When I was 14 years old, I got abusively by 5 guys and my brother got murderously killed by them. After the incident, I never had a chance to go back to my normal self. It’s been 5 years since it happen but for me it still feels like yesterday. Oppa got killed, how can I possibly tolerate that? It’s a nightmare that everytime I remember I just wish I’d die…

“Yeon Young, ttal, come here.” Patting the sit next to hers. “I know you’re nervous, so is Amma but try and fight your syndrome.” Brushing my hair with her hands.

I go to counseling every month. Amma thinks that that my sickness can be cured but nobody knows being in my situation, covered with 5 erts and using their strength on a middle school girl like me.

“Amma, you still think that I can go back to normal?” I don’t believe anymore.

“Yes, of course.” Smiling at me.

“But I know, I can’t go back to normal. My life will never be.” I can feel my tears from the corner of my eyes.

“Okay, on Monday, your first day as a year III student. Are you ready?” standing up. “Ow, wait for me here. I’ll go tell the Dr. to cancel today.” Rushing to talk to the Dr.’s secretary.

I was walking, head down when I bump to a guy, “Ouch!” I stumble down.

“Sorry.” He offers his hand but I push it away and walk straight out.

The phobia I develop is being afraid of men. The syndrome I have is being a man hater.

“There you are. I was looking for you. I told you to stay there.” I just can’t stay in a place with lots of people in it. “What are you doing here waiting in front of the car?” getting the car keys from her bag. “Get in.” and started driving.

On the way home I can’t take the silence so I talk, “Amma…” but I pause.
“Wae?” Amma is a very happy person. Well, after the incident

“Oppa…” I couldn’t say the whole sentence.

“Your Oppa? Well, if he didn’t die you could be save from all this things.” Amma… Mianhae…

But I held her hand and, “Amma, Mianhae…” smiling at her. I don’t usually smile anymore.

“You look beautiful smiling.” I saw her tears falling out.

“I’ll try my best.” Getting tissue from the tissue box. “Here, wipe it out” still continuing with the smile thing.

“I’m sorry.” I should be the one who’s sorry. “I’ll bring you to your favorite place.” Waeyo? That place is my only place to be calm.

When we arrive at the place, it’s still the same. It still can make me feel calm and be me. “Amma, Kumawoyo. For everything. You know how much I love this place.” Pulling her inside and to my favorite spot.

“Unnie.” Hugging her.

“Omoni, you’re her. What happen?” after hugging me back. She’s my Oppa’s girlfriend.

“Hye Ji-sshi. She feels sad.” Went to hug her. I was busy going to “that” place alone. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you around this days.” They’re almost screaming at each other. Well, not that I care but I wish Oppa was here.

“Eventhough it’s been 5 years, I still can’t understand how it suddenly happen.” While telling someone to bring us food to eat. “Omoni, how can you fight all the sadness?” I saw them both looking at me.

“Well, literally, because of her.” Looking at how calm my aura was. “She’s already 19 years old. A year III student starting tomorrow. In her heart, she doesn’t want to escape those days. That’s why I have to stay stronger than I look.” As soon as my mom finish the food arrive.
“Yeon Young-sshi.” While I was looking outside.

Flashback:

“Yeon Young, look over there.” Oppa called me.

“Oppa, what is that?” I always sit on his lap.

“Whenever your sad, depress or you want to remember something. Just look at there.” Pointing at the beautiful blue sky.

Oppa use to tell me that he would do anything for me. That’s why he died, to do ANYTHING for ME.

End of Flashback: