The first few days went fine. I was traumatized so I just laid there on the hospital bed, hopeless.

Slowly though, I regained my mental health back as I watched families mourning the deaths about their family member that died at the hands of worse things. I’m lucky I survived, I keep reassuring myself. That’s something to be happy about, I thought.

Although I lost a future family member at the hands of a murderous man, I’ll have to be glad that the mother survived despite how much I wished I could turn back time and just not call Hanna over to the hospital at the time.

Had I been beaten alone – I wonder if my death would take the baby’s place instead.

It seemed like a fair switch, but no matter how many times I rewind in my head, the present is fixed now.

I thought I could cope not seeing anyone and leaving everything behind. I focused hard on healing my ankle so that I could move easily before being sent away to the rural area.

It got harder when boredom caught up to me and I’m left constantly wondering, “What is everyone up to right now?”

I’m gone for almost two weeks now.

There’s no hint of anybody looking for me and I can’t help but feel disposable. Nobody really cares about me. Why should I care about them?

A teenager’s phone rings and it plays one of GOT7’s most recent songs.

The song brings my thoughts to Jackson, who I didn’t even have a proper farewell with. I’m going to drop off the face of the Earth without an explanation.

But that’s okay. I’m replaceable. I’m not at Beyonce’s standard by any means. He’ll find a better friend and I was being too ambitious thinking anything could blossom from such a friendship.

I lean closer to the curtains, hiding behind it to cover myself as I watch her sleeping calmly.

The only thing keeping me sane is knowing I’m closer to Munhee here. I visit her everyday although she doesn’t know it. Her family surrounds her, conversing quietly with each other while she sleeps.

Her thinning hair seems to be growing back. Her mother appears livelier lately as if good news has been delivered. I really hope that she’s getting better.

When I walk back into my room, with the crutch under my hand assisting my sprained ankle, I’m surprised to find boxes placed in the corner of my room.

I open the lid of the topmost box. I can’t believe it. They packed my stuff from my bedroom already. YG must be keeping close contact with Dr Hong. Once Dr Hong discharges me, they won’t hesitate to ship me off far, far away from Seoul.

A box filled with medicine tips open inside the box, spilling the contents everywhere. I have to admit that most of them were bought by Hanbin for me. A bittersweet feeling tugs in my stomach, followed by an overwhelming feeling of guilt.

What is going to happen to Hanbin? How will the accounts book impact his life? I have no clue. I know that Hanna lost her baby because of it and that signifies how important that book was for that man. Why did he do such thing to a human that wasn’t strong enough to defend him/herself? The baby didn’t deserve to die.

I trust that YG will take care of her, probably even better than they are caring for me, in order to keep up their clean image. It doesn’t stop me from me being concerned about Hanna.

I gather the medicine in the box and put it back where it belonged.

Something stops me halfway as a strange intuition makes me pause, as if begging for me to probe my mind a little harder for a memory.

That time I bought medicine with Hanbin…something happened…

I see it!

I gasp when I realize that I can see him clearly leaning against a wall, watching us with his cap covering his face. The strangely familiar man.

He was watching us but Hanbin said I was being paranoid.

That’s not the only time he watched me.

I remember that one time, I was throwing rubbish at one of iKON’s schedule. The man was watching me from across the street.

Falling back onto the bed, I understand now why I had a strange sense of familiarity. I’ve seen him quite a few times but my mind wasn’t rational enough to think his familiarity wasn’t one of safety but rather danger.

So he had been observing me?

But why?

He was after the book that Hanbin’s father owned…How did he know I had it?

He must have been observing Hanbin. Hanbin was his main target, but I was careless. My stupidity became apparent when I recall carrying the book blatantly in my arms when I go back from school. Sometimes my bag was far too heavy for me to carry, so I reduced the weight by taking out the book. He was after Hanbin but I got his attention.

I curse myself for my carelessness.

He probably had stake outs to see Hanbin’s movements and me, being an easy prey, fell right into his trap.

There’s nothing I can do now. Right? It’s all in the police’s hands.

I roll on my back, praying for sleep to come but my brain won’t let me.

***

The overpowering guilt pushed me out of my bed.

In a matter of minutes, I’m standing on the street, with a crutch in my hand and a strong resolve in my heart to at least try to get the bottom of this as much as I can.

First stop? Sunmi.

I walk into school when all the students are rushing out to leave.

“Youngmi!” a boy calls out. It’s the boy that I saved from Jun Ryeol’s bullying. “Wow, I haven’t seen you since…”

“Yeah.” Let’s not remind me about the horror story.

“He really beat you up badly,” he comments, looking guilty. “I’m sorry. If you didn’t step in, he wouldn’t—”

“I’m not really into the pity party,” I mutter, brushing him off. Besides, he is pulling me off the tracks in my journey to solve the mystery. “Do you know where I can find Sunmi?”

“Oh? I think she hangs out at the library after class,” he says, taken aback. He stops me when I move forward. “At least Jun Ryeol got what he deserved. He got expelled and was sent to the juvenile centre.”

“He deserves it.”

***

Although I avoided the pity party from the earlier boy, Sunmi wouldn’t let me get away with it. After cursing out Jun Ryeol multiple times and then saying how the world should give him worse punishments, she proceeded to reassure me that life is fair.

Life isn’t fair in my point of view but I don’t argue.

From what I can gather, it seemed that nobody at school knew that I was also beaten by another stranger.

“Sunmi, what was in the accounts book?” I ask once she quietened down.

She becomes alarmed. “I told you to drop it.”

“I can’t. Somebody died because of it,” I tell her gravely.

She blinks back in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“These injuries aren’t just because of Jun Ryeol, Sunmi,” I point out, showing her the bruises on my arm and neck. “Somebody else came after Jun Ryeol beat me and continued tormenting me to get the book.”

Sunmi is just staring at me, agape.

“Tell me what was in the book!” I yell, frustrated. Why is she keeping it a secret? Technically, I have the right to know. “I got hospitalized for this ing book and I don’t know why!” I hit my fist on the table and her pens rolls off the desk. “You need to tell me before I go crazy.”

“Okay, okay,” she says, picking up her pens to stall time. I can see her processing everything I’m saying. “Did someone really die…?”

“Someone precious to me,” I mumble and my emotions let a tear slip through. I wipe it away roughly before focusing my eyes on Sunmi. “Are you going to tell me or what?”