A/N: You may want to quickly re-read Ch 23 before you start here, so you can remember what had happened.

Ch 24 (ii) - Up in the Air

(Immediately following Ch 23)

“You promised me once that you’d never give me another friendly kiss.”

“I know,” he says as he leans in…

Jongin hesitates and hovers before pressing forward the final centimeter. Their lips touch gently, and it only takes a second before he knows: this is a mistake. Jerking back, he immediately starts apologizing, “I’m sorry, Krystal, but this is wrong. I can’t do this.”

She drops her eyes to the floor as she flushes red. The poor girl fidgets with her purse a minute and looks so uncomfortable, Jongin grabs her wrist so she won’t run off.

“It has nothing to do with you,” he says gently, trying to soothe her with a low calming tone. “It has everything to do with me; I shouldn’t be doing this because it’s not fair. The truth is, I’m not over my previous relationship. Not even a little bit. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m almost there, that I just need to push forward a little more, but honestly, my heart is still 100% taken. And I refuse to use you as a rebound or a distraction – I respect you too much to do that to you, to do that to our friendship. You’re too important to me.”

Krystal takes a deep breath, absorbing his words thoughtfully, before nodding. “Okay. I appreciate your honesty… We said we’d give it a try and we did. N-no hard feelings.” Her voice is shaking, and she gives a forced smile.

“I’m sorry I rushed things and made—"

Krystal holds a finger up to his lips, cutting him off. “You can stop apologizing, Nini. Really. We agreed not to let things get weird if it didn’t work. And maybe you just need more time?” Her question is hesitant, quiet, and completely lacking in confidence. They’re both doubtful about that conclusion, but Jongin doesn’t have the heart to voice such things aloud, not now anyway, when the poor girl is already suffering from his rejection. Instead, he simply takes her hand, and they squeeze at the same time.

He’s not naïve enough to think things are actually okay right now, but he’s not sure if they should call it a night or if that’d be worse, like he was kicking her out of the car. So he waits to see what she wants to do.

Seemingly unable to help her herself, Krystal asks, “Can I at least know who she is now, this girl who snuck up and stole you right from under my nose before I even had a chance?” She’s trying to keep it light and humorous, but there’s a certain amount of desperation still evident in the question.

Jongin chews on the inside of his mouth. He’s dying to tell her, feels like he almost owes it to her at this point, to help her understand. “I still don’t think that’s a good idea, for me to tell you. I want to, but…” He stares out the windshield at the dreary gray concrete walls of the garage. No, probably no good would come from telling her.

She bites her nail and continues her case. “But maybe if I knew who she was, I could help? Like, make it easier for you to go no contact by interfering if she tries to approach you at shows or something.”

“No, I’ll never be able to go no contact.” He knows she means well, but hearing advice that’s impossible to follow is maddening. If only it could be that easy. He closes his eyes bumps his forehead on the steering wheel several times.

“Well why not? That seems like the obvious step one to moving on, right?” she asks, confused. “I mean, you’re only torturing yourself if you keep talking to her, and seeing her, and –“

Frustrated, Jongin blurts out: “I can’t go no contact! Because it’s not some girl in some other group, it’s Kyungsoo.”

It’s out there before he can stop himself. Scared, he turns his head ever so slightly, still anchored to the steering wheel, and chances a glance over to see her reaction. She’s still for a moment before her eyes gradually increase in size, widening to, well, almost Kyungsoo levels.

“It’s Kyungsoo,” she repeats quietly at first. Then, louder. “It’s KYUNGsoo… It’s KYUNGSOO?!?”

‘Oh .’ Jongin instantly regrets telling her, flinching at her incredulous reaction. Krystal looks somewhere in between wanting to hit him and wanting to run away. Her eyes dart around her seat in the car as she seems to opt for leaving. Oh God, what has he done: he’s totally ed them both over, betrayed Soo and ruined the singer’s career if Krystal leaves in a frenzy and decides to tell someone. Jongin panics and starts to tear up, grabbing her by the arm to keep her in the car. She turns away and struggles against his hold on her, further increasing his hysteria. “Krystal, please, you can’t tell anyone! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I’m sorry if you think I’m disgusting, and I’m sorry if you hate me now, but please, for the love of God, don’t tell anyone!” he begs.

