I’m packing scattered clothes, pants and accessories into their respective bags. Everyone has gone downstairs to the party hall while I requested to stay in the room.

Aside from iKon who will have to perform, the other workers all went so that they can get the opportunity to socialize, especially with other idols, but that’s the last thing I want on my list.

On the outside, I look extremely focused at the task at hand. However, on the inside, my thoughts are clouded by Bobby.

He’s mad. This is why I despised his flirtatious behaviour! Now he thinks he likes me, but I am sure deep down in his bloody heart that those feelings that are claimed to be present by Hanbin and Yunhyeong does not exist at all.

What does Bobby know about me?

Have we ever had a proper conversation?

Has he called me by my name yet?

I can’t believe that of all the people to tell me this, it had to come from Hanbin! It somehow irks me so much. He should not have said anything. It would have been better that way.

The room is much cleaner now after I do my cleaning while entertaining my thoughts.

I decide that I can pretend that this Bobby incident has never happened. No biggie.

I head out the door, preparing myself for my midnight shift.

----

I arrive way earlier than anticipated. Jimin raises his eyebrow questioningly.

“It’s good that you came early,” he says, handing me an envelope. “Here’s your leftover salary. Boss found a replacement for you so you don’t have to come in anymore.”

I open my eyes wide, ripping the envelope open to check the money. It’s real! The amount is the exact number of days I’ve been working this month.

Stunned, I stand still, blinking at the cash I’m holding.

I actually feel sad. “No more midnight shifts…?” I say in a hushed tone. I did not expect this at all. “How did boss find a replacement so quick?”

“Why do you sound so disappointed?” he asks, eyeing me. “I don’t know how. You can go home now.”

“Oh Jimin!” I walk over to him and give him a tight hug. His arms are glued to his side though, lacking any active participation on his behalf. “I’ll miss you.”

“Right,” he says shortly. “I bet you’ll miss the blonde dude more than me.”

Jackson!

Oh dear! No more deep night shifts with Jackson.

Thinking back to how I left things with Jackson, it was a little shaky. We fixed things but there’s quite a lot left unsaid. Now that I don’t work here anymore, he won’t have the chance to fix things. If I leave now, we probably won’t meet each other again.

It’s unlikely he will come here tonight seeing as he will be busy at that fancy hotel.

I lean on the wall, thinking hard. Is there a point pursuing a relationship with him?

He’s a superstar, for goodness sake. I must be delusional assuming he might like me too. He can’t even bring himself to trust me enough to tell me he’s an idol. What does that make me? Probably nothing to him.

“Thanks a lot for this,” I tell Jimin, waving my money in front of him.

I sneak my hands into the pockets of my jeans, taking one last look around this store. I’ll come by once in a while when I’m free. I open the door, inhaling the cool, night air whipping on my face.

“Stay safe, Youngmi.” I give Jimin the biggest smile I’ve ever shown him. That is the first time I hear him expressing care for me. Perhaps it is the last time too.

----

There’s more to it than just finally leaving my job.

I didn’ leave behind just the store, I technically walked away from the chance of ever connecting with Jackson again.

My insides wrench in sorrow, knowing that there’s no possible way Jackson will be able to contact me. Depressed, I hide under the blanket. A stray tear streams down my face as I hug a pillow tightly.

This is a decision I made.

I reminisce about that first time I meet Jackson and his kind treatment against my bitter behaviour early in our friendship.

Funny how his last words were “See you later”. He might not realize it yet but ‘later’ will come later than he thinks.

My absence will hardly impact him though.

He should have told me the truth earlier, my mind justifies. If he had, we would have an unbreakable bond by now.

In an alternate universe where he is upfront with me earlier, we would know each other’s story so well by now that there’s no running away. I would have shared him all my griefs and happiness and he would have told him his.

But that’s a world that doesn’t exist.

Too many of our conversations were composed of empty talk.

He doesn’t even know where I live, so he probably won’t know where to start if he wants to find me.

The clock ticks loudly in the room.

I haven’t slept in a room comfortably after midnight ever since I got accepted to work there.

I roll over on my side, forcing myself to sleep. How many times have I wished for this chance? It’s finally here and instead of drifting to sleep with a smile on my face, I’m enveloped in a bittersweet atmosphere.

