You didn't know how you were able to go down those stairs without tripping.  Your eyes were welling with tears by the time you got out of Big Hit's main doors. Thankfully, the receptionist was on the phone and wasn't looking at people walking past her desk.  You quickly flagged a taxi and gave the driver your address.  You stared outside as the taxi navigated through Seoul traffic.  You noticed the driver looking at you through the rear-view mirror, probably worried at your crying, but you ignored him.  

Reaching your apartment, you paid the driver and quickly went in.  At a moment of lucidness, you decided text Namjoon first to explain your abrupt departure. Oppa, I forgot I have a salon appointment this afternoon. I left already. 

A few seconds later, you received his reply, Okay.  Should I pick you up from there later?

No need, you replied.

______

By some miracle, you were able to function normally the next few days.  It helped that Namjoon was very busy that week so communication with him was kept at a minimum.  However, your one-year anniversary as a couple was looming (exactly the day of that dinner when your parents dropped the bomb on you both) and you definitely will be seeing each other then.  Namjoon already reminded you of the date via text- ________-ah, for our anniversary date, shall I pick you up from your office at 6:30 pm?

You replied back in the affirmative, but your heart dreaded the coming event.  Will he break up with you then and tell you he has no interest in marrying someone he didn't love?

What are your options? 1. Pretend you didn't hear anything and find a way to stop Namjoon from breaking up with you? For what purpose, you asked yourself.  To buy time! you answered your own question.  To make him fall in love with you.  But as you thought that, you realized the futility.  You weren't able to make him fall in love with you all this time.  What makes you think you'll be able to succeed in a  few days?

So option 2 is to break up with him first.  This way you'll at least be able to preserve some since of dignity and not look like some mad, desperate woman. But can you utter those words? Can you tell Namjoon you want to break up when your heart is shouting you want to spend forever with him? You shook your head.  No, you won't be able to do it.

So last option is to just let him break up with you.  You tell yourself it's for the best- that if you really loved him, you should let him go and be happy. What a cliche, you thought. Life can be so darn unfair.

___________

The day of your anniversary came and you dressed carefully that morning.  You wanted to look your best whenever you were with Namjoon, but this day you took special care. You wore your short pink dress, his favorite. You would have worn red converse high tops if it didn't clash horribly with your dress. Instead you wore soft leather ankle-high boots and left your legs bare.

You watched the clock all day with mixed feelings- you were always excited to see Namjoon, but knowing that this might be the day he breaks up with you fills you with dread. 

At last it was 6: 30 pm and you were standing outside your office building waiting for Namjoon.  You didn't have to wait long as his car arrived at once.  He got out and assisted you to get in, then rushed to get in the car himself as soft rain started to come down from the sky.  You helped wipe off the few water droplets on his jacket as he put on his seatbelt.

"Thank you," he said, then kissed your cheek as a belated greeting.

"No worries," you said. "So, where are you taking me?" you asked as the car moved out of the driveway and into the road.

"It's a restaurant my friend recommended.  It's not yet well-known but I was told the food is great."

You nodded at his statement and turned your head to watch the rain outside.  Namjoon was also particularly quiet and so you spent the drive to the restaurant in silence.  

"We're here." Namjoon announced and you woke yourself up from your reverie to look at the place. Thankfully the rain has spared this area and you were able too see clearly the cottage-like setup with a mini-garden in front.  It looked like a well-lived in house except for the numerous tables set up along the garden and within what would have been the living room of the house.  You appreciated the quaint charm of the place.

"I love this place already," you told Namjoon as he assisted you to get out of the car.  Namjoon smiled and took your hand.

As you walked towards the entrance you felt a pang of regret that this beautiful place will be associated with heart break later in the night.

___________

The wine was good and the food was even better.  But somehow, the night was very awkward.  Conversation was stilted and forced.  You tried to be more talkative, thinking your dread for the breakup ahead was manifesting in your conversation, until you realized that Namjoon himself was pre-occupied.  Normally, your boyfriend can discuss anything under the sun, being well-read and naturally articulate.  But tonight, he wasn't himself.

As the waiter took away your dinner plate and replaced it with dessert, Namjoon cleared his throat. "____-ah"

You looked at him as he said your name, but it was a long time until he met your eyes and spoke again. "Do you like your fruit tart?" 

Clearly it was not what you expected him to say.  You looked down at your untouched dessert plate and took a bite with your fork. It tasted like paper in your tongue, but it was undoubtedly because of your own mood and not because of the dessert chef.

"It's good," you lied. "Do you want to try it, oppa?"

"Uh no, I'm okay. " he replied, taking a slice of his own custard pie.

You both continued eating your dessert in silence.  After a few minutes, Namjoon said, "_____-ah"

You put down your own wine glass. "Yes, oppa?"

"_____-ah.." he tried again.  You waited.

"_____-ah, do you want to order coffee?" Namjoon said.

"Nope. I'm good.  But you can order if you want, since you're driving."

Ah, this is painful, you thought.  He clearly wanted to start the breakup conversation but didn't know how to tell you.  You guessed that he valued your friendship too much and felt afraid that telling you the truth of his feelings will break the friendship as well.

"Ah no, I don't want coffee, either." he said.  He looked outside the window, unconsciously sighing, looking like he was trying to find words.

You took pity on him and decided to take matters in your own hands.

"Oppa.." you said, reaching for his hand atop the table.  He looked at you, surprised, and you continued, taking courage from the wine you just drank. "Let's break up."

There you said it.  You tried smiling and it felt really fake to you.  Namjoon's face was a picture of surprise.

"I know the past year has been hard, pretending to be a real couple, but I think we've tried enough for our parents." you didn't know where you were getting the words but you continued, "It's hard to force things if there is no reciprocal love between a couple, don't you think?"

"Yes..." Namjoon agreed.

"And so, let's end this.." 

"______-ah" he said.

"We can still be friends, right?" you said.

After a long pause, he nodded and squeezed your hand.

__________

The drive back home was even quieter.  You were just trying hard to control your tears.  You didn't want Namjoon to know how your heart is breaking because it will just burden him.  It's good that you were able to say the words he couldn't.  It is for him that you did it and you  want him to think that breaking up is okay with you.  Letting him know how you really feel will make him feel guilty and maybe feel forced to continue with your fake relationship.  But you overheard how he hated being in a relationship with someone he didn't love, and because you love him so much, there was really no other choice but to let him go.

Namjoon walked you to your door, holding your hand.  You took a deep breath before facing him, and managaed to force your face muscles into a smile.  

"Good night, oppa. Let's remain the best of friends, okay?" you said with a false lightness.

"Okay. Good night, ____-ah" Namjoon said, still melancholy.  Frankly, you expected him to be a lot happier than this.  He was finally out of the relationship that was burdening him, wasn't he.  He was probably taking care of my feelings, not wanting me to see the relief he felt at our breakup, you thought.

He bent down to plant a kiss on your cheek and then left without a backwards glance.

You closed the door and started to cry.

------------------

Part 6 to follow.

Aish! I'm not good at emo scenes!!! Bear with me, beloved readers.  Happy times ahead. Maybe.