So guess what -B

What? Your fav girl group is going on tour? -C

No, even better!! -B

Uhm, you’ve been offered a job as an idol in group? -C

You’re hopeless! Kris and I had coffee and he explained it all to me and well we're back together. Well I think were dating, he kissed me so thats a good sign right? -B

Chanyeol read the message over and over again until his eyes began to water. Back together? How has this happened? He had been there for Baekhyun, he had held him while he cried, it didn't make sense. Why would he, why would he go back to that ? He has never said outright that he should stay away from Kris that he was bad news but he figured that Baekhyun knew from experience. Chanyeol tossed his phone aside and leaned his head on the back on the couch. Why would he go back to him? Kris was such a tool. Of course. Chanyeol thought, how had he not thought of it before? Those damn dramas and romantic movies he watched, they had warped him. He thinks that it's okay if Kris hurts him because he will change and show himself to be a good person later. Chanyeol had tried to tell Baekhyun that the dramas and rom-coms were lies, that love didn't work that way. “How would you know Park Chanyeol? You date a million girls and they never stick!” Baekhyun had had a point. What could Chanyeol say? Chanyeol didn't know about love, all he knew was that it didn't last, that it wasn't for him. He never brought it up to Baekhyun, he had once and it didn't end well.

“Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun had said sternly. “Love does exist. Love is the most beautiful powerful thing in the world.”

“ You’re just repeating what those stupid dramas have told you! Have you ever been in love Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun paused and bit his lip thoughtfully. “No but it does exist. Its when you feel warm and tingly and you have butterflies in your tummy.”

Then why have you never had a boyfriend Baek, why? If you believe it exists then why haven't gone out to get it yourself?”

Baekhyun paused and was quiet, his eyes showed that he was a million miles away. Chanyeol was sure he had won

“I have no desire to chase my special person.” He began indignantly. “Someday...someday my person will come…” His voice became quiet at the end like he didn't quite believe it himself. Chanyeol looked and noticed how lonely Baekhyun looked, the cheerful bubbly Baekhyun was lonely?

“Anyway, I prefer to watch from afar than participate.” Baekhyun smiled brightly, his prior sadness gone. “I don't understand dating anyway, it's tedious and pointless. When the right person comes along, i’ll know.”

Deep in Chanyeol’s heart he wanted to believe in love, but he knew that it was something not meant for him. He still wished and wanted to be truly loved but he knew….He knew that he didn't deserve it and that it was useless. Baekhyun had hope though. Baekhyun was kind and generous and beautiful, if anyone was deserving it was him. Chanyeol knew one day Baekhyun would find someone to love who would love him but he knew that it wasn't Kris. Love wasn't using someone, it wasn't mean or cruel, it wasn't pain. Chanyeol knew of love, he had seen it before. His grandparents had been madly in love. His grandfather was always kind and gentle to his wife. There was always respect and communication, his grandfather had told him that these things were key to a successful relationship. He had been told these things before his grandmother had passed away, before had parents had split up. It was harder to believe his grandfather's words after seeing such tragedy, seeing the very thing being ripped and torn until there was nothing but pain. In the deepest part of his heart Chanyeol hoped, he hoped that love was real like his grandfather had said, he hoped that maybe one day someone would love him the way his grandfather loved his grandmother.

“How do you know there’s a right person? How can you be sure?” Chanyeol said this more quietly.

“Aish I don't know! You must believe it! You’ve had tons of girlfriends!” Baekhyun said frustratedly, running his fingers through his hair.

He was right. Chanyeol had had many many girlfriends. He bit his lip unsure of what to say. He had wanted those girls to be it for him. He had tried...Or had he? Every time the girls would try to get close he would end it immediately. It was easy being Mr. Perfect, smiling, gifts, dates, flowers those things always impressed and made the girls happy but Chanyeol had never asked himself if it made him happy. He wanted to be loved, he wanted to be accepted but he knew he didn't deserve it.  It always worked but they would want him to open up and he couldn't, he couldnt show them the truth.

       ………………………………………                       ………………………………………

Chanyeol! Look at you, you're a goddamn mess. You’re fat and ugly and stupid. Is this how your mother raises you? I won't have a fat, ugly, stupid son. This is all her fault, she’s too soft on you.

Fat

Ugly

Stupid

He hid himself away in his grandfather's study and cried. He cried until it was too painful for the tears to fall.

Worthless

Mistake

Useless

He clutched his grandfather's old sweater and sobbed. “You’ll find love one day Chanyeol. Someone out there is special for you and you them. To them, you will be precious, you will be loved.”