Turning on the fairy lights you wrapped around the Christmas tree you just decorated, you stepped back to admire your work.  Looks good, you thought.  You have spent the entire day- the first day of your two-week vacation from work- buying Christmas decorations and hanging them up at your apartment.  The Christmas tree was the last of the decors you put up and it was well into the night when you finished.  

This deserves a big cup of hot chocolate,  you told yourself as you went to your kitchen to prepare one.  This is the first time you were decorating your apartment because last year, you celebrated Christmas in Ilsan with your family.  This year, you opted to stay in Seoul to avoid the disappointed looks from your parents because of your breakup with Namjoon.  They really wanted him for a son-in-law.  Heck, you yourself wanted him for a husband.  But he wasn't in love with you and it was only fair to let him go.

You didn't know if your decision to spend two weeks alone in Seoul is right.  You really didn't have anybody to party with for the holidays.  BTS members, especially Jin and Taehyung, kept inviting you to dinner, movies, etc but you have declined all of them after the talk you had with Namjoon about keeping your distance two months ago.  Your other friends from work and from university were either too busy at work or have already gone home to their own provinces spend the holidays.  

However, solitude is preferable to facing your parents now.  It wasn't just because you know they were disappointed, but you were afraid they will discover the depth of your feelings for Namjoon and feel pity towards you.  Pity is a lot worse than disappointment, in your opinion.

Will there ever be a day when you don't think of Namjoon and yearn for him to love you back? you wondered.  You've loved him for so long, since you were young.  The roots have fixed itself into your heart.  Even when he told you to stay away from him, you still loved him and forgave him for hurting you.  He didn't know he was hurting you,  your heart justified him in your head. Fool, your head told your heart.

You sighed and poured the hot chocolate into a big mug.  You went back to your living room to admire your tree once again.  You and the tree are going to become best friends for the next two weeks, you told yourself drily. 

You've just sat down on the sofa when your doorbell rang.  It was already 2am- who could be at your door at this time?  You put down the mug on the side table and went to the door intercom to see who was outside.

You were surprised to see Namjoon's face on the monitor.  You pressed on the speaker button- "Oppa, what are you doing here?" you asked.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," you replied, confused.  You went to open the door.

The moment you saw him, your heart leaped out of your chest.  Careful, girl. you told yourself. He's no longer yours.

"Has something happened?" you asked, sudden fear clutching your heart as you realized there may only be one reason for him to be at your doorstep at this time of night- bad news from Ilsan. "Are our families okay?"

He looked surprised at your question as he replied, "Yes, they are okay.  Why wouldn't they be?" He came inside and removed his shoes. As he did so, you smelled alcohol on him.  You also began to notice that he slurred his words.

"You've been drinking." you stated, closing the door.

"A bit," he said as he sat on your sofa.

"Doesn't seem like a bit.  You're totally drunk.  Did you drive here drunk? That's illegal!"

"_____-ah, I miss your nagging," he said as he pulled you down and you ended up in his lap.

O-kaaay, what's this? you thought as you felt his oh-so-familiar arms that you missed so much wrap around you. When Namjoon tries to kiss your lips, you leapt up from his lap and moved away. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" 

Namjoon didn't reply but instead hung his head and looked down at his lap.  You stared at him, unable to believe what he just did.  Did he somehow find out you loved him?  Was he playing with your feelings?

When you saw his shoulders start shaking, your temper hit the roof.  How dare he laugh at you? You've suffered a lot the past few months, always thinking about what he wanted and what would make him happy, and now he comes at your own home to mock you?

"If you're just going to laugh at me, you can leave." you said sternly.

He just kept laughing silently and did not reply.  You were fed up with his actions so you grabbed his arm to force him to stand up. That was when you saw the tears flowing down his face.   He had been crying- he hadn't been laughing at all.

"Oppa, what's wrong?" you asked, concern immediately replacing your anger.

Namjoon suddenly knelt down in front of you and wrapped his arms around your waist.  "_______-ah, can you take pity on me?"

"What for?" you asked, confused.

You felt Namjoon take several deep breaths before he said, "Will you take pity on me and be my girl friend again?"

Your eyes widened at what you heard.  Did he really just say---? No, wait, he's drunk, you remembered.

