Please listen to Selena Gomez “The Heart wants what it wants” if you’d like.

Here is the lyrics

You got me sipping’ on something,

I can’t compare to nothing

I’ve even known I’m hoping

That after this fever, I’ll survive

I know I’m acting a bit crazy,

Strung out a little bit hazy

Hand over heart I’m praying,

That I’m gonna make it out alive

The beds getting cold and you’re not here

The future that we hold is so unclear

But I’m not alive until you call

And I’ll bet the odds against it all

Save your advice, ‘because I won’t hear

You might be right but I don’t care

There’s a million reasons why I should give you up

But the heart want what it want...

The heart wants what it want...

You got me scattered in pieces

Shinning like stars and screaming

Lighting me up like Venus

But then you disappear and make me wait

And every seconds like torture

Hell over trip no more so

Finding a way to let go

Baby, baby, and no I can’t escape

its really fit with the chapter mood.

Its already night again. I never really get out from my bed since TOP hyung take me two days ago. Time goes by real slow. I really hope time will flies. I just want to get over it faster. Maybe, after he really is someone else husband I can it up.

All I do now is just crying and fall asleep because I’m tired of crying and wakes up and crying again. I don’t even know anymore why I am crying. Is it because of my stupidity? Because I’m falling in love with my band member? My leader? My best friend? Straight guy? Am I crying because the fact that he give me that big hope which turn out to be a lie and I just believe him blindly?

Why I even fall in love with him in the first place? What is it so good about him anyway? He is caring but my other hyungs is also caring. He’s handsome? Well TOP hyung having a perfect body and face. Why him? Why jiyong hyung? Why I fall in love with the person who don’t even like me as a fellow trainee in the first place?

“AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH....” this confusion is killing me. My head won’t stop thinking. My heart won’t stop feeling.

“WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT SEUNGRI? YOU ARE VICTORY FOR GODS SAKE? WHY YOU TURNING INTO THIS PATHETIC LOVESICK PERSON? YOU JUST DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE BY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM YOU KNOW???!! AND NOW YOU TRYING TO KILL YOU SELF FOR HAVING HOPE THAT HE ALSO LOVES YOU!!! COME ON!! YOU SMARTER THAN THAT. THIS IS REAL LIFE, NOT FAIRYTALE SEUNGRI!!” I keep screaming my heart out. Everything that happening is driving me crazy.

I’m in my living room now. Turn on my TV that connected to internet, and I choose random song on YouTube and let it playing on it owns.

“HAHAHAHA... I REALLY GOING CRAZY NOW. JUST NOW I WAS CRYING MY HEART OUT. NOW I’M SCREAMING AND LAUGHING. HAHAHA.”

“If only I can turn back time. I won’t fall in love with you. Not in million years.”

“Hahaha... my stupid pathetic love story”

“Hyung... you win hyung...”tears start flowing again...

“Hyung... I admit that I’ve lost hyung... you win, you hear me? You win. I love you so ING much that its killing me. I don’t know how to forget you hyung. Can you see me now hyung?!! I’m a ING mess. Why are you so coward hyung? Why are you never look for me?”

I fall down on the floor, my hands grabbing my chest where my heart is. Its ing hurt. I cry and screams to no one. He’s not here. Jiyong hyung is not here. He’s there. With his bride to be, preparing their wedding. Welcoming their upcoming happy life together. I’m all alone here. You’re not here hyung...

“What should I do hyung? Help me”

I sobs and crying, I tried to stop but it won’t stop flowing. The tears keep flowing. My heart is crying. I pant so hard because of all the screaming. I pant... and I sobs...

“Seungri...”

Gosh... I think I really am crazy now. I start to hallucinate of his voice huh?

“Baby...”

I feel a hands on my back. Someone touching my back. I don’t have to look back. I know who it was. I just stay silent. Not moving or saying anything.

All I can hear was my breath, my sobs, and some random song that keep playing on YouTube.

“Baby...” I know he’s sitting down now behind me, I can feel him moving. He position himself behind me, his hands not on my shoulder anymore. His hands move to my waist and hug me slowly from behind. He put his head on my back. I can feel his hot breath on my back. We stay on that po