Desperation is a common experience for me.

Desperate to find food to eat and a place of shelter in order to survive.

The type of desperation I am experiencing right now though is one I am not incredibly familiar with.

I throw another t-shirt out from a bunch folded in front of me, frustrated by the lack of choice I am presented with.

Why don’t I have anything suitable to wear to a date?

I choose to wear a plain pink t-shirt with khaki pants to meet Jackson.

Even from the reflection of myself on the glossy walls I pass by on my way out of the building, I can confidently say how I dress don’t look comparatively different to the other days when I don’t even exert any energy choosing my outfit.

I pause, staring at myself.

Maybe I can try to walk in a different manner?

I tilt my head sideways, checking my side profile. Why does my left side appear prettier than the right? How do I approach Jackson by letting him see my left side first?

Somebody pushes me over, making me out of balance for a moment. I turn around to see the culprit and his henchmen grinning down at me.

“What are you doing?” Bobby asks, amused. “Are you checking yourself out?”

I feel myself blush from his question. I’m also embarrassed as the sight of him reminds me of the event from the previous day. “So what if I was?” I huff in annoyance.

“Don’t be angry.” Bobby chuckles. “I was just asking.”

Hanbin is watching us with a smile while Junhoe and Yunhyeong gazes at me curiously. The rest don’t look so bothered and are busy chatting between themselves.

“Well, see you later.”

I attempt to leave them but Hanbin stops me, saying, “Why don’t you join us? We’re heading to our first schedule.”

I don’t know why but looking at Hanbin makes me feel guilty.

“I’ll be there later,” I mutter, rejecting his offer. “I have something to do.”

Bobby slips an arm around my shoulders, saying cheekily, “Ey, what can be more important than going out with us?” I glance away nervously at the mention of ‘going out’. Is he teasing me?

Going out with Hanbin, I think to myself.

I meant Jackson, I amend quickly when I realize what my mind has said.

iKon’s manager calls them out and they begin to walk towards the exit. Bobby’s arm that is around me forces me to move together with him.

“You look pretty today,” Bobby compliments, taking a glimpse at my pink t-shirt.

I have to hand it to Bobby, as much as I hate his flirting, I give him points for realizing how hard I tried to appear pretty today.

I glance at Hanbin on my other side and he fervently nods, agreeing with Bobby.

“What do you think, Hanbin?” Bobby asks him out of the blue.

“Huh?” He is taken aback.

“Don’t you think she looks beautiful today?” he asks with more detail.

“Um.” He rubs the back of his head before obviously walking away with a tight grin. “I need to talk to the manager.”

I watch his strange behaviour while Bobby laughs out loud.

“Well, Bobs, this is nice and all but I have to leave!” I wriggle my way out of his partial hug.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he apologizes, dropping his humour for once. He shows me a regretful face. “I hope I didn’t humiliate you.”

I get a migraine just from thinking about it so I just head to my date quietly without answering him.

“Ah Reum nuna, here’s Youngmi,” Bobby points out before I can hide myself from her. Damn you, Bobby!

She nods towards the van she is entering, basically indicating to me to follow her now.

Feeling completely forlorn, I walk towards her. I am too afraid to disobey her. As the van starts towards our destination, I stare sadly outside the window.

What am I going to do with Jackson who will be waiting at the park? I got all dressed up only to be taken away. He said the date will be really short though because he has something to do in the afternoon.

I curse myself for not getting his number earlier in case of unexpected events like this popping up. I can’t even inform him of this. Is he going to wait? Will he be able to?

He probably will get harassed by passersby once they realize who he is.

I sigh every few minutes throughout the ride, letting a cloud of gloom surround me.

“Are you going to continue to be like this?” Ah Reum finally asks, irritated by my depressing presence.

“Can you keep a secret?” I ask, unable to keep the disappointment to myself.

She gives me an offended look that says, ‘Of course I can. Why did you even ask?’

“I was supposed to go on a date,” I mutter morosely.

“ to be you,” she replies uninterestedly, filing her nails. She tied her hair up in a ponytail today and somehow she manages to look younger than when I first met her.

“I haven’t dated ever since I started working for iKon.” Is she trying to console me? She isn’t really making things better for me. “Stylist like us have better chances if we date idols though.”

I glance around, alert of the surroundings. What if someone else hears her? They will think that she’s targeting the iKon members!

“Don’t say that loudly,” I tell her quietly.

“You’re such a newbie.” She sends an amused smile my way. “It’s general knowledge. Stylists often date idols, you know. We spend a lot of time together.” She puts her hand under the light, observing her nails carefully.

“Really?” I consider her for a moment. “Are you…targeting someone?”

“Of course.” She smiles at me and I feel a surge of fear going through me. She looked so evil!

I’m almost afraid to ask but I do. “Who…?”

She might be interested in Yunhyeong. He is the oldest.

Wouldn’t Hanbin and the rest be too young for her? She’ll only probably go as far as Bobby only. Right?

“Taeyang, of course,” she answers with a smirk.

Wait a second now. I thought the whole point of this conversation was that stylists are more likely to date someone they see often – therefore, in this case, Ah Reum should be leaning towards iKon. Why is she aiming for Taeyang then?

“Taeyang?” I repeat in surprise. “We don’t see him often.” I’ve never seen him at all.

“I do.” She leans over to whisper. “We talk often.”

Honestly, this is the first I’ve ever seen her appearing so delusional. She must be Taeyang’s fangirl.

“Ookay,” I mumble, unsure if I should take her seriously.

