Chapter 16: Healing Time

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Everything went downhill from then onwards. I could barely contact Eunha, knowing she most likely rejected all my calls and left my messages unattended. Maybe she just needed some time alone to think through everything that has happened – to reorganise her thoughts. I completely understand her actions but the worry still settled in my chest; if she’s doing alright? If she’s eating well? If she’s sleeping well? I was apprehensive throughout the whole gruelling week. She looked awful the minute she walked out of the park that night even before we could get closure. Who would blame her? Absolutely no one. Who doesn't feel a part of their heart break at rejection? Rejection is a pain in the .

Rejection – the reason why I never had the guts to confess my love for Jungkook. I was a pathetic coward, unlike Eunha who muster so much courage to profess her love for me. She handled rejection with grace and I respected that. Rejection feels like if a door closing onto your face. It’s harsh, it’s cruel – literally stabbing a heart thousands of times. And I could never be courageous enough to face such brutishness despite it being a polite rejection. Thus, I live like a coward – hiding my emotions in a safe, away from Jungkook, away from everyone.

Ironically enough, the only way to end an unrequited love is through a confession. I guess I must deal with this one-sided love till my love for Jungkook fades with time.

Coincidentally, the vibration of my cell phone signalled Jungkook’s messages.

[11:14 pm] Jungkook

Ahreum? Could you do me a favour by doing a wake-up call for me?

 Summer break has ended and school will resume as per normal starting from tomorrow onwards. Knowing he’s a heavy sleeper, Jungkook invented a way to avoid being late for school like he always – by choosing me as his personal alarm clock, making sure he wakes up on time for school.

[11:16 pm] Ahreum

Such a lazy

Fine. Whatever.

[11:17 pm] Jungkook

While we’re at it, let’s go to school together

I wanna walk with my lil sis to sch

[11:18 pm] Ahreum

Omg. I tot I saw Lil Wayne at first.

U better be punctual. I’ll snap ur neck if ur still late.

Somehow the thought of going to school was taxing. Having to brace for the gruelling months of preparation for the end of the year examinations, constructing the foundation for a campfire for the school and the most daunting one yet; having to sit next to Eunha till the end of this year when we had yet settled our issue. How am I going to react when she’s beside me? What are we going to talk about? Am I supposed to act oblivious to our situation – as if nothing happened? I wasn’t even sure if she’s ready to face me.

I laid in bed with the blankets tangled around my calves. My eyes never leaving the white ceiling, gazing in empty space. My arms failing across the mattress away from my reverberating phone placed a metre away from my fingers. I just needed a time out as well. I need escape reality for a while. Just … away from the consecutive, never ending dramas bombarded at me. I’m only 18, I can’t handle everything barraging at me at once. My breathing pace slowed for a moment, stupefied. I did this until your eyes and minds became heavy, and you finally drifted into a warm state of sleep.

A good night sleep.

“ ni kkumeun mwoniYamma

Ni gyeou geugeonikkumeun

I wanna big house, big cars & big rings

But i dun have any big dreams” *

“Ughhh!” I grunted at the blasting music coming from the right side of my bed. I might like BTS but damn I’m starting to hate this song ever since I set it as my alarm clock ringtone. Pulling the nearest available pillow, I buried them in my face, not allowing the booming alarm to get to me. I was tempted to snooze it after not being able to take the ringing noise till I heard my mum shouted distinctly, “It’s already 6:30 am! Move it!”

in protest, I finally gave in.