----

The sound of the bells ringing echoes throughout the school.

Some students stay to continue their revision privately while other pack their bags, leaving the class in a hurry.

“Where do you think you’re heading?” Mr. Yunho inquires when I’m about to step into the corridor.

“Home…?” I reply, frowning.

“Well, you daydreamed a lot today. More than the usual.” He gives me a questioning look. Am I always that obvious?

I shift uneasily on my heels. “I’m sorry.”

“Is there anything you want to share?” he asks, leaning back in his chair. He even prepares a tissue box, taking it out from a drawer. He’s certainly ready to listen to a sad story.

“No!” I exclaim a little too excitedly. The last thing I want to share with my homeroom teacher is my hormonal teenage crush problems. “Nothing!”

He eyes me with suspicion but drops the topic. “You remember the extra classes you have to attend?”

Oh no! Not that again. Just when I thought I would have more free time for myself, this matter pops up to take it away. I groan in frustration.

“I talked to Yang CEO about it,” he continues.

“You brought him into this?” I roll my eyes at his dramatic actions. “That was really unnecessary!”

“I told you I was going to find a compromise,” he explains, defensive. “I needed his input.”

I cover my face in my hands. Why do I have a bad feeling about where their discussion leads?

“He says one of his idols are actually studying with a private tutor that he hires.”

“Just one?” There’s so many young idols under his company! How can only one be bothered to have a tutor?

“Her parents demanded Yang CEO to allow her to complete her high school education. Since it’s hard to balance out her work and school, he hired a tutor for her. The rest of the parents don’t have these wishes so he doesn’t provide the same for them.” He purses his lips in disagreement at this.

If I was a CEO of a company with young idols, I would force them all to study with a private tutor. This idol business is hardly secure! Just look at Hanna, she has not debuted yet and if she quits now, she’s would have missed two years’ worth of education! She will have to play catch up with her friends.

I know it isn’t important for their dreams, but it’s always nice to have something to fall back on if everything fails. Being an idol is such a risky dream.

Perhaps that’s just my super rational brain speaking. When have I ever acted in an illogical way?

That’s why I chose leaving Jackson behind. It makes more sense in the long term.

There’s no need to take risks. It will leave people broken-hearted.

“So you’ll have your extra classes with her.” Ugh. Whatever. Great. “Don’t even think about skipping! I’ll be keeping tabs on you.”

“Fine, fine,” I mutter. It’s the better option anyway. Being the only two students to a tutor that is paid by Yang CEO is a good alternative to studying at school with other students.

My walk home is a relaxing one. Today, I’m not in a rush to go anywhere. I finally get time for myself. No iKon schedule. My beauty sleep can come later since I have no midnight shifts.

I can see how beautiful the sky is – so blue – with those light fluffy clouds. I sigh in contentment, praying that this joy could last although I know it’s only here for now.

----   

Wow. I clap my hands in satisfaction after checking my work. I actually completed my homework!

Usually I leave a couple questions blank due to lack of time, but tonight, that isn’t the case!

I check the time. Still so many hours to go before morning comes. I will get a sound sleep tonight.

I’m just about to switch off my lights when I hear a door creaking open yet my door stays closed.

The offices on this level were empty, I swear. Nobody stayed late today.

My heart thumps harder in my chest as supernatural stories I had heard over the years appears in my head. I refuse to believe it. No. There can’t be any ghosts here.

I swing my door open but close my eyes tightly just in case. No one – or no thing – stands in front of it. I tiptoe out, peeking around the corners. There’s no trace of any living – or non-living – being out here. I plan to run and slide under my blanket within three seconds when a door opens from behind me.

I scream so loud that even the ghostly figure falls in shock, covering its ears.

Crouching, I cover ears with my eyes shut tight, reciting prayers quietly under my breath.

I hope it goes away.

Please. Don’t hurt me.

God help me—

“Youngmi?” The light switches on, illuminating the figure. I cast a furtive glance at the person, still wary of the encounter. Hanbin’s pale face hovers above me. “Is that you?”

“Hanbin?” Dark circles beneath his eyes are prominent. He looks so exhausted. “What are you doing here?”

