Jessica POV

I lay down on the couch, listening to the music played from my iPhone. The sun shines brightly into the living room making everything seem bright, making everything seems hopeful. It’s been six months and I still don’t hear any news on Donghae. It’s alright though, considering that his tapes got leaked and that broke my heart to pieces. It turned my hopes and dreams into ashes. I have no strength to google anything on him or the tapes.

It just seems pointless.

I’ve realized a lot of things during his absence in my life. I realized that I’m the one that allowed him to take me for granted and that just makes it harder for me to make peace with the past. I’ve been trying my best to be okay – to act okay. But what does okay mean? Does putting a smile on my face every morning means okay? Does being able to drag my body off the bed even though I don’t want to mean okay?

I learned how to fake a smile. That’s easy. Let me tell you what’s hard – living. Living as an heiress. Living as the only child and having nobody to confide into. That’s hard. Dealing with this pregnancy – that’s hard. I wasn’t raised with money. I am a cultured woman. And yet, how the did I ended up dating that douchebag?

His smile was adorable. He knows how to crack jokes. He showed me his caring side when he wanted me … but that all changed as soon as we got together. His attention becomes less and less. His love turns to anger and I feel like I had to walk on the knife when I’m with him.

After about a month of knowing him, I got careless. Although he showed a red flag — he was there for me when I needed him but I was blind. I was blinded by the loneliness and I admit, I craved attention. His attention. So, when he wanted it that night, I gave it to him. Does he love me? I didn’t care. Does he care? Will he be responsible? I didn’t care. Not at the time.

Because all I wanted is him.

All I wanted is to make him happy and to stay by my side.

But, damn, I was wrong. So, ing wrong. In every way. Friends have been telling me he's dating someone else behind my back. But what did I do? I muted them out because I was dumb enough to believe that he loves me.

I laughed bitterly at the thought of that. Lee Donghae of Liu Capital is actually in love with me.

That is how dumb I was.

It comes to a point where I considered abortion, but I thank God for my sanity. I thank God for my parents for keeping, holding me down to earth, and not allowing me to lose grip on reality. This baby is not at fault.

I am.

His ing is.

I sat on the examination table and waited.

“How long are you replacing Dr. Seo?” I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“Oh, she’s back, but she is helping with a case today.” He answered, putting on his glove. “Lay down for me, please.”

I complied, and his nurse lifts my shirt a couple just below my chest. When he put on the gel, the coldness tickles me. Then he proceeds to spread the gel with the transducer and begin an ultrasound test. I watch the monitor intensely as I waited for the little angel to appear.

“The baby is growing.” He exclaimed happily. “Do not skip your meals.”

“What happens if I do?”

“Nothing. But it’s best if you don’t because the baby will take a lot from you so you may need to eat an extra 300 calories every day.”

I nodded, “Can I have a copy of that?”

“Of course, sure.” He smiled. “The nurse will clean you up.”

The nurse wiped clean the gel as soon as he left for another room. I stare at the sonography more intensely, feeling the burning sensation in my eyes. I don't know how many times it has been but it must be nice if I have anyone to come with. This is where and when I started to feel the lonelines. It’s already worse that they have to deal with my foolishness. I don’t want them to deal with my mess.

“When can I know the gender?”

“Between eighteen and twenty weeks. But, it also depends on the baby's position to determine the baby gender.” He said, handing me another piece of paper. “Come back on time.”

Just before I walked out, I put on sunglasses and a hat. I cannot believe I'm becoming a mother in a few more months. It feels like yesterday I’m just a normal young, dumb, and broke teenager. Yet, here I am, staring at the image of my future baby.

***

“Ms. Jung.”

I woke up from my little reverie and smiled at him. “What’s my plan today, James?”

“Hm, not much.” He said, eyes focused on the road. “Do you want anything to eat or go anywhere?”

I chuckled. “Are you not busy?”

“Well, I only fetched CEO Jung this evening.” He answered. “Unless he asked otherwise.”

