This is the of the story- that is why it took so long to perfect through edits. Love you guys, hope you enjoy

“That’s crazy.” Dino muttered under his breath, looking stunned. “You guys don’t seriously think I have that.”

The group surrounded Dino’s hospital bed. Dino was sitting up in his bed, mouth agape. Coups had been the one to say it-bluntly. You were at the foot of the bed next to Wonwoo. Coups was on Dino’s right. Hoshi refused to near Dino- still in the doorway.

“We do. And the doctors do too.” Coups was the only one speaking. The others were crowded up around Dino’s bedside. Beside you, Wonwoo could only look at his shoes. Mingyu also, was having trouble looking at Dino through his sorrowed eyes.

“You think I’m crazy?” Dino spat, offended. Dino’s eyes flickered to the faces caving around him on his bedside. Suddenly, he was looking at all of you as if you had all tricked him. He crossed his arms.  His eyes rapidly flicker to the spaces in-between the fortress the group had formed around his bed.

“No-“ Coups said. “You aren’t crazy. You just are sick-“

“You think I’m crazy. You want to lock me up-“ Dino spluttered quickly, teeth already clenched together.
            Dino’s face was reddened. His hand on the bed railing turned stark white. “I’m fine!” Dino yelled. “I am fine!”

“You aren’t fine, Dino.” DK muttered from the corner of the bed. “You admitted yourself that you cut. That is not okay.”

“So what?” Dino said, his voice getting louder. “You lock me up because of it! I have school- basketball! I haven’t played my first game.”

“Your mental health is more important. You can take online school.” Coups said definitely. Coups leaned over the bed, Dino shot away from him. The eyebrows on Dino’s face caved in- face twisted in pure hatred.

“I don’t want to!” Spit flew out of Dino’s mouth as he spoke.

“You don’t have a choice.” Coups said with a finalizing tone.

Dino’s face flushed red, his fists shaking with rage. His wide crazed eye locked on his IV, he moved his free arm over his body. DK grabbed his wrist before he could touch the IV. Dino growled at DK, immediately  trying to wretch his arm from his grasp.

“YOU CAN’T KEEP ME HERE!” Dino screamed. He leaned forward in bed. The boys’ formation around his bed was prepared for this. Everyone pressed hands on him, holding him down. Wonwoo grabbed his kicking feet. Coups and DK held down either sides of his hands. Dino yelled animalistic, fighting against the holds pushing him deeper into the hospital bed.

“Calm down!” Coups yelled.

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME.” Dino screamed, teeth flashing, nose crinkled in range.

This Dino. Right here. The spit-flying, wild and hate filled Dino- you no longer recognized this person as Dino. Now that you knew of his diagnosis, this side of him was foreign.

Mingyu and Wonwoo were struggling to hold Dino’s kicking feet.  Mingyu turned to you, veins building out of his neck as his hands fumbled around Dino’s socks. “Go get a nurse!”

You ran to the hall, skidding up to woman dressed in scrubs. You opened your mouth to speak but the warriors cry from the room spoke for you.

“GET YOUR ING HANDS OFF OF ME. I’M FINE. I’M FINE!”

The nurse snapped and waved frantically to the other nurses. One of the nurses grabbed a syringe quickly. They hustled into the room and you ran in after them.

“Move aside” the nurse was yelling. “Everyone out, NOW!”

A nurses was frantically waving for you all the leave. Mingyu pushed toward the doorway by the male nurses. One of the nurses removed Coups’ from Dino’s beside and shoved him away. You were all ushered out. The boys frantically moved towards the exit, in the mix you were caught up in the stamped of people. Before you knew it, the flow of people were forcing you backwards.

Past all the bodies shoving you through the doorway, you got a glimpse of Dino. Nurses were pushing on his chest, back into the bed. He writhed and spitted back up at the nurses, face tense and reddening. A nurse pulled out a syringe and inserted it directly into his IV. Dino screamed as he watched the milky substance shot into his arm

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS. I’M FINE! I’M FINE!”

The shoves of everyone forced you out into the hallway. As soon as everyone was out, the door slammed behind you. Dino’s screams echoed into the hallway. The sounds melted into moans.

“I’m not crazy-“ His words slurred into hot breathing. The room turned quiet.