"Oppa, that's the alcohol talking. Why don't you sit down on the sofa and drink the hot chocolate I just made?" you tried to remove his arms around you to guide him back to the seat. He allowed himself to be seated and took a sip of the hot chocolate you handed him.  He didn't talk for a few minutes and you just looked on at him silently in return.

When he finished the drink and looked more calm, you took the mug from his hand and stood up to put the mug on the kitchen sink.  As you returned to sit beside him, he asked, "Is there really no hope for us getting back together?" 

"Why would you want to be my boyfriend? When we were together, you said you wanted to get out of our relationship!" you said, exasperated.

"What? When?!" he asked, mirroring the confusion you had on your face a few minutes ago.

"I heard you talking to Suga-oppa and Hoseok-oppa about it in your studio.  You were asking them for advise on how to get out of our relationship!"

"You heard that?" he asked, shaking his head, remembering.

"'Yes I did.  You said you felt miserable, being in a one-sided relationship." you couldn't remove the bitterness from your voice.

"I did feel miserable," Namjoon said.  "I felt like I was taking advantage of you, of our situation."

It was your turn again to be confused. Namjoon took your hand and continued talking, "We were forced into a relationship by our parents, but I went too far.  I demanded a lot of your time. We were intimate.  I was enjoying myself too much and did not think about how you were just going by our parents' wishes.  When eomma gave me her engagement ring and told me to propose to you when I felt ready, I realized I was going to encage you forever. I couldn't do that. I couldn't ask you to marry me when I knew you didn't love me- that you didn't feel the way I did."

Wait, was he saying what you think he was saying?  Was he saying he loved you and thought you didn't love him?  You were too shocked to speak.

"When you broke up with me, I should have felt relief that you freed yourself from me, but all I can think of was how much I wanted you back.  I told myself if I didn't see you, I will be able to forget about my own selfish desires.  It didn't work.  I can't forget about you.  I want you so much.  I love you so much.  Will you please be my girl friend again? I will try my best to be someone you could learn to love." He looked at you so earnestly.

"Fools. We are both fools," you said with a shake of your head.  "I love you, too.  So much. I broke up with you because I thought you didn't love me back."

"How can I not love you? You're perfect." Namjoon said, wonderingly.  "Do you really love me?"

"For years and years," you replied, hugging him.  

"Hmm, I probably have been in love with you longer," he hugged you back tighter.  He kissed you on the lips hungrily. 

After a few minutes, when you both surfaced to breathe, you remembered he was drunk.

"Yah, are you going to forget about this when you wake up tomorrow?  You're totally drunk." you said.

"I 'm not," he insisted. "I drank two shots downstairs, for courage, but accidentally spilled the rest on my clothes.  I dried them out using my car air vent, but the smell remained."

You laughed at his clumsiness and gave him a peck on each cheek, right by his dimples. Then you settled your head on his shoulder and your arm around his waist.

"I thought you knew I love you.  Everybody kind of figured it out." Namjoon said.

"What? Who else knew?"

"Well, all the members," he said, referring to BTS. "Nara.  My parents, too."

"Your parents knew? Was that why they set us up?" you asked.

"Not at that time, no. But they realized it soon after. They said I looked too happy for a guy who has just been forced into an arranged relationship.  Nara knew for a long time, but I asked her to keep it secret from you and from our parents. I wanted to be the one to tell you, but I didn't know how.  I kept putting it off, scared you'll reject me and not want to see me again." 

"Of all the secrets Nara told me, I wish she shared that one with me." you said.  Then remembering about the picture thing, you felt the need to ask, "Why do you not keep a picture of me in your room? Or in your wallet."

"I keep losing my wallet so I never keep anything irreplaceable there.  And I do have pictures of you in my room and around the house, but Taehyung, Yoongi-hyung and Jungkook keep hiding them. They said I always start talking about you when i see a picture of you and they're tired of hearing the same stories."

"Those punks.  I'm never cooking for them again." you said.

"Serves them right." Namjoon agreed, dropping kisses on you face and hair.

"You know what, even if you're not really drunk, any police officer might think you are because of the smell." you said after a few moments. "Maybe you should just stay the night."

Namjoon looked at you with a smile, "You know what, you totally have a point." kissing you deeply and pushing you back so that you lie down on the couch with him on top.  As you kissed him back and ran your hands through his hair, you thought, this is going to be the best holiday celebration ever.

_____________________________

Done and done.

Any thoughts on how I can improve my writing?   Comments and suggestions are very much welcome.