Jessica POV

I was startled by the sudden pain that rushes through me. Nine months passed by quickly and lonely despite the care that were shown. Despite having my family and friends by my side. I guess starting over isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Was I in a relationship? No – definitely no. I’ve decided to be a single mother and raised this precious alone. I don’t mind that it has become national news that has been going around for the last two months. It had also caused Blanc stock price to dropped and most of dad’s partners are pulling out from the company.

Blanc has lost millions of thousand yet it doesn’t change the way my dad is thinking of me. I am his precious daughter after all. The same for Mama Jung – she has pulled back from the meeting and any events she has in the future.

The sudden pain has sent me to dug my fingernails into her forearms, as I tried to withstand the pain. My water broke when I was happily devouring my tteobokki as I walked on the street of Seoul. Never in my deep mind that I would be rushed by the public towards the emergency room.

“And the Jung shall multiply,” says my dad with his eyes looking around the room, before rested solely on me. In a matter of split second, my mom’s head pops up behind him, worry and nervousness was shown on the face. “Don’t worry, she will be fine. Go and be there for her. I will be outside waiting with the others.”

Mom nodded, as the nurse ushered her to the other side of the room and get her dress in the surgical dress. I continued breathing slowly and groaning in pain as the contraction keep coming back every few seconds now.

“Deep breath, Sooyeon,” Mom murmur over the sound of the heartbeat monitor. “Thank you for being here fast enough, Tiffany.”

Tiffany nodded, and smiled. The next contraction had sent me waves of pain as I continued to hold on to Tiffany’s hand like theirs no tomorrow – I can see how painful it must’ve been because it looked like I’ve stopped the blood flows in her hands.

you, Donghae.

***

This little creature has taken his sweet time to meet the world and take his sweet time singing his life soundtrack as a greeting for us. I finally get to breathe and relaxed a little when I heard his cries echoing around the room – it means the hardest part has passed.

I smiled, couldn’t stop the little tears from escaping my eyes, “Hello, Aiden.”

I’ve been choosing this name long before the due. I like it as it was short and simple. I don’t need a complicated name for my son. As long as it fits, it stays.

“Be fiery lights to others as your name,” I smiled, and kiss him on his temple, “I love you.”

The birds chirping sounded so melodic and ic to the ear. Nothing seems can hurt us now that we are here in this little space together. As soon as both Aiden and I are ushered into a room, everyone that waited outside came in.

Dad instantly goes over to his grandson more than his daughter. This is the first time I saw him shed tears in front of us. Hopefully, those are good happy tears. He holds the little precious human in his hands, “You little gorgeous Jung. Have you named him yet?”

I nodded, “Aiden – Aiden Jung.”

“Hello, Aiden,” He smiled and pressed his lips on his cheeks, “I’m your grandpapa.”

He has done nothing other than being supportive and loving dad and grandpa to us. I’m so glad he loves Aiden and focuses more on the little guy than his work now — not that I hate when he’s working but it’s nice to see him home often now.

I lay down on the bed and closes my eyes as they are enchanted with Aiden’s gurgling and cuteness. I never thought the birth of this little one has brought them all together in one room. It has always been difficult to even see them at one point.

***

I was allowed to stay in the hospital for another two days because the doctor wanted to see my improvements. Based on what I understood, I was very underweight when I delivered Aiden and he was surprised that both the baby and the mother are safe.

I walked down towards the kitchen where Taec and Dad both has a bottle of beer in front of them, sat down on the kitchen stool while Mom and Tiffany are busy cooking for dinner.

I sat down on the stool, “When is the wedding again?”

Dad raised his eyebrows, “Are you thinking of going?”

“Maybe?”

Dad shook his head, “No.”

I rolled my eyes, annoyed, “I’ve been in Seoul for almost a year. I would really love to go traveling.”

It has been two weeks since the labor and they still think it’s dangerous for me to go anywhere. They are the one that suggested it’s good for me to go out and meet other people so that I wouldn’t dwell in the sadness too much – yet now they think it’s a bad idea?

“I will attend the wedding.”

“What if you meet him there?”

I shrugged, “Que sera, sera. The future’s not ours to see.”

Amber POV.

This is a mistake.

I shouldn’t be here.

Then I wouldn’t witness the painful sight, soaked under the rain.

I look at myself in the mirror a couple of times. I couldn't remember how many times have I wondered 'am I enough' to myself. I have asked the same question to my parents and every time they answered 'Yes, I am enough'. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to believe it. There are times that I do but often, I don't. I mean, can you imagine having your heart broken after giving and doing your best in loving someone? 

Navigating through the heartbreak and dissapointment, I've developed anger issues, hatred and flashback of all the good memories. It has been so messy and it made me stop myself from feeling anything. I talked about it to Kris and Hyuna - both of them suggested I should see a psychiatrist and in which I did but none of them know about it. It feels safer to let it be only me, myself, know. 

It’s ed up – it’s been a year and I am still struggling with the breakup and heartache. I had to attend anger management classes in secret because I’ve had trouble controlling it. In addition to that, I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist because it helps me sleep on days that are too overwhelming.

I've been hiding so much of my feelings - all the hurts and the pain - that I've only talk about work to my family and friends. I don't even know what 'catching up' with friends mean anymore. I've hide in my room when my friends called and invite me to events but I just can't go. I was afraid that people wil ask me the same questions over and over again despite the thing happened a year ago and now both of them are a parents to a beautiful baby girl. 

The moment when I heard that she had given birth to a baby girl – I shed tears. That’s when the betrayal and pain became surreal. I’ve successfully avoided her and shut her out all this time only to be betrayed by myself. I wasn't there when they brought the little angel home. I was but I drove back out when I saw his car. I don't see a point in meeting them, let alone sitting in one house with them.

I laughed at my stupidity.

I should be the one holding on to her while walking down the street.

I should be one laughing with her, not him.

I should be the one taking care of her, and hold her when she feels cold.

I should be one holding the umbrella for her when it rained or when the weather is hot.

I should be the one with her, right now.

I stood here on the sidewalk, soaking wet with my fist was curled up and the rained masked my tears. I’ve touched down in New York three days ago but I purposely delayed this meeting because I was confident, I don’t want to see her – them, yet my heart is deceitful.

It doesn’t know what it wants.

It only wants pain because the pain is familiar.

It was the only thing my hearts knows for so long now.

you, Donghae.