Author's note: I've reached 107 subscribers as of this message and I would just like to say a big thank you to subscribers and all the readers out there! That's a big milestone for me as an author and a huge achievement for something I'm doing as a hobby. I hope you continue to enjoy my story! Don't forget to leave comments cause those are like my encouragement snacks as a writer. I should stop gushing now but thank you all again!

“Oh nothing,” I say, swiftly standing up. “I was just—”

“Don’t lie,” he says through clenched teeth. His eyes travel around the room, settling on my mattress. “You obviously live here.”

Is there a point in keeping up the pretence when I’m caught red-handed?

He picks up a textbook lying open on the desk.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he asks when I don’t say anything.

I stare at him, befuddled. What right does he think he has that I have to explain myself to him?

“I don’t need to tell you anything,” I reply, determinedly staring into his eyes. “It’s my life. Just know that I did this with Yang CEO’s permission.”

A glimpse of hurt flashes across his face but in a single moment, he returns back to being composed.

He’s about to open his mouth to utter something when we hear a soft knock on the door.

“Youngmi?” Hanbin calls out.

Bobby opens the door in disbelief.

“Bobby?” Hanbin says, caught in surprise.

“You knew?” Bobby questions, wounded.

“Uh—”

Before Hanbin can finish, Bobby pushes himself out and shut the door on me.

Despite that, I can hear their conversation since they are standing right next to the door.

“You knew about this?” Bobby repeats before laughing in incredulity. “After what I told you, you kept this from me? You knew how I felt about her!”

I try to convince myself that Bobby might have just felt protective over me for some odd reason, but deep inside, I know that I can’t pretend not to know the truth anymore. Not especially when he’s shouting about it outside my bedroom door.

“It was a secret…” Hanbin justifies himself.

“You don’t trust me?!” Bobby sharply says. “I know everything there is to know about you, Hanbin!”

“That’s enough,” I interject, slamming the door wide open. “That’s enough,” I reiterate when Bobby looks like he isn’t finished talking. “It’s my secret. I choose who to tell.”

Bobby is disappointed by my action of defending Hanbin. He storms out the exit, loudly jumping down the stairs. After a while, the sound of his footsteps completely disappear.

“I don’t get it,” I admit to Hanbin, puzzled by Bobby’s reaction. “Isn’t he overreacting?”

“He’s probably just embarrassed about being the clueless one when I knew,” Hanbin explains while shrugging. “That’s my best guess. Just give him time.”

I snort, amused. “Give him time? I don’t need to give him anything.”

“He’ll come back soon enough,” Hanbin continues, ignoring my obvious expressions of dislike.

“Stop, Hanbin, just stop,” I tell him, putting my hands up. “I don’t want him to come back.”

“You don’t mean that,” Hanbin denies, frowning.

Why do other people think they know me better?

For some reason, I feel obligated to tell Hanbin as clear as possible, “I don’t like him, Hanbin. Not in that way.”

Something about how direct my confession was keeps both of us in an awkward silence.

I scratch my neck with the tip of my index finger, unsure of how to restart the conversation. “So were you going to ask me about the account book?”

“Uh, yeah,” Hanbin nods without looking at me.

“Well, my friend still hasn’t checked it out…and it might take time to do it.”

“That’s fine.” He plays with his ear, pulling on it.

“Right. I’m off to bed.”

“Yeah, me too,” he says, snapping his fingers. “Of course, I mean, I’m off to go home.”

“Right.”

“Great.”

***

But I can’t sleep.

My mind is buzzing with energy. It fills up with more questions whilst I continue to attempt to find answers.

I envision a ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars, similar to the ones I used to have back when my parents were with me.

Every time I felt upset with the world, I’d snuggle into my blanket and stare at the ceiling, pretending that those were real and they shone for me. They gave me hope.

During the times when I was homeless, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the stars. I didn’t want to tarnish the good reputation of the stars and associate it with homelessness. I’ve always wished to stare at the stars but definitely not in that kind of situation where I was forced to because I had no roof over my had.

I promised myself that when I’m safe once again, I’ll properly gaze at the night sky.

I slip out under my mattress and head to the roof.

The night breeze is cool, giving me the sniffles in a matter of seconds. I wrap my arms around myself. The city lights glow brightly against the stark darkness of other buildings, whose lights have switched off.

The empty streets appear so far and I’ve never felt happier about the distance between the roof to the street. I’ve had my fair share of walking alone at 1am in the morning. I didn’t need that anymore.

Unfortunately, the sky is dim with only light pollution shining on the horizon. No sign of stars beyond the dark sky. Well, I’ve wasted energy climbing up here.

“You chose a bad night to stargaze,” someone voices out from behind me.

I turn around to see none other than Hanbin.

“I thought you went home,” I tell him pointedly.

“You said you wanted to sleep,” he replies offhandedly.

I slump down on the floor, feeling the exhaustion creep up on me. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I was looking for inspiration,” he says, sitting down on the floor next to me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as my sniffles get stronger and stronger. “Are you okay? Is this about Bobby?”

I shake my head, smiling.