After the hospital visit, the assumption became a reality. Dino was transferred to the residential treatment center. There, the diagnosis of Boarderline Personality was confirmed after an  interview. From what Coups had said, the interview itself was hard process. Dino spent the first fifteen minutes screaming swears at the doctor. Even after that, Dino only agreed to answer yes or no questions. As much as he tried to halt the interview, the outcome was definite. Dino had BPD.  

In less then twenty-four hours, the apartment went from an easy-going bachelor pad, to a trashed dorm. Hoshi didn’t talk to anyone and to be fair, no one wanted to either. Even when wasn’t Hoshi drunk out of his mind,  a simple ‘hello’ sent Hoshi in a spiral of frustrated grunts about Coups’s rash decision. DK was beginning spend more time in the refuge of you and Woozi’s room.

Woozi continued to play you to sleep but otherwise you didn’t talk. Woozi’s way of dealing with the situation was to throw himself head first in his music. On more than one occasion you awoke in the morning to see Woozi still up from the night before. You had witnessed Woozi at four in the morning, talking avidly to himself and swearing about the tempo. The ten minutes after you had woken up was the official time slot dedicated to coercing Woozi’s off of his computer and onto his bed. Physically getting him in bed was the easy part. The struggle was the confliction with Woozi’s stubbornness that he ‘was fine and no- people can stay up for thirty hours straight, I saw it on a documentary once.’ After a week of your continual persistence on his sleeping habits, Woozi began to pretend to be asleep in the mornings to prevent you from bothering him.

“I know you’re up,” You said in a low morning voice. You were standing over Woozi’s desk. He was sitting in his chair-bent over and facedown on his computer. He had his cheek pressed up against the space bar, an blue glow highlighted his free falling bangs sticking to his forehead.

“Your computer screen is still bright.” You said. You moved the plug-in mouse. The cursor neared the red ‘x’ button in the upper left hand corner of the music program.

Woozi’s blonde head snapped upright. He grabbed the cord of the mouse. “Hands off.” He snapped. You let go of the cord and Woozi lifted himself off of the keyboard.  He rested against the back of his chair. “Just leave me alone.”

“Bed.” You said forcefully. You grabbed at his sleeve.

“Don’t be so consistently annoying every morning.” He said. His dark circles were the most prominent you had seen. “Just one more hour.”

“You faked being asleep  last morning as well, then I let it slide. But not two nights in a row. Bed.” You put your hands on his shoulders.

Woozi’s head jiggles down to his chest, in exasperation. He put both of his hands on your left, placed on his shoulder. His shirt fabric caught in your nails as he slid your hand off him. “Just leave me.”

“Is your work on here saved?” You rested your hand on top of the computer screen.

Woozi’s brows furrowed. “Of course, it saves automatically-“

Your elbow dug into his collarbone as you quickly reached over Woozi and pressed a finger to the power button.

“What- No-“ Woozi grunted. He pulled on your elbows. The exhaustion of not sleeping for three whole days made resisting his force more than easy. Woozi clawed at your arm, grunting curses at you under his breath but your arm was unaffected. Desperately, Woozi pushed back your face with his other palm, trying to stretch your arm back.

A second passed and the screen turned black. Woozi’s hands dropped  as looked at you, eyebrows pulled back over a tense forehead.

You spoke before he could. “You could either wait ten minutes for your dinosaur of a laptop to restart, or you could take a nap.” You said lazily as if the idea had just came to you. “I bet, if you laid down, you would be asleep before your computer even restarted.”

Woozi narrowed his eyes up at you. “Do I even have a choice?”

“I like you let you think you do,” You pulled his chair away from his desk. Woozi held on to it, his weak fingers struggling to keep the grip on the wood. “But I know that you want to sleep too.”

Woozi sighed,. “I appreciate the help but really I can’t sleep.” He looked at you with those weary eyes.

The whole situation with Joshua, Hoshi, Coups and Dino was having an serious effect on you. The stress of it all made it almost impossible to eat and not suffer a stomach ache. Most days you only one small meal a day. Consequently, you had lost ten pounds within a span of one and half weeks. This was you. You had  only been friends with the group of guys for little over a half a year. You couldn’t imagine what Woozi- who had been friends with them for almost his whole life- was going through. He was watching his whole friend group break into fragments.

“I’m sorry,” You said. “I know this must be hard-“

Woozi cracked a smile. “Empathy.”

