A big transparent vase sits on Munhee’s side table with the bouquet of flowers I gave her in it. Taking a closer look, I can see the stalks have been cut and the flowers appear to be taken care of really well. Not that it requires that high of a maintenance, but at least I know she treasures the bouquet.

She’s still asleep so I sit down on an empty chair next to her bed. Her breath is slow and constant. She looks so frail. Her face is a bit sunken and her skin paler than usual. It must have been quite a while since she has walked out under the sunlight.

What else can I do for you, Munhee? Is there anything than a bouquet that I can provide make your life a little brighter?

“Youngmi.” Her eyes flutter open. “The flowers! My mum bought me that vase to put it into. Isn’t it beautiful?”

“It outshines you, Munhee,” I tell her jokingly.

“Does it? Maybe I should throw it out. No flower is prettier than the one blooming here!” she points to herself proudly.

I can’t believe she’s this active even when she had just woken up.

“But, it really is beautiful,” she mumbles with a sigh filled with awe. “How much did it cost?”

“Not a cent was wasted,” I reply, sincere.

“If these type of bouquets were free, I’d be getting them every week,” she says, grinning. “Tell me honestly, was it expensive? Did I just make you waste your money on something useless?”

“No, of course not!” I exclaim, shocked that she even suggested such a thing.

She waits for my answer, looking at me expectantly. When I don’t answer, she becomes visibly upset.

“You don’t tell me anything anymore.” Munhee turns away from me.

“What? Munhee, look at me. What are you doing?” I tug her dress.

“I hate it,” she says with her voice cracking. Is she crying? “I hate it!”

I walk around to the other side of the bed and she covers her face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, bending over so that I can hear her properly through her muffled sobs.  

“Me!” I can barely hear her weak declaration through her hands. “Ever since this cancer thing happened, nobody tells me anything. It’s like every news that I receive goes through a filter. Nobody tells me things upfront anymore. They soften the version of the story so that it does not have a strong impact, trying to protect me.”

Unsure what to do, I give her a soft pat in the back. “Go on,” I encourage, noticing that she isn’t done with her rant.

“You’re the same, Youngmi,” she meets my eyes accusingly. “When’s the last time you talked to me about your life? Why won’t you even tell me the cost of these flowers?”

“I don’t want to burden you,” I tell her, puzzled that she is taking the cost of the bouquet seriously.

“I have cancer, so what? I want to be treated normally. I’m treated by people as if I’m crippled, but I know I’m not! I’m physically drained from all this chemotherapy, but the worst thing is knowing that wherever I go, I’m the girl with cancer.” I pass her some tissues, but she shoves my hand away. “Don’t talk to me unless you’re going to act like how you used to.”

Munhee is being serious about this. I can see her building emotional walls between us. Or are those walls constructed by me in the first place?

She’s right. I know what she means when she says people filter their news for her. I do that all the time for her. I lie to her that I’m sleeping over at my friend’s when I know I’ll probably just take a nap outside the library entrance. I convince her that my life is all merry even though I’m struggling greatly. All because she has cancer. Have I accidentally created some distance between us with all those lies?

“I know,” she mumbles, sadly. “I know you’re concerned. I know you mean well.” She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. “But I’m concerned too, Youngmi. If I could, I’d hide my cancer. I don’t want it to define me…”

“It doesn’t,” I reassure her, hugging her. “You’re still Munhee. You’re my best friend.” I kiss her forehead as she trembles in my hug.

“Then tell me everything,” she pleads, pushing me back to my seat. “This time, don’t lie for me.”

So I do. I tell her what has happened throughout the past six months. We’re both crying and, at some points, even laughing at my bitter memories. I share about the current situation I’m going through and, almost a mirror of my own reaction, she asks, “Are you happy?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug, wiping away the tears that has been continuously flowing during my storytelling. “It’s too soon to tell if this good life is here to stay.”

She places her palm on my cheeks. “It must have been so hard for you,” she mutters with quivering lips. We’re about to start our weeping session again.

“No way, you’ve got it tougher,” I retort weakly.

“Youngmi, I’m here, with a roof above my head, and my parents to comfort me whenever the pain is too much to bear.” I crumble into pieces when I hear her supposedly consoling words. “You don’t… Can’t you see…?” She takes my hand into her grasp. “Can’t you see that you need help too? Don’t you know that you deserve my sympathy?” She tightens her grasp.

Those words could be considered insulting if it were to come from another person, but this is Munhee. She wants us to be honest with each other. I know she cares for me deeply and her affection makes me weak.

“Stop pretending to be strong in front of me,” she begs. “I want to be your safe haven. I want to be a place where you can unload your worries.” I sob into her lap.

