Minseok sighs as he turns to grab his cell phone from the bedside table, glancing at the time.

The flashing 6:00am signals the start of another day. Another day of mundane, mind-numbing secretary work which would then be followed by a long nap until his son comes home and actually makes him do things like cook and clean.

He sits up in bed and rubs his hands over his sleepy eyes before glancing at the empty spot beside him.

Luhan didn’t come home again last night—which by now is more normal than him actually sleeping beside him for once.

He sighs again as he swivels his feet onto the warm carpet and makes his way into the bathroom to get ready for his exciting day ahead. He has half a mind to call Luhan and ask him where he is, but he figures he would most likely get the same response as usual. I’m working to finish a deadline for a huge client and I can’t just leav—

And that’s where Minseok usually stops listening and hangs up, wondering why he even made the call in the first place.

It’s not that Minseok doesn’t believe Luhan—he does—but it still doesn’t stop the disappointment from affecting him. He knows Luhan’s high position in the company means a lot of work, but it also means a lot of pay which is what they both have always wanted to begin with.

Minseok makes his way out of the bathroom and into the little six year old’s room to get him ready for the day as well.

“Sehun, wake up,” he says, sitting on the bedside and slowly pulling the covers off the sleeping boy. “Time for school.”

He gets a tiny groan in response, and can’t help but smile at the way Sehun is squirming to get the blankets back on him. “Get up, child of mine. You’ll be late for school!”

Sehun whines, slowly opening his eyes and going to rub at them—a trait he definitely inherited from Minseok.

“Daddy, can I skip today? Please?” mumbles Sehun, sitting up despite his protesting.

“If I let you skip today, then you’ll have to go to school twice tomorrow,” chuckles Minseok, smoothening the little tufts of hair sticking wildly out from his son’s head.

Sehun’s eyes go wide as he crawls into Minseok’s lap. “I don’t want to go to school two times, daddy!”

“Hm, should we go get ready then?” Minseok says, hugging the little boy close to his chest. 

He takes Sehun’s abrupt departure from the room and the noise of the bathtub faucet going off as an answer.

***

Minseok stares off into the boiling pot of water, lost in his own thoughts until the loud doorbell jerks him back to reality.

He quickly lowers the gas and takes off his apron, making his way to the front door.

“Daddy!”

He’s quickly tackled into a jump-hug by an enthusiastic Sehun, who then lets go and drags a quiet Tao behind him to go play with his newest toy car.

“Don’t run so fast! You’ll both fall,” he calls out behind them before turning to Kris at the door. “Come in, hyung. Thanks for dropping Sehun off.”

“No problem, kiddo! What’re you cooking?” asks Kris, giving Minseok a hug after taking off his shoes. “Smells delicious.”

“Shrimp fried rice,” he replies, walking towards the kitchen as Kris follows. “Stay for dinner. I know poor Tao could use some actual food for once.”

“Hey, I do the best I can,” chuckles Kris, “He actually ate all of his dinner yesterday.”

“Oh yeah? What did you make?”

“Ramen.”

“Idiot,” says Minseok as they both burst out laughing. “You can’t keep feeding your son such crap! I’ll teach you some recipes that are simple enough for your skills.”

“I’ve survived off of my cooking for so long now,” counters Kris, trying to defend his manly pride till the end. “Watch, one day Tao will grow up to be taller than his uncle Minseok and you’ll wish I had fed you the same growing up.”

“Oh yeah? Sehun is going to grow taller than you all thanks to my cooking.”

“If your own cooking is so great, then why are you still so short?”

“Blame mom and dad!” says Minseok, hitting Kris on the arm before resuming his cooking. “At least you didn’t inherit their short stature like I did.”

“Well you can’t really blame me for being adopted,” laughs Kris. “Bless whoever my parents were for their genes. I mean, I’m a killer beauty.”

“…who still can’t find a person to settle down with,” snorts Minseok, sticking his tongue out at his older brother.

“The last thing I’m thinking about is finding someone,” says Kris before sticking his tongue back out at Minseok. How mature.

“Well, you should,” continues Minseok, stirring the vegetables in with the steamed rice. “You could definitely use some help now that your hands are so full. I mean, you’re raising Tao, running a daycare, and going back to school to get your Master’s. How do you find the time?”