I sighed, “He is busy.”

I have kept to myself ever since then. I never really actually talk about it to anyone despite the only person I hang out with was James. He's the quietest and open-minded people I've known. I reached home and the house is, once again, empty. I’m not surprised considering that I am the only child with two very busy parents.

The next day, I decided to follow my dad to his studio. I sat down on the couch, looking at him while he paced side to side talking to his models.

The fashion week is in a few months so I understand how stressed he is right now. It’s still far away but he just wants everything to be perfect. I should be there – standing along with his models because I am unwell as he said; I should just rest.

“There she is!”

I looked to my side; a smile appeared on my face. “You two came together?”

He nodded. “I bumped into Yuri in the café and decided to come here together.”

“How are you, Jess?” Yuri sat down and pulled me into a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“How’s the – you know – ”

I cut him off, rolled my eyes at him. “It’s fine, Tyler. Although, it be nice if this topic isn’t brought up.”

He shrugged. “Sorry.”

A few moments later, dad’s assistant came and placed light snacks on the table. It’s a small table so it’s quite occupied.

“Anyway, do you hear the news?”

“What news, Ty?”

He tapped something on his phone, and read it to us, “Apparently, that douchebag, cheated on you with his dongsaeng’s fiancée.”

Yuri grabbed his phone and tries to read it but was disappointed.

“Ty, I can’t open it.”

He shrugged again. “Probably they removed it. He is the son of Liu Capital anyway.”

“That makes no sense,” Yuri argued. “He’s a Lee. Not a Liu.”

“He’s adopted. You idiot.”

I breathed in, “What happens to them?”

“News has it the fiancée, now ex-fiancée is currently pregnant and their engagement is off.” He said casually. “Ever since then; Liu Capital has been quiet.”

“How do you get all this?”

“I’m a New Yorker, Yuri.” He rolled his eyes. “I owned a company there. I heard what the public unheard of.”

I quickly stood up and walked briskly towards the restroom. I entered one of the cubicles and locked myself in. It doesn’t take long for me to start crying. I covered my mouth to not make noise, trying hard to be quiet. I am completely dissapointed and upset. .

“Jessica?”

I sobbed, feeling a tug in my chest. “Y-yes?”

“Tyler, maybe joking about it – ”

 “H-He’s not.”

“W-What?”

I unlocked the door as quickly as I could. I looked at her, eyes red. “The day both families met, a girl interrupted us,” I said, choking on my own words. “S-she said, ‘an s- tape was leaked. It's bad because it's between your son and K-Krystal...”

I fall over, my knees feel weak. I was lucky Yuri caught me. I cried and cried harder when she whispered to me that everything is going to be okay. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think.

“Y-Yuri, it hurts.” I cried. “S-so much.”

I thought I will be okay at the mentioning of his name. I thought it is okay for me when anything about him comes to light. I told myself I’d be okay. Again, I was wrong. I know he cheated but I don’t expect him to stoop this low. I meant, ! His dongsaeng’s fiancée. For sake – how uncontrollable is his drive?

I seriously cannot think how can he me while ing other girls? Like how the is he able to sleep while hurting me in the process – hurting his dongsaeng too.

How did he sleep knowing he lied too?

How did he sleep peacefully while here I am bawling my eyes out? I almost lose all of me trying to love him and yet he can sleep at night and thought ‘I don’t give a ’. I don’t even know what drives him this low.

Was it the thrill?

What is the thrill of cheating with another person on your partner?

What is the thrill of lying?

Is he not ashamed of himself?

***

Three days later, my best friend, of all people, decided to take leave on my ‘i-need-to-be-alone’ kind of day. This girl had made me to dragged myself away from the bed because of her emergency and yet it turns out, here we are in a tailor shop – for men, that is.

“I still couldn’t understand why we are here, Tiff!” I grumbled, crossing my arms across my chest.

Tiffany sighed and sat down beside me, “Jess, here.” she said, handing me a piece of folded paper. “An invitation to Horvejkul’s wedding.”