“I’ve got bigger problems than Bobby.” The cool wind blows strongly and I take the opportunity to wipe my wet eyes dry. I can see from the side of my view that Hanbin is watching me. “I just realized that I can’t stay here forever.”

“How am I supposed to explain to Bobby now? And what about other people who will end up finding me accidentally? I’m on the brink of getting caught,” I say. My throat tightens as I admit, “This is not my home, Hanbin. It will never be. I’m still the homeless girl I was.”

“Don’t say that,” he says, disagreeing with me. “This is your home.”

“It’s not!” I exclaim, upset by his false hope. “My home is with my parents! And I don’t even have them anymore!”

I miss my parents.

My father.

My mother.

I want to be a child under their care. I don’t want to be a responsible adult. I don’t want to worry about jobs and homes. I want to cry because my dad doesn’t want to spoil me with expensive items and my mum won’t let me go out with my friends. I want my normal life back.

“They’re still alive, you know. They’re always with you.” Hanbin hesitantly pulls me close, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“I don’t want to worry about money. I don’t want to worry about Hanna’s future. I want to be selfish for once,” I cry out, sobbing into my hands. “I thought I was finally happy but it’s just a cover about the bitter reality. I’m the girl with my parents in prison. I’m the girl whose best friend has cancer.” This time I sob even harder.

Yesterday when I visited Munhee with Jackson, one of the familiar nurses approached us.

“Hey, Youngmi,” she said with a sad smile. “Can I speak to you in private?”

“Sure.” I signalled to Jackson to leave us alone. “What’s up? Is Munhee being cranky again lately?” This nurse often complained to me about Munhee’s crazy shifts in moods at one point.

“I just…” She wavered. “You should make your time with Munhee count from now on,” she continued carefully.

“What do you mean?” I ask, blank.

“Just do it,” she advised seriously.

Now it finally comes together what she means. The impending doom that I can’t avoid.

“I’m the girl that…that…that…” I’m searching for more words to describe my pathetic story of a life. This time, Hanbin pulls me in tighter into his chest, muffling my voice.

“You’ll be okay,” he mutters into the dark night as I drench his shirt with my tears.

Who was I fooling? My life is only temporarily fixed.

Hanna is pregnant and it won’t be long till we’re both out on the streets again, trying to fend for ourselves in this cruel world.

“I don’t what I’m going to do anymore…” I force my voice louder to be heard.

“You don’t need to,” he says, covering me with his jacket. “I’ll help you from now on.”

***

I wake up with a jerk.

I’m in a warm place surprisingly.

I’m in my designated room in YG building.

The last memory I had was being a pitiful girl complaining about my wrecked life. I rub my swollen eyes.

Was I drunk last night? What possessed me to be so weak in front of another person – especially Hanbin of all people?

A gentle snore emanates from across the room and my eyes land on Hanbin, sleeping while sitting against the wall.

Isn’t this a familiar sight?

I feel a throbbing pulse in my head. All this crying never benefits me. I lean over to my bag to get my medicine supply when I see some pills already prepared on the table beside a glass of water with a note from Hanbin.

If you get a headache, eat this.

 I hear my stupid heart going aww at his gesture.

How did I end up here though?

“You awake already?” Hanbin asks with his deep morning voice.

“Yeah,” I reply. Displeased with my ugly morning voice, I clear my throat. “Yeah.”

He stretches his neck and body.

“Did you…carry me down?” I ask, hoping that it isn’t true. What are the other ways I could have ended up here?

He just smiles, continuing his morning stretch session.

I groan. “You did, didn’t you? I’m so sorry!”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It is!” I pull on my hair in frustration. I put on a hoodie and take my backpack.

“Where are you going?” he asks, standing up.

“Thanks for this,” I point out at the medicine. I gulp it down with a swig of water. “Now I’m off to buy you some medicine for your muscles that must be aching from my weight last night.”

He laughs but doesn’t reject it. Well, that much says everything. I must have been so heavy.

We chat lightheartedly on our way to the chemist on the next building but I can’t shake the feeling that someone’s watching. I keep turning around in paranoia.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as I turn around three times in a row.

“I’m just…paranoid.” Who doesn’t get paranoid? We got caught together last time by a reporter too. “Maybe we shouldn’t walk too close.”

“There’s no one there,” he assures me.

As I’m about to follow Hanbin into the chemist, I see a man with a cap at the corner, leaning against a wall. He’s facing us and has an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hanbin,” I glance at the guy standing at a distance.

“He doesn’t seem like a reporter,” Hanbin says after scanning his appearance. “He doesn’t have any cameras with him. Don’t worry. Come on.”

“Alright…”

 We’re talking comfortably, pointing out random things and sharing our thoughts on it.

“Oh I love this cough syrup, it’s delicious,” Hanbin states seriously.

“Are you kidding?” I cringe. “That’s so bitter!”

“It’s the least bitter,” he points out.

We’re about to pay at the counter when Hanbin’s phone rings and the caller ID show that it’s Bobby.

An awkward silence engulfs us. He merely mutes the phone before sliding it back into his phone.

“Well.” I stiffly pass the medicine forward to Hanbin. “This is for you.”

“Um. Thanks.” He rubs the back of his head roughly.

Funny how easily one moment can switch the dynamics between us.