The guest left around eleven. Joshua said that he had to get up the following morning to go to church and Coups agreed saying that Dino needed to go to bed anyways.

            Coups said good bye to everyone with a warm smile, that you found suited him better than his cold glare. Dino left hesitantly before reminding you to keep your promise of giving him art lessons. Coups had to pull him by the jacket out of the door. DK left with them, saying that he would be right back. DK had left something at Coups’ house earlier that day.

            Once Coups left, Woozi instantly turned to you. “We need to talk, now.” He growled.

            Joshua gave you an uncomfortable glance. “Well, I’m going to go now. Just don’t punch each other okay?” Joshua turned to Hoshi and DK and said goodbye before adding. “Watch these two.”

            Once Joshua left, Woozi got up in your personal space. “Hoshi. DK.” Woozi said. “This doesn’t concern you.”

            Hoshi smirked. “Like I’m going to leave you guys alone after what happened last-.” Hoshi tried to make a joke out of it but the sentenced died after he saw how serious Woozi was being.

            He wasn’t exactly angry. Just serious.

            “I promise I won’t hurt her or anything.” Woozi promised, his voice turning soft.

            “Like I need your protection.” You scoffed at Hoshi while smiling. “I can take care of myself.”

            Hoshi nodded and retreated into his bedroom.

            “What?” You snapped. “Make this quick.”

            “What the hell was that?” He said gesturing at the door.

            “What was what?”

            “You getting all friendly with my friends.”

            “It was a dinner. That’s what we are supposed to do.”

            “Well it ticks me off.”

            “What would you have liked me to have done? Sat in the corner and said nothing, like you did the entire time?”

            “Yes actually.” He said with no hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Yes, that would have been much preferred.”

            “I’m sorry but I am just not going to do that.” You said in a tone that implied that you were not sorry at all. “Your friends are cool.”

            “Oh no, no, no, no. They are my friends. Get your own.”

            “How utterly hypocritical of you. Hoshi said that you got most of your friends because they were a friend of a friends’.”

            “Yea. A friend  of a friend’s. In case you haven’t clued in. We aren’t friends.”

            “Okay. Fine.” You surrendered, knowing that his stubbornness would lead this conversation nowhere. “Is that all?”

            “No, actually.” He hissed. His fists were starting to clench. “What was with you and Joshua?”

            “What about it?”

            “You were getting awfully close to him. Whispering to each other the whole time.”

            “What does it matter to you.”

            “Joshua is my friend and I can’t have him dating someone like you.”

             “D-dating?” You spluttered, the accusation taking you completely off guard.  “No, you’ve got this all wrong. Joshua and I are just friends.”

            “Really? Because the way I saw it you were way too comfortable around him.”

            “We’re just friends!”

            “You were whispering in each other’s ears and laughing like a schoolgirl all through dinner.”

            “I don’t know if you’ve ever met the guy but he’s funny. Also, he was the one whispering to me.”

            “I don’t trust you.” Woozi said, stepping closer to you with narrowed eyes. “Joshua’s a nice guy and he deserves someone a lot better than you.”

            “That person can have him. Because I’m not interested.”

            “Just don’t make this a habit. Hanging out with my friends.”

            “And if I do?” You challenged him, taking another step forward.

            “Don’t.”
            “And if I do?.” You repeated yourself.

            “Is this your way of getting back at me? Huh, is this your strange psychological twisted version of an eye for an eye.”

            “You are so full of yourself! I do not center my decisions around you.” You yelled, frustrated at his inability to see reality. “And I genuinely like your friends.”
            “Well stop.”

            You grunted a response and tried to walk past him but he just blocked your way.

            “If you want to live peacefully for the next year I would consider your choices wisely.”

            “You make my life chaotic as it is. What’s a little more trouble?” You said with confidence. But honestly, you were worried. You had thought you had finally found friends to hang out, and Woozi was already trying to block that.  

            “Push this. I dare you.” Woozi hissed through clenched teeth.

            “Say what you want but I like your friends and I’m going to hang out with them, with or without your permission.”

            Woozi just glared at you with a look that seemed to come from the gates of hell itself.

