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I’m not giving up, I swear I'm not. Even though Irene went rampage on me a couple of weeks ago, it doesn’t mean that I would stay away from her. She may think that doing what she did to me would make me want to stop trying, but no, I'm not going to. I'm persistent, really persistent. I'm not backing out any time soon, I love her and our little one and I will do everything in my power to make her give me a chance. I've been giving her space since I've been following Seungwan's advice. He told me that when women get angry at you, especially pregnant ones, you should give her space and let her calm down for a while. And so I've been giving Irene time to calm down before I go see her again. I don't want to cause her stress, as I've been reading about pregnant women and stress can harm the baby. And I don't want our baby to be affected by any negative emotions. I want our baby to come out healthy and well.

Ever since that night, I felt her baby bump and I've never felt this overwhelmed before. Even though that was just a slight touch, my heart had skipped a beat. I felt excited and elated. I can't wait for our baby to be born, I can't wait to hold our baby for the first time. I've been watching videos of fathers holding their babies for the first time and I couldn't stop imagining myself doing that when our little one is born. Never in my life would I ever thought of settling down and becoming a father. And I'd never thought of abandoning my sick schemes, I thought I would just continue my wrongdoings until I was bored. But now it's completely different all because of one woman. I want to change for her, I want to be a better person. 

I haven't been sleeping well, to tell the truth. I've been worrying about Irene and the baby. Any soon-to-be fathers would understand me, being away from the baby and the mother isn't ideal. It causes uneasiness and anxiety. But I'm keeping my word, I'll stay away from Irene until she's already calmed down. Just because I'm not going near her, that doesn't mean I can't see her from afar. Yes, I go to see her every day, but I only park across the cafe. I wouldn't dare to go inside, I know she'd pushed me away again. She'd cursed me away and she'd tell the girls to do so too. But I still know her everyday-move, call me a stalker, I don't care. I need to know where she is, in case she gets into any danger. I just can't let her and our baby out of my scope. I have my group of trustworthy men reporting to me about her whereabouts. It's wrong on every level, but this is just my way of giving her space.

Currently, I sit in my car parked across the cute. It's becoming a lunchtime routine now, with me keeping an eye on her, while I let my men in there, report to me. I know that normal people wouldn't do something like this. Yes, I'm not normal, I'm crazy because of her and I became crazier when she firmly told me to stay away from her. My phone suddenly buzzes and I pick up the call. 

"Mr. Kang."

"What's the update?”

“She seemed fine, sir. There’s no sign of concern right now.” 

“Yes, she may seem fine. But anything can happen at any time and I want you to keep an eye on her.”

"Yes, Mr. Kang.”

I end the call with one of my men and continue my observation on Irene. I swear that she is the most stubborn woman I've ever met in my entire life. She's getting bigger and bigger every day and even though she's only 4 months pregnant, it's still obvious that she's carrying a baby. Look at her carrying trays of customer's orders, when she should be resting and not doing any hard work. Feeling frustrated, I send a text to one of my men to help her carry those trays. I put my phone down and turn my attention back to observing again. I see one of my men is trying to help her carry those trays; and of course, being the stubborn woman she is, she doesn't let him.

They then get into a mini tug-of-war, and it results in the drinks falling and spilling all over Irene...... That idiot! I tell him to keep an eye on her and follow my orders without any trouble, but look at what he did. He caused trouble for her and that is the only thing I don't want to happen. I send a text to them to go back to the office after I tell them to help clean up the mess. Before I drive away, I make sure first that Irene is well cleaned off. I can't let her potentially hurt herself and our baby. When I see Jieun is helping her and not my man, I drive away back to my office to have a world with them. Back at the I office, I gave them a piece of my mind. They all have their heads hung low, as they should. I do get irritated easily when it comes to working or giving out any orders. But in this case, when it comes to, especially Irene and our baby, I'm a hundred percent not lenient.

The following day, I continued my daily lunchtime routine as usual. But today, I was surprised not to see Irene’s not at the cafe. My trusted man calls me to tell me that she is feeling unwell, as Jieun had said. Again, this woman never fails to infuriate me with her stubbornness. She should have been more careful and cautious of her health, she's not alone anymore. If we were together, I wouldn't let her out of the house. I would even hire a personal maid just for her so that she would have to do anything that requires strength. I remembered one time that she was sick, cause she was too stubborn to take the day off, even though Jieun said it was okay to do so.

"Hey, how are you feeling? I made you some soup." I put the tray of food on the bedside table.

"Still sick. " Irene let out a cough as she tries to sit up. I help her to it and arrange her pillows so that she's comfortable. I then touch her forehead to see if her fever has gone down, but it hasn't yet. 

"You should really rest well, and eat properly. I don't like seeing you sick. "   I sit beside her and gently squeeze her hand. She sends me a weak smile.

"I know, but I'm not that sick, I can still go to work." I slightly shake my head, she's really stubborn. I take the bowl of soup and try to make her eat.

"Let me feed you. " She nods and takes a spoonful. 

