[CHICKENS] – [6]

 [INBOX] – [COMPOSE MESSAGE]

 To: Hae Ryong

Subject: Apologies…!

                Noona,  I hope you weren’t too surprised by our manager before! I wasn’t expecting him to come and pull out all the stops like that. I’d hate to admit it, but he is always like that. While we who live in the apartment can laugh carefree at his behavior, it seems he can be too dramatic for others – dramatic being an understate, or so I hear! So, I’m sorry if he was too much of a surprise for you to handle. You were a surprise yourself though, showing up all uninvited like that! You should have called – and no, you calling me while you were at the door doesn’t count. I mean you should have called wayyyy earlier. Neither of us – or the house for that matter – were ready for company, let alone sudden company. You almost gave Joon Jae a heart attack. I guess I should thank you in any case, I had no idea he could make such a loud noise like that! It was really funny and you got the rarest of flashes, so I bet your smiling to yourself right now. How about a thank you back? I am the one who let you in just at the perfect time after all, even if it was unplanned.
                Anyway though, did you get home okay? Were you able to make it back safely? We had a few drinks I was worried sending you off, but you insisted on running away. That too was funny. You have a good tolerance for alcohol in any case, so I’m guessing you made it back without any trouble. And even if you were drunk, you can still hit as hard as any man, so I know I can count on those heavy hands to defend yourself even though they’re small like any other girls’ hands. Still, do let me know if you got back alright, okay? Or else I’ll be sitting in this apartment bothering Joon Jae with my “Do you think she’s okay?” question every five seconds and I think he’s tired of hearing it now!
                It was nice seeing your face. It’s gotten so much prettier (and no this isn’t me saying that to flirt with you, you silly girl, nor is it me saying this because I feel obligated to – I really do mean it). Your clothes were also very pretty, did you borrow them from a friend again? If it was the same friend as last time, she’ll probably start ripping your hair out again. But last time I think you said you were roommates? So maybe she’ll let you go this time. Well, if she’s a nice roommate that is. From what I remember about her, she definitely isn’t as nice as my Joon Jae. Be careful!
                That reminds me though, what do you think of Joon Jae? I know he didn’t talk very much, but he’s charming, right?
                ~Takuya

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[INBOX] – [DRAFT MESSAGE]

To: Hae Ryong

Subject: Apologies…!

                Noona, our brother/sister relationship really helped me out with Joon Jae this time, although neither of us was expecting it I want to think. You see…the thing is, I am sorry about our manager, but I’m also sorry towards you about that whole situation. To be honest, I actually planned it. I wasn’t really planning it this early or even into great detail or anything, but you coming over was something I needed to use as a set up. You see, I didn’t mean to use you, but I needed to check on Joon Jae’s feelings without having to ask directly...since I can't simply ask directly. I wasn’t really worried about them per say, but it’d be sad if his feelings started to fade don’t you think? As bad as this may sound, it isn’t easy to hold onto the feelings of a lover. Since it’s just some affair of fulfilling physical needs that can come and go or start or stop at any time and  the feelings are all simplified into mostly just lust and anticipation, it’s hard to really make those other deeper feelings your own. I think crushes are like this to, which is why it’s so hard to make someone yours…capturing feelings or hearts really isn’t an easy task. We would know that best, wouldn't we?
                Had you been thinking "when did he see me watching him watching Joon Jae"? I could feel your eyes on me almost the whole time, looking at me like that and making things awkward like that… I think I really will have to say sorry to you again in person. I hadn’t thought that you…well, I guess I should say I wasn’t expecting it. All this time I’d only thought we were being playful. I didn’t think you were ever being serious, flirting with me like that until today…
                Was it hard? Trying to seduce me, I wonder. I’m so used to doing the seducing that when you made the mood all serious I didn’t know what to do other than do what was expected. Is that bad? I’m honestly kind of happy about it though, you got your honest feelings out to me and Joon Jae stopped us from making a big mistake. Although this only sets us more complications for each of us, I think it’s good this situation happened. I can honestly think of your feelings for me now without letting them slip pass as a joke. I just hope I can give you an honest response instead of chickening out and ignoring your feelings. Of course I’d like to stay as normal comfortable friends as we always have, but even I know that’s not always easy. Not when someone can start feeling something so strongly…
                I know this is bad, but it makes me think of Joon Jae rereading that last bit. For this one time, Joon Jae really showed how he felt inside…how he naturally feels on instinct…how strongly his feelings could get. I was wondering what kinds of emotions he could feel for me and how much of them had he hidden. I don’t think I was ever expecting jealousy, but I was happy about that and secretly smiling to myself about it. It’s not easy to bring out jealousy in people, unless their feelings are at a deep enough level. All this time I’d been wondering what he was thinking and feeling by himself. These past few days I really wanted to know what he felt for me other than the usual things like arousal, or if he could feeling anything other than that. I had been trying to find out if Joon Jae actually liked me in a deeper way without having to ask. I wasn’t sure how to figure it out without using you. I didn’t want to, in case something could happen or confuse you like it unfortunately did, but reaction is the only way to tell other than words. His reaction is what I wanted the most…asking didn’t feel as meaningful.
                If you’re wondering though…his reaction ended up being as meaningful as I needed it to be. I haven’t told anyone this, but none of my other lovers have gotten that jealous over me. I may have gotten a “Don’t play with so and so like you play with me if he wants to toy around with you!”, but never anything like one of them chasing away my friends like that. It felt…really nice. And really funny. Like a bubbly feeling inside. I can’t even explain how much I liked it. I don’t even want to try. If I did I think I’d trip and fall deepen into these nice feelings. That’s something I’m trying to not make happen. As long as he can feel like this for me…to feel this strongly with those kind of love feelings…that’s all I want right now.
                It’ll be harder to keep this as just a forbidden affair, that much I can already tell now. So if possible... I want to make him confess first. That way I can know for sure that it isn't just liking my presence or my body being physically there near him that he likes, but more of me. The actual me on the inside and the me being in his life. I will know that and I won’t be the one to drown in these feelings first. If that is possible, I want that to hurry and get done. I really won’t know what to do or how to act if I end up losing and confessing first.
                I’ll only know that it was me who confessed first and that it won’t be affair anymore by that time.
                ~Takuya

P.S.: I guess I should also say thank you again for coming to see me in person, since I’ve been kind of neglecting to come see you, with my newest distraction and all… I’m happy you still want to force me to get out and have some fun every time I come to Korea! It makes me happy you care so much to get me out. I feel like I’ve really made a true friend, definitely one worth keeping. I promise I’ll come to see you in person next time, definitely. I’ll stop…getting so attached, and make some time to hang out more since I don’t plan on staying longer. Call you soon.

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[AN] – [A]uthor's [N]ote

Hello, all! I just want to say thank you to the new subscribers for deciding to follow my story along with the the first few readers, thank you for your time and for reading. They say one of the most precious things a person can give you is their time, so I truly do appriecate yours.On another note, sorry if I ended up repeating things in this chapter. I tend to do that in my writing when I really want to get one point across. When I reread it it seemed fine to me, but that's probably because its through my own eyes... Sorry again, and thank you for reading! ^^;