“What?”

“You are openly showing empathy.” Suddenly the defeated expression was replaced with a smirk. He put his hands behind his head, adjusting his shoulders in a exaggerated fashion. “I am a miracle worker.” He said pompously.

The ache in your chest disappeared. Your lip curled up in distain as you forcefully pushed his chair forward. The back end of the chair rocketed up and Woozi extended his feet forward to catch himself. “No, I am not” You growled. “It was a statement, not an exertion of emotion. A statement.”

“Statement, my .” Woozi stood up abruptly from his chair. “I am tired. But l can’t sleep.” Woozi walked out the door of the room. “I appreciate the concern.”

“No concern!” You yelled after him, “I just want to make sure you are of the right mind so you can clean your side of the damn room!”

“Yeah, Yeah,” Woozi groaned, not looking in the mood for an argument.

You followed him in the kitchen, trying hard to make your face as blank as possible. This task you found harder to do nowadays. Woozi had a bowl in one hand and a box of cereal in another. A wave of relief swept over you. Thank God. Finally, he was eating.

“What are you smiling at?” Woozi said.

“Nothing.” You grunted quickly, forcing the corners of your lips down.

Woozi sighed, pouring the cereal into the bowl. “Lets do something today.” He said plainly.

“You’ll collapse thirty minutes after we get out of the house. You haven’t slept in days.”
            “There is no chance I am going to sleep, so we might as well do something.” Woozi opened the fridge and recovered a jug of milk. Hoshi’s name was written all over the milk in black sharpie.

“What did you have in mind?”

Woozi smirked, opening his mouth but he was interrupted by a yell.

Hoshi was standing in the front door. DK was behind him, holding Hoshi up by the armpits. The glasses on DK’s reddened face were crooked. Hoshi was hollering from a lopsided smile. The noise dissolved into a stop, and Hoshi was left with a nauseous expression.

DK dragged Hoshi to the couch and dropped him down. Hoshi flopped down on his side, grumbing through pouting lips. As soon as Hoshi’s arms hit the cushion, his limbs melted.

“Hoshi” You muttered. Woozi perked up at the name.

You stormed into the front room, looking at DK. “What happened?”

Hoshi stuck his lips out, spluttering a “Shh, noisy. Sooo noisy.” His splotchy cheeks were puffy. Hoshi’s eyes were struggling to stay open. His entire being reeked of alcohol.

“Don’t worry,” DK rolled his shoulders back, face tensing as he touched the muscle. “Nothing’s wrong with the idiot.”

“He’s drunk.” Woozi said from behind you. The couch creaked when Woozi kicked it, leaning over Hoshi with a grizzly expression. “Hey!” He said loudly. “HEYY!”

Hoshi dragged his head up so his eyes could glare at Woozi. “I said be quiet.” Hoshi whined like a child, his arms flapping on the couch. Hoshi rolled onto his back, tutting.

“Drunk at ten in the morning?” Woozi leaned closer to Hoshi, yelling near to his ear.

Hoshi pushed off of the couch, arms buckling under is weight. He struggled as he adjusted himself in a upright position. He swung his leg off the end of the couch, swaying as if he was at sea. Hoshi squinted up at you, attempting to focus past Woozi’s continual loud jabber. “I’m not drunk…” His slurring words betrayed him.

“He stayed at the club all night,” DK’s eyes twitched in annoyance, his left side of his lip dragged down. “I left around midnight and he said he would follow. I stayed up until six waiting for him. Then, I had to go and drag him back.”

“I was with girls,” Hoshi slurred, rolling his eyes and aimlessly slapping DK’s thigh weakly. “You pulled me out at the best part-“

“They were con-artists!” DK said loudly through gritted teeth. “How many times have I told you? They were just trying to get your credit card!”

“Con-artists,” Hoshi laughed through a mouth that wasn’t at full motor control. The laugh sounded but his mouth barely lifted into a smile “Con-artists or not. They were hot-“ Hoshi half-smiled stupidly up at Woozi. “Hey, one of them said they like musicians. Whatta say you and me go back? I’m sure they are still there.”

“God, Hoshi.” Woozi said in a deep voice. “How much did you drink?”

