I knock on the door twice, listening carefully for any response.

Munhee has been moved to a private room recently. This bothers me because only patients considered as serious cases get their own rooms. What does this imply then?

“Munhee, it’s me,” I call out through the door, cupping my mouth. Despite the lack of response, I turn the door knob and take a peek inside the room.

There’s no one inside!

I block a nurse walking by and urgently ask her, “Where is the patient in this room? Munhee??”

The nurse kindly smiles to me. “I think she went out for a walk. Why don’t you check for her in the garden?”

----

Munhee sits on a picnic mat, her beanie covering her balding head. She leans over her sketching pad, drawing intensely with a focused expression on her face.

I laugh out loud when I see that she’s merely drawing a basic leaf on her paper. From her expression, I thought she would be creating the next Mona Lisa masterpiece.

“Morning!” she greets with a wide grin. “How’s life, Miss YG?”

“Don’t call me that.” I pretend to quiver in disgust. “It makes me sound like I’m his mistress.”

“You look dreadful,” Munhee comments as I take my place beside her. “Is life getting tough?”

“That’s barely scratching the surface,” I mutter. I chuckle grimly. “Where do I start?”

----

I’m picking on loose threads poking out of the mat.

Munhee continues to stare at me with hanging open.

“Hanna’s pregnant?” she repeats for the third time. This time, I don’t respond. “That’s insane. Do you know who…?”

“The father is?” I help her finish her sentence. She waits for me to answer. “I don’t. Neither do I want to know.”

“What?” she says, surprised. “Youngmi, this isn’t about you. The father has a right to know.”

That’s a perspective I never considered before.

“You need to tell him.” Munhee grabs hold of my hands.

“It’s not my baby,” I remind her.

“Somebody needs to voice this out to Hanna,” she tells me wisely. She’s right. I’m the only voice of reason to Hanna right now so naturally, it’s my position to convey this to her. Yet I deeply refuse to be involved in this matter.

“I don’t know – she might have told him already,” I say unconvincingly.

Munhee senses something is up and squeezes my hand, asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m afraid of finding out. What if it’s G-Dragon? He’ll never claim the baby is his. Imagine if it’s another trainee…nobody would admit to it. The baby will then become an unwanted child,” I tell her, bitter. It also means that my original thoughts will be confirmed. Jang Hanna will be a single mother.

No matter how much I try not to care, the idea itself saddens me.

“From the way you speak of the unborn baby, I think it can never be unwanted,” she says gently. It’s amazing how comforting it is to hear her tell me that. I may have not realized it but I love the baby already.

“How about you?” I ask her for an update on her condition.

“I have no appetite due to chemotherapy, but yeay to weight loss,” she tries say in a joyful manner but fails miserably. “Yeay to less hair management as well.”

“Youngmi, I need a favour,” she suddenly says with sudden enthusiasm.

“More flowers? I’ll send them over in no time!”

“No, no.” She shakes her head although she is completely amused by my reaction. “No more flowers. I want to go out one day.”

“Of course! When you feel better—”

“I want to go out now.”

“Now – now?” I stutter, nervous.

“Not now, but soon.”

I’m only getting more confused by her statements.

“I never know when I will get better so I want to go out soon.”

“Are you even allowed to?” I furrow my brows.

Will her energy be able to sustain major movements? She hasn’t left the hospital for months now. I know that is probably the main reason why she wants to go out so badly, but is it a good idea?

“I can do whatever I want to!” she exclaims, slightly furious at my lacklustre response to her invitation for a day out. “Cancer will not control. I’m still alive so I will live freely!”

“Er, okay,” I mumble, taken aback by her unanticipated outburst. “We’ll see when I’m free.”

“Good.”

----

 My mind now is enveloped with thoughts about Munhee.

She seems so excited for a short day trip away from the gloomy hospital. Where will I bring her first if I have the chance? I wonder if I can sneak her into YG’s building just to make her happy. Raina wouldn’t be too happy about it though, but if we played the ‘cancer’ card…

I walk right into a rigid body in my path.

Looking up, memories of the other day comes flooding in. I forgot all about the Bobby incident and here he is, standing in front of me with a sullen face.

“Careful,” he says, holding both my arms still.

“Bobby, let go,” I mutter as his grip tightens. “That hurts.”

“Hey!” Junhoe calls out when he sees me. Bobby and I jump apart in surprise. Junhoe glances at both of us and awkwardly walks away.