“So, you want me to find somebody that will take even more time away from my priorities, and possibly blow through all my money while he’s at it,” chuckles Kris, shaking his head at the thought. “No thanks, I don’t think I’m ready for another responsibility just yet.”

“Well, think about it. You deserve someone special in your life.”

“I have Tao,” shrugs Kris in response.

“You know what I mean,” deadpans Minseok.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just want things to settle down for Tao before I add another person to the mix. I just got him to talk recently, I can’t have him shutting down again.”

“How is he adjusting? How is school?”

“Going well, especially since Sehun is there to look after him. I’ve been working with him to learn Korean so he wouldn’t be so anti-social. I don’t even know how he handles Sehun talking his ear off in a language he doesn’t understand.”

They both chuckle at the expense of their sons. “I’m sure he’ll open up even more soon. You’re doing a great job, hyung.”

“Am I? Sometimes I doubt myself—wondering if I made a huge mistake because I could potentially ruin this child’s life.”

“Of course not! I think you are both so lucky, you finding Tao and adopting him—giving him a life he would’ve probably never gotten if he continued to grow up in that shelter. And he makes you so happy, something I haven’t seen since mom died. You are definitely not making any mistakes, hyung,” Minseok smiles at Kris in encouragement. “Remember how long it took for you to open up to mom and dad? It’s only been a month since you brought Tao from China. Give yourselves time to warm up to each other.”

Kris raises himself from the chair, walking over to Minseok and ruffling his hair. “Aw, look at my baby all grown up! Giving me life advice and ,” he says, pinching Minseok’s cheeks as the other swats his hands away.

***

Minseok feels content for once, looking around his dining table and seeing the chairs actually being occupied.

“You guys should come over more often,” he says to Kris.

“Yeah, Uncle Kris! Come over more, and then Tao can come too!” says Sehun, jumping up and down in his seat as he flings his rice all over the place.

“Sehun, manners,” scolds Minseok lightly, pointing to the spilled rice on the table.

“Sorry daddy. I just got excited,” he smiles sheepishly at his dad before grabbing his napkin and swiping the rice onto the floor. “There! All clean.”

Minseok face palms briefly before giving Sehun a smile. “Thanks baby.”

Kris laughs and Tao’s lips are twisted weirdly, as if trying to hold back his own smile. Sehun flashes them all a grin before speaking again. “I think Tao should come over every day. It’s always so lonely here without dad.”

And just like that, Minseok’s good mood drops slightly at the mention of Sehun’s other dad. The man who hasn’t seen his son or husband for more than a few minutes each week. The man who comes home only to grab a new set of clothes and drop off his old ones. The man who always brings Sehun a new toy whenever the boy cries about missing him.

Too bad Luhan can’t figure out that a stupid toy is not enough to replace his presence in Sehun’s life.

Minseok sighs as he sees Kris send him a questioning look. Later, he mouths and returns to his own dinner plate, appetite diminished.

***

Sehun managed to convince them to let Tao sleep over, and thus the two six year olds are upstairs, sleeping away all of their little worries while Minseok is struggling to push away his own. However, one look at Kris’s face tells him he will be doing anything but that tonight.

“I think I’m going to need a drink to hear this one,” says Kris, sprawling across the living room couch comfortably.

“Too bad. I threw all the alcohol out,” replies Minseok, curling up on the couch across from him.

“What?” exclaims Kris, sending Minseok an incredulous look. “Why would you do that?”

“Because,” stresses Minseok, hesitating on explaining the reason behind his actions, even though he has a feeling Kris will get it out of him anyway.

“Okay, forget all that. What’s up with you and Luhan?”

“It’s nothing, hyung. Sehun just misses Luhan because he’s at work all the time.”

“Well, it must be a lot for even Sehun to notice his absence. How long has this been going on?”

“Nothing’s been going on. Everything is fine.”

Kris sends him a glare that lets him know to quit bullting and start spilling the beans.

Minseok sighs and really wishes he hadn’t thrown out that alcohol now. He could use a drink or two to numb away his stress.

“He’s just—we—I don’t know, hyung.”

“How about starting with actual sentences first?” Kris dodges the pillow Minseok flings at him.

