Gathering the courage to properly apologise to Mark takes Jackson three whole days. During those days he finds many excuses not to approach the older, although he makes sure not to ignore him. Still, it’s so damn awkward Jackson feels he can choke on the feeling. He can’t look at Mark without recalling the kiss or without his mind becoming a victim of a tornado of feelings.

When no one is paying attention, Jackson’s eyes follow Mark, as if seeing him for the first time. The quiet grace with which the older moves, especially when he dances. Jackson is particularly mesmerised when Mark does a flip, flying for a second and looking ethereal. Every time Jackson gets lost staring at Mark he has to scold himself, reminding himself that he does not have a crush and staring is for people with feelings. He’s a mess, but he does not have romantic feelings for the older, just regret and confusion.

Mark acts as if nothing happened. He does not follow or even talks to Jackson unless necessary, and when he does it is no different from before. Anyone watching wouldn’t be able to tell about what happened in their room and Jackson feels offended, not because Mark is acting as if nothing happened but because he can’t do the same. 

Or that he tells himself.

Jackson has noticed, however, how Jinyoung is always near Mark, being overly touchy and always claiming the spot next to the older. They have always been close, but either Jackson is more aware of their closeness or something actually happened that has Jinyoung worried and all over Mark. Perhaps it’s both.

Actually, Jinyoung is another reason why Jackson hasn’t been able to properly talk to Mark, as the younger singer is always around and once they are done with whatever schedule, he always takes Mark away. Not that Jackson has tried to stop him but still, it’s Jinyoung who has kept Mark away.

Yes, Jackson is aware that is a lame excuse.

This time Jinyoung is busy, Jaebum demanding his time and attention so Mark is busy himself playing on his mobile phone and no one else is paying attention to him. Youngjae is following and goofing around with BamBam and Yugyeom, which leaves Mark completely available for a talk.

Jackson still stalls for other ten minutes before finally taking a deep breath and approaching the older.

“Mark, do you have a minute?” Jackson asks, hoping his cheeks are not blushed because he feel quite flustered.

Mark looks up, surprised that it’s Jackson approaching and that he is using a civil tone, already used to the sharp and venomous tongue the younger has always used.

“Oh?”

“Please? In private? I promise it won’t be more than ten minutes,” Jackson insists. If he already approached Mark he better make sure to be done with it now. He can’t do this twice.

Mark eyes him suspiciously for another couple of heartbeats before he shrugs, shoving the phone inside his pocket and raising to his feet to stand in front of Jackson. This is the closest they’ve been since that event three days prior and Jackson’s heart is racing, nervous. But he schools himself to stay calm and nods his head before leading the way to another room, away from the other members who don’t really notice the two idols leaving.

Mark is silent as he follows Jackson a few steps behind and that makes the younger more nervous because he can feel the older’s eyes on his back and it makes him hyperaware. It’s most uncomfortable, but Jackson doesn’t snap and continues walking, up stairs until they reach the rooftop. It should be good enough and without anyone to interrupt them. Once there, Jackson turns around to face Mark who stands still, waiting. His expression is blank but patient, and if he is curious, he doesn’t show it. Jackson, on the other hand, feels so anxious and like he’ll get sick any minute now.

After a deep breath and trying to organise his thoughts once again, Jackson utters the first word. Over the days he’s rehearsed the words, saying them out loud and even consulting Jaebum to make sure they are good enough to apologise to their hyung. Jaebum said it was enough though Jackson could do better. Well, enough would have to work.

“I’m sorry,” Jackson finally says, the words leaving him make him weak, but at the same time it’s like something unclogged inside of him and now everything is pouring out. 

Mark shows the first reaction, raising one eyebrow but not uttering a word.

“I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been acting all this time. For insulting you and bullying you. For giving you a hard time. For ignoring you. Basically, I’m sorry for hurting you when you didn’t deserve