Hello, guys! It's been too long since I've updated for you guys to read. I was going to update quicker than this, but I was deceased for a while after watching the monster mv lol. Nevertheless, I still can't believe that people actually like what I wrote lol. But anyway, I'd like to thank you all for subscribing, reading, and commenting your thoughts on what I wrote. They mean a lot to me, so thank you guys :D BTW, I've just started crowdfunding and if you guys would like to join, you guys can click right away to join my crowdfund and get privileges :D

It has been weeks after that night and I'm still a coward like this. I'm still contemplating whether I should go see Irene or not.  I finally came to the sense that I'm in love with her. Yes, a sick, broken person who doesn't want anything to do with love, is actually in love with someone. I guess I'm too late now. She hates me, she'll probably make our child hate me too. The thought is agonizing. She thinks that I wouldn't be a good father to our child, I'll prove it to her. I'll prove to her that a horrible person like me can be a good father. And even a good husband to her. Seungwan had talked some sense into me, the following morning after the incident:

I wake up with a pounding headache and a very sore body. I slowly sit up and take a look at my surroundings. This isn't my bedroom where am I? Whose room is this? The door then slowly opens revealing Seungwan carrying a tray. Wait, I was with Seungwan? No, I remembered going to the bar and a few goons beating me up.

“I see that you're awake. How are you feeling?"Seungwan asks as he places the tray on the bedside table.

“Hungover and sore,” I answer as I massage my temples. 

"Take these pills, they’ll help." He hands me some pills and a glass of water. I thank him and the pills and water. I take the pill then gulp down some water. 

“ How did I end up here?”

“Your driver took you here. You looked terrible last night. What happened you even said some things last night." I furrow my brows at his words. I said something last night? What did I say? Oh god, this headache is killing me. I don't want to think about anything right now. What did I say last night? I don't remember.

" You said something about a girl lying to you. How she was hating you and going your child hate you too. What's going on? Who hates you and who's having your child? When did you get a girl pregnant? " Seungwan asks all these questions. Questions that I don't even want to answer. But, I guess it's finally time to reveal everything. Seungwan was bewildered by the time I finished telling him. It's between shocked and disappointing, I don't know which. 

“So, those girls with you were just for you to hurt them? To make them feel what you felt the night? " I nod. "Irene just happened to be one of them. " I nod again. “But now things got out of hand, and she's pregnant with your child.” I nod once more. "What are you going to do now?"

“I really don't know right now. " I confess. 

“Dude, she's pregnant with your child. You have to take responsibility for it."

 "I know, but she doesn't want me to. I want to, trust me, but I'm scared to.”

 "Scared of what?” 

"She hates me, and I know that she's going to make our child hate me too. I can't have my own child hating me, Wan. I can't. "

“Seul, it doesn't matter if she hates you or not. What matters is that you took care of her during her time of carrying. I know you were shocked to hear about it, but it still doesn't change the fact that she is carrying your child, dude. Do you love her? "  Seungwan asks, I ponder at the question.

Do I love her? I think I do, but is it really love? I do remember last night, realizing that I love her. But, is it real? Or is it just what my mind is telling me to think? I stop thinking, and tell Seungwan everything and he listens attentively as I talk, and voice out my inner emotions. I don't open up to anyone except for Dr. Moon. But now I have to since I showed up like that here like that.

“You're in love with her. Honestly, in love with her.”

 "So, I'm in love with her?"

"Yes, of course, you are, stupid. You don't feel those things with anyone, if you aren't in love with them. Those feelings you feel for Irene, are the same feelings that I felt for Soojung.” Seungwan places a hand on my shoulder. “You most certainly love her. I know you're afraid, but I also know that you'll be an amazing father and a great husband.” Seungwan smiles softly. 

"Yea, I will try.”

I have to try, I must. I'm a coward, but they're my wife and baby. I have to be brave. Irene hates me, very much. But, I love her now. I'll do everything to make her believe that I can be an amazing father to our baby, and also a great partner to her. I'll ask for her hand in marriage. I'm in love with her, I finally realized that now. I want to see her, so bad. I'm aware that she doesn't want to see me when she said that night about not letting me near her and our baby. I won't let that happen. She's going to be my wife and we're going to have a child together. I can't let her do this alone, not when I'm ready to take responsibility for this.

