This hurts.

  Tao knows it's probably almost one in the morning and it's taking all he has not to go down the hall and tell Kris he wants him back.    It wasn't that he had forgiven Kris, because he hadn't, but this hurt a lot more than he'd thought it would. Tao isn't sure exactly what he figured this would be like, but this wasn't it.   Baekhyun's floor was hard and cold and without Kris's arms around him, Tao found it hard to fall asleep. Is there any way he could convince Kris to let him sleep in their room on the premise that he couldn't sleep anywhere else? No. Probably not. And besides, he'd told Kris he wanted space. Now here his space was. A sleepless night on Baekhyun's cold floor, thinking about Kris.    He was still angry at Kris, but part of him understood why he'd done what he did and that only made him angrier. If he could understand now, he could have understood before. Kris should have just talked to him. But he hadn't. It was too late for that now.    But that didn't change the fact that Tao wished he was curled against his chest right now, letting the warmth of his skin and the gentle rise and fall of his breathing lull him to sleep. That didn't mean he didn't miss the taste of his lips, the warmth of his touch. Tao closes his eyes, sighing in exasperation. How long had it been? Less than twelve hours and already he was fantasizing about Kris. He wasn't going to last long.    But he had to at least make it to the end of this day to prove to Kris that he was serious. And he was. Sort of. He knew that he couldn't break up with Kris for real. They saw each other every day, and besides, Tao still loved him. No matter what, Tao knew that he'd always love Kris, there was no doubt in his mind about that.    Tao lets his eyes fall closed, imagining that he's laying next to Kris. If he concentrates enough, he can almost feel the warmth of his skin, the soft beating of his heart.    Tao must fall asleep eventually because he wakes up to the feeling of someone brushing their fingers across his forehead, running their hand through his thick dark hair. Tao feels his lips curve up into a smile, his voice thick and sleepy,   "Kris.....I had the weirdest dream...."   There's a soft laugh as the person drops their hand, Baekhyun's gentle voice reaching Tao's ears,   'Not Kris, Baekhyun.....'   Tao forces his eyes to open, his vision blurry with sleep. He blinks a few times as Baekhyun's face comes into focus. He's sitting on the floor next to Tao, cross legged, looking just as sleepy as Tao felt.    He's dressed in a long grey sweater and jeans, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes. He's pretty, but he's not Kris. So that wasn't a dream, him and Kris really are broken up. Tao smiles softly, sitting up slowly, his voice a bit embarrassed,   "Mianhae, Baekhyun....."   Baekhyun laughs, shoving Tao by the shoulder,   'I'm only angry you mistook me for that fool; I'm ten times prettier than he is...'   Tao laughs, his eyes crinkling as he shakes his head at Baekhyun. No matter what, Baekhyun always knew how to make him laugh, how to make him happy. His best friend.    He glances up as Baekhyun meets his gaze and Tao wonders fleetingly how it would feel to kiss him. He imagines how Baekhyun would gasp softly, melting into him. Tao shoves the thoughts out of his mind. He couldn't, he wouldn't. And besides, that would make him just as bad as Kris, if not worse.    Baekhyun is silent for a moment, his voice amused,   'You know, Tao, if you were single, I might go out with you....'   He pauses, a smile curving his lips,   'You're pretty cute actually....'   Tao blushes slightly, looking down. He can't see Baekhyun but he knows he's grinning,   'I mean it! That hair, those eyes, all those earrings....'   Tao laughs softly, glancing back up to reprimand Baekhyun as the words die in his throat. Baekhyun is so close to him, their noses almost touching. Baekhyun is still saying something, murmuring something Tao can't decipher as he leans closer.    Tao can feel him breathing and wants to pull away, but for a moment, he wants to kiss Baekhyun, to see what it would feel like. He never gets to find out, just as Baekhyun leans closer, curling a hand around Tao's neck, there's a soft fall of footsteps in the hallway, Lay's bright voice reaching Tao's ears,   'Baekhyun! Is Tao awake yet? Suho is just finishing with breakfast-'   He cuts off, a soft gasp escaping his lips as Baekhyun lets go of Tao and pulls back, glancing up at Lay. The slim blonde haired boy blushes slightly,   'Oh....I'll come back later then....'   