely when he noticed the light still on in his boss’s office.

He stopped the doors from closing and stepped back out of the elevator. He made his way over to Baekhyun’s office. Through the cracks of the blinds, he could see the smaller male typing away on his laptop, eyes dark with weary  as well as something else Chanyeol couldn’t quite pinpoint.

He gently knocked.

“What is it?” came the chief’s voice. It was different from Baekhyun’s usual cheery voice. But, like Jongin, Baekhyun had been acting strange lately.

“Chief, it’s me, Park.”

There was a short pause, “What is it, Park?”

Chanyeol nearly flinched at the ice in Baekhyun’s tone. It was not like him at all. Chanyeol didn’t like it one bit.

“Can I come in, sir?”

When he didn’t receive an answer, Chanyeol slowly opened the door.

Baekhyun looked drained, his usual creamy smooth skin was tainted with dark circles underneath his eyes.

Chanyeol frowned. He was not a fan of the look his boss currently wore. In his opinion, It didn’t suit the Baekhyun he grown to know.

“What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun looked shocked, Chanyeol didn’t care enough to excuse his bluntness.

“What are you talking about, Park? I’m just working.” Baekhyun turned his attention back to whatever he was working on.

For some reason that motion lit a fire in Chanyeol. He was sick of the people around him brushing his concerns aside like he wasn’t smart enough to notice the changes.

He did notice! He wasn’t stupid.

He could clearly see that Jongin’s light was slowly fading and there was little to nothing he could do to stop it.

He could clearly see that Baekhyun had threw himself into this new project of his and it was taking a huge toll on him.

Chanyeol noticed everything, so why did it seem like he was being overlooked.

“Don’t lie to me, Baek, please. I can’t take any more lies.”

Fingers froze above the keyboard. Baekhyun slowly looked back up at his subordinate. He didn’t miss the unspoken pain laced in Chanyeol’s statement.

“Are you okay?”

Chanyeol flopped down in the chair in front of Baekhyun’s desk, “I would be perfectly okay if the people I cared about would just stop lying to me and tell me what’s wrong. I only want to help, but I can’t fix something I can’t see. God damn it!”

Baekhyun eyes took in the scene before him. Chanyeol looked utterly defeated.

“Is everything okay with Jongin?” Baekhyun asked softly.

Chanyeol sighed, “We’re not talking about Jongin right now. We’re talking about you. What’s wrong, Baekhyun? What has you locked up in here late at night and shutting everyone out all of a sudden?”

Baekhyun said nothing. He just stared a