Ch 20 - Cloudy Days, Clear Nights

Japanese Debut Era (Romantic Universe) + Sing For You Era

Kyungsoo’s not quite sure where they are now. He didn’t take it personally, Jongin’s sudden fears about their relationship being discovered. He understood that the younger was still working through things in his mind, still wrestling with his uality and its repercussions. The dancer had seemed to take a step back since their frank coffee shop talk, though, which surprised the older a bit. During their impromptu EXO trip shortly thereafter, Jongin spent more time with Sehun and Minseok, it seemed, than with him. Kyungsoo brushed this off as potentially time for the younger boy to quiet his mind without the older distracting him with his presence. ‘Goodness know you’re always distracted by his whenever he’s by your side,’ he reasoned with himself.

Kyungsoo was sure to keep his touches fond but subtle in front of the members, as he always had, but Jongin seemed less receptive and especially jumpy nonetheless. In the van, in the practice rooms, in any public space… the only place he seemed to relax fully was in their room back at the dorm. There, in their own personal bubble, Kyungsoo would see the younger boy’s shy smile emerge again along with the adoring eyes that made him feel so special, like what he had to say mattered more than anything else. Early morning tickles until he fell out of bed trying to avoid them, late night whispers to each other about everything and nothing at all: his days were sometimes bookended by wonderfully simple moments with Jongin but with very little acknowledgment in between.

There was one notable exception. Once, late afternoon after their schedules for the day were over and Jaehyuk actually promised them they had the rest of the day off, Jongin had suggested they watch some anime series he had on his laptop. They huddled in Jongin’s bed, curled up under the covers due to the cool autumn air that had produced a chill in the dorm since the heaters weren’t yet. Chanyeol had paid them no mind when he came in to get a video game, just casually asking which anime they were watching before leaving. Near the end of the first episode, Jongin had nuzzled his nose into the elder’s hair right behind his left ear. The younger’s close proximity was already enough to arouse him; the hot air wafting over his ear and down the side of his neck just further accelerated it. Kyungsoo couldn’t hide the hitch in his breath or the shudder that went through his body upon finally feeling the dancer so intimately close again. He’d still been trying to give him enough space to avoid making him feel pressured, but now that the boy was so close, his hand shot out on its own accord and gripped the taller’s right thigh on reflex when lips landed lightly on his neck, just barely grazing the skin. He could feel the younger smirk at the fingers kneading his thigh seemingly with minds of their own as Jongin mouthed down the singer’s neck, tongue lightly teasing as it traced patterns in the cleft above his collarbone. It took every ounce of Kyungsoo’s willpower to not yank the boy up onto his lap and have his way with him; as much as he craved that, he still wanted Jongin to feel in control of everything about their relationship for now. So he settled for trying to entice the dancer instead. “Mmm, Jongin…” he cooed in a husky tone.

The younger boy’s grunt and eager hand reaching across to tug Kyungsoo closer by the waist suggested that his ploy with his voice was working. Jongin’s mouth moved to the singer’s Adam’s apple, a bit more hungrily.

“I’ve missed feeling your mouth on me,” Kyungsoo continued to provoke the other with his suggestive voice while carding his fingers through the dancer’s hair. After a stuttered “hah,” the singer got what he was wishing for as the boy shoved the laptop out of the way and swung a leg across Kyungsoo’s lap, straddling him before bringing his swollen lips up to lock onto the elder’s in a blazing kiss. Oh, how Kyungsoo had missed Jongin’s delicious taste. He drew his hands up under the boy’s shirt to splay them across the smooth, tanned back, soaking in the dancer’s warmth now evident in their skin-to-skin contact and wet, hot mouths. With his body on autopilot, he ground his hips up into Jongin’s. The younger moaned, but then suddenly pushed himself up and off of Kyungsoo. The singer’s lips seemed to chase after him, a little bewildered from the abrupt loss of heat and softness that had been there a few seconds ago. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Jongin pulling a door stop out from under the bed and wedging it tightly under their door.

“Just in case…” the younger said shyly, with his cheeks tinged pink (from embarrassment or their passionate making out, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell). He gave Jongin a reassuring smile and nod to let him know everything was fine. And just like that, the dancer’s eyes flashed with desire once more as he climbed back on top of the elder, tugging him down from his sitting position until he was flat on the bed underneath the taller’s long, lean body. Jongin pressed him down into the mattress with the weight of his body and leaned in to whisper, “Let me show you how much I’ve missed having you to myself.”

.

.

.

It’s well into October now, and after a whirlwind time getting their Japanese debut ready, Kyungsoo is about to start filming Hyung soon, which means less time around the dorm. Remembering how Jongin had resented the elder monopolizing his time before leaving for Pure Love, he vows to himself to not be so clingy this time leading up to his new acting gig. So when he hears the boy’s phone going off repeatedly from what must be a group text, he asks Jongin with a small smile, “what’s going on tonight? Seems like your friends are anxious to get ahold of you.”

“Ah…” Jongin reads the texts and pockets the phone quickly, avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Just… some people are going to play pool, it looks like.”

“Some people?”

He seems reluctant to answer, but after a deep breath replies. “It’s Taemin and… Krystal. But no worries, I’m not going.”

Kyungsoo’s heart hurts at this unnecessary reassurance, knowing that his past behavior has made the younger feel guilty over wanting to just spend time with friends. “Why not? You should go have fun.”

Jongin gives him a quizzical look. “Huh?” He looks dubious.

So Kyungsoo tells a white lie. “Yeah, I don’t want you to be stuck here by yourself, or worse, getting roped into Baek’s late night gaming extravaganzas. I’m planning to get dinner with Insung-hyung and Kwangsoo-hyung; they’ve asked me to go several times recently and I’d had to decline due our schedules, so I said yes this time. Seriously, go out with your friends. And tell them both I say hi,” he tries to give a convincing smile.

