“Hyung... it’s late... I’m sleepy. Let’s just go to sleep” I said try not to show him my sad eyes

“OK... come on. You look tired” Jiyong hyung answer and tugging me inside.

“Hyung... I’ll just sleep in my room to night. Tomorrow you have an early schedule. I don’t want you ruin my beauty sleep. Hehehe” I said faking smile stopping in front of my room.

“What are saying maknae?? Ahahaha all right then. Good night Seungri”

I come inside my room and rushing to the bed. My tears fall immediately. I feel very lost and sad. I thought, maybe if I keep it slow, one day I would have chance to tell Jiyong hyung about my feeling and maybe he would feel the same way like me. Well, don’t get me wrong, but he always sticking to me like a glue. He often hug me so tight when he sleep, and he get mad when I don’t pay any attention to him, just like when he release his first solo album. I just find out not long ago in some old video I watch on YouTube that he bought Gaho because he said he was lonely and I don’t give him enough attention. I think that’s why Gaho didn’t like me because jiyong hyung keep telling him to bite me when he meet me. Yes, I sometime watch our old video when I miss him.

Also, he always tell to everyone that ‘Maknae is mine’ so I just thought maybe... maybe there’s a slightest possibility he would have the same feeling like me.

But now, all that possibility is long gone. He never like me that way, he never love me more than a maknae of the group, he just see me as a cute maknae who is fun to play with and he also definitely Not into MAN.

I fall asleep crying my heart out silently, because Daesung hyung is sleeping.

The morning after I feel my head hurting and dizzy. Thank god I don’t have any schedule today.

“Seungri...Seungri... what’s wrong... are you not feeling good?” Daesung hyung asking me worriedly

“No, hyung... I’m okay... I just need to sleep more”

“It’s already noon maknae-ah... why don’t you wake up and eat a little. Then you can go back to sleep and rest”

“No hyung, its okay. I’ll eat when I’m hungry... now, I just need to sleep a little more” I said rolling my body facing the window.

“All right then... I’m going Seungri-ah... I have to catch flight to Japan. My flight is in three hours. Rest well okay” Daesung hyung said patting my shoulder and go out from the room.

I roll on my back and look around my room. So, last night was not a dream. I have to start taking some distance from Jiyong hyung. Maybe that way my feeling will slowly fade away.

I rarely stay in the same place with jiyong hyung lately. I go out my friends a lot and we plan to celebrate New Year outside the country.

“Seungri, are you really going to Thailand with your friends today” Youngbae hyung standing in my door way looking at me packing some clothes.

“Yes hyung... beside you guys gonna spend it with your family... and I have some break time before we continue our ALIVE tour next year, so I’m gonna take a few days for holiday”

“Seungri-ah... I know there’s some wrong with you. You look different this few week... you only smile and playful on stage. But off stage... you seems different”

“Hyuung... that’s only your feeling. Maybe I’m just tired, but really hyung, there is nothing wrong with me” I said assuring Youngbae hyung and smile widely. Fake.

“All right... but you know that we always here for you right...? If you ever thought maybe you need to talk, we’re ready to listen. OK?” Youngbae hyung said come closer to me and patting my head.

“Okay hyung...” I said contuse my packing activities.

I only bring some simple shirt with me since I’m not gone for long. So, there is only one luggage and one backpack. I’m done. I walk toward the front door to get out because my friends already outside picking me up.

Suddenly someone open the door from the outside “Seungri, where are you going?” its jiyong hyung. He just coming back from studio I think.

“I’m going for holidays a few days hyung” I answer shortly not really look at him directly. The truth is he doesn’t really realize that I avoid him since he’s busy with the preparing his solo album in the middle of BigBang tour and of course his girlfriend. He when back and forth to japan quite often just to meet his girlfriend.

“Why you’re not say anything to me?” his tone is kind of angry.

“Nothing... hyung... I’m sorry. Maybe I just forget to tell you”

“How can you forget, even if you’re an adult now I’m still your leader you know?!” he said half shouting now.

“Why are you angry hyung...? I said I’m sorry. Besides, this is break time so it’s fine if I take time for vacation.” I said almost shouting too.

“Still, you can’t do as you like Seungri. You have a responsible to BIGBANG!”

“What are talking about hyung?!!” I answer getting angry now “if you maybe stay home more often maybe I can tell you!!” now I’m shouting.

“What?? I’m busy Seungri. I’m preparing my solo album right now!”

“Well maybe if you sleep at home and not busy screwing your girlfriend every time then at least we can talk.”

“Why are you bringing