Days go by and things don’t improve with Mark. Things don’t get worse either, because Mark is too busy with the rest of the boys with promotions, and when Mark visits, it’s always with another of the boys so they can’t really talk about it.

In Jackson’s head, they haven’t broken up. Mark didn’t directly said they were over, it was a threat, he doesn’t need to stick to it. Jackson is repenting, he swears on his life and his parent’s lives that he will never do the same. He understands the pain and worry he caused everyone, but his stupidity can’t cause him to lose his boyfriend.

Because he cannot lose Mark, he does everything the doctor tells him, he makes sure to not forget any of the indications to lead a healthy life, always keeping in mind to be extra careful unless we wants to end up in the hospital again for stupid.

Jackson isn’t being soft with himself.

Everyone is worried and soft with him, wishing him to get well soon and take time. No one aside from Mark is yelling at him for being a giant idiot and get himself in this situation. But then again, no one has begged him as much to be careful as Mark, so he has all the right to get angry, in Jackson’s opinion.

When he’s cleared up and told to go home, Joon hyung is by his side, (obviously, the man has barely left him alone which makes Jackson write a mental note to get him something really nice for him in gratitude for his loyalty and concern) and, thankfully, Mark and Jaebum.

“The doctor said I’m a good patient and that I’ll recover quickly if I keep going like this,” Jackson immediately tells Mark when he sees him in his room and, honestly, it’s like his soul is back in his body when he sees the relieved smile on the older’s face.

Leaving his rucksack (the one Joon hyung made for him and borough the day after he got hospitalised) on his bed and steps forward, towards Mark. Without asking, he just wraps his arms around the older’s slim frame, hating to feel how the other tenses for a heartbeat before returning the hug.

“That’s good,” Mark replies, patting Jackson’s back comfortingly. “Now let’s go home. I hate hospitals.”

Jackson knows it’s not like Mark hates hospitals, he just hates that people he cares about have to come to the hospital.

He nods and steps back, ready to go get his rucksack but Jaebum stops him before he can even approach the bed.

“It’s okay, let your hyung help you out,” the leader offers and Jackson’s smile gratefully.

He’d like to use his free hands to hold Mark’s, but they are in a public place and cannot be seen. Furthermore, Jackson knows they are still on shaky ground. But once they are home they can talk about it more thoroughly. For now, Jackson holds back, satisfied with just walking by Mark’s side and sitting next to him in the van. At first Jaebum asks him if he’s hurting and what will happen with the ulcer he developed, the treatment and all the like. Jackson replies obediently, always making sure to reassure the people around that it won’t be a big problem in his life and that he’ll be careful from now on. Once the leader is satisfied knowing what they need to avoid and how to help, silence befalls them and Jackson feels a bit suffocated, always stealing glances at Mark, but containing himself so he won’t start a private conversation when there are people around.

When they make it back to the dorm, all the others welcome him warmly and express how much they’ve missed him, treating him carefully as if he were to break.

“I’m all right, guys. Seriously! Stop fussing about it,” he ends up snapping, feeling even more suffocated with everyone acting like overbearing mothers. “The doctor said I need more rest but I’m not invalid or anything like that.”

“You can’t join us yet?” BamBam asks although his eyes look like he knows the answer already.

“Not yet. I’m fine but I’m still very weak, treating the malnourishment and anaemia,” Jacksons answers, looking down and feeling angry with himself for ending up weak. “And I have to be careful about what I eat for even longer, until I’m fully healed. I can’t do demanding activities for the moment if I want to fully recover.”

“That’s what matters the most,” Yugyeom pipes up. “That you’re getting better, hyung. We got your back so just focus on recovering, then