Featuring: BaekHan

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The door to the bedroom opened with a slight creek. A small and thin figure walked inside closing the door behind him.

From the dim glow of the moonlight coming through the window, it seemed to settle his nerves just looking at the peacefully sleeping male.

In this particular moment, the sleeping male seemed to mirror the image of a baby. Simple minded and carefree, that was how he wished he was feeling at the moment.

He scoffed at the irony as he was reminded how much he anticipated growing up back when he was still a child. And now that it's finally happened, he wished a time machine truly did exist. Growing older meant more responsibilities, more pressure, stress and expectations. And truthfully, he didn't want any of that, he wasn't sure how much longer he was able to handle all of it.

His best friend seemed to have his life put together all figured out, while he on the other hand seemed to be hanging on the last thread; a fine line between barely holding on and completely breaking down. 

He quickly shook those thoughts out of mind as he felt his tears threatening to fall. He slipped underneath the duvet and curled in close to the back of the other male. Inhaling his sweet scent had a calming effect. It's been a while since he's felt so safe and secure. Gradually, his eyes began drooping.

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The next morning, he found himself in the warmth of someone's arms. It then dawned on him that he stormed out of his parents house and invited himself into his best friend's condo last night.

He lifted his head and looking up, he found a pair of friendly doe eyes staring back at him.

"Good morning Baek." He was greeted by Luhan's husky morning voice.

"Morning." Baekhyun gave a lazy reply.

Taken by surprise at the unenthusiastic response, Luhan was even more convinced that something was not right with Baekhyun. When he had awoken in the morning, he nearly had a heart attack when he felt arms wrapped around his body, but relaxed once he realized it was just Baek. This was not a usual occurrence so he was adamant that something must have happened.

"Are you hungry? How about I make you your favorite nutella pancakes?" He opted for acting as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, which Baekhyun was silently thanking him for as he nodded against Luhan's chest.

After finishing up with breakfast and the dishes, they settled themselves on the couch in the living room. Luhan and Baekhyun were cuddled against each other underneath a blanket with a random drama playing as the background noise. 

"Feeling any better?" Luhan asked casually.

Baekhyun replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "I guess a little." 

"Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?" 

"Have I been that obvious?" 

"Maybe not from an outsider's perspective, but considering the fact that I've practically known you since the day you were born, then yeah it is." He answered honestly. 

Baekhyun sighed. He would never be able to fool Luhan, not that he was trying to in the first place. "I'm just so tired, emotionally and physically. I'm not even sure of what my goal in life is anymore, the path in front of me seems to be all fogged up. My parents expect so much from me and it's suffocating because I don't know if that's necessarily what I want to be doing. And I just don't know who I am anymore!" He burst out in agitation. Sweat was breaking out on his forehead and his breathing seemed to be growing more shallow and rapid. 

Luhan was alarmed at first but quickly rubbed his back in an up and down motion to try and calm him down. "Baekhyun, look at me." He turned Baekhyun around so they were meeting eye to eye. "You have to calm down alright? Breathe in and out slowly." He demonstrated as Baekhyun followed his actions. 

A few minutes later, Baekhyun was back to breathing normally. "Now, if you're still up to it, we could talk individually about everything that's been going through your mind?" Luhan spoke in a gentle and inviting tone. 

"Remember how I told you that one course I failed recently? And how you told me I needed to tell my parents about it?" 

Luhan nodded and gestured for him to continue. 

"Well I finally did it, last night. I also added in that I wasn't sure if I wanted to become an engineer. You know I've never been sure since even the first day I received the acceptance letter in the mail. And when I said I might want to consider studying something else, we ended up arguing." 

Luhan could tell Baekhyun was trying to contain his tears. He took the latter's hand and gave it a squeeze to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. 

"They started comparing me to my brother again, how he's such a perfect son because he's so obedient and all I ever seem to do is rebel against them. I-it almost feels like they're telling me it's wrong to have my own opinions, thoughts and feelings. A-almost as if it doesn't matter what I want because they think they know what's best for me." His voice cracked multiple times but he still managed to control his tears from falling. 

"Oh Baek." Luhan felt his own tears dancing around the brim of his eyes as he listened and watched the younger. His heart absolutely ached seeing the latter in this state. And all he could manage to do was pull Baekhyun tighter into his embrace. If he attempted saying anything more he would for sure break down, and that's the last thing that should be happening. 

Once he felt his emotions had settled down, he began speaking. "First of all, I am so sorry I couldn't be with you through all this." 

Baekhyun replied with violent shaking of his head as if to say that it isn't his fault. 

"But Baekhyun, you are definitely not in the wrong for expressing your own opinion. It is your life after all, they don't have the right to control what you want to do or how you should be thinking. And it hurts me as much as it hurts you to hear that your parents have been comparing you to your brother again. It's not fair at all because you are you and not your brother. You're Byun Baekhyun, one of a kind and irreplaceable."

"But I-I don't even know who I am anymore. With every passing day I seem to lose a part of who I used to be. When I s-stare into the mirror, it's like I'm looking at a complete stranger. He doesn't know what he's doing or what his goal is in life." He sniffled as his nose was becoming congested. He avoided eye contact with Luhan, he knew his composure would falter with one glance at those glossy doe eyes. 

Luhan nodded in understanding. "When the time is right, I think it's something everyone has to go through at least once in their life. Remember how much of a mess I was when this exact same situation happened to me?" 

Baekhyun nodded upon reminiscing the events of that day. He didn't think he could ever forget it, it was the first time that he's seen Luhan so indecisive and at a complete loss for what to do in all the years that he's known the elder. 

"See, you're not the only one. Even to this day I still wonder if I made the right decision of becoming a psychologist. But you know what, it's okay that you don't know what you want to be doing because no one knows for sure what's going to happen in the future. And there are endless possibilities, if engineering isn't for you then you don't need to feel obliged to continue it just for the sake of your parents. I know they're not going to like hearing that but Baek they have to understand that it's not them living your life, it's you. And if you're not happy with what you're doing, what's the point?" 

Finally, the unshed tears cascaded down his cheeks. Luhan was right, it was his life after all. He was the one having to put up with himself and he definitely didn't want to live with any regrets. 

Luhan smiled in relief as he mirrored Baekhyun's response. He finally got Baekhyun to release his pent up emotions. On the outside he may look strong and uncaring of what others say and think about him. He's always smiling despite being upset, his true emotions are always hidden behind his mask. But Luhan knows that underneath that smile is a fragile and vulnerable heart that he doesn't allow just anybody to see. And Luhan is honored he is one of the few people that can witness this side of Baekhyun. 

"And Baek?" Baekhyun looked up as Luhan attended to the falling tears on his face. "I just want you to remember that whenever something is bothering you, don't ever hesitate to talk to me about it. I'll always be here for you if you need a listener or need a shoulder to cry on. You'll never be alone, we'll get through this together." 

Baekhyun latched himself onto the other male. "Thank you Luhan." His body was shaking out of control as he continued crying. He was so thankful that he had someone like Luhan in his life; so loving and understanding. He really couldn't have asked for a better best friend.

Luhan kissed the crown of his head, rocking Baekhyun back and forth in his hold. No other words needed to be exchanged as at the moment all they needed was to be in each other's company. 

Baekhyun isn't going to be okay today, maybe not even tomorrow; but he knows that eventually, he will be.