Ch 19 – High Pressure System In Early Evening

(Immediately following Ch 18)

Paranoia. Jongin is up all night wondering if anyone had seen them, how much they saw, who they might tell. After all his big talk about wanting Kyungsoo to be more open about them being in a relationship, here he is faced with the reality of others knowing, REALLY knowing, and he realizes… he’s not ready. He’s not ready for questions about his uality. For what might actually happen to his friendships, his family… his FAMILY. He hadn’t considered what his parents and sisters might say or how society might treat them if everyone finds out he’s biual. Or panual. Or whatever the hell he is; he’s really not sure since Kyungsoo’s the only guy he’s ever been attracted to.

Gosh, why was he so pushy before?? For some reason, Krystal’s words ring in his ears: “Nini, you’re so impulsive.”  Damn straight he is. If only there was some way he could have talked to her about this, she’d probably have helped him anticipate these sudden questions he was just now considering. ‘She practically knows you better than you know yourself,’ he muses. He was just so desperate for reassurance that Kyungsoo was really serious about him, that it wasn’t just a one-sided love, that he totally lost sight of his own cluelessness about his own identity. He feels so childish now.

He’s also not sure what comes next with him and Kyungsoo. The way their bodies came together… there was so much tenderness, so much care… but were they making up or saying goodbye? And did he leave the door unlocked on accident because he was so upset when he entered, or because he had no idea what they’d end up doing, or was it supposed to be some gesture to show he didn’t care if they got caught – did he WANT them to get caught? Jongin’s so confused.

The sun is rising before he ever actually falls asleep. Chanyeol’s alarm goes off, and the boy slaps the clock to make it stop beeping before shuffling out of bed toward the door. He notices Jongin is awake and gives him a wave of acknowledgment as he yawns. Jongin manages a small head nod in greeting, and they both instinctively look over at Kyungsoo to see if everyone in the room’s awake.

The singer is passed out on his bed, hair disheveled but his positioning otherwise looks completely serene, as though he fell into a deep slumber the moment his head hit the pillow. His lush lips are still pink and swollen from all of the good use they were put to hours before (Jongin shivers at the memory while reprimanding himself to keep it together), and he wears a faint smile as he dreams.

The giant’s low chuckling snaps Jongin back to the present. “Someone’s having himself a good night’s sleep,” he whispers amusedly. “You on the other hand… you look like , Jongin. Are you okay?”

The dancer blinks hard, the dryness of his eyes suggesting how bloodshot they probably look from having been open much of the night. “Just, didn’t sleep well,” he murmurs in explanation.

“Ah, well, might as well rise and shine since you’re up. Want the shower first?” Chanyeol offers.

“Sure…”

As Jongin soaks under the stream of warm water, he checks himself for any visible signs of last night’s activities. It’s a habit, even though Kyungsoo has always been so careful with him that he hasn’t ever had to make excuses to their make-up artists. (Something the older boy unfortunately can’t say given Jongin’s occasionally more… reckless approach.) But then he notices it: a slightly purpled spot, about the size of a half-dollar, just to the inside of his left hip bone. It’s low enough that his pants ought to cover most of it, but the top part of the hickey is still going to be visible right above the waistline. He figures he can just say he ran into the corner of a table to explain the mark when he realizes… there’s a faint line of teeth marks around the upper and lower edges. Before the panic can completely set in, Yixing’s banging on the door and coming in to brush his teeth. He pays no attention to Jongin in the shower, too busy singing to himself in Mandarin.

Jongin curses his bad luck of only bringing a towel with him into the bathroom and not his outfit for the day. He turns off the water and dries off while trying to think of a way to wrap the towel where it’ll hide the hickey. It’s too short to wear it under his arms or like a toga without… things dangling below the bottom edge. The best he can do is a high-waisted wrap which, while awkward, at least covers the purple bruise and the parts of his body he’d rather not show everyone. As he steps out of the shower, Yixing jerks his head up in surprise, gives him a quick once over with his half-opened eyes, and says flatly, “You look ridiculous.”

“What. What’s so weird about holding a towel like this? My, my belly button is cold,” Jongin tries to reason, blushing.

Yixing gives him a slack-jawed look that indicates surprise even if he still looks only partway awake. “I meant your hair – you still have shampoo in it. But yeah… the towel’s weird, too.”

The tan boy curses and jumps back into the shower. “I… I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I’m really tired,” he insists. Dammit, he’s so jumpy. He rinses his hair and then plods back out of the shower and the bathroom. ‘You need to get your nerves under control, especially before you see—‘

“Kyungsoo! Good morning,” Junmyeon greets the dark-haired boy as he emerges from the bedroom into the common area. Jongin startles so hard at the older’s presence stalking his direction that he nearly loses his towel. Kyungsoo’s practically radiating sunshine as he stretches and heads toward the kitchen.