Apparently, Mr. Yunho came to visit Munhee a few days ago. He told her what he knew about me and that’s when she realized I’ve been hiding too much. That got the ball rolling for her.

Her grandmother passed away too, but nobody told her. They’re all convinced that it was ‘for her sake’. Munhee got so angry, especially since she was close to her grandmother and she couldn’t even attend the burial. She wasn’t even given the chance to.

The fog has been lifted since then and she started to see things with more clarity. She’s tired of being treated as a sick cancer patient. She made me promise to tell her the truth, no matter how painful it is for me to say and how burdensome it would be for her – we will always be honest with each other from now on.

We’re now suffering from the aftereffects of too much crying. Our eyes are red and swollen. Our noses running.

“I can’t believe you’re living at YG,” she mutters, incredulous.

“Me either.”

“I wonder if you can smuggle me in for a visit one day?” she asks in anticipation. “Maybe I could deliver documents to G-Dragon in your place.”

“Of course, you can,” I automatically say, unwilling to crush her dream.

She gives me a stern look. “Don’t lie to me, Youngmi. You promised!”

“Okay…so maybe Raina might give you a hard time at the entrance, but once we’re past her, I think we can,” I quickly adjust my answer so it is far more realistic.

“That’s better.”

She glances at a clock. “I think you need to go. It’s almost time for work.”

It’s 9am. I give her a peck on each cheek and before I leave, she makes me promise to always be honest again.

“I promise,” I repeat with the utmost sincerity. I feel much better now knowing that I have her.

----

 “What’s my job for today?” I ask Da Eun, walking to her table with light steps. The conversation I had with Munhee has put me in a good mood.

“Actually, none,” Da Eun says, not looking up from her computer. She’s busier than normal. It surprises me how she still comes to the office during weekends, although she goes home as soon as she’s done with her work though.

“Eh?”

“Mr. Hyuk, you remember him?” Da Eun asks. The boss of trainees? The cold man who said ‘misfortune surrounds me’? How can I forget?

I nod slowly in reply.

“Yeah, well, he asked you to meet him in his office.” His office isn’t in the YG building. The trainees are all managed in another location which is where I first met Mr. Hyuk. “It’s urgent. So Yang CEO gave you an off day.”

What could be so urgent? I can only think of Jang Hanna. Is she in trouble? Has she been exhibiting more mental instability behaviour? I exhale deeply, anxious for what I’m about to face.

I catch the elevator to go down.

I can’t believe my luck (sense the sarcasm!) when the elevator door opens to show Jiyong, standing alone in the elevator.

“You look horrible,” he says bluntly, breaking the peacefulness we had between us in the elevator.

“I can’t afford to buy a silky yellow dress for everyday that I work here,” I tell him, irked. “You’ll have to deal with my outfit.”

“You’re outfit is horrible, that’s true, but I’m not talking about that.” He points his index finger to my face. “Your face is swollen!”

Oh. I pull my snapback down so that it covers my face partially. “Stop looking if it bothers you.”

“Have you been crying?” he asks plainly. It’s not his business.

I ignore him.

We both get out of the elevator on the ground floor.

“Hey, Youngmi,” Raina calls out from her desk. “Mr. Hyuk said he had something urgent to tell you. You need to meet him soon.”

Raina is passing me this message too? It must be really serious that even Yang CEO is giving me an off day for this. I tell her that I’m on my way there and hurriedly increase my pace.

Somebody matches my pace.

Jiyong casually offers, “I can drop you there. Mr. Hyuk, the trainee manager, right?”

“It’s okay. I’ll walk,” I reject his offer outright.

“You obviously had a bad day,” he says, blocking my path. “Your eyes are swollen.”

What’s his point? I cried, so what?

“Let me drive you there,” he insists.

I don’t argue, because my thoughts are pre-occupied by this urgent meeting I need to have with Jang Hanna’s boss.

Jiyong signals me to follow him and a chauffeur drives a luxurious red sports car into the front of the YG building. He opens the door for Jiyong. I run to the passenger seat, carefully making sure my snapback is covering my face at all times. I have to be careful of paparazzi.

During the drive, he says, “Kiko says hi.”

What? Who? Kiko? My mind flashes back to when I accidentally picked up her call.

“You guys settled your problems, then?” I ask, glancing at Jiyong. He’s wearing shades again today so, as usual, it’s hard to ascertain his exact reaction. Is this why he wanted to drive me? To tell me everything is okay between him and lover girl?

“Yeah, but we always have our ups and downs. The next problem will pop up as soon as we deal with the previous one.” He sounds tired by it.

“That sounds exhausting.”

“It is.”

“Why bother?” I ask, genuinely curious. I have never experienced a romantic relationship of any kind. “I can’t imagine going through that all your life just because you love someone so much.”

He leans his head on his arm that is resting on the window.

