There was no telling how many times her heart flat lined in only a matter of minutes. In her attempt to look away, Gerald caught her gaze and held it for what seemed like forever. He didn’t have to exert any effort and it only took Gerald to look at her that way to get her heart racing again. Her heart was now beating fast and Kim was grateful that she didn’t have to use the microphone or say anything, afraid that her heartbeat would be heard by many.

And just like the old days, everyone in the studio screamed and swooned. It was quite obvious how the people, most especially their fans had missed seeing the two of them together. Happiness was evident in everyone’s face.

Kim was surprised and yes, her heart jumped when Gerald took her by the hand and slipped an arm around her tiny waist as he led her to the backstage. As if everyone planned for it, there was no one else in there and Kim didn’t know what to do.

“Hey…”Gerald said, giving her a smile that caused her knees to buckle. “I have something for you.” He handed her a present. “Happy Birthday!” He spoke as if nothing had changed between them, as if they’d never had that last talk. Maybe he thought that everything was just fine between them but deep inside her, Kim knew better and she was confused as to why Gerald came back. Still, she managed to keep her response light.

“You don’t have to…I mean, you shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to.” Gerald said.

“Oh…” Kim answered feeling awkward. She did not move nor did she take gift. She just looked down but Gerald moved closer and tilted her chin up so their eyes could meet.

“I missed you…” He said softly.

Kim ordered herself to say something. If she stayed quiet, she was bound to be discovered how much she had missed him too while he was gone.

“You don’t have to say that. We are no longer in front of the fans. Wala nang camera so you don’t have to act.” Kim looked around to make sure that the coast was clear.

“I know.”

“Alam mo naman pala eh..Bakit…”

“I’m not acting…” Gerald cut through her words that Kim stopped mid-sentence. “I really, really missed you, Kimberly Chiu.” Voicing out his feelings caused his heart to stop beating and palpitate in a span of a minute.

Gerald hardly ever used her full name. He was acting funny, too. Had her wishes from all these years finally coming true? Had her prayers already taken effect? Was Gerald finally realizing how long they’d been apart and that it was true that he really missed her?

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

His question startled her. What in the whole wide world was she going to say?

“Ha?” Kim fumbled.

“Sabi ko, I really, really missed you.” Gerald once again said still looking at her intently. “Ako ba, hindi mo na miss?”

Kim took a deep breath; she needed to for she was already hyperventilating. Who ever thought Gerald could be so sappy. She wanted to say out loud how much she had missed him and how happy she was to finally see him again but still; she could not afford to take the risk.

“Gerald, please.” Her voice was neutral. “I need to go.”

“You did not answer my question…” Gerald pressed on.

“I need to go.” Kim said as she left in a hurry. It was all she could do or else her feelings would have given her away.

Gerald leaned against the wall and smiled for a moment. He knew it the very moment he set her eyes on Kim; he was really in love with her. Not that he doubted it in the first place but that he was himself scared of taking the risk. For a long time, he had been trying to convince that it was not love… that they could only be the best of friends but when he was in the States, he realized that there was no way he can live without her. And earlier, when they sang together, while he was looking at her, it unleashed a lot of feelings in him, feelings that he had kept long hidden.

But then, he could see that Kim was still hurt, he could not blame her. That night when he left, he wanted to see her but didn’t want to say goodbye. Gerald rubbed his forehead, as if all the memories made his head ache.

“Gerald!”

He turned to see who was calling out for him and was very happy to see Ate Imee.

“Ate Imee!”

“It’s good to have you back!” Imee said as they hugged. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Ate kaya lang…” Gerald looked out of the door, hoping to see Kim but she was nowhere in sight.

“Kaya lang ano?”

“Yung alaga nyo yata, hindi ako na miss…” He spoke in sadness. “San po si Kim?”

Imee smiled teasingly.

“Kayo talaga! Siyempre na miss ka rin ni Kim.”

“You think so?”

“Oo naman! Why not, di ba?”

