I'm sorry if the chapter is to long, like i said before. i cant stop writing when i start

hope its not making you bored...

btw.. I read all the comment and i really love your commet, its really motivate me to write.

i read some of your suggestion too, so here it is... Enjoy.

thanks for comment, subcribe and upvote. love you guys..

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It’s been two month since I confess. Two month since I cry myself out in Jiyong hyung chest. Two month since he said he’ll be by my side... Two month since we never really talk except on stage. Two month since he really stay by myside almost every time except when we have a different schedule but even on that day, he will check on me through my manager.

We’ve been on many different country for our MADE world tour, and everywhere we go, he insist that he have to be on the same car as me. He never really asked what I want, he just stayed there, by my side, being a good brother and a good leader. Paying a 100% attention just for me. He always drag me everywhere he goes, whether it was for dinner or art gallery that he likes and I don’t enjoy it a bit. It bores me. But still, he keeps me around.

Tonight is our last night in Hongkong for our tour, they’re throwing us an after party. Of course I being my good self at pretending that everything is okay always be The mood maker. Tonight is no different. I talk to the audience on the small stage that set inside this club. I use my limited mandarin language and English, and nonetheless, everyone still enjoying the party. I call up for my hyung one by one on stage. First I call up for Daesung hyung.

He come up bringing a glass of champagne, greet the audience for a bit and he comes down from the stage. Then its Youngbae hyung turn, he talk a little bit longer than Daesung hyung and fully sober. He doesn’t really like to drinks.

I realize that since I first come up stage until now, Jiyong hyung sitting on the side stage recording me. He wear hulk mask on his face, but who is he try to deceive? Everyone knows it’s him. And everyone notice he’s been recording me talking for a while now. I fell a bit discomfort, so after Youngbae hyung done on stage, I come to jiyong hyung on the side stage and drag him on stage just so he can stop recording me. His staggering on his walk. He’s drunk. Crap, I make a wrong decision. It’s not good letting drunken dragon be on stage.

I hold his arm and trying to ask him a short question so he can immediately off stage but he grab the mic from my hand and he start trying to talk. His eyes is red and not focus. He talk dragging his word, unclear...”So... I’m a little bit drunk actually...” he said then he smile... then he chuckles. God, why do I have to find him cute at this moment? I don’t really pay attention to what is he talking about. Then suddenly he walk to the other side of the stage so I though he’s done talking.

I grab another mic from the staff and start calling for TOP hyung, and at the same moment he also talking on the mic. Our voice kind of overlapping but I can hear him swearing.

“SHUT THE UP!!” he said out loud to the mic. Ouch, that’s hurt and uncalled for. Why he should do that on stage? What the is his problem? I’m the one who should swearing at him.

That night, we going back to our hotel kind of drunk and i’m the sober one. I just to pissed off to get drunk. Of course Jiyong hyung is drunk to core, he can't even walk straight on his own. His bodyguard and manager holding him to walk him to the car.

I walk slowly behind him. The other hyung already walk first in front of us. Then suddently when we near at the door. He struggling from their hold, trying to free himself and looking around. His eyes can't really see well, so he open his mask a little bit and then his eyes fall on me. He walks toward me. Without saying anything he just leaning on me searching for support. He holding on me on my shoulder. Since we’re in public and I’m pretty sure the fans is out there, I just let him be.

Outside the door, he put his mask back, but still holding on my shoulder. He walk behind me. We go back to the hotel on the same cars again, as always.

That night I take him to his room because he don’t want  his manager to touch him all of sudden. I just let out a long sigh... I put him on bed. Taking of his shoes and his socks. Opening his tight jeans so he can comfortably sleep. He throw his own jeans away leaving him only on boxer because he also throw away his t-shirt. I was going to get out when he hold my wrist.

“Seungri-ah... please stay”

so I stay. I know I shouldn’t do that but I can’t help myself, I still love him a lot. And its always comfortable sleeping by his side.

I don’t know if it because of his habits or what, but he take my head to sleep on his arm, bring me closer to him, turn me facing his chest, his other hand circling on waist along with his leg on my leg. He hug me so tight... he kissed my head, again. Just like he always do. My heart beating so fast, it’s really calming but also sad at the same time.

“I’m sorry” he said softly.

“I’m really really sorry for everything...” he pull me tighter in his embrace and a few minute after, I feel his breath stabilize. He fall asleep. I look up his face, there are a trace of tears on his cheek. Why is he crying?

The next morning we woke up still in the same position, and it strangely not awkward at all. He smiling at me, when I look up to his face. We broke the hug, because I need to go to the bathroom. When I’m done, he’s sitting on the couch drinking a coffee he made from the counter that the hotel serve for every room.

“Hyung...” I come sitting beside him.

“Thank you for taking care of me and always stay beside me for the last two month. I really appreciate it hyung”

“Of course maknae... everything for you” then why don’t you just give me your heart already, hyung?

“But I think... I’m okay now. I can take care of myself. Beside if you always stay close to me like this. I don’t think I can forget you. I need to forget you to move on”

“So, what are you saying Seungri-ah?”

“I think, at the moment, I need you to just be my Leader. My coworker. Not my brother, not someone that fall in love with. I need to clear my head and my heart from all of this feeling. I need you to keep your distance from me. That would help me better than this”

“But... I want to take care of you maknae... I want help you reduce your pain...”

“Then all the more reason for  you to do what I ask...”

He let out a heavy sigh...

“Okay... I’ll do what you asked me. But just remember I’m always here for you okay?”

“Yes hyung...” I said smiling.

He hug me so tight, I almost can’t breathe. He swept