I can't let her forbid me to come near her and our child. The child we made with love. This child will be loved by their parents and hundreds of other people. I’m currently parked outside of the cafe Irene works in. I can see her. Her surreal beauty that captivates me. God, I miss her. I just want to walk in there and tell her that I love her. I really do. Tell her how sorry I am for hurting her, for making her cry. I've never felt sorry before, but this woman made me feel that. I never wanted to apologize to anyone for my wrongdoing. But, this woman. I want to apologize to her until she forgives me. Even if I have to get down onto my knees just to make her forgive me, I will. I'll show her that this person who had wrong intentions, has changed.

All I have right now are nothing but good intentions, I'll change for her and our baby. I won’t hurt her and our baby. I swear I won't. I don't want to be the cause of her tears again. I sit inside my car, debating with myself, whether I should go in or not. Stop being a coward, she's carrying your baby. Go in there and talk to her. Yes, I must go in there and talk to her. Be brave. I think hard. But, in the end, I let the cowardness inside take over. Stupid, idiot. Coward. You love her, why don't you go in there and tell her that you love her and how sorry you are? Yes, why am I being a coward? I love her, don't I? I'm ready to love her. I'm ready to take care of her, and of course our baby. Our sweet, sweet baby. Daddy loves you already. We'll be a complete family soon, baby. Daddy promises. I put my thought aside and drive away.

I park my car right outside of Seungwan's workplace. I'm being very irresponsible right now, not going to work, and letting Yura take care of everything. But, I can't work when my mind is filled with these thoughts. I can't work when my mind is full of Irene and our baby. I'm being very unprofessional, not separating personal problems and work. I don't care right now; Irene and the baby are the only thing I care about. I walk into Seungwan's workplace, and the people there all greet me. I enter his office without knocking, and he seems to not know my presence. I clear my throat loudly on purpose to get his attention. He's started by my voice. 

"Dude, you could've knocked before coming in. How rude of you." Seungwan fakes an annoyed expression, making me chuckle.

"Yeah, sure Wan. "I plop down onto the couch. 

"What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have work?"

"I do, but I can't focus on anything. Irene and the baby are the only things on my mind right now. I want to go to her and tell her how sorry I am, and how much I love her. I want her to forgive me, but I don't know how to make her do that." "So, you're here for my help, am I right? " I nod. “You seem to be good at everything but apparently not this."

“I get it, I'm stupid at these things. So, will you help me?” Seungwan taps his chin. "Please help me. " I plead again. 

"Ok, fine, I'll help you. But, you owe me a meal."

"Yeah, sure." I beam.

So, Seungwan guides me on how to make a girl forgive me, and how to gain her trust again. I listen attentively and mentally note down. I'm serious about this, I'm going to get her back. I'm never going to let her go. I'll hold on to her tightly. I'm not letting her leave me, never again. The image of her walking away with eyes filled with tears and a broken heart hurts me. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have listened to my dark thoughts. I should've listened to the good thoughts and abandoned the whole plain. Stupid, stupid me.

Now, I'm in love with her and she doesn't want to see my face. But, I can't give up so easily. I'm determined to make her forgive me and love me again. She can hate me all she wants right now, but I'll make her love me later. The thought of the two of us together with our baby comes to mind. Us playing with our baby, laughing and smiling, I want that. I want that thought to come true. I'll love our baby more than anything. I'll never be like my father. I won't ever neglect our baby. I'll make our baby feel loved and even Irene. I love you, Irene and I'll do whatever it takes to make you forgive me. 

I park my car, then step out. I take a deep breath in and get out slowly. I haven't been here for years. I feel so nostalgic. This place has changed from how I last remembered it. I walk around, reminiscing those memories of the past. Memories of sadness are only here and none of the happy ones. I stop on my track and look in front of me.

“Hey, mom." I kneel down on one knee, then places the flowers on where she lies. "It's been a while, how are you up there? Is grandpa and grandma doing well up there with you?  I feel tears starting to build up.

"I wish I could make great memories with you, but I couldn't. " I tried to hold back the tears, but I gave up. "I wish you, grandpa, and grandma were still here. There's someone who I want to introduce. I'm sure you guys are going to love her like I do. But she hates me right now, I did horrible things to her. I should've stopped those things from happening, but I didn't. I was angry, I wanted her to feel the pain I felt." I feel stupid for all of those things I've done and I feel stupid for crying like this.

"There's not only one person I wanted you guys to meet but also someone who means a lot to me. It'll take a while for this person to appear, but it'll be worth it. I can't wait either when the time comes, I'll definitely bring them here. You guys will adore them. " I smile at t