Better Than Revenge

“To be spirit led is better than been driven by guilt.”

The hallway to her apartment was exceptionally quite. There was no sound; even the usual laughter of children wasn’t even heard. Her steps were lousy, almost like something weighed her down to walk further. Her head spun because so many things run on her head right now. The journey to her apartment seemed like a long one. It was only in the corner, the end of this hallway, but why it seemed so far?

The soft ring of bell from the elevator behind her indicating there was somebody else that gets off on the same floor as hers. She didn’t want to face another residence –not that she socialzed with them before. She tried to fasten her pace when she heard the footsteps becoming louder behind her but it only made her stumble on her own feet.

“Yejin!”

There were two voices; she swore she heard those voices calling her name. One she recognized as Myungsoo’s, but the other one...

“Jongin?” Her voice almost caught up in when she looked up to find her already on his embrace, holding her close by her waist as to prevent her from falling.

“God, what happened to you?” His voice dripped with worry –something that she used to cherish back then when everything was not a mess, as he examined her swollen eyes.

But something wasn’t right here.

“Myungsoo?” Her voice came out shaky as she titled her head to see her twin right in the eye.

Myungsoo knew what was going on through her mind. He just nodded, giving her the sign that everything was under control. Even though she would probably find this situation close to impossible if only she hadn’t heard about what he just knew few hours ago.

“Let Kai help you. We’ll talk inside.”

She didn’t deny that she needed help to walk just to reach her apartment. She was tired –both mentally and physically, but most of all, she was confused. Kai and Myungsoo shouldn’t be seen each other. Scratch that, they were not supposed to know each other but here they were, talking in low voices like they already did that for years. Was it just her illusions? Was her head starting to play tricks on her?

Kai only let go of her once he was sure she sit properly on her couch.

“Explain.” She couldn’t help but to stare curiously to the two men across from her.

“Before we start this, you have to take this with cold head, Yejin. We don’t want anymore rush decisions after this.”

“Spill.”

Kai gave him a subtle nod to him before Myungsoo started telling her the whole story; the whole truth. Kai believed that Myungsoo would deliver the news better than him. As he talked, Kai watched her expression changes from confuse into fury in no time. When Myungsoo finished, she show no reaction at all which was pretty scary for both of the men in the room. Having her crying or throwing rage would be so much better than facing the silent woman. Who knows what was going through her head at the moment.

“Sehun killed him?”

Her voice came out as a whisper. If only it wasn’t ear deafening silence after Myungsoo had done with his story, they wouldn’t hear her.

“Yes,”

This time, it was Kai who answered her, giving the ‘black’ answer so the siblings wouldn’t suffer the ‘grey’ assumptions they believed for years. The truth hurts, but it was better than living in lie.

He watched Yejin who had blinking her eyes, preventing her tears not to fall. Her voice caught up in , groaning silently as she tried to blink her tears away. She was tired, exhausted, and this news wasn’t making her any better. She disgusted herself for letting a single doubt creep into her head when she saw Minseok’s bracelet on Sehun. She disgusted herself even more when she let him touch her.

She let the killer of her brother do whatever he pleased to her.

Nobody talked for a while. Both of the men letting Yejin calmed herself down because they knew, she would not appreciate some soothing manner whenever she was angry. Those tears were not sorrow, they knew about it. Myungsoo felt the same way but right now, his head started to think about how to get back to Sehun. He needed to end this, they needed to.

Myungsoo finally excused himself for phone calls to other members in his gang. Squeezing her shoulder then kissing on top of her head, he went outside. Myungsoo was aware that Kai wanted to have at least a word with her. Afterall, he knew who was always beside her on her hard time beside himself. It was Kai.

Kai caught the look Myungsoo throw before he disappeared behind the door, silently grateful for the chance he gave him. Seeing her clutching both of her fists on her temple as hung her head down, making him also in pain. He wouldn’t know what it feels like to lose a family member, he never close to his, but he knew exactly what it feels like to lose someone he loved. When Yejin left him, he was so lost with his direction. When he finally got a purpose on his life, he lost it. The lost was unbearable, if only he knew the reason why she left, he would’ve move on, someday, sometimes, one of those days, but eventually he would.

He stretched out his hand to rub her back as he moved to the empty spot beside her. She broke into a silence breakdown. It was painful for him to see her crying without uttering any single sound like that. Just like the old time, his hand encircles around her shoulder and without any difficult, he pulled her into his chest. Once her face buried on his chest, her body moved on its own, as if knowing the familiar presence even though it had been years passed since the last time they met. Her hands clutched on his shirt, as if her life depends on it.

For the first time that night, she broke down again on his embrace.

“Why you didn’t tell this sooner?”

Her voice made him snap out from his trance. His hand stopped on patting her back.

“Were you going to take Myungsoo down if Sehun didn’t fall into your trap?” She spoke again.