“I lost count,” Hoshi said matter-of-factly, narrowing his eyes and putting one finger in the air, “Woah, I feel so awesome. Reminds me of freshman year. Remember that? Remember?” Hoshi hit DK playfully. DK’s tired face glared back. Based on the creasing frown lines on DK’s face- he didn’t approve.

“I called Joshua.” DK said dully, swatting away Hoshi’s hand and turning to Woozi.. “He answered.”

A puff of air escaped your mouth. Woozi didn’t move. “He is answering his phone?” You said.

            “He helped me drag Hoshi out of the club,” DK said. “He didn’t talk much. He’s got a black eye.”

            “He is answering his phone?” You repeated faintly.

So Joshua has been getting your messages? He has been getting those messages you leave every night and that little ing hipster doesn’t have the decency to call you back. Oh , you had been so sure he wasn’t receiving the messages. You had said so many things- things you only felt comfortable voicing with the notion that they would never be heard by anyone. In a strange way, his voicemail had become somewhat of a diary for you. And now, Joshua was reading it all. “Oh, .”

            “Is he okay?” Woozi asked quickly.

            “He wouldn’t answer any questions. He just helped me get Hoshi out of there and then he left. Joshua was able to single-handedly get Hoshi out of the club.”

            Woozi laughed. “You’re joking.”

            “No,” DK said. “He’s got muscle.”

            “No, he doesn’t,” Woozi said. “Come off it. This is Joshua. He was the one who almost passed out after Coups took him benching that one time.”
            “He picked Hoshi up. He picked Hoshi up.” DK said, emphasizing the words wide eyes. “I couldn’t believe it either.”

            “Insane,” you said under your breath. “You don’t think…Joshua is working out do you?”

            “He must be,” DK said. “Strange.”
            “More than strange,” Woozi said slowly.

            You didn’t venture deeper into the meaning of what working out might mean; in terms of gangs and the whole situation Joshua was in.

            Hoshi was pulling at your shorts. “Hey, there. Lady.” Hoshi attempted to wiggle his eyebrows. The attempts at flirtation while drunk made the expression Hoshi was giving you more constipated instead of flirtatious.

            You felt a pang of pity. “Hoshi, go to bed.”
            “The night is young!” He said, raising his hands in the air.

            “It’s morning!” DK yelled, rubbing his forehead. He sighed and turned to you. “Ahh, forget him. He’ll be out in a minute if we leave him alone.”

            DK had dark circles under his eyes. His nose was still a bit off center, his brow darkened with purple.

            “How long have you been up?” You asked him.

            “Since yesterday.” DK said bitterly, looking at the couch. Hoshi sunk into the cushions, mumbling to himself quietly. “He is destroying himself.”

            “Go to bed.” You told DK, “Is no one in this house getting the proper amount of sleep?

            “He might try to sneak out again.” DK grumbled.

            “He won’t.” You said. “Look at him, he’s already half asleep. Go.”

            DK looked at you softly. “Thanks.” DK took a step away but he stopped. He swiveled on his heels and turned back to you. “I know stuff is happening with…well, everyone. But I’m glad you are here.”

            Your eyebrows raised and throat tightened. The words felt more like bricks. You couldn’t find any words to say besides the mouthful of air that escaped you.

            “If you weren’t here, I think Woozi would be ing losing his mind.” DK said honestly, a slight smile on his face. “He has someone who gets him and for once I think having a roommate is doing him some good. I know everything is crazy now, but you should live with us again next year. I promise it wont be nearly as dramatic as this first time.”

            “Y-yeah.” You said, not sure how you should respond to the kind words DK was giving so freely. “I was going to.”

            DK smiled. “I’m glad.” DK laughed. “You know, school is almost over. I think I might actually miss you over the summer.”

You felt your face heating up. Dammit, why did DK have to get all sentimental now? The compliments made your hands sweat. This was your first time hearing anything from anyone regarding them missing you. As far as other people had informed you, you were just a character who blended into the background. DK wanted you to stay? And he would miss you. You wish you could tell him how much saying that meant to you. Even if you tried, you knew the words wouldn’t sound right.

 You looked behind you, going to signal Woozi for help. No one was behind you. “Where did Woozi go?”

            DK’s eyebrows creased. The watch on DK’s wrist lit up as DK looked down at it. “Oh, he goes on walks every Sunday around ten. Funny, I didn’t notice him leave.”

