The air conditioner is broken and everybody is sweating profusely. The windows are wide open but it is only inviting pollution in rather than fresh air.

Somehow though, with all these conditions, I manage to be stuck in a very cold area.

The iKON members are getting their makeup done in the saloon.

I’m standing between Bobby and Hanbin’s makeup artists and is given the task to fan these four people to keep them cool.

“Please fan me now, rookie,” Bobby’s makeup artists complain when I start to focus on Hanbin’s side too long.

“Yes.” I immediately switch sides. Bobby hasn’t said a word to me and even blatantly ignores my presence. I’ve got no complaints about that, but why is Hanbin acting strange too?

He has barely even looked at me. The atmosphere is cooler than winter between them.

“Right, this side now, rookie,” Hanbin’s makeup artist says testily.

“Yes, okay.”

My phone vibrates in my pocket but I disregard it.

“Can you pick that up please?” Bobby’s makeup artist finally says when the phone vibrates again for the third time in a row. “I’m trying to do his eyeliner here and I can’t focus.”

“Uh.” I place the fan on the table. “I’ll just take this…”

I check the caller ID and it is an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hey!”

“Jackson?” I glance behind me to check if anybody is listening. I catch Bobby’s eyes piercing through me from the mirror reflection and he looks away. “Hi!”

“How was the performance? Did you guys come? I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you and Munhee.”

“I didn’t go… only Munhee did. Something came up.”

“Ah…” He sounds a bit disappointed. “I thought so. Your phone tracker, Mr. Bunny, showed me that you weren’t in the vicinity. In fact, you were at the hospital. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

He knew I was in the hospital. I need to be more careful about the bunny keychain from now on. Jackson doesn’t know Hanna is pregnant.

“Everything’s fine now. Just wasn’t feeling well…”

My phone emits a message tone.

“Oh, I received a message! Wait a second.”

I open the text and it says, “It’s getting hot. Fan. Now.”

I glance at the sender sitting grumpily beside Hanbin.

“I’m working right now… let’s catch up later,” I tell Jackson.

“I’m in Japan right now,” he replies with a light chuckle. “I might not be able to contact you for a few days.”

“That’s okay. Take care.”

“You too, Youngmi. I miss you.”

I choke on my saliva at his last sentence.

“Did you hear me?” he says over my coughing.

I nod before realizing he can’t see me. “Yeah, I heard you.”

“I miss you,” he repeats determinedly.

“Okay,” I mutter blankly.

“Youngmi—” he starts to say but Bobby cuts him off.

“It’s getting really hot here!” Bobby exclaims loudly. Instinctively I hang up on Jackson and head towards him.

“Sorry,” I apologize, quickly fanning him till his fringe becomes disarray from the wind.

Ah Reum passes to me an unopened packet of cracker. “Can you open this for me?”

I struggle opening it. I even try to bite it with my teeth but fail completely.

I glance at the two boys beside me. I scoot closer to Hanbin and ask, “Can you help get this open?”

“No problem.”

***

I’m giving out everybody’s coffee orders at the set. While the rest of the members are busy browsing for outfits, I pass Jinhwan and Yunhyeong their coffee.

“Drink it while it’s still warm,” I tell them with a smile.

“Thanks!” Jinhwan takes it gratefully, inhaling the scent of dark coffee. “I needed that to relax.”

“Tell me about it,” Yunhyeong mutters, taking a big gulp of his coffee. “Especially with the tensed air between the two, who doesn’t?”

Jinhwan kicks Yunhyeong on his shin.

“Ow!” he winces in pain. “What did I say wrongly?” Jinhwan merely shakes his head. “Did you notice anything, Youngmi?”

“Me?” I ask, surprised that I am brought into this conversation.

“Yeah.” Yunhyeong points at Hanbin and Bobby. “They’re acting weird and unfriendly towards each other.”

Jinhwan looks expectantly at me.

“I…” I thought it was weird but I didn’t realize it was weird for everyone else. I thought it was just because it’s me. “I thought it was normal.”

“What’s normal?” Junhoe jumps in, squeezing himself between the two older members.

“Bobby and Hanbin,” Yunhyeong replies.

