Afraid

“and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive”

Slipping off his shoes, he immediately went to the bathroom and splashed his face with the cold water. The cooling effect immediately made his body relax at once. His shirt was damp but he did not care. Placing both of his palms on top of the sink, he took a deep breath while looking at his reflection on the mirror.

There were many things going through his mind, making his head slightly dizzy at the overwhelming feeling. A pain on his abdomen brought him back to the reality.

Right, I haven’t put the ointment for the bruises.

Taking off his shirt, he walked out from the bathroom and rummaged his suitcase to find the ointment for his bruises. Once he got them, he sat down on the soft mattress. His body was facing the big window, which showed Bangkok in early morning. The sun had not rise yet, so there were still many city lights on the view. Even they already passed the long flight; strangely, he did not feel exhausted at all. However, he knew he should get some sleep for the seminar in less than 5 hours from now.

Let’s try to sleep after I get this done, he thought as he treats his bruises on his abdomen with the ointment.

“Sehun?”

He froze.

Please don’t tell me the pain start making me hearing things. I had enough with this ridiculous amnesia.

Nonetheless, he looked up to see where the voice came from.

“You left the door a bit open,” Yejin said –who was now in her comfortable clothes, pointing her thumb to the door behind her. “I’m sorry I invite myself in, you didn’t hear my knock.”

Did I? He was bewildered.

“It’s okay.” He managed to say something. “Oh, sorry,” He immediately stood up and rushed to his suitcase when he realized that he was shirtless.

Yejin turned her head to the side, giving him the privacy he needed.

“Ah!”

At the sudden groan, Yejin turned back at him. Sehun had stopped putting his shirt in the mid way as he accidently flex his muscle way too suddenly, making his healing bruises start to pain again.

“Are you okay?”

Sehun hissed before he could answer. “The bruises still stung. But it will gradually heal.” He assured, deciding to put back the ointment before he fully put his shirt on.

Yejin fidgeted in her place. An idea crossed her mind, but it still made her in doubt.

“Can I help?”

Even her voice came out as a whisper.

Furthermore, she started to feel it partly her fault he was like that.

He was stunned at her offer. Never in million years, had he expected that Yejin would offer something like that. With thousands questions in his mind, he still handed the ointment and put it on her hand when she held out her hand. The bed shook a little at the new weight, which made him felt nervous and it only increased when she her fingers made contact with his skin as she put the ointment on his back.

“What brings you here?”

He felt that he could die in nervousness at this silence.

Yejin did not immediately answer since it was also a hard decision before she decided to pay him a visit, moreover to his room. It was still awkward for her to say anything after she was conscious from her blackout when they were still in airplane. She did not even expect that her astraphobia would strike there, at the wrong place.

“It’s about what happened earlier.” She swallowed; it was still hard for her to speak like this to other person than Myungsoo. Even after quick practice on her room about what she was going to say to him for an hour.

Furthermore, revealing her weakness was the least thing she wanted to do.

He knew what she was talking about. It was not that he did not curious about her condition earlier, but he decided to suppress his curiosity, knowing that Yejin was a woman who always shows her tough side rather than the opposite.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I am not going to push it.”

She shook her head, although he could not see. “No,” she paused. “You helped me.”

“Help you?” He was confused. What he was thinking was that he failed to comfort her, causing her to blackout. He even felt guilty.  

“Yes,” she replied, putting down the ointment as she finished.

“You fainted on me.” He disagreed.

Yejin could feel her cheek warmed at the fact. She knew that she fainted on him and the fact that he comforted her through her critical state of her phobia made her even feel ashamed. Although only few that she could remember, but his soothing words were exactly that helped her the most.

 Sehun turned around and sat facing her.

Then he gulped down. After all, seeing the flustered Yejin was not an everyday sight.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to explain. I don’t push you to.” He assured.

She blinked, “Ah, no. It’s just hard for me to tell.” She blurted, stumbling on her own words. “I just don’t know where to start.”

“Are you sure you are okay with this?”

Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “You deserve to know. I’ve been a nuisance to you today.”

No, you are not, he denied but did not say anything.

“So, you have astraphobia?” He decided to make a trigger for her since she looked troubled.

“Something like that.” She did not deny. “It never happened before when I am on the airplane. Usually to avoid that, I took pills to make me sleep thought the journey but today, I forgot them all. I checked the weather forecast today, but it seemed it leads me to the wrong information.” She explained weakly.

“It must be hard on you.”

For the first time, she genuinely smiled at his concern. “It barely happened when I live in an apartment that has soundproof walls. Except when the weather was too extreme, I usually just try to hide myself.”

“Hide yourself?” He was curious.

Realized that she talked too much, she let out a nervous chuckle while scratching her cheek with her forefinger. “Yeah,” she admitted shyly. “Closet is my favorite.”

Sehun did not even chuckle or smile along with her, which made her fidgeted awkwardly. The fact that he just hear did not even please him at all. He could not even imagine what if something like what happened earlier on the airplane actually happened when she was alone, when she was in her closet. It could be dangerous!

“Don’t you have someone with you when it happened?” He asked, suddenly remembered about the person –the Silver Wings that he saw with Kai few weeks ago.

To his dismay, she shook her head. “I live alone.”

His shoulder slumped, to the fact that he did not any information about the Silver Wings he was after to.

“But,” she continued and his ears sparked again in interest. “I have frequent visitor who visit me whenever he is not too busy with his work, to check on me. But it’s not like he walk in the certain situation like you were in earlier today.”

Did she talk about the man that claimed as the Silver Wings? She said he, so it must be him, right. If I consider, there are no suitors on her tail judging on how cold she is to men –especially on the company including myself.

In addition, he knew, it