“Luhan…he’s been so busy with the new promotion. And I understand that—I do! But I can’t help but feel disappointed,” starts Minseok, feeling uneasy now that he’s finally verbalizing the thoughts that have plagued him for months. “Sehun and I barely see him for more than a few minutes, and even then his attention is not on us. I guess I just feel like we’ve dropped down a few notches on his priority list.”

“Have you talked to Luhan about how you feel?” asks Kris, Minseok’s own personal therapist.

“I don’t know if it would be appropriate. I mean, to me it feels like a big deal but he’ll probably just think I’m over analyzing things that aren’t true. At this point, I’m expecting him to not even listen, much less care.”

“Don’t say that. You guys have been together for seven years—and you share a kid. That’s not something one would easily forget. Are you sure you’re not reading too much into this?”

“I feel like I am when I think back to how we eloped,” laughs Minseok dryly. “I don’t know why I keep doubting us. Even though we got married because I got knocked up with Sehun, I still wonder sometimes if that was the right decision.”

“You wouldn’t have lasted seven years if it wasn’t.”

“Now I wonder if we could even last seven more.”

“Minseok, you should really talk to Luhan about this. All this assuming and over thinking never has any good outcomes—especially if you’re at the point of doubting your marriage.”

“I can’t help but assume. I feel like he doesn’t even want me anymore. The last time he… touched me was around two months ago—fully alcohol fueled and we both barely remember it. He came home drunk and I was at home drinking my feelings away, it’s sad to say it felt more like a one night stand than intimacy.” Minseok sighs, definitely feeling overwhelmed and just exhausted. “Which is why I threw out the alcohol. I don’t want that happening again,” he mumbles afterwards.

“Are you sure you’re not frustrated because you haven’t gotten laid in a while?” chuckles Kris, trying to make light of the heavy situation.

“That’s beside the point,” scoffs Minseok, not wanting to admit that part but there was definitely more to it than just his dry life. “He hasn’t stayed home in weeks. I don’t even know where he sleeps or what he’s doing until I see the credit card bill—did you know he went to Malaysia for a business trip and I didn’t even know about it until last week? I still don’t know if he’s even gotten back yet.”

Kris shoots Minseok a concerned look, not knowing what more to say because this is the first time he’s hearing about all of this. “Why are you only telling me now?”

“You already have so much on your plate, hyung. With the whole adoption process and getting Tao home, I figure the last thing you’d want to hear is how ty my marriage life has been.”

“You know I always have time for you, Minnie,” says Kris, standing up from his spot and flexing his huge biceps. “If you want me to scare some sense into my brother-in-law, you just have to ask.” He continues to flex his muscles until Minseok cracks a smile.

“That would be nice.”

They both laugh despite the lingering tension in the room.

***

Another week passes by and Sehun’s become quite…clingy. The little boy is usually content playing with his toys by himself, but lately he’s been glued to Minseok side.

He’s even thrown a few temper tantrums and Minseok’s unsure of what’s causing his usually sweet boy to become so distressed.

It could be because of Luhan’s lack of presence around the house—the atmosphere has changed quite a bit and it’s beginning to suffocate Minseok. Maybe his son is starting to feel the same. Or maybe it’s because Minseok’s been feeling so down in the dumps lately, to the point of throwing up nearly everything he eats.

He hates that Sehun has to see him so weak and pathetic. His mood has been fluctuating between sadness and anger—it’s always between the two and he blames Luhan for it all.

“Sehun, stop jumping on the couch. You’re going to fall and hurt yourself,” he says to the six year old, who’s giggling and totally not paying attention to his daddy. “Sehun, I mean it, hop off!”

“But it’s so fun, daddy!” he says, shrieking in delight as he jumps higher and higher.

Minseok stops his vacuuming and gives Sehun a stern look. He really isn’t in the mood for scolding Sehun but the little boy is being so adamant. “If you fall, daddy’s not going to help you.”

“I won’t fall, I promise!”

Minseok rolls his eyes and begins rolling up the cord. He’s in the middle of deciding what to make for dinner a few minutes later when he hears a loud thump followed by a blood-curdling wail.

Minseok jerks his head towards Sehun, who now lying on the living room carpet crying his little eyes out. Although initially concerned, anger overtakes him real quick.

“I told you to stop jumping, didn’t I?!” he scolds, going over to his son and lifting him into his lap. “Why don’t you ever listen to me!”