“Oh, wow. No.” Junhoe disagrees by shaking his head. “Definitely not normal. They’re like the best of bestfriends. I’ve never really seen them this way.” We glance at the both of them who are standing on opposite ends of the room.

“I’ve seen them like this before,” Jinhwan adds, gazing at them fondly.

“When?”

“When they used to—“

 “Youngmi?” one of the workers calls my name. Instantly, I stand up.

“Yes, sir?”

“Can you collect all the empty coffee cups and throw them out please?”

I pick up the empty cups lying on tables or placed on floors and put them into a plastic bag. I go out of the building in search of a trash can when I notice a man across the road, leaning against the wall with his cap covering his face. Something felt familiar about this man.

I ignore him though.

***

After a successful shoot, the crew are in a celebratory mood.

“Let’s go for drinks,” one of the guys offer the crew. Everybody agrees excitedly except for the iKON members and their manager.

iKON’s manager shakes his head, declining, “These boys have an early schedule tomorrow. Sorry. The rest of you should try not to be hungover tomorrow.”

The boys just shrug, seemingly used to rejecting the offer.

I follow the leaving boys when one of the male stylists approaches me.

“Newbie, aren’t you staying?” He holds onto my arm tightly. I look at him with a gaping mouth, astounded by his sudden invitation.

“M – m – me?” I stutter uncertainly. I’m such a party pooper that it’s been quite a while since anybody invited me to have fun. I chuckle lightly, pleased.

“Why not?” His grip loosens and he hooks his arm to mine. My mouth drops open from his unprecedented friendliness. Did he ever even talk to me before? He tugs me back to the crowd who are preparing to head to the nearest food stall.

He flashes me a satisfied smile when I let him lead me. Out of the blue, a huge bag hits him on the face and he falls to the floor backwards. I try to save him by pulling on his arm that was hooked on me but only manages to hear a loud crack as a result.

He groans, clutching his face.

I look back at the direction from where the bag flew from and seven people including iKON’s manager are stiffly watching me while one guy pops out as the culprit amongst the rest as his arms are folded across his chest.

“Youngmi,” Bobby says bossily. “Bring that bag to the car.”

The guy moans pitifully on the floor, massaging his overstretched arm. I’m about to help him out when Bobby yells angrily, “Ya Youngmi!”

I apologize to the injured man profusely before picking up the bag beside him, hurrying to catch up with iKON.

They’re trying to pretend that nothing happened but the tension between Bobby and I is too strong to be disregarded.

“Really,” I mutter in an undertone, giving Bobby a deathly glare. “Really.”

He doesn’t even bother glancing my way. What was that for if he isn’t going to talk to me?

I lug the heavy bag to the car and swing it onto the car seat.

I turn around to see Bobby blocking my path.

“What are you doing?” I ask him, furious.

“What are you doing?” he asks me, equally angry.

“I’m leaving,” I state through clenched teeth.

“Get in the car.”

“There’s not enough seats,” I tell him. I quietly add under my breath, “Idiot.”

“Just squeeze in,” he says, pushing me in with his finger.

Gosh, isn’t he being forceful today?

“That’s illegal,” I say, flicking on his outstretched finger. He winces in pain. “Get out of my way.”

“Why don’t we just call a taxi?” Jinhwan says from behind Bobby. He dials for a taxi.

The members awkwardly wait in the car. The manager doesn’t interfere with us, only watching from the sidelines quietly.

When the taxi arrives, I jump up from the wall I’m leaning on.

“Bobby,” Jinhwan nudges him. “You should accompany her.”

“What?” Hanbin perks up. “Why?”

“Er…well, it’s dangerous to—” Before Jinhwan finishes, Bobby slams the van’s door shut and trails behind me, entering the taxi.

I give the taxi driver YG entertainment’s address.

Bobby and I sit far apart in the taxi, not exchanging any words. When the taxi drops us off, I don’t look at him as I walk into the building.

***

I wait for her to enter the building before letting a heavy sigh leave me.

Why is it so hard to be playful with her again? I just want to play with her the way I used to, but something inside me is stopping me. I'm not winning any points by being mean - I know that.

Watching the back of her body, I remember that night again.

It was after discovering that Youngmi lived in YG building itself. How did I miss it?