Baekhyun groans, getting to his feet and grabbing Lay by the wrist, pulling him down so that the three of them are sitting in a circle,   'Shut up Lay.....it's not like that...I....I just...'   Baekhyun looks flustered and Tao smiles, his voice even,   "Baekhyun was just checking to see if I had a fever, I felt sort of sick...."   Baekhyun glances at him, gratitude in his eyes as Lay nods, seeming to accept this as a viable reason,   'Well that's okay then.....'   He trails off, a mischievous smirk curving his lips as he glances back up, meeting Tao's eyes,   'So, is it true that you and Kris broke up?'   Tao sighs softly, running a hand through his hair,   "Yeah...it's true....we got into a fight and I broke up with him....."   He pauses, not wanting to reveal too much,   "I told him I just needed some time to think....to be alone...."   He meets Baekhyun's eyes, remembering what had almost happened between them a few minutes earlier. Maybe if Kris wasn't around, Tao would consider dating Baekhyun; but that wasn't the case.    Baekhyun didn't seem embarrassed at all though, meeting Tao's eyes steadily. That was good. It was important that their friendship didn't change because Tao knew that soon he was going to need Baekhyun more than ever.    Lay nods in agreement with Tao's words, a soft smile curving his lips, his voice gentle and reassuring,   'Don't worry, Tao....everything will work out....and besides, you have us....we're here if there's anything you need....'   Tao glances up, meeting Lay's dark eyes. Something about his words soothed Tao. Of course, they'd always be together. And of course Tao would always have help if he needed it. And he knew that him and Kris would work things out. He shouldn't worry, Lay was right.    Of all the boys, Lay's advice always helped Tao the most. He was patient and understanding and always seemed to know exactly what Tao needed to hear. Sometimes it seemed as though Lay was the one who held them all together, mediating fights and making sure the house was always clean.    Suho and Kris took care of all of them, but Lay was the one who took care of the things that no one else wanted to. Maybe more than any of them could ever realize, Lay was important. Tao nods, a small smile curving his lips as Lay throws an arm around his shoulders,   "Thank you Xing....I'm very lucky to have all of you to back me up...."   Lay laughs softly, the sound making Tao want to smile,   'I'll always have your back, Tao....just always stay a cutie....'   Tao arches an eyebrow at him, looking between Lay and Baekhyun,   "You think I'm cute?"   Lay grins, making his dimples stand out even more,   'Of course you are. Luhan had the biggest crush on you before you started going at it with Kris....'   Tao laughs softly, his voice amused,   "'Going at it with Kris'? What's that supposed to mean...."   Baekhyun sends him a pointed look, his voice amused,   'We have very thin walls, Tao....and you and Kris often remind us of that fact....'   Tao blushes, a dark red running along his cheekbones, flustered as he tries to explain,   "I....I didn't....it's not like...."   Baekhyun and Lay are laughing now, Baekhyun pinching Tao's cheeks as the dark haired boy starts laughing too. The three of them stay that way for a little while, Baekhyun shaking with laughter, Lay with his arm still around Tao's shoulders, the dark haired boy laughing but still blushing. Tao wishes that this moment could last forever.    Later that day, the next day, the next week, Tao would have given anything to go back to that morning. Things had seemed so different then, their problems so easy to solve compared to what they would be facing soon enough.    But, when he should have ignored it, Tao took Kris's advice and enjoyed the moment. He'd regret that decision for the rest of his life.     At this point, Tao is unsure whether he is ignoring Kris or if it's really the other way around.    Tao glances up, watching the golden-eyed boy for a moment. He's reading, sheets of music spread on the table in front of him. Tao watches as he bites his lip, confusion knotting his brows as he reads the difficult notes. He looks so beautiful.    For a brief moment, Tao thinks about leading down Kris down the hallway, slamming him against the wall and taking him right there. There was no way he was going to last very long.    