Ah Reum is arranging clothes on a table, picking out outfits for the iKon members for their photoshoot. I don’t even know why she’s fretting so much over this considering that this is a uniform photoshoot therefore she can only pick uniforms…and they all look similar to me.

She snaps her fingers when she sees me. “Americano.”

Right. I realize that my role is leaning more towards being a coffee girl than a stylist, which is fair considering that I am completely unqualified for my stylist position.

I whip out my notepad and take everyone’s orders.

Hanbin is catching up with his sleep in the lounge so I nudge him softly to wake him.

He stares at me blankly and blink a couple of times to get his bearings.

“I’m taking coffee orders,” I whisper to him so that I don’t shock his senses. “What would you like?”

Then, out of nowhere, a smile creeps onto his face. Instantly, my breath is taken away and his smile dazzles me. We gaze at each other for God knows how long before Junhoe comes into the room, coughing awkwardly after witnessing our interaction.

“Um.” I clear my throat. “So what do you want?”

“Chocolate hazelnut latte,” he replies, sitting up properly while avoiding Junhoe’s obvious curious stare from across the room.

----

On my way back from the coffee shop, a leaflet flies onto my left leg. I carefully put down the coffees I am carrying, unfolding the paper to reveal an advertisement for a unit that is available for rent.

‘TWO HUNDRED PER MONTH ONLY’

‘COSY FOR STUDENTS!’

This is an unmistakable sign – the universe is telling me to prepare for the imminent doom that looms beyond the horizon.

Last night, I counted my money stash without missing a single bill. My savings can definitely fund me for a few months. If I continue earning the same amount I am getting now, I can rent a place with no problems.

After staying in YG, I don’t think I can voluntarily walk back out onto the streets to take a nap. No way can do. Reverting back to that lifestyle will mentally torture me.

I tuck the leaflet into my front pocket, ensuring that it is safe in there before heading back to the photoshoot location.

iKon is busy with their photoshoot and Ah Reum is missing in action. She’s the only staff who seems to acknowledge my presence or even dare to give me a task. The rest blatantly ignores me and continue to do their work.

I decide to wander around to kill time.

Imagine my surprise when I come across one of the iKon members smoking outside beside a bin.

“,” he curses when he sees me, dropping his cigarette on purpose and stepping on it. “Don’t tell anyone.”

I’m not about to blabber about what I saw but I still have to relay the dangerous risks that comes with smoking.

“That’s extremely harmful for your vocal cords,” I tell him plainly. “It will also distort your clean idol image too. You don’t want that before debut, do you?”

He gives me a guilty smile, tugging on his top.

“No, I do not want that,” he admits, nodding. “But life gets a little stressful sometimes.”

I don’t understand that. Why do people turn to cigarettes to relieve a heavy heart?

“Why don’t you go blow bubbles or something? Don’t smoke,” I say, picking up his cigarette and throwing it into the bin next to him. “While you’re changing for the good, try not to litter too. Our country is a beautiful place.”

He exhales deeply and looks caught up with his thoughts.

“Don’t tell Hanbin about this,” he says as I turn to leave.

“I can’t be bothered.”

“Telling Hanbin won’t help anything,” he says in order to make sure.

“Why do you think I’d tell Hanbin?” I ask him, eyeing him warily.

“You guys look close with each other…”

Close? Define ‘close’? We barely talk!

“I mean, Hanbin doesn’t have any other girl friends. So you must be special…” he continues. “Now that I think about it, how did you get to know Hanbin?” He gazes at me with his inquisitive eyes.

I wonder if they know about the scandal that was about to break out a week ago regarding me and Hanbin? Did Yang CEO reveal it to the rest of the members or was it kept hushed between relevant people such as Hanbin and I?

Not to mention, how well do they know about Hanbin’s family?

Gosh, this is a question I can’t answer. I don’t want to accidentally unveil guarded information so I change the subject.

“You have beautiful eyes,” I abruptly declare. That went well (Sense the sarcasm!).

“Wha—?” He looks at me oddly.

“Yunhyeong!” a voice calls out and one of the staff pokes his head out of the closest door. “Get in now! It’s your turn.”

“Coming!” he replies, brushing past me.

I breathe out a sigh of relief but the way he glances at me before he leaves indicate that this interrogation isn’t over yet.