She stops pulling away and lets her hand drop from the car door handle. When she slowly turns back to him, she has tears in her eyes and a soft, sad look of compassion. Compassion, not contempt. Her expression makes Jongin feel awful for thinking the worst of her just seconds ago, for not trusting her. She reaches out carefully and his cheek, brushing away the wetness that had begun seeping from his eyes. “Nini, of course you don’t disgust me. I’d never hate you, and I won’t tell anyone.” She pauses to let the reassurance sink in and watches his hyperventilating slow down some. “I’m sorry for freaking out, it’s just… I need a minute to process this.”

Jongin nods, releasing his tight grip on her arm, and falls back against the car seat. Krystal runs her fingers through her hair several times as she takes a few calming breaths herself before looking at him again, more composed but voice dropped down to a whisper.

“Are you gay?”

“No. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to, actually.”

She visibly relaxes at this, and Jongin only now realizes that she probably had a moment where she felt like she was nothing but an experiment to him. Pain hits him in the gut that he’s making her question his sincerity in trying to date her.

“When did it start?”

“There wasn’t a traditional… start, per se. But I first kissed him backstage at an SMTOWN concert.”

“How long ago?”

“…the end of 2013.”

Krystal exhales sharply, as though she’s been struck right in the chest, and her eyes drop back to her lap. She’s quiet for a minute before turning back to him, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. Her eyes roam across Jongin’s face with a tenderness that has him gulping.

“Okay,” she says softly. “I want to hear more, I want to know everything, but not right now if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” he whispers back, hoping she really means it, that they really will talk again. They sit in silence while Jongin wonders if he’s now lost his best friend on top of his boyfriend, leaving him devoid of the two most important people in his life.

But then Krystal speaks again, shyly. “Can I just… just once… can I kiss you goodbye like I’ve always wanted to? I know it won’t mean anything to you, but it’d mean the world to me.”

He doesn’t have the heart to deny her this one simple request, so wordlessly, he agrees with a small nod. Carefully, with trembling hands, Krystal crosses the distance between them and his hair lovingly, letting her fingertips gently caress the curve of his ear. Pulling him forward lightly, she tilts her head and kisses him softly. The touch of her lips is so full of care, it’s a markedly better kiss than the nervous one he’d just attempted a few minutes earlier. As she’s pulling away, Jongin glimpses a brief insight into what they might have had, in another time or another life: a simple, quiet love. But without question, his heart is still beating for that passionate fire, that surge of yearning, that rush of anticipation for luscious, heart-shaped lips and the smile that lights up his world.

“Thank you,” she whispers. Krystal clears and composes herself again. “Give me a little time, til my concerts are done, to sort myself out, and then let’s meet up again?”

“Sure.” Another apology dies on his lips, knowing she doesn’t want his pity, but Jongin feels like , pulling her down into the pit of misery he’s been living in. He knows firsthand how much rejection hurts from someone you’ve cared for for years.

As she starts to go she hesitates outside the car, debating with herself about whether to say more. Jongin looks at her quizzically as she stands up, bends down to talk, then stands up again. Finally, the urge to say what’s on her mind wins out.

“You’ve told me things he’s said to you, and I was appalled but… now that I know it’s him…” she trails off. Then looking him dead in the eye, she says seriously, “Well, it changes things. Nini, you know him. Kyungsoo wouldn’t say anything cruel without a really, really good reason. Just… keep that in mind. When you interact with him, what feels more real: those words or his actions?”

With that cryptic line, she throws him a sad smile and disappears into the building.

When he crawls into bed that night, Jongin mulls over the fact that there IS a disparity between Kyungsoo’s words and actions. He’s not sure what to conclude, but the gears in his mind start turning, trying to make sense of it all. For the first time since their break up, he feels a genuine spark of hope. He’s been so gruff with the elder, and that hasn’t helped him move on (not even an inch, now that he’s being honest with himself). Nor has his hostility deterred Kyungsoo from doing those small acts of kindness on stage (and off, when Jongin