Gerald smiled a bit and then said, “She did not take this. Hindi niya tinanggap ang regalo ko para sa kanya..”

“Nagmamadali kasi talaga kami.” Imee explained. “Actually, nasa van na si Kim. May pictorial pa kasi siya so we really have to leave. Nagpaalam lang talaga ako sandali para makausap ka.”

“Thanks, Ate.” Gerald paused. “I need your help…”

“Sure! Anytime, basta ikaw.” Imee winked.

I really, really missed you.

Gerald’s words echoed in her head once again. She was sitting inside her van but her thoughts kept coming back to what just happened. Everything came as a surprise, something that she no longer expected. She appreciated his words but found it difficult to take them to heart. She shut her eyes but visions of Gerald smiling at her, looking at her and singing for her haunted her and she was afraid of the feelings that it had awakened in her. She thought she was almost over him but now, she did not know what to expect.

It was possible for Gerald to miss her but was it possible for him to love her too, right?

Kim changed her position and opened her eyes once again. Her mind just wouldn’t shut off and her heart was beating like crazy.

“Come on, Kim! It’s been five long years and you are almost over him.” She mentally told herself. “You’re almost there…”

Kim felt a sting in her eyes and she let the tears fall. Just when she thought she could make it through and wanted to get over Gerald, her heart hoped and felt otherwise.

Life was so unfair!

“We were instructed to give you these when you arrive.” One of the staff at the pictorial said when they arrived. He handed her a huge bouquet of deep-burgundy colored roses. “Happy Birthday, Miss Kim.”

Kim was breathless and speechless. For a minute, she suspected or rather hoped that they were from Gerald but she automatically scolded herself. Besides, he had already given her flowers and Gerald didn’t know where she would be going so it couldn’t be him.

“Wow!” Ate Imee said. “Nice flowers!”

“I wondered who they’re from.” Kim settled in one of the seats and she looked for the card.

“Kanino galing?” Her handler asked as Kim closed the card with a disappointed look in her face.

“It’s from Jason.” Kim answered.

“Are you, okay?”

“Ha? Oo naman…”

“You seem disappointed.”

“Of course not!” Kim defended herself. She took the roses and smelled them. “Ang ganda nga eh. This is so sweet of Jason.” Kim meant what she said. Jason was a good friend and they had worked together when she was just starting in the business and now, they are working on a project again.

“Happy Birthday!”

“Jason!”

Jason greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as he walked over to where she was. “Do you like the flowers?”

“Of course, they’re lovely. Thank you.”

Gerald felt his heart clenched at the sight of it. Unknown to Kim, he asked Ate Imee to let him know where they were going. He couldn’t stand another minute not being with Kim. He missed her that much.

It should have been him if only he was not that afraid to take the risk. Kim didn’t even thank him for the flowers and had not accepted the gift he had given her but now, there she was, smiling and looking so happy and it was because of somebody else.

Gerald sighed and hoped he was not too late. For now, he would have to content himself with watching Kim from afar while the pictorial went on. Jason was a good friend of him but something didn’t feel right with the way he held Kim’s hand, with the way he looked at her and most of all, Gerald didn’t like the way he felt when he saw him kissing Kim on the cheek even though it was just a friendly one. He felt a pang of jealousy in his heart nonetheless.

“Hi!” He said as he walked towards her when the pictorial ended.

“Gerald? What are you doing here?”

“Sabi ko naman sayo di’ba? I missed you.” He smiled but there was a ball of nervousness in his stomach. “I was wondering if..ahmm..if I can invite you for dinner?”

“Thanks but…” Kim shook her head. Her heart wanted to say yes but her mind thought otherwise.

“Kim…”

“Gerald!” Jason suddenly came out and saw both of the. They shook hands. “Kelan ka dumating? Kumusta ka na?”

“I’m good, ikaw? Actually, I just got here this morning.” Gerald answered.

“I’m fine! It’s good to see you again.” Jason said as he patted Gerald on the shoulders. “Teka, may date ba kayo?”