----

I’ve been waiting mindlessly for Da Eun to return to her desk but she hasn’t showed up in the last thirty minutes. I need to use her phone. That’s all. It shouldn’t be a big deal if I used it without her permission, right?

Getting increasingly impatient, I go over to her desk and pick up the phone.

I look at the leaflet I picked up during work today to check the landlord’s number again.

“This is it…” I mutter as I dial the landlord’s number.

----

The landlord was extremely excited to have a potential candidate to take over the unit that he invites me to go there as soon as possible.

“Right now?” I exclaim, shocked. What if this is a scam? I glimpse outside the window to take in the afternoon view. The sun hasn’t set yet though.

“Yes, why don’t you come soon, dear?” the man says in a gruff voice. He sounds old – almost grandfather type of old.

“But…” I have to be sensible! This sounds dangerous. Yet what if he’s just innocuously excited?

I don’t dare to go alone so I ponder about it longer until he asks, “Dear, are you still there?”

Yes, yes, I’m still here, but I don’t answer.

I hang the phone up.

Looking around the office, I feel a sudden attachment growing for this building. This might have been a really short stay but I will miss this place so much.

I will miss the warmth of its inhabitants although that’s only limited to Yang CEO and Da Eun. Possibly Raina (just a little portion).

Leaving this place to live outside isn’t a sign of independence, merely a premonition of future events that will develop once Jang Hanna’s pregnancy cannot be hidden anymore.

Standing up, I take my leave. Increasing my pace, I walk out of YG to go to pay a visit to someone special.

----

By someone special, I meant my unborn niece.

I went to Hanna’s apartment but her housemates said she wasn’t home so now I’m trekking my way towards the trainee building.

I barge in without any problems. This building isn’t specially guarded compared to YG’s main building hence I can look for Hanna freely without feeling anxious.

I pass by a couple of trainees so I ask them if they know where Hanna is.

“I think she was in the vocal room,” says one girl.

“Nah, I saw her in the gym,” counters another boy.

“Gym?!” I exclaim, horrified. I don’t think getting a heavy workout is a good idea for a pregnant woman.

“She was definitely dancing when I saw her last,” another girl says.

“Which one of you saw her most recently?” I ask, glancing at each of them. Except for the last girl, the rest of them shrugged. “You!” I point to her. “Where is the dance room?”

----

Stupid girl.

Are trainees usually this stupid? She took fifteen minutes to give me a very unhelpful and vague description on how to walk to the specific dance room Hanna is in. I’m hopelessly traipsing around in a cranky attitude because of her now.

I’m taking a peek into the windows on the doors as I pass.

Every room is occupied. Sometimes I find a trainee belting out those high chords while practising his expression. Or a group of trainees practising a choreography.

I have to admit that although I cannot understand the attraction they have towards their dreams, they certainly have to work very hard in every aspect of their lives in order to succeed.

A room I am approaching is unusually silent and I see through the window that it is Hanna in the room, sitting on the floor in a depressed manner.

She’s staring at her own reflection in the mirror but her eyes appear out of focus.

Hanna is one of those trainees who had worked so hard. She still does, even in her pregnant state.

Kpop Star was her breakthrough towards singing and she got into YG because of it. Even if she hasn’t officially debuted yet, the public knows her. If the news of her pregnancy ever gets out, she will be shamed like no other.

She’s this close to her dream yet one mistake costs her and everything will slip away, making all her hardwork worthless.

I can’t imagine how she feels right now.

I remember it as clear as day. The first time our family saw her on Kpop Star around a year ago. We were so proud of her and I couldn’t stop bragging to people, “That’s my sister.”

When she got into YG, people couldn’t stop kissing my to get an opportunity to meet her. Most had bigger ambitions to befriend all YG celebrities but even I knew that was impossible.

Hanna quit school to become a full-time trainee. She moved out. We hardly see her and even phone calls from her were a rare occasion.

To think that she went through all that just to lose it all in one blink…

Even as an outsider trying to walk in her shoes right now, I feel enormous pain. Not to mention, that it doesn’t end there. She’ll have to quit this and become a mother.

Being a mother isn’t that easy either.

Hanna takes out a small, brown plastic bottle from her bag and gazes at the label.

What is that?

She takes out a bottle of water from her bag and prepares two pills from the brown bottle in her hands. It doesn’t take me long to realize that those pills will be able to cause a miscarriage.