“Just grabbing some paper.” He waves a bunch of papers. “The recording room ran out of it. How about you? Why aren’t you working?”

“I…uh…I don’t work there anymore.” I stand up, cleaning off dust from my hands.

“Really? That’s great!” he says, genuinely happy for me. “It worries me a lot.”

“So I heard. What are you doing here?” I ask again. “You look like you need rest. A lot of it,” I emphasise.

He rubs his eyes sleepily. “I know, I know. I got inspired on the way home so I walked back here to write it all down. Hours passed without me noticing.”

I can’t help but feel a surge of admiration for him.

“I love how passionate you are about music,” I admit, envious. “I wish I had that kind of passion for something. Anything.”

He shyly smiles. His dimples appear and my heart beats loudly at the sight.

“You will. I’m sure of it.” He sounds so convincing that I almost take his word for it.

“Yeah, well, can I accompany you?” I ask, giving him a sly grin. “I’m actually pretty bored.” And spooked out. I’ll appreciate some company before I get the fear out of my system.

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Um…why not?”

I walk with him to the recording room, side by side.

“Tell me about the song you’re composing!”

“It’s a... love song.” He waves himself in embarrassment.

I chuckle. “Other than the fact that it’s a love song, what’s it about?”

“It’s about a problematic relationship between a couple.” He leads me out of the elevator into a room with papers stacked messily on the table while the rubbish bin is piling up with rolled up papers. I inadvertently gasp at the havoc.

“Sorry,” Hanbin mutters, trying to sweep the mess under the table with his foot. “It gets messy.”

“No, it’s alright. The creative mind has too much on its plate to even care about being organized!” I walk over to the table. “So what about this couple?”

“Ah yeah, the song is about a troublesome girlfriend who has trouble trusting her boyfriend.”

I take a piece of paper with lyrics on it.

Am I a kid?

Is hanging out with my friends for the first time in a while such a big crime?

Am I a dog?

Do you feel okay if you have a leash around my neck?

“Wow. This sounds personal,” I point out.

He hits the end of the table on his hip while reaching out to take the paper out of my hand.

“Argh!” He rubs on the sore spot.

“Were you inspired by a previous relationship?” I ask, watching his reaction carefully.

“Not really… I overheard a couple arguing in the middle of the street. They inspired me.” He gives me a sheepish smile.

“Maybe slightly inspired by a previous relationship?” I prod deeper. He can’t write such detailed lyrics without any prior experience.

He shakes his head, wiping beads of sweat on his forehead away. “I’ve never dated before.”

“Oh?” I’m taken aback. “Me neither,” I blurt out unnecessarily.

We stare at each other for a few awkward seconds before he breaks it by starting to clean up the mess.

I sit at a spinning chair, turning around to entertain myself. He goes back to writing in the corner.

“You don’t mind me here, do you?” I question. “I’m not disturbing you?”

“Not really.”

I pick up one of the rolled up paper in the bin. “It’s okay if I read these, right?”

“There’s no harm, I suppose…” He sounds reluctant but lets me read it.

For a guy who has never been in relationships, his lyrics are seriously personal. I can feel how immersed he is in the role he plays in the lyrics. In one, he plays a lover longing to get his girl back.

My insides twist at the thought of how the lyrics reflect my state of mind last night, longing for Jackson.

----

“You know, Youngmi…” Hanbins says after a while. I snap my head up in surprise.

I’ve been so wrapped up reading his lyrics that I forgot where I was. I’ve stacked the papers I read over each other and clipped them together.

“These are really good, Hanbin,” I compliment, awed by his storytelling. “They’re addictive too.”

“Thanks.” He smiles faintly.

“Oh. Yeah. What were you saying?”

He hesitates slightly.

“What’s up, Hanbin?” I put aside the papers in my hand.

“There’s something else that’s been keeping me up lately,” he slowly tells me, fidgeting with his pen. “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

I can’t think of anything he should tell me. Is he going to drop a bomb on me again like he did with Bobby the other day?

I keep alert, afraid and nervous.

He locks his gaze with me and frowns.

“I…” He pauses.

He…

“I…” He trails off.

He…..

“I—” He gets cut off when suddenly everything turns dark.