“Sana…kung papayag si Kim.”

“Anong date?” Kim exclaimed, hoping that her voice did not raise an octave higher. “May lakad pa kaya ako.” For a moment, it seemed like they were back to the way they were before.

“Di’ba sabi mo sa akin kanina, wala na?” Jason asked with furrowed eyebrows, “Kim ha…”

“I forgot…meron pa pala.”

“Talaga lang ha?” Jason smiled.

“Would you like to come with us, bro?” Gerald offered but Jason shook his head.

“Thanks Bro pero hindi na lang siguro. Ayoko namang maka istorbo sa date nyo.” He grinned.

“Jason naman eh!” Kim said as she felt the redness on her face. Once again, Gerald caught her that way. “Hindi pa kaya ako pumapayag at hindi talaga pwede kasi may lakad ako.” Kim was determined not to go for if she did, back to the gutter she would be.

“Well then, at least let me drive you home.” Gerald looked at her.

“Ehem!” Jason butted in. “Kinikilig na naman ako at parang alam ko na ngayon kung bakit.” He smiled teasingly. Turning to Gerald he added. “Sige Bro, basketball tayo one of these days, okay?”

“Sure Bro! Tawagan na lang.” Gerald answered.

Jason then turned to Kim. “I’ll go ahead na ha? Happy Birthday uli. Happy kilig birthday.”

“Let’s go?” Gerald offered an arm to Kim when Jason left.

“Anong let’s go?” Kim tried to walk away but Gerald followed her.

“Sa date natin…”

Kim stopped walking and then took a deep breath. What in the world Gerald had in mind, she did not know but she was sure that she could not afford to rely on false hopes anymore.

“Ge…” She started. “Please, tama na.”

“Kim…”

“I need to go.”

Gerald didn’t know what to say. It was obvious that Kim was trying her best to avoid him and he couldn’t help it, it was hurting him. If Kim needs time then he was determined to give her all the time that she needs. She deserves that after all and he would be more than willing to wait.

“Happy Birthday.” He managed to say.

“Sa Friday pa naman ang talagang birthday ko.” Kim did not expect herself to say those words out. Gerald was not asking but she told him.

“Hindi ko nakakalimutan yun.”

Kim felt so awkward and leaving was her only option.

“Salamat. Sige.”

The truth is they weren’t really going anywhere. She just had to make that up. On the way to her house, Kim was quiet and pretended to be asleep. She had no idea where all this was going to but part of her still wanted to hope that it was leading somewhere…

And if that’s what she needs to go through, even if she had to hope and hope… that’s what she’d do. Sure, she was afraid of getting hurt again but no matter how Gerald was acting and what had happened before, nothing could change the fact that she loves him still and that they were still friends. They’ve been the best of friends at one point in their lives.

All the emotional turmoil that Gerald’s unexpected arrival stirred in her was already getting into her nerves. She sought comfort in tears and for now, Kim believed, it was enough.

“Kim, hindi ka pa ba gutom? Kanina ka pa hindi kumakain.” Ate Tata, who was sitting beside Imee asked her on the way.

“Medyo, pero okay lang ako, Ate. Kayo?”

Imee and Tata looked at each other.

“Ako kanina pa.” Imee answered. “Is it okay if we drop by a restaurant or somewhere?”

Kim nodded. “Kayo na po ang bahala kung saan…”

Minutes later, they stopped by a restaurant. Kim had agreed to go there since it was not a crowded place and was a bit secluded. When they finally got out of the van, it was when she realized that it was one of the places that she used to frequent with Gerald some years ago.

“SURPRISE!”

Kim almost jumped when she walked into the restaurant’s familiar entrance. She was indeed surprised to see her Dad, her sisters, Lakam and Twinkle as well as her brothers, William and John Paul. What’s more, Gerald’s family was also present. Tita Vangie and Tito Randy stood beside each other with smiling faces and Ken was also there.