            “Funny.” You seized the opportunity avoid responding to DK comment by  picking up your jacket. “Hey, get some rest. I’m going to catch up to him.”

            You were out the door, feet shuffling quickly down the levels of stairs. The concrete hit your shoes, and the brisk outside air was fresh your face. You turned your head, looking around.

 A bus was loading a line of people at the stop across the street. A line trailed out of open entrance as people waited to get on. A blonde head bobbed in line. The ponytail was recognizable immediately. You ran across the parking lot. Just as you joined the end of the long line, Woozi was getting on the bus.

            You waited through the line of people and got on quietly. Woozi was sitting in the back of the bus, pressing himself close the the window seat. He stared out the window with heavy eyes.

As the line moved to the back of the bus, people squeezing for seats, you stared at him in hope he would sense you and look up. But there were too many people crowding the bus for him to notice you. The dirty glass pressed against his nose as he stared pointedly away from the tangled blob of forms moving on. You reached the back with everyone else and silently took a seat behind him.

            Woozi got off at the fourth stop: the hospital. You waited until Woozi had passed through the big hospital doors before following him off the bus.

            You jogged to catch up to him. Once inside, you spotted him down a hallway in the distance. You walked in his footsteps, making sure to keep a measurable distance between the two of you. Woozi stopped to speak briefly to a nurse outside of one of the permanent residential rooms before entering.

            You picked up your pace and approached the door. Now that you were here, you had no idea what you were doing.  What even was your plan? Why did you even follow him here?

            You peaked in slightly in the doorway.

            In this hospital, the permanent residential rooms were large. It fit a oversized hospital bed, a large couch and two armchairs. An older man laid asleep in the hospital bed, hooked up to a beeping machine. The wall opposite the doorway was completely glass. The room looked down on a scenery of a trees and park. The glass wall  brightened the room naturally.

            Woozi stepped into the large emptied room. The light from the window cast a sharp shadow behind his hesitant footsteps. He approached the bed, and set his hands on the railing of the hospital bed. He turned his head slightly.

“It’s rude to linger in the doorway.” Woozi said loudly.

            Your breath caught. However, you felt a wave of relief that he noticed you. You stepped into the shinning white floor of the hospital room. The mass amount of light coming from the window almost blinded you. “When did you know?” You said.

            “Not until this hallway. Kudos to you. Most times I would’ve noticed if someone was stalking me” Woozi said. He turned around to face you, one arm twisted back-still on the railing. His blonde hair glowed white against the strong backlight. “Why did you follow me?” Woozi’s jaw was clenched.

            “I was…” You closed the door behind you. “Worried.”

            Woozi’s lip curled up. His brows furrowed skeptically. “You were worried?” He scoffed, “That’s a first.”

            “You haven’t slept in days,” You said. You took a step toward the bed. Woozi back bumped into the railing of the bed he was still holding on to.  “I was afraid you were going to make a rash decision.”

            “You know me,” Woozi said, stone-faced. “Always logical.”

            You approached the man hooked up to a beeping machine. He looked old enough to be your father. The man’s eyes were wrinkled in smile lines, his face flushed of any pigment. An oxygen tube was under his nose, over a mouth hanging open.

The cold metal of the railing grazed your skin as your fingers curled around it. “Is this your grandpa?” You whispered

            “If the nurses ask: yes. I am” Woozi gaze warned you against asking any more questions. His back pressed against the same metal that was digging in your ribs. “And don’t bother whispering. He isn’t waking up any time soon.”

            “Okay?” You said slowly, “He is-?”

            “Coma,” Woozi said. “Practically brain dead.”

“Then, who is he?”

“A secret.” Woozi said.

            You turned your head back to look at him. You could’ve laughed but Woozi’s profile was stripped of any humor. Sleep depravity paired with his own self-inflicted isolation had driven the young man too such a raw state; he was almost unrecognizable. They weren’t foggy as they normally were. Normally, his eyes were clouded with a barrier but without it, you felt as if you could see right through him.

            “What do you mean?”

            Woozi refused to look at you. His gaze fixed on the door where you had entered. The bright window in front of you illuminated his white t-shirt. Through the t-shirt, you could see a big blotch of black across the middle of his back.

 “It’s a secret.” He gritted, “You shouldn’t even be here. Please go.” His voice was not rough or ordering like it normally was. He was begging you.