“Horvejkul?” I said with a raised eyebrow. “Isn’t that like one of the dad investors?”

“And also turns out to be Taecyeon’s buddy. Surprise. Surprise.”

I nodded as I read the invitation card. The wedding will be held in China because the bride is originally from there. I looked at the date and seems like the wedding gonna be a month before fashion week.

“And...” I asked again, feeling her eyes on me. “You have been staring, Tiffany.”

“Uncle Jung wants me to bring you with me. He thought that it be a good idea for you to take your mind off things. But…” Tiffany sighed, pointed at the guest list. “Jess, Liu Capital is one of the guests invited.”

I laughed to myself, what a small world. Seriously, what is the universe thinking? Is it that funny that I have to cross path with the one person I want to avoid? The one person I'm trying to forget. It’s only been three days after I heard all the teas from Tyler. And I barely recover from it. I sat there in silence – thinking should I or should I not go?

“I don’t think you should go even though it’s good for you to meet other people.”

“Tiffany’s right.”

I looked up and he stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. The suit looked good on him. It clearly shows his broad shoulder sharply. His hair is still spiky sharp and that made him look like a porcupine. No offense.

I rolled my eyes. “Thank you, Taec.”

He let out his infamous smirk, “You’re welcome, Boss Jung.”

I stuck a tongue at him, and go back to eyeing the suit. “What color will the groom wear?”

“He’s gonna wear a red suit with a black vest. So, we…” Taecyeon paused, and turned around, “the groomsmen are wearing a black suit with a red vest or no vest.”

“Typical,” Tiffany grumbled.

I let out a small laugh, “Oh relax, Tiff. You’d get to choose when it’s your wedding day.”

Taecyeon chuckled too, “How’d I look, baby?”

“Typical,” Tiffany repeated, but her smirk slowly reappeared. “Typically, handsome.”

Taecyeon, who was upset, looked down. Then he sat down beside me. I looked at Tiffany and mouthed ‘it’s your fault’. It wasn’t long enough for Tiffany to feel bad. I chuckled when she moved and asked me to scoot over and as soon as I did, Tiffany apologized.

Taecyeon looked at her, and let out an evil laughed, “Gotcha!”

I laughed when I looked at how annoyed Tiffany is then, slowly, she laughed along. I’m happy that she is happy. I can’t deny that. It’s been a while since she was happy.

I let out a silent chuckle watching those two. I still remember when and how they met. Taecyeon had his mouth agape when Tiffany walked in at his photoshoot.

At first, I was confused when all of a sudden, he's getting close to me. Then, it turns out when I asked him about it – his cheeks turn red, and told me the reasons behind everything was because of Tiffany.

Truth be told, Tiffany and I have been friends since high school but we broke off contact for a while because she had to move back to the States when her mother passed. And then two months later or three, Tiffany called me out of the blue – telling me that her father had passed due to heartbreak after the passing of his wife.

Fast forward today, she is practically adopted into our family but Tiffany being Tiffany – she’s not comfortable with it. I’m glad that she was raised right and not spoiled. That is also why dad makes a promise to recruite her into being his model. As soon as the three of us are done tailoring, Taecyeon sent me home and goes on a date with Tiffany for the rest of the day.

“Hi, mom.” I greeted.

“Hi, baby.” Mom greeted and closes her book, and patted the space beside her. “Come sit. How was your day?”

I walked and sat down beside her, “Good, Tiffany seems happy.”

“That’s good. How are you doing?”

“I’m …okay.”

Mom nodded, “Have you eaten?”

I shook my head, “I don’t have the appetite.”

“Sooyeon,” Mom narrowed her eyes at me. “Just keep eating and stay healthy, okay? I want my grandchild to be healthy as the mother too.”

I sighed, “Mom, are you not mad at me?”

Mom sighed, then she holds my hands, “I am. I am mad about what happened. I am mad for what your choice is, but getting mad at you wouldn't solve the problem. And, whatever has been done, let it be a lesson for your future.”