He was angry at Kris; he had to remember that. But now he's let himself think and he can't stop. All he wants is Kris. He knows if Kris looked up, if he rested his beautiful gold eyes on him, that he wouldn't be able to stand it.    Before this can happen, Tao looks down, drinking the rest of his tea and clearing his throat as he gets to his feet. He grabs a dark grey scarf and black jacket, retrieving his backpack as Lay also gets to his feet, shoving the rest of a piece of toast in his mouth as he glances at the clock.    Lay slings his backpack over his shoulder, pulling on a dark red beanie over his pale blonde hair and waving hurriedly to the others as he hurries off down the hall, already late. Tao hears the door open, a cold blast of wind running up the hall.    The wind is loud, but Tao can hear Lay's gentle voice over the noise,   'I love you, Suho!'   Suho grins, closing his eyes, calling back to the blonde-haired boy,   'I'll see you tonight, Xing!'   There's the sound of the door closing, Lay's laughter cut off as he heads for class. For a moment, everything is quiet, the stillness making Tao want to shiver. Something feels wrong.    But after a moment, it's gone as conversation resumes and Tao hears Baekhyun come up beside him, his eyes sparkling,   'You ready to go?'   Tao nods, bending to adjust the buckle on his boot as Baekhyun hits the back of his head. Tao makes a face, twisting away from him with a laugh as he shoves the petite blonde haired boy. Baekhyun grins, ducking out of Tao's reach, his pale skin almost glowing in the half-light.    Tao glances up as Kris clears his throat, glaring slightly in Tao and Baekhyun's direction before turning his eyes back to his music. He was jealous. Tao feels like laughing as he straightens, running his hand through his hair,   "Baekhyun! I don't have time for this! We have to go...."   Baekhyun is laughing, drawing close to Tao so that they're almost touching, his voice amused,   'Funny....you didn't seem to care about that earlier...'   Tao arches an eyebrow at him, his eyes widening slightly as Baekhyun leans closer, his voice a low whisper,   'Play along...'   Tao blushes softly, letting a smirk curve his lips,   "That was different...."   Baekhyun is grinning as he meets Tao's eyes, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, lingering for a moment as he pulls back, winking at Tao,   'Whatever you say....you know I'll do anything you want-'   Baekhyun cuts off as the sound of someone choking reaches Tao's ears. Chanyeol is leaning over the table, Kris patting his back faithfully as he glares at Tao and Baekhyun.    Tao nearly grins, containing his amusement as Baekhyun laces their fingers and leads him outside. He doesn't stop walking until they reach the sidewalk but then slows to a halt, laughing so hard that he's doubled over, his sandy hair hanging into his eyes.    Tao starts laughing too, his dark eyes crinkling, breath fogging in the cold air. Baekhyun is panting, arms curled around his middle, still laughing, speaking in gasps,   'You....you should have seen....the looks on their faces.....'   Tao is laughing harder now, pain lancing through his chest at the lack of oxygen,   "Baekhyun.....you're...you're smarter than I thought...."   Baekhyun straightens, brushing hair out his eyes with a grin,   'What?'   Tao shakes his head, running a hand through his hair,   "At first I thought you were just trying to help me get back at Kris, I forgot about Chanyeol..."   Baekhyhun winks at him, a mischievous grin curving his lips,   'The first rule of trying to make someone jealous, Tao; always be aware of your audience...'   Tao laughs softly, tilting his head at the petite boy,   "Just how many times have you had to do this exactly?"   Baekhyun shrugs, glancing back towards the house,   'Not very many....but I want Chanyeol back....I'm getting desperate....'   Tao arches an eyebrow at him, his voice somewhere between accusatory and amused,   "Is that what that was this morning? You're desperate enough that anyone will do? Even me?"   Baekhyun shakes his head, regret in his eyes,   'Tao, no, it's not like that at all. I mean, I know you're with Kris and that you have been for a while now and I know that even though you're broken up, you'll get back together. But none of that changes the fact that I...'   He trails off and Tao nods, his voice even,   "That you what?"   Baekhyun looks almost helpless for a moment, his voice a forced calm,   'That I'm attracted to you....'   