            “Are you related to him in any way?”

            “No.”

            “Then who is he?”

            “Just go, please.”

            For once, the roles had switched. Here you were, trying to pry something out of Woozi- the unwilling participant. So many times, he was the one to beat you down for information, sometimes even emotion. Your designated role was to be the one to say ‘go away’. Things were opposite now.

            “Tell me,” You said. You nudged his shoulder. Woozi didn’t move.

            “He is the reason why I can’t do anything about Joshua.” Woozi turned his head away from you. The only thing you could see was a bit of his jaw line moving as he spoke

“You visit him often?”

            “Every Sunday morning,” Woozi said, “Some go to church to repent for their sins- I go here.”

            “Your sins?” You said in confusion, brows creasing.

            “We all have sins we have to repent for.” Woozi scoffed. “Here, I can come face-to-face with mine.” Woozi slid away from you on the bar.

            “This man is your…sin?” You were trying to make sense of his complex reasoning.

            “His state is my sin.”

            The sides of your sneakers grazed his dirty converse as you moved toward him. Woozi’s jaw clenched.

            “You can confess your sins to me,” You said. “Haven’t you ever been to a confession?”

            “Only when I was younger,” Woozi said. “Besides, you are far from a priest.”

            “If you confess your sins to a fellow sinner, they can’t condemn.”

            Woozi sighed heavily. He pushed his thumb through your fisted fingers. Your palm was forced open on the cold mental bar. Open palmed, he slipped his fingers through yours. His hands were calloused and rough. Woozi’s body was still facing the opposite direction as you.

            “Alfred Travis. Fifty-three years old and single father of two. He was admitted to the hospital five years ago  on April Twenty-Eighth with severe brain damage. No sign of brain activity since admission. His children are currently still in the foster-care system.” Woozi spoke blandly, as if he was reading off of cue cards hidden somewhere in the hospital room.  “He was rushed to the hospital after being found abandoned in a street alley. Missing shoes and wallet, the police deduced it was a random robbing. Gang activity suspected but never confirmed on the case. Police say the act had to have been committed by a group of seven or more guys based off of the severity of the injuries.” Woozi sounded like a objective news reporter but still, he squeezed your hand tightly.

            “That is your sin?” You said quietly. “With your old gang, you did that?” Woozi didn’t speak. He turned around so that he too could look at the old man. His shoulders wavered slightly. “You can’t be blamed for that. It was you and seven other guys.” You said.

            “The police thought it was seven guys.” Woozi’s chin dropped to his chest. His hands clenched the bars. “It was just me.”

            You couldn’t help your mouth from parting. “You did this… all by yourself?” Your voice croaked. The man in the bed had a crisp scar on his face; staring at his left brow and reaching to his right ear. The right ear on the man was nothing but a mangled piece of flesh.

            “You see me differently, now. I knew you would.” Woozi growled, brows furrowing. He took a step away from the bedside. His converse shifting in place. A weak finger pointed at the door. “Leave now. It was useless telling you-“

            You stepped toward him. His eyes were burdened, too weak to be angry. You quoted something that you never thought you would before. “Where are your accusers? Let one who has never sinned throw the first stone.’”

            Woozi looked up at your words. “I didn’t know you went to church.”

            “Joshua took me a few times.”

The corners of Woozi’s mouth sunk deeper into a frown. For once, you felt as if you were the one who could see right through his soul.

            You couldn’t describe it. You could feel what he was feeling. Through a look, you felt all of his inner feelings bubble up in your chest. Sorrow, guilt. Fear.

            “What did you do?” Your voice cracked. Your hand cupped his cheek. A puff of air escaped Woozi’s mouth. The whites of his eyes widened as he looked at your hand.

            “I put this man in here-“

            “Not, then.” Your eyes were aflame. “What did you do, Now.”

            “I don’t under-“

            “I have a bad gut feeling, Woozi. Tell me quickly.” You tried to stay calm. “Why did you come here?”

            “I’ve seen him every Sunday for five years.” Woozi said.

            “But why does this Sunday feel different?” You ordered, your voice tense. The gentle hand on his face became forceful as a pang of anxiousness hit you in the chest “I can feel it.”

“It’s my last Sunday with him.”

            “And why is that?” Your throat tightened.