And right in the middle of everyone, was Gerald.

“What is this?” Kim laughed, wishing she didn’t have strains of mascara around her eyes and hoping the warmth she felt in her face didn’t mean it was bright red.

“A welcome party for Gerald” Twinkle answered.

“And an early birthday treat for you, Ate Kim.” Ken winked. Everyone except Gerald walked to where she had grown roots and each of them gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“No one told me you were coming…” Kim turned to her father.

“Gusto ka naming ma surprise.” Mr. Chiu answered.

Kim looked around at all the familiar faces.

“Thank you all for coming.” She said and her gaze rested on Gerald, who smiled broadly in return. She was more than surprised and yes, happy to see him there. Didn’t they leave him at the set earlier?

Why didn’t she have any clue about this?

“Let’s eat!” Mommy Vangie announced later. They all went to the dining table and Kim realized that the only vacant seat left for her was the one in front of Gerald’s. Now she wondered how she could eat with him around.

She was nervous but it soon faded away because of the warmth she felt. She was surrounded by the people she loved the most. She could not be any grateful to her family who had always been there for her and it was good to see Gerald’s family who had loved her all these years and treated her like their own kin.

Gerald was acting weird; Kim realized when they started eating. Alright, she was used to all that kind of care and attention from him but tonight was different. God help her, she couldn’t help but smile no matter how hard she tried to hold it back.

Kim didn’t know how she managed to chew her food when all the while, Gerald was not taking his eyes off her. Their families were oblivious to what was happening but Kim was well aware.

Kim was brought back to reality when her Ate Lakam started a conversation with Gerald.

“ So Ge, how was life in MIT? Grabe ha na-shock ako when I first learned about your enrollment to that school. I didn’t know you were that good with numbers!”

To which Gerald enthusiastically replied, “My five years at MIT taught me a lot. Numbers were just secondary. Wholistic kasi yung approach nila in terms of imparting engineering knowledge. I heard kasi here in the Philippines, more on theories ang inaaral, while in the US mas practical yung teaching techniques. Mas maraming time for application than theories.”

Everybody present was all ears to Gerald’s stories of his life in the US in the past five years. Kim’s long thirst for information regarding Gerald’s whereabouts and activities while they were apart was partially quenched by the conversation that was going around her. She too listened intently to his every word, in the process making mental notes of how the experience might have changed Gerald since the last time she saw him.

“So Kuya, are there lots of hot girls there?” John Paul, obviously at an age where his testosterone dictates the direction of his thoughts, asked off handedly.

“Hmmm… hot girls? Meron naman.” Was Gerald’s short reply.

“May naging girlfriend ka?” It was William’s turn to ask the supporting question to John Paul’s query.

At that time, Kim was secretly fidgeting with the table napkin on her lap.

Ken answered for Gerald, “Wala! Wala nga atang niligawan yan e!”
Everyone present laughed at Ken’s answer except for Kim who, for some reason, let out a sigh of relief at Ken’s statement.

Twinkle, not wanting to change the topic asked, “Bakit naman ganun Ge? You’ve been loveless for five long years?! I don’t believe this. Akala ko si Kim lang ang nag-pledge na magpapaka-loveless for the rest of her life.”

Gerald, who initially felt that he was being cornered by everyone, lightly answered “Hindi naman sa ganon Ate Twinkle. Let’s just say that I wasn’t loveless in those 5 years. Do you think makaka-graduate ako from MIT kung wala akong inspiration?”

“Sino yun Kuya? Why is it that I didn’t know about her?!” Ken was taken aback with his older brother’s revelation.

Then Gerald shifted his gaze to Kim’s direction for a couple of seconds.

Both the Anderson and Chiu families understood what Gerald was conveying with that simple act.

Well probably, except Kim who appeared to be disinterested with the issue and at the time was still busy studying every square inch of the plain, white table napkin on her lap.