Tao's eyes widen slightly, his voice soft,   "Oh, Baekhyun-"   Baekhyun cuts him off, his eyes dark, angry almost,   'Don't give me that. I don't want your pity, Tao. I know it's never going to happen and that's fine, it's probably better if we're just friends....'   Tao is quiet for a moment, searching for the right words,   "Well, you know, if Kris and I don't get back together..."   He smirks at Baekhyun, the blonde haired boy laughing as he shoves Tao by the shoulder,   'Shut up Tao. I gotta hurry, okay? I'll see you tonight...'   He sends Tao another grin as he takes off, running down the sidewalk. Tao laughs, turning in the opposite direction. Well he hadn't seen that coming.    Him and Baekhyun were friends, best friends, but he'd never considered that Baekhyun could feel that way about him. Not as if he was harboring some secret love or anything, probably just a crush brought on by being single. He'd be fine as soon as him and Chanyeol made up.    Tao shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket, not letting himself think about Kris. But not thinking about Kris just leads to not not thinking about Kris and now that's all Tao can see when he closes his eyes.    Kris smiling at him, Kris asleep in the sun, Kris with both arms around Tao, Kris holding his hand, Kris carrying him, protecting him, taking care of him. Kris. Tao shakes his head, trying to make his eyes focus on walking, on school. But Kris keeps popping back into his mind and Tao sighs, stopping for a moment and letting himself think.    It's like all the thoughts explode in one place and it's sensory overload, flashes of memories going by so quickly that Tao isn't sure whether they were there at all. Memories. Kris had given him so many.    He remembers the day Kris had bought him a cupcake, when he'd stood up for him, when they'd had a snowball fight, baked cookies, had a fight, gotten locked in a garage.    How Kris had written him a song, built a snowman with him, protected him, taken him to the beach, comforted him, saved his life, loved him.    How Kris had taken him on a joyride, taken him out to eat, made him laugh, made him cry, made him lost for words, taken his breath away.    No matter what happened, Kris had given him so much; that he could never repay, could never forget. If there was one thing Tao loved, one thing he couldn't bear to be without, it was Kris. It always had been.    Some stupid fight wasn't going to change that. Sure he was still mad, but he'd talk to Kris after school and get it all straightened out. Life was too short for both of them to be miserable. Tao knew he still loved Kris and that he wanted him back, everything else would just work itself out. It had to.    Tao lets a smile curve his lips as he starts walking again, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. No matter what, Tao knew that the good memories would always outweigh the bad and that whatever happened, Kris would always be his.    Now more than ever, Tao would need Kris, would need him to be strong for both of them. The coming days, weeks, months, would test all of them, push them to the breaking point. Through it all, there had been moments when Tao had wanted to give up completely, to let the pain and the darkness consume him.    But these good memories had been just enough to keep his hope alive. No matter what, these memories, the hope they gave Tao, that would never fade.    Through thick and through thin, Kris would be his. Always.     Not surprisingly, Tao finds it hard to concentrate.    His mind keeps returning to Kris, to what he wants to say when they talk, how he wants to repair their relationship but also not act as if he's apologizing for something. But whatever the outcome, he couldn't live like this.    He couldn't keep sleeping on Baekhyun's floor and ignoring Kris's existence. Baekhyun.    Tao's lips curve into a slight smile. He remembers the day he first met Baekhyun, when Xiumin had warned him about getting too attached to the blonde haired boy. He'd been right, but it was too late now.    And either way, Tao didn't mind being Baekhyun's best friend. They'd been through a lot together, and especially since the camping trip, they'd become closer than ever.    