Dear Diary,

Things have been crazy around here.

Since all the bands are trying to get ready for Christmas performances and variety shows, all I see are people running around like crazy, screaming into their phones.

This time of the year is always hard for the idols but also an exciting time too. 

For one thing, we have a company party. It is where all of the company's bands, managers, producers, and everyone else who works here goes to enjoy a nice time on Christmas Eve. I haven't been to one yet as I joined earlier this year so I am kind of excited.

Am I going with someone you ask? Uhh...no. 

My crush is taken, no way in hell am I going with IU or her possy, and my friend... let's just say that we haven't really spoken since that day at the park.

It's only been a few days but it has felt like a lifetime. I really just want to hang out with him and practice like we used to before. However, every time I go to the practice room after rehearsals, he isn't there.

He is probably avoiding me or trying to give me space until I answer his confession. Which .

I feel so alone now. Dancing is no longer fun as I feel so excluded from everything as I learned IU and the other dancers have rehearsals without me, and none of them bother to even address me when I am in the room.

I didn't really like them anyway but I mean, there is only so much a person can take right?

So... I am gonna try to make the most of it but it is really wearing me down. My friend was kind of the only thing keeping me together and now that I barely see him... it's like my world has lost color. 

Do I have feelings for him? I... don't know the answer to that yet. 

I was trying to think about why I was more relieved at finding out my crush was into guys and I still don't know why. All I know is that I can't stop thinking of ways to talk to my friend and try to see him again.

Is that what it means to like someone? Who knows at this point. 

Well, I gotta go. She-demon is calling me back. 

Write you later.

XOXO

Arya