I was sitting on the stairs, thinking hard about everything I know regarding Youngmi when I heard light steps moving upwards. I saw a flash of hair and tiny hands holding onto the railing of the stairs. I followed Youngmi up as she headed towards the roof. She didn’t notice me at all.

From the slightly ajar door, I observed her taking a few stops closer to the edge of the roof.

She then gazed up at the sky.

I wanted to call out her name but somebody else beat me to it.

It was Hanbin.

“You chose a bad night to stargaze,” he said, appearing from the darkness behind her.

“I thought you went home.”

“You said you wanted to sleep.”

She dropped to the floor, appearing exhausted under the faint moonlight.

She became distressed, rubbing her watery eyes as tears flowed from them.

She merely smiled and shook her head when Hanbin asked something, looking concerned.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying now.

I caught bits of pieces of the conversation such as when she exclaimed loudly, “It’s not!”

I continued to watch through the small gap until I saw Hanbin moving closer and protectively holding her. My curiousity disappeared and I had enough.

She chose to tell her secrets to Hanbin. I heard her voice echoing in my mind, telling me that repeatedly.

Back to the present, I see from the glass windows that Youngmi is still waiting for the slow elevator to arrive. With a strong will, I take big strides to go closer to her.

***

While waiting for the elevator though, Bobby appears beside me.

“I can’t believe you’d let yourself follow a sleazy guy like that,” he says, annoyed.

Isn’t he a little bit sorry for hitting that guy with a bag?

“You’re sleazier,” I retort sharply. Does he not remember his flirtatious behaviour before this? He was way worse.

He spins my body to face him.

“Can’t you trust me?” he asks abruptly. “Like you trust Hanbin. Can’t you trust me like that?”

His expression is sincere and I feel sorry for him. Where did this come from? It's like he couldn't hold himself back from asking.

“It’s complicated.” How do I explain to him that I did not choose to trust Hanbin with my secrets? He happens to be tangled in the same web of problems as I am. I did not beg God to put his dad in jail the same way my parents were.

Now that I think about it, I didn't ask him to be on the rooftop that night. Or be at the street last night. I never wished for it.

The moment I give him my answer, he reverts back to his tough self. He drops his hands from my shoulders with an acknowledging nod. “See you around.”

I watch as his back disappears in the darkness. Something feels final about that nod.

***

After ignoring Youngmi a couple of times, I started to really miss her.

We finished practise that night but Hanbin and I stayed later.

Hanbin was composing a song while I fooled around with the equipments.

“I’m stuck,” Hanbin complained, tapping his pen on the table. “I’m exhausted. I’m heading home.” He swung a bag around his shoulder. “Are you staying?”

I rubbed the back of my head.

I was hoping to see Youngmi passing by but she wasn’t around. I didn’t dare to go to her ‘bedroom’ though, but maybe I could risk a peek?

“Yeah, I’ll be going soon too. I need to check something upstairs.”

Hanbin took the elevator down while I went up.

None. No Youngmi here.

I decided that maybe fate wouldn’t let us cross paths today.

I was on my way walking home, barely leaving YG building’s vicinity but I stopped when I saw two figures standing closely together in a dark street close by.

The man was so familiar I knew it was Hanbin even from looking at his shadow.

His coat was draped around the lady in front of him.

I smirked, thinking that Hanbin had a way with girls now. “He’s a big boy now,” I told myself proudly, hiding behind a wall. I always thought he needed to experience love to write better songs. Maybe this was his chance.

Hanbin pushed the strands of her hair behind her ear and lifted her face up so that he could look at her.

The streetlight shone on her face and I felt my knees weakened.

“Youngmi,” me and Hanbin muttered simultaneously.

Hanbin leaned forward, hesitating slightly, before moving forward to kiss Youngmi’s forehead.

It felt like a punch to my face.

“Do you trust me?” Hanbin asked, opening his arms widely for Youngmi.

Without even a second thought, she embraced him.

The memory makes me snicker sadly at myself.

“What a lucky guy,” I mutter, walking out of YG, keeping my head up high knowing full well that Youngmi’s eyes are probably still on me. “He got a hug while I just got purely rejected.”

I kick a rock on the pavement. She didn’t even trust me enough to help her open a packet of crackers. Well, that’s settled.