I slam the door open to announce my presence and she freaks, spilling her water on the floor.

“Youngmi!” she exclaims with wide eyes.

“Don’t do it!” I tell her before closing the door, ensuring no one else hears me. “Don’t do it, Hanna. Don’t.”

“Youngmi…” she mutters darkly. “I can’t give up now…”

“There will be another way,” I say forcefully. “That baby inside of you is alive, Hanna. What you’re doing is murder.”

There’s a flicker of hurt in her eyes as I say that. Being called a murderer isn’t exactly a cause of pride.

“Come on, Hanna.” I go closer to her and put away the pills. “Let’s go home.”

----

I tuck Hanna into her bed like a child. I’ve been holding the brown bottle in my hands firmly ever since I got a hold on it.

Against my own will, I place the brown bottle back into Hanna’s bag.

She witnesses this and asks, “Aren’t you going to throw it away?”

Her life will be getting harder than this.

I know that.

“Whatever you do with the baby, it’s up to you to decide,” I say, despondent. She needs to make up her own mind about what she wants for her life. I might have stopped her now, but if she still refuses to have the baby, she’ll find other ways to have a miscarriage anyway, right? I won’t always be here to save the baby. “Just know that I’ll be here if life gets tough for you.” I slip my hands under her blanket and hold hers tightly.

----

Whenever I think the drama is over, the writer of my life edits the chapter and adds more drama to give more spice to my tumultuous life.

Back to the current moment, Bobby waits for me with his arms crossed, raising his eyebrow.

“You want me to what?” I yell, stunned by his bold request.

“You heard me,” he states, unwavering in his stance.

He came marching into the store and ordered me to do the pregnancy test.

“Bobby, I’m busy,” I say, gesturing around the store. “I’m working.”

“Just pee and do the goddamn test, hottie,” he tells me sternly.

“Why don’t you just believe me? Why do you even care?!”

“Because!” he exclaims but pauses with continuing.

“Because…?” I prod, wanting to hear his answer.

“I can’t flirt with a pregnant girl. That’s weird.” He pretends to cringe.

“Then don’t!” I exclaim, furious. He’s pushing me over the edge because he can’t stand the idea of flirting with a pregnant lady? “I’m glad to have you stop flirting!”

“Will you just do it?” This time he pleads, gazing into my eyes. “Why won’t you do it? The more you deflect this, the more suspicious you become.”

He’s right. I might as well just pee on the stick now anyway since I need the toilet.

I tear the packet open and signal him to follow me to the toilet.

“Wait a second,” he says as I close the door. He stops me and enters into the cramped toilet before shutting the door.

“Bobby…” I try to contain my anger. “I can’t pee with you in the toilet…”

“Don’t worry, I won’t look!” he tells me, turning around to face the closed door.

“There’s no space in here!”

“I need to make sure you don’t trick me,” he insists stubbornly. “Oh, before I forget.” He pushes me aside to flush the toilet. “Just in case you use someone else’s urine.”

This scenario is insane. I stare at his back, wondering if I should go on with this.

Oh to hell with it. I pull down my pants and starts peeing. He stands still, holding his hands behind his back. I do the test quickly and place it aside.

“Don’t turn around yet!” I say, grabbing tissue paper once I’m done.

After pulling my pants up and flushing, I nudge Bobby.

He swivels around and checks out the pregnancy test I placed on the sink.

“Guess who isn’t pregnant?” I say with a strained voice.

“You.” He gives me his cute grin as if nothing crazy happened. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“Don’t!” I put my hand up, refusing to listen to him. “Let’s just get out of the toilet.”

We walk out from the back and re-enter the store.

Jackson, who apparently just arrived, jumps up from his seat at the sight of me but halts when he sees Bobby. He faces away, covering his face with his cap.

Bobby glances at him.

“See you,” Bobby says to me before leaving.

I groan at the thought of meeting him after what had happened.

“Where did you go with that dude?” Jackson asks after the coast is clear.

“He just wanted to use the toilet,” I reply. My face reddens and become heated though at the mention of ‘toilet’.

“Oh. Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow?” he asks, giving me an angelic smile.

The only iKon schedule I have to attend is in the afternoon.

“I’ll probably sleep in,” I tell him excitedly. Aah~ bliss!

“Well, I hope you don’t,” he says, pouting.

“Huh?”

“Wanna go on a date with me?”