JUST BEFORE WOLF ERA

At first he’d thought he’d imagined it. Jongin had grown so accustomed to Kyungsoo freely laughing at his jokes and responding to his verbal provocations with a light-hearted retort and disapproving glare that quickly broke into eye smiles and sheepish grins. The first time one of his quips fell flat (to be fair, his imitation of Baekhyun’s dialect was pretty crummy that time), Jongin just figured Kyungsoo was distracted. But then he noticed the shorter man chose seats further away from him in the van, or passed on the chair he'd saved next to him in favor of sitting with Junmyeon. Jongin tried not to read too much into it but couldn’t help feeling pouty. Sehun still humored him and played around when the tan dancer was feeling goofy, but it wasn’t the same. He hadn’t realized how much those heart-shaped smiles directed at him brought sunshine into his life until they were suddenly rare and fleeting. Jongin noticed himself being more over the top and almost becoming Chanyeol-level obnoxious in volume sometimes when Kyungsoo was in the room. ‘When did I get so desperate for his attention?’

The gravity of the situation doesn’t really hit him until they start to gear up for a new album. When they find out they’ll be promoting as a 12 member group this next round, the managers warn them they’ll be combining roommates to make space for the EXO-M members in the dorm. Jongin figures that since they already had 3 (himself, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol), they’ll get to keep their room just as is, so he is shocked when manager Jaehyuk tells him he’ll be moving into a room with Junmyeon and Jongdae.

“Why, hyung?”

“Well, I was struggling to figure out new room arrangements, and Kyungsoo requested to move rooms, so I thought that –“

“Wait, what. Kyungsoo said he didn’t want to room with me anymore?”

“No, he didn’t say that; for all I know, he’s sick of Chanyeol’s incessant chatter and that’s what spurred his decision. Or maybe he just wants to get to know the others better – he’s always seemed pretty close to you two, and I thought it made sense to shake things up a bit. No big deal, right?”

“…Right.” Jongin swallows thickly. ‘Why wouldn’t he talk with me about this first? I know Yeollie and I are pretty messy sometimes, but I didn’t think it was so bad he’d want to move rooms.’ Jongin feels his breath catching and needs to get out of there fast. He excuses himself to the bathroom to get a moment of privacy.

He turns on the shower, hoping the steam will help clear his lungs. Everything feels constricted, like a vise is tightening around his windpipe. ‘I don’t have asthma, what the hell is this.’ He doesn’t understand why he’s having such a visceral physical reaction to this news. He climbs in past the shower curtain and tries to relax as the shower spray pummels the back of his head and neck, water trickling down his body.

He tries to pin down the proper name for what he is feeling. Is he angry? Sort of, but that feeling is like a tiny flame compared to the bonfire of emotion that’s engulfing him. Disappointed? Yes, that was closer to the turmoil inside, but the word was much too feeble to describe it. ‘… heartbroken,’ a voice in the back of his mind whispers. Somewhere along the way, he’d grown dependent on those beautiful brown orbs looking at him so fondly, full of joy and trust and confidence in him. Kyungsoo’s tender looks and mirthful laugh gave him life… and he’d taken it for granted. The weight of this realization falls heavily on Jongin’s shoulders, making the shower stream feel like Niagara Falls thundering against him and causing him to sink to his knees. Alone there on the tub floor, the tears dripping down his face mix with the water and swirl down the drain. For the moment, he forgets everything else, all the practical implications of this realization, and just allows himself to sob and feel the deep pain associated with this loss, knowing he won’t have much time. Sure enough, one minute later, Jongdae is knocking on the door and complaining of “needing to piss like a race horse!”

“Almost done,” Jongin calls out as he gathers himself up, takes a deep sigh, and turns off the shower. He tries to choke down the tears that are still flowing as he towels himself off. ‘Just focus on work for now. You can think about it later.’

He opens the bathroom door and is greeted with a friendly, Cheshire-cat grin. “Hi, roomie,” Jongdae says, bouncing past him into the bathroom and straight to the toilet, not bothering to wait for Jongin to get all the way out before ping his pants. Jongin, worried the other might question his red eyes, forces himself to chuckle and move quickly out of the room, averting his eyes but trying to adopt a care-free demeanor. “Hey, Jongdae. I know I’m hot, but try to keep little Chen in your pants when I’m around.”

“YAH, Kim Jongin! I had to pee and you made me wait til you were out of the shower inst