            “It won’t be that bad.” Your voice softened as you tried to calm him down through reassurance. “I’m already friends with Hoshi, DK and Joshua. What’s two more?”

            He groaned in frustration pulling at his bangs. “You. Just. Don’t. Get. It. Do you?”

            “What am I supposed to get?” You asked.

“That I’m just trying to help you!”

            You just shook you head at him. “You have an interesting way to showing it.”

            “Okay fine, I really didn’t want to do this.He took in a deep breath and for a minute you thought he was going to punch you. “But okay, fine. They don’t like so you so just save yourself some time and give up, okay?”

            You felt a pang in your chest. You weren’t exactly unfamiliar with those words.

            “What are you talking about? Of course they like me, your just jealous.”

“Jealous? I’ve been friends with them for years. I’m not making-” He took a deep breath in while pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “You’re making this impossible. This isn’t some false insult I am making up they really don’t like you.”
            You said nothing

“If you don’t believe me, fine. Whatever.”

            “No, I don’t believe you. Because I can’t trust anything you say. You are a manipulator.”

            “If you haven’t noticed.” He growled. “We’re the same. I know exactly what to say to make you upset because it’s the very things that make you upset that make me upset. You’re just as manipulating as me, sweetheart.”

            “But why would Hoshi and DK invite me if they didn’t like me? Huh?”

            “Because they pity you.”

            “Excuse me?”

            “You heard me. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

            “Well, you’re not making any sense”

           “Okay, answer this, then:  Not counting the people at dinner tonight, name three other friends that you have?”

           The question took you off guard. You stumbled for a minute, not really wanting to answer. “I mean, u-uh.” You failed to finish the sentence that never really started. A hallow feeling starting to spread across your chest.

           “That’s why.” He said proudly as if this solved the matter.

           “Okay, I am still confused. Because I can’t see any reason why they would pity me.”
            “Of course you would see no reason, your blinding yourself!” He laughed sourly, throwing his hands up in the air. “And why wouldn’t they pity you?! You are pitiful. Seriously, you spend all of your time in the apartment, you barely leave except to go to the library. From during the week to the weekend your always just stuck here.” The tone in his voice was slowly slipping to disgust. “If you haven’t noticed you have no friends. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention another friend that you’ve had, like ever.”

You stood there in shock as Woozi kept ranting. You felt the pain of his words in your chest but you tried to ignore it. “What does that have to do with anything?” You attempted to sound pompous but it came out as more of a whine.

“Hoshi and DK catch on to those type of things. They invited you tonight for dinner because they felt sorry for you, not because they consider you a friend.”

            “T-that not true. Hoshi is my friend. So is Joshua.”

            “No one is arguing with you on that one. I don’t doubt that you consider them your friend but do you think they consider you one? Hell no.  If you haven’t noticed neither Hoshi and DK have ever told you anything personal besides what there major is. They don’t like you.  But sure you think that they do, of course. Because they put up this little façade of pretending to enjoy your god forsaken company for my sake. Truly, they are forced to up to you because of me. That’s right, me. Because they fear that if they don’t, they’re worried that you might kick us out. So they laugh at all your jokes and invite you to things that weren’t yours to come to in the first place just so they can have a peace of mind. My little anger problem right now, is the only thing that is keeping your fake friendships together.”

            “Joshua-“ You could feel your eyes start to burnt but you just-
            “I’ll give you that one. I assume that when you first met that you were friends. But then Hoshi found out that Joshua knew you and informed him of our little predicament: keep you happy or possibly suffer another eviction. So Joshua is trying his best to keep your friendship alive for my sake. Do you finally see it now?. If there is anything I hate more than you, it’s the fact that I have to watch my friends feign friendship over dinner with someone they don’t even care for. When I mean stay away from my friends that’s not just me talking, that’s me talking for them.”

            “Your lying.” You said, your voice beginning to crack.

            “If you don’t believe me, fine. Whatever. I’m just saying this so later on, you can’t whine about how you ‘didn’t see it coming’.”

            “I’m back.” DK entered with a smile. Perfect timing. “Whoa,” He said looking from Woozi’s fury to your somber expression. “What’s going on?”

