1

It has been a month since you last saw your boyfriend, Jungkook, in person, and three days since you last spoke to him on the phone.  Of course, he was able to text you once or twice a day, and you see him everyday on TV or on the Internet while he and his group, BTS, guested on variety shows or performed on stage. But it's a poor replacement to actually being with him and spending your days with him on your couch watching dramas on TV.

He had been especially busy the past few weeks. BTS released a new single 6 weeks ago and had been engaged in various promotional activities. Now they had just finished their Southeast Asian tour and were expected to come back to Korea this afternoon. However, it still doesn't mean you'll be able to see him.  In his text message to you that morning, he said they were going directly to Busan for another show.  

It had been this way since you became boyfriend-girlfriend just over a year ago.  In the whole time you have been in a relationship with him, you probably had only been together in person for less than thirty days.  You are glad that his group is becoming more and more successful and you admire him for his drive and determination to succeed in his chosen career, but sometimes, you wish your boyfriend had a little more time for you.

As you watched a video on Youtube of a fanmeet they just had last week in Japan, you feel your heart break a little bit everytime he flirted with a fan. You know it's part of his job and you're pretty certain he doesn't even know he was flirting, but it doesn't stop you from being a tiny bit jealous. Jungkook is really an introvert and has to push himself to entertain his fans off-stage.  He even had to ask help from his mates Jimin and Hoseok to teach him how to interact with people during fanmeets.  And like whatever else he puts his mind to, he was able to learn to smile and talk to strangers so successfully that all those girl fans think they had a special moment with him.  

You frustratedly punched a throw pillow as you saw a fan hold hands with him for longer than you think necessary.  And Jungkook just smiled and let her. Sometimes you wish you were able to announce that Jungkook is yours and that all those girls better stay away.  But having an Idol boyfriend meant you have to keep your relationship a secret, not only because it may turn off some fans but also for your own protection.  There are a lot of fans who are very proprietarial and would not hesitate to stalk and harass you if they find out you're the girlfriend of their idol.  Sure, there are a lot of idols who have announced they have girlfriends, but those are mostly senior Idols already with more mature fans.  BTS had just debuted 2 years ago  and a lot of the fans are still in high school or university.  

Your phone vibrates, signalling a text message. It was from Jungkook. 

"Just arrived in Busan." That was the complete message. No "I miss you" or even an "I hope you're well."  He couldn't say such things on a text message in case his phone gets lost or someone was able to read his messages.  You buried your face on the throw pillow and growled your frustration.  Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you really have the patience and understanding required of an Idol's girlfriend? 

You stubbornly did not reply as you think back to when you first met Jungkook.

2

A chime of bells on the door of the candle shop where you worked signalled an incoming customer.  You were crouched behind the counter sorting out a new delivery of scented candles that arrived an hour ago. You straightened up from your position and saw the customer, male, looking at the display of votives on the far wall.  You walked around the counter towards your customer and said your greeting. 

The customer turned around and you found yourself looking st the most gorgeous face you've ever seen on a man. It took you a few seconds to recognize the face as Jungkook from one of your favorite idol groups, BTS.  

"Annyeong haseyo," he greeted you back. 

"How can I help you, Jungkook-ssi?" you asked. 

He flinched a little at being recognized, but he just cleared his throat and sad "I'm looking for lavender-and-mint scented candles."

"They're over at this side," you said, pointing at the display on your left.  "We also have a new delivery of eucalyptus-and-rose candles that are selling so well, if you want to try them."

"Sure." he replied as he followed you to the counter.  You walked behind the counter and took a candle from the box stored underneath. You handed it to him and he took his time smelling the candle.  

"I like it," he finally said.  "I'll take one of these and another of the lavender-mint."

"Thank you, sir.  Is this a gift? Would you like me to gift-wrap them for you?" you asked. 

He blushed a little and said "No, it's for me."

You remembered it was mentioned in one variety show that he liked scented things. "Here you go, sir," you said, handing him the bag with the candles. "You have good taste in scents," you added.

He blushed a bit more as he took the bag from you and paid.

He came to your store almost everyday since that first day, usually just before closing time, when there aren't any people browsing in the shop. You wondered if he stood somewhere outside waiting for people to leave before coming in himself. An idol life is complicated, you thought.  It's hard to avoid being recognized when you just want to do your personal stuff. 

Two weeks after, he shyly asked you out for coffee.  You were surprised but readily accepted, and you went to a small cafe near your candle shop. You told him the candle shop was owned by your aunt and that you worked there in the summer break between university semesters. You were studying Math and wanted to be professor someday.  He told you he was really bad at math and couldn't even do multiplication in his head.  He mentioned his group was on a "rest" now, having just finished a world tour. They were now producing a new album which they hope to release before winter. He offered to walk you home but your refused because it was in the opposite direction of his dorm or his dance studio.

Two days after, he gave you a letter and left.  It simply read:

I really like you and would like to get to know you more. Will you go out with me?

Cute.  He's a famous idol and he couldn't say this to your face? Hadn't he notice how attracted you were to him? You mentally shook you head and smiled inwardly.  

