“You’re messing with my head, Mark!” Jackson shouted. He was on the brink of tears. “I understand you have no obligation to me, but I just wish you’d tell me your answer because it is giving me a headache.”

“Well, you’re messing with my head. You’ve were my best friend and then suddenly you tell me you like me. How am I supposed to cope with that?”

“I didn’t tell you so I could stop being your best friend, Mark. I’m still your best friend. I just wanted you to know because…I tell you everything!” He looked sheepish then. “It was hurting me not to talk about it with you.”

What was I supposed to do with that? He’d only wanted to be completely honest with me and I’d gone and thought he was demanding my answer. And I’d thought about kissing that girl. That sickly sweet girl who I didn’t even know. I let her trump my own best friend.

“I still don’t know about this, Jackson.” I said, my lips going dry. “I’m afraid…I guess.” This was the first time I’d be honest with him in a while. It felt oddly relaxing. My weight shifted into my toes and I sunk my shoulders.

The distance between his bed and mine felt utterly far apart. Jackson had tidied the room while I had been at university. He had even made my bed. My mind wondered back to when his skin had burnt mine under my sheets. His sweaty body pressed to my chest during the cold night.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m afraid too.”

I couldn’t possibly see how he could be afraid. He was Jackson Wang. He’d had his life together even before we’d met. He didn’t need me. He didn’t need anyone. He could be himself in front of strangers and he didn’t have fears about that sort of thing like I did.

“You’re not afraid of anything.”

“There was that dog that jumped out of the bushes at me.” Jackson attempted to lighten the situation in the best way he could. It did in a way. I smiled.

“I don’t mean temporary things. I mean things like…what people will think of you.” my thumb twitched over the hem of my jumper.

“Things like that shouldn’t matter.” His voice sounded sincere and his leg jumped up. I thought he might walk over to sit with me. But he didn’t.

There was silence then. It encroached into my brain until the silence deafened me.

“I…think I’m going to…go for a walk, okay?”

“Can I come?” He asked. Scooting his seat towards me. It seemed odd. The look in his eyes was something like urgency. “We can go get coffee.”

He really wanted to sort this out. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to come with me. I needed to clear my mind and get some perspective. A walk up to the mountains seemed like a good idea.

“I don’t know.” I said, feeling physical pain when I saw Jackson’s dejected body language in response.

He crossed his legs, and put his hands in his lap. I could tell he wouldn’t ask again. I started to get my trainers on. Jackson stayed where he was, watching me. I changed my fashionably long blue coat for my wind resistant one. He was still watching me.

“Do you want to come that badly?” I asked, piling my phone and keys into my pockets. Jackson nodded so I said, “Let’s go get a coffee then. Put on something warm and we’ll walk up to the mountains.”

I hadn’t coincided the mountains a romantic place before, but as I ascended the ice mountain terrain with Jackson by my side I couldn’t help but feel a warmth in my chest that I was here with him.

“So why did you want to trek all the way up here?” He asked, sipping his black coffee with gloved hands. The trees along the trail were the same colour as his eyes.

“I needed to get out. Clear my head.” I replied. Now that I think about it, clearing my head didn’t involve spending time with a friend. Could I even call him my friend anymore?

“You’ve never gone up to the mountains before though, not while I’ve known you anyway.” He said while avoiding a rather large tree root sticking out of the ground like the loch ness monster. The icicles forming over the ground were making my trainers grip rather precarious.

“I haven’t ever been up these mountains before. I used to climb the ones in my hometown all the time, though. Me and my brother would go hiking together whenever my father would come home drunk.” I said, not realising that I was spilling my thoughts as well as my coffee. It splashed onto my left trainer.

“Mark, you’ve never told me about that before.” He said, stopping with me as I bent down to try and clean the coffee off.

“Yeah, it’s not something I talk about often.” I knew I had a tissue in my coat somewhere. Handing Jackson my coffee so that he had one in each hand, I rummaged.

“Well, thank you for sharing that with me. I feel like we haven’t hung out like this in a while.” He sipped his coffee again.

“It has been a long time. About a week now, I think.” I said, bending down to dap at the now large stain. It was beyond help. The ice was quite a lot thicker than I had realised. I straightened myself a little too fast and lost balance, but my foot met the ice and went for a trip. I felt Jackson’s hand grip mine to stop me falling over. And the coffee was burning my foot where he’d dropped them both.

“Crap, are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. The coffee isn’t.” I laughed. He gave me an apologetic smile.

I could feel the warmth of his hand through his glove. I wanted to hold onto it forever. We continued up the mountain. The trail extended out onto flat ground. The mountain turned into a cliff of sorts which overlooked the town. Benches and trees

I knew it was a popular mountain, but who visits a mountain on a weekday apart from students and kids bunking off school? I wasn’t expecting it. There were around twenty people dotted about, sitting on the benches and talking.

“I guess lots of people are on dates today.” I said, absentmindedly.

“So, is this a date?” He asked, smiling Widley. Suddenly I pulled my hand from his. Embarrassed.

“Mark-Oppa!” A high-pitched voice called from across the lookout. The hair on the back of my neck stood up.