Once she finished the last drop, I let her take the medicine. And once she's done, I place the empty glasses on the bedside table and I help her lay more comfortably. As she's laying cozily. I take my blazer and tie and a few buttons on my shirt, then get under the blanket with her.

“You're going to get sick if you're this close to me." She jokes, despite having a sore throat and I chuckle.

“If getting sick means we get to stay here and take care of each other then I'd say it's worth it." Irene softly laughs as I open my arms for her to snuggle, and she does. 

“Thank you for taking care of me, despite you being very much," she says softly and I can't help but give her forehead a pack. “You're like the best boyfriend any girl could ever ask for. " She mutters against my chest as I gently run my hand along her brown locks. “But you're my best boyfriend and no other woman can call you that." I slightly chuckle at her words and she snuggles in closer. "Seulgi-yah, what are we exactly?” Irene looks at me with the facial expression of how a child would look at their parents when questioning something. 

“Well, you're still engaged, but you're with me. I don't think we need to label our status. As long as we're both happy that's all it matters right? I mean, you are happy with me, right?" I ask making her slightly slap my chest in an offended way.

"Of course, I'm happy with you, and probably the happiest I've ever been. "She then leans up, giving me a chaste kiss, which I accept. “I think you're right, labels are pointless. As long as we love each other, that's all it matters" I nod at her statement. 

Thinking about those times made me feel content. They were simple and we were happy because we had each other. Looking back I realized I needed her and even more now. She was the cure to my insanity, she helped me to see how my terrible inner self was. Now that I'm getting better and attending therapy with Dr. Moon, I can change for the better. I want to be better for Irene and especially when she's currently carrying half of me in there. I want to improve myself for her to see that her love did change a terrible person like me. I want to be the father I never had to our child and a great loving partner to her. There were many occasions where I almost did say those three words to her.

But I didn't. Showing feelings was for the weak. I didn't want her to see me, all of me. I hated the thought of anyone trying to break down my strong walls. But it's a different case now, she broke down, destroyed the walls or the vault I stored all of my vulnerabilities in, completely. Now I'm just a body in front of her, raw and real. I'll come back again tomorrow, and maybe instead of my men, I'll go inside and talk to her. It's time to man up and take the woman I love, and finally, amend things with her.

I try again the following morning. As usual, I sit in my car parked across from the café. This is quite nerve-wracking going to apologize to someone you did wrong. I've never done this before, what should I say first? “I'm sorry for what I did, please forgive me?” or "What I did was very wrong and I've learned my lesson, please forgive me? "  What's the best way to make a woman forgive you? Ì sincerely don't know. Seungwan did try to give me some guidance and all, but they feel and sound so foreign. It's like I'm learning a whole new language. I rub my sweaty palms together, in hopes that it would calm down my anxiety.

I practice in the car on the things I want to say and I keep messing up. God, I'm so bad at this. I'm a stuttering mess. I can't even say simple words in front of one woman, yet I m able to speak in meetings in front of tens of people and have no problem at all. I take one last deep breath before exiting my car... it's now or never. I enter the cafe with a trembling heart and all of the attention is on me. The girls all stare at me like a stranger in the wrong place or an unwanted guest, I don't know which. But, I think it's the second one. I try to look around for Irene and she's not there. 

"What are you doing here? None of us wants you here. " Joys says with a slight annoyance in her tone. She stands there with arms crossed, having that strong demeanor. I gotta say she's pretty scary.

"I just wanna see Irene, you guys must know where she is."

"I thought she and also we made it clear that you should stay away." 

"Listen, Joy, I know what I did was terrible and you all have every right to want me to go to hell, but I've come here to talk and clear things with Irene. I have no ill intentions now, I just want to be a part of her life and our baby's life. " I genuinely confess to them and plea for her whereabouts again.

“Well, we can't tell you. How can we trust you anymore? After what you did to our unnie, we don't want you near her again.” They really hate my guts, huh? I guess I deserved it after all. I had hurt the person I loved and this is the consequence I have to face. 

“Please guys, I want to make things right with her. I want to be a great father to our child and an amazing partner to her. Please, let me see her.” I plea again, hoping that they see how genuine I am right now. 

"Well, sorry we can't allow you near unnie and the baby. She has had enough of you, and she had made up her mind that she would raise the baby alone. So, you can leave now, you are no use here." Joy spat all those words to me in a disgusted manner and the two other girls remained quiet.

I can't give up, I'm determined to make Irene forgive me. I have to see her, I'll do whatever it takes. It's go big or go home now.  I suddenly sink down onto my knees and I could feel all eyes in the late on me. I don't have anymore, I don't care if I end up on multiple social media platforms tomorrow. I've already sworn to do everything I can to get a chance with Irene and our child. Jieun tells me to stand up, but I don't budge. Joy is now helping Jieun pulling me to stand up, but I remain firm with my knees glued to the floor. I could hear murmurs and cameras taking pictures of me being like this. I give no damn right now, I'll remain in this position until I get my answers.

"If you're not going to leave I'm going to call the police to g