The van stops and everyone prepares to go out.

A guy hands me a heavy backpack and two suitcases. “You’re in charge of carrying this,” he orders, before leaving empty-handed to enter the building. That’s one selfish dude.

Ah Reum watches me as I struggle to heave the backpack on my shoulders.

She unhelpfully pokes the shoulder strap over my shoulder before walking away. Wow, so much for expecting an offer to help.

I lag behind the YG group, pulling the suitcases with me while accidentally hitting people.

“Watch it!” a woman snaps when she walks into one of the suitcases I’m pulling. “Are you blind?”

No, YOU ARE! I feel like shouting back, but I have to be professional because I’m representing YG, not myself in this situation.

The lobby of the hotel is crowded. Numerous people gather in groups, chatting loudly between themselves.

The moment iKon enters though, the lobby becomes silent with everyone’s heads turned towards the members. Even the YG crew acts elite, strolling with their heads up high beside iKon.

A worker comes up to the crew. He wears a tag that says ‘Party Planner’ around his neck. “We’re right now handling the numerous idol groups. Is it okay if you wait for a while?”

iKon’s manager looks extremely unpleased by this. “Wait?”

“Yeah, we didn’t expect a full attendance by all the invited idols!” he gestures around the lobby. “Well, almost full,” he adds in an afterthought, checking the name list. “One more group left.”

The manager just grunts in reply.

Idols? I skim through the faces around the lobby. I think I can differentiate the idols from their workers though – they obviously are well-polished and wearing fabulous clothes.

I wonder what we’re all doing here. I shuffle towards a loud, chatty group of people and purposely open my ears to their conversation.

“Can you believe that they managed to invite iKon?”

“Yeah, I know right. They haven’t even debuted.”

“Imagine how rich her parents must be to be able to pay for a YG group to be here!”

“The birthday girl is in for a surprise!”

“This is going to be the most amazing surprise birthday party ever. I wish my parents were this rich.”

Crap! I glance around at the lobby, taking in everything. The gold ornaments, the diamond encrusted chandelier and marble floor and tabletops.

This isn’t some cheap hotel and the invited guests aren’t even here for free. The birthday girl’s parents must be billionaires! Probably even richer, considering that I haven’t yet seen the buffet or the hall that we’re going to surprise her in.

One by one, the idol groups gets ushered into the elevator to be led towards their respective rooms to prepare for the event. I mentally add the cost of rooms to the amount that the parents have to pay.

I think the planner is leading the groups to their room according to the order of arrival. Since we’re last, we only start moving when the hotel lobby is totally empty of people other than hotel staff and other tourists.

“Follow me!” he calls out, waiting by the open elevator. The iKon members enter along with Ah Reum and their manager into the elevator. Some other workers squeeze in, leaving me alone. “Ah, it’s quite full. Why don’t you just come up to level fourteen?”

I guess I will have to manage.

“Hottie!” Bobby yells, running towards me with Hanbin right beside him while I wait for an elevator. “Where has the rest gone?”

“They went up,” I tell him. “Where were you?” Nobody noticed they were gone.

“We needed to pee,” Hanbin says sheepishly. “The toilet has sofas in them,” he tells me in an undertone.

“Wow.” I definitely need to have a trip to this glorious toilet!

“Yeah, the toilet—” Bobby starts but the last thing I want to hear from him is about toilets. Bad memories! I roll my eyes, turning away, letting his words fall onto deaf ears.

An elevator door opens and I waddle in awkwardly with the baggage I’m forced to carry.

“Let me take one,” Hanbin offers, taking one suitcase. He put his hand over mine and I stare at him, tense at the skin contact. “Um, Youngmi, let go.”

Oh right. I let go of the bag and slip my hand away, allowing him to carry it. He smiles, showing his amazingly beautiful dimples, as he turns away.

Bobby tries to do the same thing with the other suitcase but I refuse to hand it over.

“Why don’t you carry this backpack instead?” I suggest, passing it to him.

“, that’s heavy!” he complains as he slides it onto his back. I agree, nodding furiously.

Right before the elevator door closes, a hand sliding between them stops it.

A man wearing an ‘Assistant Party Planner’ name etag stands in front of us, inviting someone from out of view to enter the elevator with us.

A group of boys appear, smiling politely at us.

We bow to them in response.

These boys look familiar so I rake my brains, trying to figure out which idol group this was. Are they Super Junior? No, they’re far too young… B1A4? No, there’s more members here… Block B? I see no Zico here…

“Come on!” one of the boys shout angrily. “Hurry up!”

My eyes widen. It can’t be…

I gape when a ruffled looking Jackson strides into the elevator. He looks absolutely annoyed by something.

“Jackson,” another boy says in a hushed tone, pointing out our presence to him. I think he wanted Jackson to acknowledge our presence and not look so cranky in front of strangers.

I try to hide behind Bobby and Hanbin but I’m unsuccessful.

Jackson looks up and catches the sight of me standing between the two boys, completely astonished. The rest of the members stand in front of him so they don’t see his reaction.

On the other hand, Hanbin and Bobby, standing beside me, witness this and glance at me doubtfully.

Jackson opens his mouth to say something but one of s turn him around so that he stands facing the front of the elevator.

He keeps shooting glances at me and I shrink so that I don’t look too obvious. I’m not exactly sure that’s effective.

Everyone leaves on the same floor.

Bobby, Hanbin and I leave last but the moment I walk out of the lift, I hear Jackson’s voice calling out my name from right beside the elevator door. “Youngmi?”