Tao retrieves his phone from his pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he finds Baekhyun's name: '백현'. He pauses for a moment, pretending to pay attention as he types a text to the sandy haired boy,   'Meet me in the library for lunch? :))'   Tao feels his phone buzz less than a minute later and glances down at the illuminated screen, a smile curving his lips,   'Ofc :) see you then <3'   Tao knew that no matter what, whether him and Kris got back together, whether Baekhyun and Chanyeol got back together, he knew that him and Baekhyun would always be best friends. They had to be.    In the beginning, they hadn't talked much, but after a while they'd become friends, now even best friends. Of all the boys, after Kris of course, Baekhyun was the one Tao loved the most.    Not like he picked favorites or anything. He loved them all. All. Just the twelve of them, forever, that was all Tao needed. Just like Kai had promised him. Always.    The rest of the morning passes fairly quickly and Tao is handing in his Biology homework as he glances at the clock and realizes it's lunch time. He smiles softly to himself, slinging his backpack over one shoulder as he walks down the hall towards the library.    He pauses at the top of a staircase, catching sight of Baekhyun's familiar sandy blonde hair at the bottom as he looks up, grinning at Tao,   'I was wondering when you'd show up...'   Tao laughs softly, hurrying down the stairs as he throws an arm around Baekhyun's shoulders,   "To lunch then?"   Baekhyun rolls his eyes, leaning into Tao for a moment, his voice amused,   'Why is it that we always eat in the library now?'   Tao shrugs, curling his fingers into Baekhyun's soft blonde hair,   "We eat in the library because it's quiet and there's no idiots there..."   Something dark flickers across Baekhyun's eyes, the smile sliding off his face for a moment.    He recovers easily, grinning at Tao as he slaps his hand away, ducking out from under his grip and tilting his head at him,   'Let's go then....'   Tao laughs and nods, falling into step next to Baekhyun as they walk down the hall towards the library. Tao pushes open the thick wood door, holding it for Baekhyun as they walk down a thin aisle towards a dark mahogany table where Tao had eaten lunch with Kai forever ago.    It was Baekhyun's and his spot now. They ate here almost every day, gave them a chance to catch up and generally just goof off.    Tao takes a seat, Baekhyun across from him, as Tao rummages in his backpack, pulling out the bento box that Lay and Suho had packed for all of them this morning. Tao nearly laughs as he opens the lid and catches sight of a panda shaped out of rice and nori.    Tao picks up his chopsticks and glances up to say something to Baekhyun as he catches sight of the look on his face and the words die in his throat. Something is wrong.    Baekhyun isn't eating, isn't looking at him. Somehow he seems smaller than before, his shoulder blades poking up against his sweater. Tao clears his throat, his voice soft,   "Baekhyun? Is something wrong..."   Baekhyun glances up at him, a small smile curving his lips as he runs a hand through his hair. The sleeve of his sweater slides down to his elbow and Tao gasps, his dark eyes widening.    There are bruises running up his arm from his wrist, dark purple and red, some of them in the shape of thumbprints.    Baekhyun isn't looking at Tao for a moment, but slowly he raises his eyes, sadness and pain flashing behind the normally happy and carefree exterior. Tao's mouth has fallen open and he struggles to form words,   "Baekhyun....what....who did this? How did you not tell me? I-"   Baekhyun cuts him off, his voice soft but even,   'I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me....'   Tao arches an eyebrow at him, almost confused now,   "Baekhyun....tell me what happened...."   Baekhyun sighs softly, putting his head in his hands, his voice so low that Tao has to concentrate to hear it,   'It's just...people have been talking about me....about me and Chanyeol....about me without Chanyeol....they...they....I'm not even sure what happened. They kept telling me that Chanyeol used to be their friend, that I'd changed him...'   He pauses for a moment, his shoulders shaking slightly,   'They called me a ....hurt me...told me that I was better off dead....'   He raises his eyes to Tao's, a deep sadness in his gaze that Tao had never seen,   'I've been dealing with this for so long, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. And besides, some of those bruises aren't really bruises, they're scars....'   Tao feels a cold hollowness worm its way into his heart. How could this have been happening and Baekhyun had never told him? He'd never noticed though. Maybe this was why Baekh