            “Things.” Woozi snapped

            “What did you do?” DK walked over to you, and put his hand on your shoulder.

            You looked up at DK, who returned the gaze.

            That look he was giving you. You knew it from the other times Woozi and you had fought. It was confusion, mixed with anxiousness and a tad fearful. You had always assumed that the fear in this eyes was directed toward Woozi, when he got scary. But now that Woozi told you it all made sense.

            He wasn’t afraid of Woozi and his anger. He was afraid of you. And afraid of what you might do because of Woozi’s anger.

            You flinched from DK’s touch, suddenly feeling sick. You needed some fresh air.

            “I-I need to go.” You stuttered. Words were becoming harder and harder to put together. All of these thoughts were pushing against the forefront of your mind. Surely, that is what the headache was from. “I need to…go.”

            “Wait.” DK said but you just walked to your room. Your sanctuary behind your bedroom door felt miles away. Just walking to it felt like minutes. You opened it, and expected to feel a sense of relief. But none came. How could you? After all, you were sharing the room with the one person who hated you most in the world, the same person who you realized was the sickly green thread in the seems your friendship.

            You needed a drink.

            You walked back out. You wished the room would stop spinning; you were getting lightheaded.

            “Are you crying?” You didn’t know who asked you. But your cheeks did feel wet.

            You just grunted, and pushed your way past both of them to the door.

            “Hey. WHAT ARE YOU-“ You heard DK, But you were already sprinting down the stairs.  The wetness on your cheeks increasing.

            This is what it came down to, wasn’t it?     

            You kept running even when you got to the end of the street, you didn’t stop. The dark cold pavement felt more inviting than anything inside that apartment.

            They don’t like you

            When the pavement was starting to hurt your feet was when you realized that you weren’t wearing any shoes.

            Do you finally see it now? No one really likes you.

            You kept running. You felt as if you were breathing through a straw; never able to take a full breath before starting another. You could hear yourself breathing quickly and heavily but you couldn’t feel it nor stop it.

            My little anger problem right now, is the only thing that is keeping your fake friendships together.

            You’re sure that you just stepped on something sharp. You must be bleeding.

            If there is anything I hate more than you

            Your eyes were watering because of the wind.

            it’s the fact that I have to watch my friends feign friendship over dinner

            There was no wind.

            with someone they don’t even care for.

            You couldn’t stop running, even though your legs felt like jelly, and your chest caving in on itself. You couldn’t stop.

            You’re not sure if you wanted to stop.

            You heard your phone ring. The sound felt foreign to your ears and you realized how seldom it rang. Because one ever calls you. No one ever talks to you

            This thought spread like venom throughout your body, paralyzing you. When it reached your legs they stiffened. Your legs stopped moving and your body didn’t use footing to stop the momentum. The speed and which you were traveling carried you forward.

            Your running speed morphed into the falling speed at which you slid against the hard concrete. You stumbled and slid against the rough concrete that tore up the whole left side of you body as the concrete kissed your flesh. As you slid, your shirt rode up against the force of the ground so that the skin underneath could also be blessed with the sting.

            Your body came to a bloody halt, your head crashed into the ground that had so lovingly carried you to your damage. The ringing in your ears was still not loud enough to block his words that repeated themselves so freshly in your mind.

            Do you finally see it now? No one really likes you.

            You didn’t move. In fear that maybe if stayed still long enough that the thoughts would suppose you dead and leave you alone. The pain made it easier to stay motionless, face first on the ground. What would happen if you just never moved? Would your body be swallowed into the very earth that had spit you out? You wouldn’t mind if it did. You might even welcome it. Darkness might clear your ever restless mind.

The rain and gravel mix themselves into your wounds. You wondered when it had started to rain.

            All this time, What a logical fool you had been.

           Ever since you could remember, you’ve been hiding from your emotions under a mask of dignity you carved for yourself. You thought that maybe if you kept the act up of not being able to feel anything, that you could trick yourself. Maybe if you deluded yourself enough, your escapism, of being a emotionless robot, could become your reality.

            All of these years of pretending not to care under the pretense of being ‘logical.’ Acting as if emotions were irrelevant to your daily life.