When Gerald turned to face Ken, he jokingly quipped, “Secret ko yun no! Di pa nga n’ya alam na love ko sya tapos malalaman mo na! Ano ka swerte?”

The group laughed heartily.

Kim faked a laugh and tried to project indifference regarding the topic at hand but deep inside, her heart was already rebelling…

Aray! So may inspirasyon ka pala dun? E bakit ka pa bumalik-balik dito?! Pakanta-kanta ka pa dyan kanina. Hmpf! Sa lagay di pa pala alam nung girl. Ano yan case of unrequited love din? Buti nga sa’yo Ge, nakarma ka rin…

“That was great!” Ken said after dinner.

“It was really good to see you all again.” Daddy Randy was talking to Kim’s father and Gerald while Twinkle and Lakam stayed by Kim’s side.

“Tita…” Kim said as she walked toward Gerald’s mother. “Thank you po.”

“Actually, this was RJ’s idea. Plano niya talaga lahat ito, I just helped him out with the arrangements since he just flew in this morning, but you’re welcome Kimmy.”

Kim’s heart leaped with what she heard. Gerald did this for her? She turned to look at him and smiled her thanks. Gerald seemed to understand and smiled back.

“Ma’am, may problema po tayo.” Kuya Fredo said as soon as they walked out of the restaurant on their way to the parking area.

“Ano po yun?” Lakam asked.

“Ayaw po mag start ng van. Baka matagalan pa po bago ko maayos.”

“Ha?” Kim worriedly sighed. “O sige po, sasabay na lang ako kina Daddy.”

“Ate Kim, kotse lang ang dala naming at hindi na tayo kaysa.” John Paul said.

“Then we’ll take a taxi.”

“Mauna ka nang umuwi, samahan na muna namin ni Ate Tata si Kuya Fredo. Mag-isa lang siya dito eh.” Imee said right away.

“Naku, I can’t let you ride with a taxi, Kim.” Mommy Vangie said. “RJ, ihahatid mo si Kim, okay?”

“Oh no, Tita, wag na po, makakaabala pa ako.”

“Of course not! Basta, I insist, RJ is taking you home.”

The only sound was the hum of the engine as Kim and Gerald traveled in silence. Gerald kept on taking deep breaths while Kim remained still. She noticed that Gerald was shifting his head from one side to the other.

She closed her eyes, bit her lower lip and asked. “Tired?”

Gerald was happy to hear a word from her. “A little bit.” He answered with a smile. “But I’m okay.”

“Sabi mo kanina ka lang dumating, totoo ba yun?”

Gerald nodded as he continued driving. “Just this morning then I went straight to the studio.”

“Ah…”

Gerald wanted time to stand still but they seem to pick up speed. The minutes ticked by with him wanting to say a lot of things but just couldn’t seem to start.

On the other hand, Kim mentally sifted through the things she wanted to ask and tell Gerald. She had imagined seeing him back a thousand times in her dreams. She dreamed that Gerald would surprise her with sweet nothings but half of those dreams were tense, awkward moments where they won’t even talk and nothing would happen.

Before she knew it, they were already at her house.

Gerald got out of the drivers seat and opened the car door for her.

“Thank you.” She said softly. When she came out, they were only a few inches apart. Her heart beat double time. “Thank you for…tonight.”

“You’re welcome.” Gerald answered as he walked her to the door. “Ah Kim, there’s something I want you to know…”

Kim wanted to pinch herself at that moment.

“Sige, Ge, goodnight.” She said instead and opened the door. She got in. Part of her wanted to know what Gerald was trying to tell her but then, part of her was not ready yet.

Gerald walked back to the car with a disappointed and sad sigh.

“Gerald…”

He looked back and saw Kim smiling at him. She came out of the door and Gerald suddenly felt the warmth in his heart even when the evening was cold.

“Drive safely, okay?” Kim said softly.

It was music to his ears.

“I will, thanks.”

“And take care…” Kim added.

Gerald wanted to do cartwheels that very moment. There was after all, a light at the end of the tunnel.