I made him wait for me

I am waiting him

He confessed to me, with the letter he gave me in the last night of we got married filming. ‘I love you’, he wrote. I just smiled, of course because we were filming, and I didn’t want anyone to know about this. But deep inside, my heart was beating fast and my mind was working hard, thinking how to deal with this kind of situation.

I did like him, but I was not sure if I love him. Being the innocent and reserved Seo Joohyun back then, I rejected him, not in cruel way, of course. Was that a rejection? Or not? I was not sure. But I did this to him:

After the camera went off, I rushed to the staffs to say thanks, he did the same, and he thanked me, I thanked him. His eyes gave me hints, I got them, but I pretended not to know. When the staffs were busy wrapping, he whispered ‘I will call you’. And again, I just smiled. He really called me the next morning, since we just went home in the dawn, but never asked my reply for his letter, until a month after that, we met at broadcasting station. I’ve made up my mind, I will answer his letter although he never ask me. I really couldn’t date him, at least not this time. I went to CNBLUE’s waiting room and asked my ex-brother in law to leave me and him alone. I said to him. I reasoned that it wouldn’t benefit CNBLUE and SNSD. Yes, I brought SNSD and CNBLUE as my reason, and I didn’t said that I do like him. He said he understand me, he said that he just wanted to express his feeling, and didn’t expect me to return that feeling back. But he made me promise to not ask him to throw his feeling away, he said he would handle it himself, and of course I promised him. He also said, he would wait for me but asked me to not really mind it if I can’t promise him, and once again, I agreed. At that time I didn’t believe that he can wait for me, since he was quiet a playboy before his debut, yes, he once told me when we were still filming.

Watching his romance drama with his best friend made me realized that my feeling for him is more than ‘like’ and it hurts me a bit seeing their interaction. ‘Is he in love with her?’,’Are they more than friends?’ I asked in mind. But what could I do?

A year has passed since then, our relationship is merely just a friend, I friendzoned him. But he still is the same Jung Yonghwa, and he still loved me. Yes, he said he still loved me. It was a spring night in 2012, he came to SNSD dorm and made a ruckus, he made my eonnis scream just merely because his visit. But my eonnis really know what we, Oppa and I, need the most right then, they left the dorm to catch some fresh air. And that time he confessed to me for the second time. I was not a scaredy  Seo Joohyun anymore. I answered his confession boldly ‘Thanks for your feeling for me Oppa. I do like you. No, I think I already love you. But I still can’t date you. If you want to wait me a little bit longer, then I will be really grateful’ And just like that, another time passed with us being in a ‘some’relationship.