            You did this because the only emotions that you could feel weren’t the kind that could survive in the daylight. And when you had, gone out in the daylight with your emotions attached so bitterly to your sleeve, all you could see was smiling faces. A personal unattainable goal for you. Any smile that you had ever felt came with a sour after taste that bit your already sore mouth.

           So, after that, you decided that emotions were irrelevant. You made yourself believe it. Because not believing it meant that you could never obtain something that other people got for free. Your happiness laid in the steel coffin that had been shut before you arrived, but you did the duty of burying it in the ground.

            Any emotion that you did allow yourself to feel felt like knife to the stomach. The good emotions always seemed far away when you were drowning in the bad ones. And because you could only feel the negative ones, this just made you feel worse. So to solve this, you simply stopped feeling.

            But then you met them, and all that started to change. Even from that first night watching anime with Hoshi and DK. You were actually hanging out with someone. And looking back now, you realized that you had let your walls down and for the first time in years and you were beginning to allow yourself to feel.

           And for once you felt happy. You got a taste of what other people had been experiencing. That sense of community and friendship that you had never had was being offered to you on a platter. Or so you thought.

           Your walls were slowly being knocked down one by one. Allowing yourself to feel happy. All the emotions that you had been running from. The emotions that you had been repressing so easily for years, were becoming harder to keep restrained at the sight of those boys.

            You had let your walls down. Allowed yourself to feel.  Now you regretted because oh, how you could feel it now.

It was driving you insane. The tears in your eyes felt the strange sting it had been foreign to for years (the same sting that made you swore off your emotions in the first place.) Your broken body seemed to vibrate with a consuming emotion that you weren’t sure was humanly possible to feel.

            Why did you let them in? Your hopes had been lifted up. With the prospect of Joshua, Hoshi and DK, you let yourself feel. You allowed yourself to smile when Joshua told jokes and your smiles began to stop getting to sour aftertaste. You had let your guard down, thinking that there would be some payback in the end.

            Your phone vibrated again. You reached down and pulled it out of your pocket. Every movement stiff and painful.

            It was Joshua. Without thinking you pressed the answer button.

            “Dude!” As soon as you heard Joshua’s voice you got an ache in your stomach. He was in on this too. You could see the same look DK gave you, the mixture of fear and anxiousness reflected in Joshua’s eyes. You had been so stupid. You let Joshua in the most. His kind smile had seemed so genuine. “DK just told me that you ran out like an hour ago-”Is that how long you’ve been running for? “-Where are you?”

            You didn’t say anything. He wasn’t actually concerned with you, no, you told yourself. He was just afraid that Woozi had upset you. He was afraid for his friends’ sake. Scared that you would get them kicked out.

            “Hello? Hello?”

            More than ever you wished to disappear. Why did it have to be Joshua?

            Hoshi and DK, you could’ve lived with. It still would’ve hurt, but you would’ve survived…but Joshua-.

           You were overreacting clearly. It was just three stupid guys. They weren’t worth your tears.

           In an instant you realized that what you were feeling in the moment wasn’t directly related to any of them. They were just the trigger.

           This wasn’t about them; you were just letting out all the emotions that you had been shoving down for years.

           The issue was plain: you had been born alone. You thought that you could change that and live life with company. You were wrong.

           But maybe you were just meant to be that way. Destined to be a lone traveler. Maybe you should just finally stop fighting what was meant to be and accept it.

           Stop fighting it. Because as you know now, it will only end in heartache

            You were better off alone anyway. You didn’t need anyone else. Other people would just disappoint you time and time again, like they have already proven themselves to. Did you really need any other proof?

            Stop fighting the darkness and just accept it.

            You stopped crying and you got up from the ground, every limb in your body screaming.

            “Hello? Are you okay? HELLO!” You could hear Joshua’s voice echoing from the phone.

            You picked it up. And with that same cold expression that felt almost like home-

            -you hung up.

Last chapter was the calm before the storm. Welcome to the storm. This is kind of a mini turning point in the story so brace yourself to the hell that will come.  

Expect some interesting things in the the days to come :)