How could Jackson be like that? Being all dirty and weird with another person and then getting angry when I question him about it. Does he think retaliation is a good way to start a relationship? If this even could be considered a relationship. I didn’t even know what we were doing anymore. Everything had become so blurred and foggy.

I spent the night in BamBam’s room. I slept on the floor in between the beds. Junior snored all night, so I didn’t sleep much, but at least the blanket they gave me was warm.

I was staring up at the ceiling listening to Junior sound like he was dying when my phone buzzed.

‘You’re a horrible person, I hope you’re never happy again.’ It was from a withheld number, so I guess they must have sent it to the wrong person.

When Junior finally woke up from his death sleep, he stepped on my stomach trying to get to the shower. I thought I was going to throw up all over the blanket.

“Sorry, Mark. I forgot you were here.” He said, and shut the bathroom door.

“Yeah, someone else has been doing that too.” I said absently to myself.

“What’s happening Hyung?” BamBam said. “Do you like ponies?” I thought he was awake, but he rolled over and went back to his light breathing.

I was about to close my eyes and get some sleep when there was a knock at the door. With BamBam asleep and Junior in the shower, it wouldn’t get answered unless I did it.

I looked around for something to put on, but there was only an old jumper under BamBam’s bed so I dragged it out and threw it on.

Jackson was stood at the door with his coat on and a hat. He was holding my windbreaker coat in his hands. It made him look super cute. I wanted to rip it off his glorious head, chuck it at his face and slam the door, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“Morning Mark.” He said, in his groggy just-woke-up voice. “Do you wanna go get that coffee now?” He handed me my coat.

I couldn’t really say no to him. He had his wry smile on his face and his eyes were soft with sleep.

“Yeah, just let me get my clothes.” I said and backed away from the door. I guess I was fully aware of his eyes on my back as I pulled off BamBam’s jumper revealing my skin to him. I don’t really know why I did it, but it felt flirty and exciting. I fumbled around in my underwear before finding my clothes in a pile under some of Junior’s clothes. Those boys were messier than I was.

When I’d successfully dressed myself, and put my coat on, I tidied the blanket and placed it on Junior’s bed before leaving quietly. When I turned to Jackson, he had a sly smirk on his face.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked, feeling my cheeks turn pink. Maybe that is why Gi-Eun’s cheeks were always pink when I saw her.

“I actually checked a few other places before I got here, plus I couldn’t sleep anyway.” He said, his eyes still droopy.

“Me either.” We started walking out of the building.

“So about yesterday?” He started.

“I don’t want to talk about that yet.” I interrupted, “I want to tell you that I’ve had all night to think about what I said, and I’m sorry I was rude to you. I really value our relationship, and I don’t want to lose you because something stupid that I may have made up in my head.”

“Well, that was unexpected.”

“What do you mean?” I was confused, he should be angry at me right now, shouldn’t he?

“I was thinking I’d come over here and you’d throw my hat in my face or something. But you’re being pretty calm about this.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?”

“Yell some more? I think it would make me feel better.” He chuckled.

“You’re the one who should be yelling. I went behind your back and kissed some random girl and you saw it. I can’t imagine how that must feel.” We had walked out of the building now and were headed into town. It was about a ten-minute walk away, but I could still see it. One long street full of colourful shops and people going about their business.

“It felt pretty crap, I’ll be honest. I wanted to open the window and shout something, but I didn’t know what to shout.” He chuckled again.

I had no idea what point he was trying to get to. He scratched the back of his head and spoke again. “When I hung out with Yugyeom yesterday, it was because he heard me banging my head against the wall. I was trying to come up with a reason why you would do something like that. He knocked on my door, and I cried right there. You know I’ve never cried in front of anyone else, but my dad, so it was a shock to me as much as him.” He stopped talking as we passed a group of people who were yelling and giggling loudly, then continued. “He invited me to his for a game of Call of Duty. He said shooting things will help me get my anger out, and then I could tell him what was wrong. You know, he’s a really nice guy.”

Yeah, real nice to be stealing someone else’s boyfriend. Wait, what am I saying?

“It really helped me. I don’t think I’d be here talking to you right now if it weren’t for him. When I told him what happened, he gave me some really great advice. And I just want you to know, that I forgive you. I understand my sudden confession must have upturned your life a little, so I’m sorry. I do really care about you, Mark. And if you’re not okay with wanting to go any further, then I’m perfectly happy staying your best friend. Because you are my best friend, Mark.”

I didn’t really have a clue as to how to reply. This was a massive speech. How effortlessly he could do something like this. He probably hadn’t thought about it; whereas if our positions were switched, I would have been reciting it in the mirror over and over until I knew it word for word.

“You’re my best friend too, Jackson.” I spoke slowly. “But, I need you to know that I don’t want you to just be my best friend. I told you I liked you, didn’t I?”  

“You did. But I don’t want you to be swayed by thinking you’re going to lose me if you don’t want to date me.”

“Okay, I know that.”

“You do?” He said, and punched my arm lightly.

“I do now.” I laughed.

We were on the edge of town now. The people were denser here and some bumped into me by accident. For other’s it seemed like they had intended on bumping into me. They knocked me to the ground, giggling and walked away without a second glance.

While on the floor I caught a glace of a pink handbag. It had a puffy keyring dangling off it. They were gone by the time Jackson managed to pull me to my feet.