“Morning, everyone,” he says cheerily to the room. Jongin freezes in his spot clutching the towel even tighter to himself as though the mark on his side might burst through at any moment to acknowledge its maker and expose him/them. The singer reaches out a hand and pats the dancer’s chest, still dripping with water, letting his fingers drag down and across his arm as he passes by. It’s definitely a touch that seems more than friendly but is still subtle enough that Jongin’s not sure if the others in the room picked up on it or if his frazzled mind is the only one obsessing over it and the warm zing it leaves behind on his skin.

The dancer bolts into the bedroom to change quickly. He sits on his bed in a tight gray t-shirt and black Bermuda shorts, trying to figure out how to act around the singer once he re-emerges. He can’t help but wonder if anyone saw them last night, or saw what just happened in the common room, or maybe Kyungsoo’s telling Junmyeon right now about them… There’s a certain thrum of excitement but undeniable fear associated with this game of “who knows what.”

Chanyeol re-enters the room, and Jongin bolts out of his thoughts and up onto his feet, eyeing the giant with guarded suspicion. Does their roommate know? “Dude, you’re acting really weird,” the giant says giving him a judgmental look. “Anyway, Jaehyuk is apparently working on something off-site for a few days, so we’re mostly left to our own devices today until a back-up manager shows later this afternoon. Are you going back to sleep or are you gonna come eat breakfast?”

Jongin makes a weird noise that’s meant to sound like ‘breakfast’ and heads out to the kitchen. Kyungsoo’s busy preparing fish pancakes, happily chatting with their leader. He approaches the table cautiously and just observes the conversation while pouring himself a glass of water.

“So, you seem like you’re in a good mood. Slept well last night?” Junmyeon asks.

Kyungsoo grins while slicing the fish. “Yeah, it was the best night I’ve had in a long time.” The boy’s signature wide eyes flicker over to the dancer at the table, and he bites his lip as he returns to focus on the knife in his hand. Jongin’s mouth drops open a little, both because he wants to be the one biting into that bottom lip and because he’s shocked at how open that move was.

The leader has just now noticed the dancer’s presence, having followed Kyungsoo’s gaze over to the table. “Oh hey, Jongin. And how’d you sleep last night?”

“I didn’t,” he accidentally admits, his eyes unblinking as his tired brain desperately tries to make sense of Kyungsoo’s reactions.

The chef is now chuckling to himself. He hums before speaking, “That’s too bad. Were you not tired or was it a problem of being OVER tired, so spent that your body somehow can’t come down from the high it’s been running on?”

Jongin can only feel thankful he’d already finished gulping his water before the older spoke, because he would have surely spit it all across the table otherwise. Flirty, suggestive Kyungsoo is something the younger is not at all prepared to deal with in front of others. Junmyeon’s giving him a weird look, and it’s only then that the dancer realizes he was asked a question and needs to respond. “Body was tired. Mind won’t turn off.”

The leader nods in understanding. “That happens to me, too. What’s on your mind?”

‘Okay, so Junmyeon’s still clueless…’ He has no idea how to answer his question. “Just… stuff. Maybe I need to go back to bed; I don’t think I’m ready to face today yet.”

He notices Kyungsoo sending him a quick look of concern as he gets up from the table and treks back to the bedroom. He flops back on his bed and stares at the ceiling. He’s there long enough that he starts to fall asleep but is jolted back awake by the sound of the door opening.

Kyungsoo calmly sits down on his own bed and faces the younger’s. He seems contemplative for a bit as he takes in Jongin’s state: he’s still on his back with his right forearm draped across his face. “Are you… are you hurting?” he finally asks, cautiously.

Jongin blushes. “No, I’m okay, only a little sore. How about you?”

The elder’s eyes bug out in surprise as he splutters, “No, I meant— I meant how are you feeling? Emotionally?” he clarifies as his voice cracks a little. His porcelain skin is flushed pink all over as he reassures, “I’m good… in um, both ways.”

The younger realizes his misinterpretation of the initial question and covers his face with his hands. Good gracious, he needs to shut up and stop trying to think and just sleep before he does something else embarrassing. He lets out a garbled squeak of mortification.

“Hey… it’s okay. It’s just me,” Kyungsoo says softly, trying to coax Jongin out of hiding.

He peeks an eye out between his fingers. Well, he’s already delirious with exhaustion and has no filter. He might as well ask the hard question now. “The door.” ‘That’s not a question,’ an inner voices sighs at him exasperatedly. “Did you mean to leave it unlocked?”

There’s no sign of surprise in the other’s countenance, but he’s careful with his answer. “Are you worried about it?”

“Well,” Jongin hems and haws before just letting it out, in a slightly whiny voice. “…yeah? I mean, someone might know, and I’ve been trying to figure out if any of the members maybe saw us.”

“I don’t think so, but if they did… I thought you said you wanted them to know?”

“Don’t listen to me! I’m an idiot! Don’t you know I have trouble thinking more than 5 minutes ahead?” he rambles.

Kyungsoo chuckles at him fondly. “Okay, okay. Calm down.”

“I’m sorry, I just—I don’t know what to think right now. I’d like to believe our problems were just because you were gone, but I’m not positive they were. And I know I