            “Last night,” Woozi was having difficulty talking. He swallowed hard several times. “I went to see the boss-“

            You knew this would happen. “No-,“ You said. The fingernail dug into his face. Woozi winced but did not move way. “You were at home. You were at home working on music!” You said with a tone of desperateness.

            Woozi didn’t look at you, “I snuck out when you were sleep to meet him.”

“You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.” You knew it even before he said it.

             “They offered me a deal-“

“Godamnit, Woozi!” You hissed.
            “They said they would let Joshua completely off the hook.” Woozi said. His eyes were screaming a desperateness that his face didn’t allow itself to show.

            “You can’t go back.” You said sternly.
            “You think I want to go back?!” Woozi yelled, face twisted. “Don’t you see? This was their plan since the beginning. Joshua was nothing more than easy bait. They knew that if they  could trap Joshua, then they could drag me back in.”

            “You can’t rejoin the gang!”

            “They gave me an ultimatum. Either Josh joins, or I can take his place. Me or Josh; and we both know Josh wouldn’t last a day.” Woozi throat constricted, his brows furrowing down on his weak eyes. “I owe this to him.”

            You brought your other hand up to his face.

            “Do the others know?”

            He took a step back; his face slipping away from your fingertips.

            “I don’t want to tell them.” Woozi said.

            You didn’t know what to say. Your thoughts were traveling too fast to catch words to construct a proper sentence. Woozi was rejoining the gang in Joshua’s place. Woozi would be gone. “You can’t leave!” You said, your chest hot with anger.

“You should be happy!” He said. “You said the only thing you needed was Joshua. Now, you can have him.”

            “So?” You screeched. “You think just because Joshua is off that hook, that I would be happy that you are back-“ Your voice halted to a stop. The tone in your voice was trembling with rage. You took a big breath in through flaring nostrils before continuing. “You can’t. Joshua wouldn’t want you to do this.“

            “Joshua would.” Woozi said plainly. His teeth gritted and jaw jutted out.

            You laughed, “Do you even know Josh? He would hate himself if he knew someone put themselves in his place.”

            “Someone.” Woozi scoffed, a bitter smile on his lips. “Nice wording.” He said shortly. Woozi pulled out a phone and tossed it to you. This was not Woozi’s phone. Woozi’s phone was black and old. This device was fresh off the market.

            “What is this?” You scoffed. “Stop trying to distract me-“

            “Open it. Read the messages.” Woozi scoffed.

            You opened the messages. There was only one conversation in the history:

Joshua: Trust me. It is worth it.

You: I am unsure. It is dangerous.

Joshua: It’s nothing unlike the stuff you have been in at school. I’ve heard you’ve had quite the record.

You: How did you know?

Joshua: The boss let me know. Come on, it is a perfect fit for you. You are already almost in the gang already- just make it official.

You: Figure a time the boss and I can meet.

            Joshua: Will do

            You: Are you sure? I’m uncertain about it.

            Joshua: Trust me. I’ll figure out a time for you and the boss to meet.

            The phone lowered in your clenched hand. You felt as if someone had just knocked you over the head with a rock. “What is this?” You muttered slowly, heart pounding against the forefront of your skull. “I don’t understand-?”

            “It’s a conversation with Josh.” Woozi said plainly.

            “I know that!” Suddenly you were yelling. Your hand fisted around the phone. “What is this you are talking about? Joshua is trying to convince you to rejoin the gang….” You trailed off, suddenly feeling dizzy.

            “He doesn’t know he is talking me. The boss told Josh that if he could recruit another kid in his place, that then he would be off the hook. Josh thinks he is talking to an eighth grader at the high school nearby.” Woozi said.

            “Josh wouldn’t do that.” You said quickly. “An eighth grader! Joshua wouldn’t-“ The more Woozi talked the more your headache grew. You could feel the dull ache wraparound the back of your head now.

            “He would! The gang is already changing him. You see? He is desperate, he wants someone in his place.”

            “If he knew it was you, he wouldn’t.”

            “I’m not so sure anymore.” Woozi said quietly. “He has been talking with me over text for a week. His lies have been convincing.” Woozi ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends roughly.

            “So what about Josh,” You said, you gripped his forearm so tightly his skin turned white. “The hell they put you through, and you are going go back?”