Sehun begins crying harder, his puffy cheeks turning even redder and his snot running uncontrollably.

“Why are you yelling at the poor child?” comes a voice from behind, and Minseok swears he sees red as Luhan comes into his view. “Kids make mistakes, Minseok. Don’t be so harsh on our son.”

Minseok feels flashes of heat and anger because now he’s really irritated. Why is Luhan telling him what to do?

But before he can open his mouth to reply, Luhan’s lifting Sehun out of his arms and coddling him.

“Where did Sehun get hurt? Show dad,” says Luhan, sitting down on the couch and letting Sehun point to the places that need kisses.

Minseok wants to scoff because oh now he wants to act like a parent!

He stands up from his spot, looking at the two now cuddling into each other. He wants to pluck Sehun out of Luhan’s lap, but Sehun’s now giggling and laughing at being tickled, and he figures his son will start crying again if he interrupts.

It still doesn’t stop him from glaring at Luhan, who he hasn’t seen in almost two weeks and they’ve already had a mini-spat.

“Nice of you to come home, Luhan,” he says monotonously, eyeing the luggage by the sofa.

Luhan glances at him with his eyebrows furrowed, before his face becomes neutral again. “It’s nice to be home.”

“Is it?” mumbles Minseok, before going to sit by the two. “What made you come home?”

“Well, I kind of live here,” replies Luhan, pressing a kiss on top of Sehun’s head. The little boy is still hugging onto his dad as if he would leave at any moment—which he just might.

“Oh really? I would’ve never guessed,” says Minseok passive aggressively, and he hates how negative he’s sounding right now. He wants to stop but the words are just coming out.

Luhan just gives him a weird look before leaning in for a kiss from his husband, which Minseok gives hesitantly. “Don’t be like that. You know how much workload I’m under right now. I’m sorry if I haven’t been home lately—doesn’t mean I don’t miss you guys.”

“I miss you a lot daddy,” whispers Sehun, the little boy looking like he’s about to fall asleep any second. Minseok figures all the jumping and running tired him out.

“I miss you too, baby,” says Luhan, pressing another kiss on Sehun’s head before standing up. “Let’s take a nap first, and then dad will show you what I brought back from Malaysia.”

Minseok sighs as he watches them ascend the stairs, with Sehun asking if he could see his present first.

***

Minseok finishes throwing up and he swears he’s never felt so terrible before.

“Are you okay?” asks Luhan, who’s standing by the doorway as Minseok finishes brushing his teeth.

“It’s probably a stomach virus Sehun brought home from school,” he replies, drying his hands and turning to face his husband. “I’m fine.”

He tries to walk past Luhan, only to be grabbed by the waist and turned to face him. “You’re not fine.”

Minseok closes his eyes, trying to steady his balance because the sudden flip has made him a little dizzy.

“I know you, Minseok. And I know when something is bothering you,” continues Luhan, holding his husband firmly because he looks pale and worn out—almost at the verge of passing out. “What’s wrong?”

Luhan guides him to their bed and carefully lays Minseok down. He feels his forehead with the back of his hand before pulling back. “If you’re sick, I can call Kris to come pick up Sehun tomorrow.”

“I’m not sick. I told you I’m fine…just a little lightheaded,” replies Minseok, turning his back to Luhan and closing his eyes. God, he actually feels horrible right now and he just wants to sleep it all away.

“Why don’t you go see a doctor tomorrow?” presses Luhan, starting to massage Minseok’s shoulders gently.

Minseok wants to tell Luhan to leave him alone, but the hands kneading his muscles feel so good, so he lets him continue without protest. When did I start wanting to avoid his touches?

The thought is disheartening, and Minseok feels tears sting in his eyes. Why has he become so emotional lately?

“I will if it gets worse,” he whispers if only to stop Luhan from pestering him.

It’s been a while since he’s received any attention from the other male, and he isn’t quite sure how to feel about it.  He hates how foreign it feels after seven years together.

“I would come with you, but I have to leave tonight again to meet a stupid upcoming deadline,” explains Luhan, still working on massaging Minseok’s tense back. “I hate how work is taking up all my time, but I promise it’ll be worth it in the end.”