“Oh. Okay, I’ll see you later tonight or tomorrow then?”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo gives him an encouraging hand squeeze before ushering him out of their room in a teasing fashion. Once the dancer is gone, he flops back on his bed and decides he better at least make an effort to contact Insung and Kwangsoo…

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Jongin is finally starting to breathe a little easier. For weeks, he felt like shriveling up and disappearing every time he saw Jaehyuk, wondering if he was silently judging him whenever their eyes met. He didn’t want their manager to lash out at them, privately or publicly, so he was extra careful to keep a bit of distance between himself and Kyungsoo when they were around him. Which unfortunately meant the majority of their days. If the older boy was upset, though, he didn’t really show it other than a brief disappointed twist of his mouth when Jongin would sit between other members at lunch. But whenever Jongin made eye contact and smiled at him, he always got a warm grin back.

Lately, Kyungsoo is filming Hyung whenever they don’t have an EXO schedule, it seems, so their day-to-day contact is minimized again. Things are radically different from Pure Love, though, as he had been hanging out with Taemin and Krystal regularly with Kyungsoo’s blessing. This past week, however, Shinee released a Japanese single (“really guys, right after our debut?” Jongin had teased), and Krystal’s been busy preparing for f(x)’s new album, so he’s been bored. On a whim, he decides to sneak into Music Bank to support f(x)’s 4 Walls comeback, and he drags Sehun along with him.

They’re not stupid enough to try and be in the actual audience, even if it gives the best views of the performance, opting to watch from backstage instead. When the girls come back after pre-recording is over, they light up upon seeing their label mates waiting for them.

“Oh hey, thanks for coming!” Luna gushes at them.

“Sure, you all were great,” Sehun says, sliding to the side to keep conversing with her after greeting the others. Jongin watches this development with some surprise; he files it away as something to ask Sehun about later.

Krystal’s done removing her mic and wanders over as Jongin grins widely at her. “You rocked it. I love the vogue-ing.”

“Yeah?” she asks, with bright eyes lit up with sincere excitement and a slight blush on her cheeks. He can’t help but feel a little guilty, wondering if maybe he shouldn’t compliment her after all. Or maybe it was a bad idea to come without Taemin – Sehun’s not really serving as a friend buffer here with Krystal. The maknae is making more conversation with Luna than he’s seen him make with EXO members in 3 years.

“So what are you guys doing here? Don’t you have a schedule today?” she asks in her more typical nonchalant manner while grabbing a water bottle.

“Sehun does later today, but we just wanted to come by and cheer you on. I…” , he falters watching her sip her water. Her lips are wet when she finishes, and Jongin tries not to stare. He lowers his voice a little and continues his thought from before. “I know you were a bit nervous about your first comeback without Sulli. You were marvelous – you all were. F(x) as four members is still incredibly strong… um, like 4 solid walls…” he babbles on, not sure how to stop talking.

Krystal rolls her eyes and laughs good-naturedly. “Oh my gosh, stop it. When you say it, it sounds so lame and forced,” she teases. She reaches out to gently push his shoulder but halts before she actually reaches him and draws her hand back quickly, like she’s just remembered she shouldn’t touch him. The atmosphere turns awkward quickly, and Jongin’s really cursing at himself for not keeping Sehun closer. ‘That little obviously had an ulterior motive for coming,’ he reflects as Luna’s laughter peels through the room while the kid is animatedly telling her some story.

“So… how are things with… you know… your special someone?” Krystal asks in a hushed tone. Because they’ve been hanging out with Taemin all the time, she hasn’t brought up Jongin’s significant other in quite a while.

“Um… it’s… better?” He considers confessing that it’s Kyungsoo they’re talking about, but he remembers Jaehyuk’s veiled threat. Plus, backstage at Music Bank is not a private place by any stretch of the imagination, and he’s still not sure how she’s going to react, so he keeps the references vague. “My manager found out, though.”

“Oh? He didn’t know?”

“I told you, nobody knows. Or knew. I really meant nobody.”

She nods and gulps. “So what happened?”

“Well, he wasn’t happy. Actually, he was pretty angry with me and it feels like he is constantly watching me to see if I’ll slip up or something.” He cringes at the memory of Jaehyuk’s vigilant eyes boring into him anytime he’s near Kyungsoo.

“That … Does… does she make you really happy, Nini?” she asks tentatively.

“Of—of course,” he says, confused by the question.

“Sorry. I’m just asking because… every time we talk, I just hear about how hard this relationship is on you. And it makes me sad for you because, well… love shouldn’t be this hard. I mean, every couple is going to have their ups and downs, but I just worry that this relationship really drains you. You’re constantly worried: about what you mean to them, about how to keep it a secret, now it’s affecting your work and how your manager is treating you… I just want you to be happy.”

“But those things aren’t… when I’m with… I am happy,” he tries to defend. His brows furrow as he tries to figure out a way to explain it to her.

“Okay. Hey, sorry, I wasn’t trying to upset you,” Krystal reaches up without thinking and tries to smooth out the lines between his eyes to get him to relax. “And if you’re happy, then I’m glad,” she says with a small smile that betrays a touch of her melancholy with it. “I just hope she treats you right to make up for all you’re having to go through for her.”

Before Jongin can answer, f(x)’s stylists are ushering the girls to come change for their second stage outfits. Sehun jogs back over and reminds him, “Hey, I gotta leave for that event. Are you going back to the dorm or are you staying?”

Jongin waffles , chewing on his bottom lip. He wants to stay and s