Chapter 1: Where it began...

Word Count: 2396 words

“Jang Ahreum.”

The icy breeze whipped my face as I strutted my way towards the result slip in the hands of my homeroom teacher. The speed of my heartbeat increased with every step I took. My eyes focused on the one thing that mattered the most; the result slip. It all comes down to my results - what choice of high school I’ll gain entrance to, how my parents' reaction would be like - basically everything. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before taking a seat in front of my homeroom teacher. However, I could not read her expression - was it good, was it bad?  Nerves began to intensify and I didn’t like this jittery feeling one bit.

“So how did you think you did, Ahreum?” She questioned, with an unreadable expression. I wasn’t sure how to come about answering such a question when all I’m curious about was to learn about my results. All the talking can happen later but I guess she didn't get the memo. “Bad? I’m not really confident, honestly.” I sheepishly and nervously chuckled as I rubbed the nape of my neck, wishing she would just hand over my slip so I can get over these nerves. At this point, I no longer cared for the results, I just want this suffocating feeling to end.

“Why so?”

Is she seriously continuing this unnecessary conversation when I'm already trembling vigorously in front of her? Unbelievable. "Well, I suppose I didn't really do much other than just doing the basic studying", which is, in fact, true. Unlike others, my parents didn't see the need to send me to cram schools and tuition sessions. Living in South Korea, it has been a norm among students to be competitive, especially in terms of education. Thus, my parents didn’t want to give in to societal expectations by sending their kids to cram schools and get external help when it wasn’t necessary. I did alright just by studying on my own or with the help of my older sisters so cram schools are just a luxury for us. As long I put in the effort and done my best, then I should do alright. Well, that's what my parents believed. I guess it is somewhat true. 

“You should have more confidence in yourself.” She smiled as she took note of my reply. That’s me, I guess; the girl who barely has confidence in herself.  I pursed my lips and intertwined my fingers tightly as I noticed the conversation coming to an end.

Finally.

“I have to say, you did exceptionally well, Ahreum.” She flashed a smile as she browsed through my result slip before handing it over to me.

My hands, vigorously trembling, began to reach out for that piece of laminated paper which was just a metre away from my hands. As the paper came in contact with my fingers, my heart temporarily halted. This is it – the moment I’ve been dreading yet excited for.  I heaved a long sigh before mustering the courage to look at the grades depicted on the slip. Whatever happens, I promised myself I will accept the outcome – good or bad. That was when my eyes laid on the result slip.

Oh god, straight A's? Are my eyes playing tricks on me? I blinked a couple more times before looking at it once more in disbelief. Well, I’ve always gotten mediocre results for tests but never a result slip filled with only As. No, it can’t be! She must have handed me the wrong slip because damn, it’s nearly impossible for me to achieve this. “Seriou-sly?” I trailed my words, not knowing how to express myself. This must be a miracle. I take a look at the slip once more, this time making sure it was my name printed on the top left-hand corner. Clearly stated on it in bold is, in fact, my name. With wide and shocked eyes as I bit my lip to hold down my squeals of joy.

, this is real.

I could still remember that day vividly as if it was etched in my mind. I could still recall how my sisters were so proud of me that they began to brag about my achievements to their friends or when my parents were extremely happy that they planned a spontaneous vacation to Europe for the whole family to celebrate. That was how I was labelled as the smartest kid in the household - yet I still think my sisters deserved the title more than I did. My sisters are merely downplaying their level of intelligence to make me feel special.

“How about Inhun High School?” My mum suggested as she went through the multiple school brochures laid out on the coffee table. She has been really enthusiastic for the past week, trying to pick out a few schools that she would consider sending me too. To me, it really didn’t matter. "But mum, isn't that too ambitious? Inhun High School is a pretty good school. I don't think I can last very long there." I sullenly spoke out. Sure, I did great in my final year in middle school, but image the other hundred students applying for this school as well. They probably did as well or even better than I did. That made me doubt myself even more. But even then, I was a dubious person by nature.

“You should have more faith in yourself, Ahreum.” She ran a hand down my spine and rested it on my back as a sign of comfort.