Minseok lets a tear slip this time. “Of course you’re leaving again,” he says despite his best attempts not to. He really doesn’t want to start another fight—it’s what always ends up happening every time Luhan comes home.

“I don’t want to but I have to. I wish you would be a little more understanding about this,” sighs Luhan, pulling his hands back and rubbing them over his face. Here we go again.

“I’m trying to understand—it’s all I have been doing for the past eight months!” cries Minseok, flipping over and sitting straight.

“Then why do we always end up arguing about this?”

“Because I wish you would be more understanding once in a while!”

“Understanding about what? I work hard so that we can live a good life, so that Sehun can grow up comfortably! Isn’t that what we agreed on when we got married?”

“We did and I think we’ve fulfilled that promise, haven’t we? We have everything we need and more, don’t you think it’s enough?”

Luhan exhales a long breath as he stands up. No matter how many times they argue about this, it always ends with Luhan leaving the house in a worse mood than he came in with. Sometimes he doesn’t feel like coming home because he knows Minseok will start something.

But he returns anyway because he really does miss his family. He just wishes there was a better way to show Minseok that he isn’t neglecting them—that he really does have their best interest at heart.

All of the fighting and arguing—this isn’t them. They’ve never fought so much in the past six years as they have within the last couple of months.

They’ve made it through an unplanned pregnancy, getting married during their sophomore year in college, starting life from the ten dollars they both had in their pockets with school loans looming over their heads. They’ve been through the struggle but have always come out stronger—together.

But this…this situation hasn’t improved at all since it began with his promotion. Luhan hates it. He hates how negative everything is becoming and he’s just wants to get away from it right now.

“We’ll discuss this some other time Minseok. I really do have to go—I have another business trip next week and I’ll be gone for a little bit.” He leans down to plant a kiss on Minseok’s head, putting his arms around his husband in a loose embrace. It feels distant.

Minseok remains silent as he watches Luhan pick up his suitcase and walk out of the door. He wants to wish him a safe trip but the words don’t make it out.

***

Minseok dangles his feet slowly from the high bed. He’s waiting nervously for the doctor to come back in with his lab results.

What if he has a tumor growth or some kind of incurable disease? Who’s going to take care of Sehun?

He feels fine overall, but his nausea and mood changes have really put him over the edge—enough to finally go to the doctor’s like Luhan suggested.

The doctor walks in and Minseok’s heart immediately begins to race. He can’t help but overreact. “Bad news?”

The doctor sends Minseok a smile. “Well, I don’t know if I would call it bad news.” He opens the medical chart and shows the results of the lab to Minseok. “Your HCG levels are significant, and your symptoms certainly match the result. Congrats, you’re pregnant!”

Minseok’s eyes bore holes into the paper until his vision becomes blurred by the unspilled tears. He knows exactly why he’s crying, but he lets the doctor assume it’s because he’s too happy for words.

“Would you like me to set you up with an ultrasound appointment so you can find out how far along you are?”

He nods his head even though he’s figured out exactly how far along he is, considering the last time he had with Luhan was three months ago. He just can’t believe that this is the result of that night.

He can’t believe he’s pregnant. The thought never even crossed his mind.

Nostalgia hits Minseok like a train as memories of finding out about his first pregnancy flash through his mind. He’s feeling the exact same fear he felt back then, and he wants to cry his eyes out just the same.

He goes into the private bathroom down the hall and manages to turn on the faucet just as the first sob escapes his throat.

He’s breaking down just like he did seven years ago because he’s in the same situation as last time. He’s at the crossroad again, fearing that Luhan will not be there for him.

The first time around, Minseok was terrified because everything was so new—he knew nothing about pregnancies, he had no way of supporting a child, and he wasn’t sure how Luhan would react to becoming a father at such a young age.

Now, Minseok is terrified because everything has changed. He is prepared to raise another child because he has the means, but his relationship with Luhan is uncertain to him. Now, he isn’t sure of how Luhan will react to having another child when he clearly has no time for his first one.

Luhan is married to his job, and Minseok doesn’t know how he’s going to emotionally handle this pregnancy. His support factor is not around anymore, and the thought of Luhan being so absent throughout all of this is really getting to him.

He stays in the bathroom until he’s confident that he can walk outside without breaking down again. 
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

a/n - that angst