Resolution

I regret my decision to leave him that night. I should hold him, hug him. I couldn’t think right, I blame my Premenstrual Syndrome that made my mood swings a lot. I was really sad, I cried for days. But I thought Yonghwa Oppa already made up his mind, he didn’t contact me for days. I tried to ask Jungshin but he said that CNBLUE didn’t have any schedule and the last time he met Yonghwa was the day after our break up and he looked like a mess. I asked Jungshin for help, and finally I knew that Oppa was just at home. I mustered up my courage and called him. I didn’t have much anticipation that he would take my call. After five rings, I wanted to end the call since I didn’t think Oppa would pick it up. But,

“Yeoboseyo,” He answered.

“Oppa, you picked it up.” I don’t know why it was my first sentence. Pabo Hyun.

“Em.”

“How are you?” I tried to ask.

“Nothing different.” Do you want me to just end this call? I thought.

“Sorry Oppa, I just left that night. I am... I am... a bit emotional and tired.”

“Em.”

“So, you were really serious?”

“I have said.”

“So, we broke up now?” I asked for the last time.

“Mianhae,”

“You wouldn’t regret this?” I still hung my hope high.

“Even if I will regret this later, my decision for now is already made.” He sounded so persistent.

“Arrasseoyo. After thinking for days, I tried to think from your perspective, and I can understand you, although not 100 percent. Ne, gomawoyo Oppa. I am glad that I fell in love with you.”

“Hyun...” His voice changed. He trembled, I knew.

“Oppa, we are still friends, right? You said last time.” I tried to sound cheery.

No answer.

“Oppa?”

“Eo, Hyun. We are friends. We were friends before a couple, after all.” Oh Damn. Who would be so dumb to be friend with their ex? Won’t it just hurt you more? Bu I am a love fool, being friends is better than can’t meet him. I still really love him, after all.

After a minute of silent, he said.

“You have to be happy, Hyun.” How can I be happy when you are not with me?

“Of course, I have to.” Even right now I don’t have the courage to find happiness without him. I am still not ready yet.

“You shall date someone who can shower you with love.” And now you are concerning about it? Ah, I want to say ‘Are there someone can love me like you do?’

“Will there be someone like it?”

“Date someone who love himself, because loving himself will make him understand more on how to love someone else than someone who can’t love himself like me.” It is not about that, Oppa.

“Ne, ne. I got it, Oppa. Oppa too, find your happiness and comeback to us, to your family and friends, and perhaps to me.” Why did I say ‘me’?

“Hyun, don’t wait for me.” Can I?

“Who knows, Oppa. I don’t say I will wait for you, though. Who knows when you feel all better I am still here, and you do?” I tried to sound nonchalant.

“Keureu,”

Silent again.

“Ne Oppa. Another call is coming. It is manager eonni. Talk to you another time.” I lied. My tears were going to slide so I should make an excuse. I didn’t want him to know that I am crying.

“Eo, take care of yourself, Hyun.”

“Ne, you too, Oppa.”

“Eo...”

“I’ll hung up.” And finally my tear rolled.

“Eo...”

Click.

I sobbed hard and finally the tiredness from crying drifted me to sleep.

People said that first love will have a special part of every girl’s heart, forever. And girls tend to wish their first become their last. But, is every girl who broke up with her first love feel the same as me, who still love him until years after? It is 2018 but I still love him. I don’t care. Now, I am fine with it, because it is a first love.