9 years prior..

 Breathe. Just breathe. 

Those first steps into the cafeteria every day felt like had bricks glued to my feet. Fear, dread. That was all I could feel in those moments. Sitting down heavily next to my friends felt like a forced task. They would always ask about my lunch. 

 "Did your eomma pack you a lunch today?"

 "No, I ate a big breakfast, I'm not hungry." 

Often times enough, that answer would suffice. They would continue to talk about the newest smoking hot models they saw on TV or complaining loudly about their large sum of homework that they allowed to pile up. Sometimes, I felt like they almost knew what was going on with me. For instance, they would offer me a few pepero sticks or a mouthful of noodles. Each swallow felt like torture. It was as if I was swallowing a spoonful of lead. I had the hold myself back from dashing to the bathroom and heaving up the little I had in my stomach. Every single day was just like the last. A seemingly never ending paradox. Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V. Wake up, skip breakfast, go to class, skip lunch, sleep in class, go home, force a bit of dinner down my throat, stay up all night crying, trying desperately to keep the small amount of food I needed to stay alive in my stomach. In the beginning, I would treasure the meals I ate, stuffing my face like a wild animal. It is not the same now, to say the least. Sometimes, I forget to eat the few spoons of rice needed so I wouldn't be crying from hunger all night. Sometimes, I would forget to even feel the pain altogether. I would go to the abandoned piano room and play until my fingers got sore and even after that. I didn't think that I even needed food anymore. The twinkling notes from the treble clef became my food, and the deep calming notes of the base clef became my water.

 Slowly, but surely, I began to scale down, becoming smaller and smaller. My hoodies only got bigger and bigger. Yeah, I was aware of how I looked. I knew my body was a mess, that I was slowly wasting away. That I was wasting a perfect opportunity to live a full happy life. Well, happy at least in my parents' eyes. No, I am sure I didn't have an eating disorder. I didn't hate my body. In fact, I loved how I looked, even if I was just average. I starved myself to spite my parents. I starved myself to be smaller and less noticeable. But the biggest reason I starved myself was to try and not feel anymore. I read an article once when an anorexic girl said, 

 "After starving for so long, I forgot how to feel. I felt empty, but not just in my stomach. In my mind. In my heart."

I thought, maybe if I waste away enough, I wouldn't feel my pain anymore. But I was wrong. What I thought would numb my pain only intensified it. One day, I felt so fed up and tired. I just wanted to be away from everyone. So I sat away from my friends for a change, at the nearly empty table where the dance students normally sit. I sat there, staring at the empty place where my lunch should have been. I heard a shuffling, and I looked up to see a bright smiling face. Pitch black hair, effortlessly pushed out of his face. I could see a visible bandage on his neck. He stuck out his hand toward me.

 "Hi, I'm-"

 "I know who you are. You are Park Jimin, the school's sweetheart slash bad boy. Now tell me, why would you talk to me? Looking for a new target?" I said, glaring at him.

 "No, you've got it wrong. In all honesty, I don't want to be like that. I never wanted that. I want to be able to start over. Can you at least give me a chance?" He said, his eyes pleading and desperate. I stared at him. 

 "Fine, after school, go to the skate park," I said, getting up and walking away.

I actually didn't sleep during afternoon classes that day, and for some reason, I excitedly ran to the park. When I got there, I saw Jimin stretching on the empty blacktop where the roller skaters normally hang out. For a bit, I was just awkwardly watching him dance.

 "I didn't know you could dance," I said.

 "I started a few weeks ago." He replied.

 "You're already better than I'll ever be." He turned around and smirked at me.

 "You know, for an upperclassman, you are small."

 "Yah! I'm still your hyung you brat." I said, annoyance in my voice. He stopped for a little while, and we just talked about classes, but eventually, it drifted to him.

 "You missed school for a week a few months back," I said.

 "Yeah, I got into an accident." He said, his voice solemn. I bit my lip, wondering if I should ask him or not. "The kid who killed himself. I tried to run toward the building to stop him, but he jumped and landed on top of a car. A piece of glass went into my neck." I was rendered speechless. "You know, I could have prevented it way before. I coulda told those girls to knock it off. I could have not have given them the tip in the first place. But I thought I had to hold up my stupid image. I couldn't even give that poor bastard a hug and tell him that everything was going to be alright and that I wasn't going to let him go. But I didn't. And I'm still here. Like a ing coward." By this point, Jimin had large tears in his eyes, his hands balled up into fists on his knees. I reached over and put my hand on top on his.

 "If you were such a coward, you wouldn't have tried to start anew." He looked at me, and I quickly pulled my hand away. "Besides, why even talk to me? There are plenty of girls for you to talk to. Why me, the weird, skinny kid?" Jimin shrugged. 

 "You had the same look in your eyes as me. You want to die too, don't you?" I said nothing. "You know, it's better to go through something with someone who understands. Besides, I like you best." I glanced back at him and looked away, a slight smile on my face.

A few months later..

 "Hyung, have you ever kissed a boy?" I quickly spat out my water and looked over at Jimin.

 "WH- I mean..why?" I asked narrowing my eyes. Jim shrugged.

 "I mean, I was wondering. You were staring at that group of skater boys earlier."

 "I look at everyone," I said, wiping the back of my mouth.

 " So..you go both ways?" He asked curiously. I looked at him.

 "What? Do you want a kiss?" I said jokingly. Jimin nodded, puckering up his lips and leaning in. I pushed his face back. "Aish! Do you wanna die?" 

 "Come on, one kiss. I'm not that repulsive, right? It won't mean anything, I just wanna try." He said, pouting. I stared at him. How am I supposed to tell him that I am ruined, that I can't kiss or be like that with anyone?

 "Fine. But not here." I stood up and grabbed his wrist. I pulled him along into an alleyway and pushed him against the wall. Before he could react, I pushed my lips against his. I could feel the difference. Mine lips were cold, his were warm and soft. I pulled away, and he looked shocked. 

 "Hyung..you're cold. Why are your lips cold?" He asked. I shrugged.

 "I was ruined. I can never be the same again. You got your kiss. I have to go home now." I said, turning around and walking away.

 "Wait, hyung! Yoongi!"

A/N: Slight Yoonmin, but not really. How is poor Yoongi ruined? Take your guesses in the comments! The update is coming next week! Kisses!