“It just isn't working out.”

“I don't feel the same way anymore.”

“It’s not you, it's me.”

Followed by these words there's usually tears, screams, and the occasional slap. Chanyeol had seen it all. Every time he would deliver his line the beautiful girl in front of him would unravel. By now nothing was new. Chanyeol had done it so many times it didn't bother him.  It’s not that he never felt bad about breaking their hearts, he did. All things run their course, everything ends and he had to end it before it ended him.

Since the beginning of highschool he never had a hard time getting a girlfriend. He knew he must be handsome even if he couldn't see it himself. Chanyeol would be smooth and charming and in return they all fell for him, and he was happy for awhile, but it never lasted. Things would change. He couldn't open up like they wanted him to. If he did show them how broken and pathetic he really was he knew they wouldn't love him anymore. Some girls were sweet and wanted nothing more than to love him and make him happy. Some only wanted him as arm candy. The sweet girls meant well but what was there to love? He is nothing. He’s a waste of space. Useless. Chanyeol just wanted to pretend, wanted to try. Deep in his heart he wants so badly to be loved but he knows he doesn't deserve love.

Chanyeol used to believe things lasted forever. He was a happy kid until his parents split up. The screaming from his father and seeing his beautiful mother reduced to vile names and tears is a sight he can't forget no matter how hard he’s tried. “Everything ends.” His father said when he sat him down to tell him why he was leaving. “The sooner you realize this the better.”

It’s not manly and everytime he does it he hates himself a little bit more. Somehow he ended up back in his bed, cool tears streaming down his hot face against his will. He’s worthless, unloveable, he’s not even a proper man. Why would anyone love someone like him? No one could love him especially when he doesn't deserve it. No one can truly love him, it’s all fairy tales and lies. It's only a dream to have someone love him and dreams never come true.

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Chanyeol woke to a loud knock coming from downstairs. Immediately he could feel how swollen his eyes were. He made his way to his bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. Dark brown circles were etched under his puffy red eyes. Disgusting. He fliched away from his reflection, too disappointed, too disgusted to look at it. The loud knocking picked up pace as he opened the door. “Finally! You wer-.” Baekhyun looked up at him. Chanyeol turned away. He couldn't bear to look at his friend, he wouldn't let him seem him like this, even if he had so many times before. “Did she break up with you?” Baekhyun asked softly. Chanyeol nodded, he wouldn't tell him the real reason. “Well.” Baekhyun began as he placed his hand on Chanyeol's arm. “She wasn't the right person then. It’s her loss.” Chanyeol looked to Baekhyun and smiled. Baekhyun was always kind to him even when he didn't deserve it.

Once inside Baekhyun took control. He grabbed all the blankets his tiny frame could carry and threw them on the couch. “Sit down and I’ll make breakfast.” he said cheerily. Chanyeol smiled and shook his head, wrapping himself in the blankets. He knew better than to defy Baekhyun. Soon after Baekhyun appeared again with Chanyeol's favorite foods. “You have to eat a lot okay?” Baekhyun said, sitting on the couch next to him with his own plate. “I brought over that action movie we never watched. Do you want to watch it now?” Chanyeol nodded between bites of his breakfast. Baekhyun smiled and made his way to the DVD player. Once the movie began Baekhyun resumed his spot next to Chanyeol. The movie was loud and bloody which was exactly what Chanyeol needed. He was in a better spirit by the end. Baekhyun turned the TV off and laid his head against Chanyeol's arm. The small act warmed Chanyeol's heart a little more. No matter what he knew Baekhyun was there for him. He didn't judge him for looking like a mess, didn't for being weak. He accepted him no matter what, and for that, Chanyeol was truly grateful. Baekhyun cared for him like no one else.

“Kris kissed me last night.” Baekhyun said quietly. “It was an amazing date. I’ve never felt this way before.” Chanyeol suddenly couldn't breathe. Acid was climbing up his throat. Why did his words make him feel so bad? Of all the people in the world who deserved love and happiness, Baekhyun was at the top of this list. He was kind and loving and loyal. He deserves love, he deserves happiness. His reaction disgusted himself. His best friend telling him how happy he is should make him happy. He’s too selfish and disgusting to share his friend's excitement. Tears threatened to fall from his tired eyes, these tears he would keep in though. “That's great Baekhyun.” He began, his voice fake happy. “I’m sure it won't last though, he seems like a jerk.” He felt Baekhyun flinch away from him. “You don't even know him.” Baekhyun said. He sounded hurt. “I know guys like him.” Chanyeol began again, unable to stop the hurtful words. “They’re all jerks who use people, he doesn't really care about you.” Baekhyun looked at him, his face was red and his eyes looked watery. “Why are you being like this?” Baekhyun said, his voice was harsh. “I’m sorry Baek it’s the truth, he’s a player and you're just the flavor of the week.” Baekhyun stood up and walked to the door. He turned around, his hand on the doorknob. Tears were falling from his face. “I know you’re hurt right now and I can see that you’re jealous because someone wants to go out with me but don't put your bad feelings on me Chanyeol.” He slammed the door and was gone. Chanyeol sat on the couch his head in his hands and let the tears fall.

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sorry its been awhile since updating. Lotta stuff going on. If any of u have a tumblr u should come hang out with me, we can thirst together.

Link to my kpop tumblr