The café across the road from the university was packed like it always was. Yugyeom and BamBam ordered their usual’s and Gi-Eun ordered an egg sandwich. Boring.

When it got to my turn I debated the idea of getting what Jackson gets: a tomato and pesto panini with a black coffee. The lady serving me gave me a distasteful glare as I took my time. I ordered the panini. The smell of the coffee reminded me of when Jackson would slam his bag down onto his desk after a long day in class and he would bring the coffee bean aroma in through the door with him.

We sat down at the only table that was available; Gi-Eun sat down next to me. Every so often I’d forget that it wasn’t Jackson who comfortably bumped my elbow as he ate, but a rather annoying bony arm which jolted my arm away from my mouth.

“Sorry,” She said disgustingly sweetly.  

“So Gi-Eun, is it? What course are you doing?” BamBam asked as he tucked into his sandwich. This felt wrong. A shiver went up my spine and the coffee burned my tongue.

“I’m on the same course as Mark-Oppa.” She replied. It sounded like she was putting on a high pitched voice and it made the food in my mouth lose all taste. 

“Oh, so how long have you known each other?” BamBam asked innocently. The answer to this question would be followed by very judgmental stares from both my friends opposite.

“Actually, we’ve never talked until today.” She took a bite of her bland sandwich.

As I predicted, both boys’ eyes flew to my face. it was so intense I could feel it. I didn’t look up to see their disapproving gazes. I kept my eyes focused on the burning coffee in front of me on the table.

“Oh, okay.” There was an awkward silence then. I didn’t look up from the coffee and Gi-Eun continued to eat her sandwich.

“How did that essay hand-in go?” BamBam changed the subject.

Thank god. “It’s not been graded yet, but the teacher seemed alright with it.”

“Ah that’s good then.”

Another weird silence. This girl was really stilting the conversation flow. She just didn’t fit. I really shouldn’t have invited her.

I shot an apologetic glance at the boys. They seemed more pissed off than I was jaded.

Lunch felt like it lasted a century. BamBam and Yugyeom both had class to go back to which meant I would have to walk this annoying girl home.

I said goodbye to the boys. They disappeared across the street and I wished so badly that I didn’t have to walk this girl home. She lived in the block across from mine unfortunately.

“So what sort of music do you listen to?” she asked, blushing. Why should I even tell her? If I was with Jackson we wouldn’t be making awkward small talk. We would be talking passionately about some new game he’d bought and comparing it to one we’d played before.

“Uh…I like pop music.” I didn’t really know how to talk to girls. It’s not as if I actually made the effort anyway. The only women in my life were my sister and my mother, and I didn’t even talk to them on a good day.

“How about you?” The words just sounded strangled when they came out my mouth.

I didn’t really listen to her answer. She kept asking me weird questions all the way back to the dorms and I answered them absentmindedly.

“So, this is my block. Thank you so much for walking me back, Mark-Oppa.” She smiled so that the dimple in her left cheek dented her face. I noticed her cheeks going the same colour as her lips.

This got me thinking: I had wanted to find out if kissing a girl would be the same as kissing Jackson. And this opportunity seemed all too opportune.

She leaned up onto her tiptoes just reaching my collar bone. The temptation really just got to me. Why shouldn’t I kiss her? I didn’t have any responsibility to anyone. Her lips seemed so small in comparison to Jackson’s and she was so damned small I had to bend my neck even with her standing on her tiptoes.

I couldn’t do it but she didn’t seem to notice me backing away.

“Gi-Eun, I um..” And before I could finish my sentence she had forcefully pressed her lips and her whole body onto mine.

I shivered and pushed her away. I had this oily feeling growing down my neck.

“What are you doing?” How dare she violate my personal space.

“I um... oh, I’m sorry, Mark-Oppa,” She shrank back down to her small size.