The next day he came and just looked at you questioningly. You smiled thinking how dorky he was, and just nodded.  He gave you a wide smile in return and just sat there and waited for you to close the shop.  That night, you both went to a moviehouse and a late dinner.  He was wearing a hat and a mask that hid his lower face.  You allowed him to take you to your home in a cab and kissed him on his cheek goodnight. That was the last night you actually went out together because the next day there were photos from fans of him on a date with you. It was all over the social media pages. His agency denied the pics and said it was just someone who looked like him.  Luckily, none of the pics showed your face so noone was able to identify you.

Since then, you just invited him to your house for lunch or dinner on days when they don't have to go on shows or on practice sessions.  Twice, you joined him in the BTS dance studio and met the other band members as well as their manager and staff.  You were surprised that two of the members also had girlfriends that they were also trying to protect and hide. Their manager was welcoming to you but also warned you of the importance of secrecy.  You thought you understood it then.  Now, you know you were mistaken.

3

Another text message woke you up from your reverie.  It was from Yun Na, Jin's girlfriend, asking you why you weren't in Busan with Jungkook.  You were surprised that Yun Na accompanied BTS to Busan and even more surprised that Jungkook didn't invite you as well.   However, it is not good to let her know that so you just replied and said you had an exam at university so you couldn't go.  

That night as you tried to sleep, you're mind kept thinking about why Jungkook didn't invite you to come to Busan. It was his hometown and his parents still lived there.  Perhaps he doesn't want to introduce you to them?   Why? Does he want to be out of your relationship? Come to think of it, his calls became rarer and rarer, and his text messages were always short and to the point.  When your relationship started, he called you at least once a day. Now, a call once a week was a treat. 

You fell asleep with such disturbing thoughts and was restless when you woke up early the following morning.  You checked your phone out of habit and found no messages from Jungkook or anyone else.   You still haven't replied to his text message from yesterday but you still expected a text message from him after their show ended last night.  You wanted to be stubborn and not send him a message but you relented and send him a good morning message anyway.  

You dressed and went to university, which is only a 15 minute bus ride from your home.  You were still thinking about the state of your relationship when you overheard two girls talking in the seats behind you about Jungkook. They were saying that they were told by friends who went to the concert in Busan last night that Jungkook and IU had a particulary sweet performance singing a new duet song that IU wrote.  Your felt your heart shrink a little at this.  You knew Jungkook had a big crush on IU ever since he met her when they debuted in 2013.  He never discussed it with you but you've seen all the videos where he admitted to this in variey shows.  

The girls further said that they were pretty sure Jungkook and IU would soon admit to a relationship and you wanted to stand up and shout to them that you were actually Jungkook's girlfriend.  What stopped you from doing so was not the need for secrecy as their manager told you, but the niggling doubt in your head about the state of your relationship with Jungkook..  Are you even sure he still thought of you as his girlfriend?  You realized he probably didn't invite you to Busan because IU would be there.  He wouldn't want to mess up his chance with IU, right? Aargh how you hate that girl!

As the day wore one, you heard snippets here and there of Jungkook-IU rumors and they just fueled your jealousy and doubts.  By the time you got home at night, you were simmering with rage and you wanted to break things.  You decided to just use your pent up anger into cleaning your apartment. You cleaned and cleaned until midnight when your jealous anger has turned into a cold decision.   You'll break up with Jungkook before he breaks up with you. That way you won't look so pathetic.  After all, it will not be big change for you- whether you were in a relationship wih him or not, he still does not have time to see you or call you anyway.  

You went to sleep that night fighting back tears in your eyes as you realized that he must have returned to Seoul already but still haven't called or texted you back.

4

The next day was a Saturday full of resolve.  You were going to breakup with Jungkook the moment you meet him face-to-face.  You didn't have classes until the afternoon so you started packing his stuff that he left in your house from previous visits.  He had his own toiletries and some clothes at your home because he often would need to change clothes or be in disguise when he comes or leaves your home. You were done quickly and you put the bags inside your closet. You ate lunch and got ready for school.  

As you reached your university, your phone rang.  Jungkook.  Since you still had 10 mins until class started, you answered his call. 

"Annyeong," you said. 

"Annyeong. Are you in school?" he asked. 

"Yes," you replied. "Are you already in Seoul?" You asked back.  Great conversation this is, you thought to yourself sarcastically. Really sweet.

"We arrived late last night." He answered. "What are you doing tonight? Can I come to your apartment?" 

"I have no plans of going out tonight. I'll see you at home then," you said.  So the breakup is happening tonight, you thought. 

"Aight, see you later." Jungkook said and hung up. 

You walked to your classroom praying for strength to do what you need to do tonight. It's really for your own good, you told yourself.  You deserve a better relationship, you added.  

5

You just finished your last class for the day when you received another call from Jungkook. Was he going to cancel tonight? You thought to yourself bitterly.  You need to break up with him tonight before your resolve crumbles to dust.

"Annyeong, Jungkook" you said as you answered his call.

"Why are my stuff packed in a bag?" He asked without greeting. 

You were surprised that he was already at your apartment. Of course he had a spare key to your home. It wouldn't do if he had to wait outside in case he arrives and you weren't home. People might recognize him and investigate why he was there. 

"Ya, did you hear me?" He asked again when you didn't reply. 

"I'm on my way home," you said instead, avoiding replying to his question. "I'll see you in 15 minutes."  You hung up the call and ran to the bus stop.