“Loving is one thing,” he finally says, taking my question seriously. “But the idea of losing is another. Losing someone you love is hard. Sometimes having a turbulent relationship is much better than risking the loss of a lover.”

That’s interesting. I nod, gaining a slight understanding into the insight of a lover.

I try to relate his statement with something in my life but I can’t find a good comparison. I guess I’ll only truly understand it when I fall in love.

“Why don’t you have a skirt?” he asks, out of the blue. “Why don’t you have a phone? I keep asking myself this.”

“Why do you make it sound so complicated?” I ask him, baffled that he hasn’t reached a conclusion yet. “It’s because I’m poor.”

He parks his car in front of the YG trainees’ building.

“Then why do I get the feeling that that isn’t the whole story?” he says, turning to face me.

“Probably because it isn’t,” I stated curtly. I bow to him, showing my gratitude for the car ride. “Thanks.” He’s too curious for his own good. What does he get if he finds out anyway?

----

There’s a weird tension between me and Hanna as we sit next to each other in front of Mr. Hyuk.

I haven’t forgiven her for her selfishness since the last time we met. She looks guilty about it yet she doesn’t attempt to bring it up, so we just sit quietly as the awful silence envelopes us.

This meeting doesn’t seem to be due to Hanna’s behaviour like last time. So what does Mr. Hyuk have to say to the both of us?

Mr. Hyuk, who is busy with some paperwork on his desk, finally says, “Are you two done catching up?”

His sarcasm is on point. Although, I sense that the silence might be bothering him too.

“Well, I’ll just get to it then,” he tells us. He addresses me first, “As you all know, I’m your legal guardian.”

“What?” I didn’t know that!

“I am. Your parents chose me to be Hanna’s guardian and Hanna suggested that I became yours too.”

I look at Hanna for confirmation. “Are you insane?” I ask, when she gives a short nod. “You don’t even have any affiliation with me,” I tell Mr. Hyuk. “How could you be my legal guardian?”

“I thought that since I’m taking care of you, I might as well get him to be your legal guardian. If he wasn’t, you’d be under our Aunt Nana and it’d be hard for her to make decisions for you since you want to stay in Seoul and she lives in the countryside,” Hanna jumps in to provide her explanation.

“You didn’t bother to ask for my opinion?” I question her in dismay. “Oh, that’s right. Were you too busy taking care of me back then?” I laugh at the irony. If dropping me off at a safe alley is what she thinks ‘caring’ is about, she’s gotten it all wrong.

Hanna clenches her jaw at this verbal attack but doesn’t provoke me further.

I don’t know why I’m so cruel to her. I feel apologetic, but my anger doesn’t fizzle out. Every time I see her, rage builds up in me. She’s too self-centred!

Mr. Hyuk watches our heated exchange with a raised eyebrow.

“Now that you’re up to speed, I need to inform you about a hearing tomorrow,” he continues, as if we didn’t just have an argument in front of him.

“Hearing? About being a legal guardian?” Hanna asks, perplexed. “I thought that’s done with.”

“It’s not about that. It’s for your parents. The investigation on the embezzlement – they’re having a hearing tomorrow at the court,” he explains. “The lawyers called so that I can inform you both.”

Both of us stare at Mr. Hyuk with our mouths agape.

“I’m not going,” Hanna decides, crossing her arms across her chest. “I’ve got training.”

“You don’t need to train tomorrow. I can get you excused,” Mr. Hyuk tells her. “You too,” he looks at me. “I’ll call your school.”

Hanna is determined not to go. Mr. Hyuk relents, saying that it was her decision.

They both wait for my answer.

“You’re not telling me you want to go? After all they’ve done?” Hanna asks in a bitter tone.

“What have they done to you, Hanna?” I retort, angry that she’s acting self-righteous. “Did they leave you on the streets to fend for yourself?” Of course not. She had YG putting the food on her table. I don’t even own any tables to begin with.

“Can you stop bringing that up!” she yells, standing up. “I’m leaving!” She slams the door behind her.

I ponder about it for a bit more. I don’t know anything about my parent’s case. This is the time for me to find out whether they’re guilty or not.

A chance for me to reunite with my parents, even if it’s just momentarily. Am I prepared for that? I might not harbour any hatred now, but what happens when I see them?

What if some unresolved feelings come bubbling up? What do I do?

“They’re pleading innocent,” Mr. Hyuk interrupts my thoughts. “Them and a couple more other people. They’re claiming to be tricked by their CEO and some associates.”

“Is that so…” Will that fact fix anything? It doesn’t remove the past six months.

“The lawyer also asked me to tell you both that your parents miss you,” he adds in casually as I pick up my stuff to leave. “I think you should go, but it’s completely up to you.”