“Listen, Jacks-”

“It’s fine,” He interrupted me, whispering in the wake of Junior’s snoring. “I want you to think about it, okay?”

I nodded. After all, I hadn’t truly made up my mind yet. I was kind of surprised that Junior hadn’t been woken up from all the noise we’d just made, but I was glad he was getting sleep – he really needed it.

“There’s only one bed,” I said. Where was Jackson supposed to sleep? It was his bed that Junior was asleep in.

“I was just about to come talk to you about that. I guess we’ll have to share…if you’re okay with it.” He spoke softly still; I’d never heard his voice so calm. Unless I was just starting to notice things about him that I hadn’t before…

“Uhh…I mean…there’s no other option, right?” I asked, not really caring. Even with the new information about Jackson’s feelings, we were still friends. There really wasn’t any other option seeing as Junior was fast asleep with no way of moving him.

“unless someone sleeps on the floor?” Jackson suggested.

“No it’s fine, let’s just share.” I decided. It would be a little cramped but I’m sure we could make it work.

With the room in absolute darkness I had no other option than to strip down to my boxers for fear of waking Junior with opening drawers. I was pretty sure Jackson had already taken that ‘plunge’, but I felt, and I wasn’t sure how reliant on his feelings this was, that if I kept my trousers on he would feel disappointed.

I didn’t want him to feel low, whatever my feelings towards him.

I heard him get into my bed and scoot his way over to the wall.

When I finally made it to the bed with little to no foot-stubbings, I slid in beside him, being ultra-aware of where we both where in the bed.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near him – quite the opposite – however, all this was extremely new to me.

Jackson was facing the wall. Every now and then my skin brushed pasted his back. It made me jump because of how incredibly cold I was compared to his hot, almost burning skin. He’d probably been in bed for a little bit already.

It was probably from being nervous about sharing a single bed with me – not to toot my own horn or anything…okay, maybe it was a little.

To be brutally honest, I was just as nervous.

If it had been a few days before Jackson revealed himself, and BamBam hadn’t lost Junior resulting in us having to share a bed, then the feeling would have been totally different.

Just two friends sharing a bed.  But it wasn’t. Not anymore.

But by the time I got to sleep, my vision flooded with terrifyingly huge people – YoungJae, JaeBum and BamBam where there – shouting things down to me. Things like: ‘!’ and ‘DISGUSTING!’ rang through my ears until I woke up in a cold sweat. Jackson’s strong arms were wrapped around my middle and his warm chest was pressed into my back.

I tore his arms off my clammy body in a panic and, getting out of bed, plonked my a little too hard on the wooden floor. I placed my head in my hands, panting.

I’d woken Jackson up in my claustrophobic terror. He leaned over the Mark-shaped hole in the bed and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Mark, are you okay? and when I was in too much shock to reply, he spoke again, “I only hugged you because you were thrashing around.”

“It’s okay…” I found it difficult to string words together, still with my eyes closed. “I…had a bad dream,”

He didn’t move. “Do you want to talk about it?” His hand getting softer as if it had melted into my skin.

“It was…everyone…yelling.” I knew what I was saying wouldn’t make any sense to him, but words wouldn’t come out my mouth in full sentences. “I’m scared Jackson.”

I finally caught my energy back enough to turn around and look at him. The light from behind the curtain lit up his face in a soft gradient – a light blue which gave his white-blonde hair a slight tint.

“I think I want this…or at least, I want to try and want this.” I said, not realised the connotations of my choice of words and lax motive at the time.

His face was hard to read again, just like at the library.

Our faces were so close. I was getting flash backs of Jackson’s warm pursed lips pressed to my cheek, leaving a print of warmth on my skin.

I wanted that feeling again. Of my stomach disappearing and my heart getting caught in my throat.

Heck if I knew what I was doing, but moving in slowly, placed my fingertips gently on the side of his neck.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked timidly. The words not sounding remotely Korean.

The nerves caught up with me though. They grabbed me round the throat as squeezed so hard the words almost didn’t come out of my mouth.