            “Josh got me out in the first place,” Woozi yelled. “I need to repay the favor.”

            “What about college? Your music career?” You said desperately. You were grabbing at anything, everything that would try to snap him out of the ridiculous idea.

            “I would have to drop out,” Woozi said.

            “No!” You said, “you love music. You work on it day and night. Music your life! You can’t just stop.”

            “If it what needs to be done-“

            Woozi looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The downturned eyes had heavy bags circling underneath them. His eyelids with heavy over black burdened eyes. The ends of his mouth had frown lines.

“SHUT UP!” You screamed. You grabbed him, pulling him close. “Look at me.” You said fiercely. Your heart was beating with fury. Woozi winced as your hands pinched down on his shoulders. “Look at me and tell me you want to do this.”

His eyes met yours and his mouth dropped. His brows lifted on his forehead. His throat began to speak but the soft sound was choked out and the only thing that came out was air. His pupils dilated, eyes widened. His bottom lip shook as Woozi began to breath heavily.

            “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.” You said quietly, tugging on the sleeves of his shirt.

            Woozi chin dropped to his chest. His frame slowly leaned toward you up on the front of his feet. You stood still, watching the part of his blonde head get closer. His head bypassed your face and reached your shoulder. The top of his forehead adjusted itself on your shoulder. Shivers ran down your back as Woozi’s hot breath steamed your skin. Choking sounds gurgled out from the back of Woozi’s throat.

            The bridge of his nose was hot against your collarbone. “I don’t want to go back.” His voice faint and nasally. “I don’t want to go back-“ He repeated the words.

Something in Woozi’s sleep deprived, emotionally drained and physically worn body broke.

You were motionless. Your hands were placed awkwardly at your side. Slowly, you felt your arms reach up. The fingers on your left hand slid over nape of his neck.

His shaking body echoed in your ribs. Wetness trailed down your shirt. His hands grasped at the back of your shirt desperately. His grip was rough. The hand on your shoulder blade pressed you closer to him.

            His nose flattened against your skin. His eyelashes your skin wetly. Your fingers gently slipped under his long hair. The awkwardness disappeared as Woozi pushed you closer into to him.

            “I don’t want to go back,” Woozi’s hiccupped.

            His breathing was staggered, never able to get a full breath before gasping out another.

            “You won’t,” You whispered, your breath on his ear.

            The hand on your back dropped. Woozi’s entire body weight pulled down on his hands now clinging to the inner of your elbows. He swayed slightly. “I’m taking Joshua’s place,” He was wideyed, frantic, as if realizing the situation for the first time. “I’m doing it all over again. All over again!”

            Woozi was frantic. He yelled, veins popped out of his neck. His teeth exposed in a growl. His mouth showed anger, but his pouring red eyes screamed otherwise.

            “I don’t want to go back,” He looked at you like a child, begging you as if you were the one who made the decision. “They’ll make me do this again. I’ll do it. I’ll be forced to. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to back back. I don’t want to.” His eyes were drowning. His face was nothing short of agony. His grimace was spiked with pain, like someone was stabbing him.

            “IT’S HELL! PURE HELL! Please. I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK. I’LL DO THIS AGAIN! I ORPHANED SOME KIDS. I come here every Sunday, but today-“ Woozi was hard to comprehend anymore. His words were overpowered by the hiccupping tears, growling hatred.  “THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN. I KNOW. I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK.”

            “You don’t need to.” You said quietly. Your hand rubbed through his hair. Woozi held your so tightly you felt you might suffocate.

            “I’ll BE A MONSTER AGAIN. I PUT THIS MAN IN THIS BED- ALL BY MYSELF.”

            His knees became weak. He sunk to the floor, his grip on your arm took you down with him. He pressed his eyes to the inner crook of your elbow.  

            “I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MUSIC!” Woozi screamed, shaking violently in your arms. “I just wanted to go on with my life. I wanted to live normally. But things like that don’t happen. Once a criminal, always a criminal.” Woozi looked up the the ceiling, and spat the words, cursing God himself. Tears streamed down his already reddened damp face.

            You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t say anything. The only thing you could do was hold him. You didn’t feel uncomfortable. Seeing him cry, set a similar pain in your chest.

            Woozi’s cried died, his shoulders relaxed.

            “I just wanted to make music.”